Aging Parents

My parents are very different. In fact, I used to wonder as a child how they ever got together in the first place. I see there differences multiply further the older they get. My mother, the consummate diva, would rather die than give up her fabulous new size 6 and size 8 clothes, so she works out like a crazy person to keep the pounds from creeping back on. She's also careful about what she eats and keeps active with her dog. She is a career woman and revels in the accolades she receives from her peers. My father can barely walk now, uses a motorized chair to get around (or a cane), is diabetic and probably suffers from high blood pressure as well. (He'd have to, with the kind of foods he eats.) He is a minister, but hasn't had a real job in I don't know how many years. I honestly am unaware of how the bills are paid each month. His M.O in the past was to rob from Peter to pay Paul. (BTW, my mother is six years older than my father).

Earlier today, my sister called and informed me that he has just had a stent placed in his coronary artery. She had no idea, until she called to just see how he was doing after, what she thought was a regular doctor's visit. He's resting and she encouraged him to seek out a home-nurse for a while (his wife is older than he is and is having her own issues). She asked if he has medicare and what sort of insurance he uses (she is in the medical field now and was trying to be helpful). She couldn't figure out why he was so hesitant to talk to her about such things. He just kept saying, "I'm fine," and encouraged her to stop worrying. I told her that it would be a cold day before he'd give up that kind of information. My father has always been incredibly paranoid and doesn't share personal information freely. She didn't understand this, and I told her I was just as in the dark about it myself.

I think we're faced with issues now that we really weren't prepared to deal with until much later. My grandmother (his mother) was placed into long-term care earlier this year and is approaching 90. With the depression from being there, I don't know how long she'll hang on. What happens if she passes? I would be heartbroken at losing her, but she's lived a long and happy life. But what if her own son's failing health gets the better of him, is it back to Nashville for me for his funeral? I know I probably sound very insensitive, but I just hate waste. If my father passed, I would be more angry at him than hurt at the loss. He knows better. In fact, he spent a big part of my childhood working out and following good eating habits. Vitamins were all over the house and at 3, I knew who Jack Lalane was.

Perhaps it was his lifestyle as a musician that kept him working so hard at his physique and health, or maybe it's where he lives (everyone in Nashville seems so large to me, now that I don't live there anymore). The temptation to eat out and eat horrible things is everywhere. Southern-style, deep-fried, grease dipped cuisine is everywhere and no one is really concerned that you weigh 300 pounds plus. It's not like L.A. where a perfect-body culture drives people to look good and think thin (of course, this type of thinking can also drive folks to the other extremes, unfortunately). I'm so flummoxed about it all. I think I need to think on things a bit.

An Unforgettable Mother's Day

Friday started the weekend with an emotional bang. I woke up, began work and my day as usual for a Friday. I then prepared the girls for their day. I noticed that the Babe wasn't looking all that well, even after Thursday's day of rest and regrouping. I gave her some IBU for some achenes she was feeling (attributing it to growing pains). I later took her temp and discovered it was 103.5! Freaking the hell out, I took her to the emergency room...convinced she was the first Swin.e Flu discovery for our county. We later discovered she had strep (something curable, much to my relief).

I spent the day tending to her like any good nurse, making sure she was trying to eat (even if just a little bit) and was drinking her fluids. I checked her temp regularly (where, at it's highest, it was 104.9...never in my life have I seen temps that high before). She rested all day, never getting out of bed unless she had to go to the bathroom. I was pleased with her obedience (despite her desire to go to school).

That evening, we risked a show to see the Lipizzaner Stallions which she enjoyed immensely, but I could tell she still wasn't herself. My mother had already paid for our tickets and both of us wanted to go. I figured sitting for a couple of hours wasn't too extraenous for her. It was also quite an opportunity that I didn't want her to miss.

Saturday was her last competition. I explained that she didn't have to go, but with all the meds, she felt up to it. We went, she performed and back home to the bed she went. She was looking loads better and feeling better as well. Her performance was a smash and I think she felt good about her contribution to the team. I was very proud of her.

Sunday was nice, although I did end up giving her a Naproxen at church (it was all I had). She begin to feel achy during service and I had a low-dose sample in my purse. By benediction, she was looking like herself again. Being ill puts her into a complacent state (a welcome change for her mother). She was so much so that she listened to the sermon. Wow! We actually had dialogue about it in the car, upon our departure. We went to breakfast, where my sister treated us. Nice! The rest of the day I spent finishing the Sookie books I have (discovering, to my delight, that there is yet another one to read before the new one that just came out this year- I have that one on reserve at the library :) ) and starting a new book entitled Moon Called, which I'm still not certain about. The genre is the same as the Sookie Stackhouse books and I like all of the supernatural aspects, but the verdict is still out on this author's style (I'm a little over half-way through the novel).

Today, I'm dealing with TOM issues. I am glad it appeared a little earlier than I expected. This means I'll be bitchy around the time of my surgery and after, so hopefully the pain meds will just make me "babe complacent" for hubby and he won't have to deal with my hormones.

Play Nice, Girls

I'm putting that statement on myself and how "mothers" can sometimes be so trifling.

My daughter dances with five other girls in her group. They are either a year older or younger than she is. One of these girls, who is in second grade, has grown to like the Babe very much. She has asked me several times if she could sleep over and I've put her off for now, simply because there isn't time. I have assured her that it will happen and that I'll make plans with her mother. It's the end of the school year and the girls seem to be gone every weekend for competitions. Anyway, before I even knew who this girl was, I met her mother. We were making very idle chatter one night, but she seemed very preoccupied (and a bit snobby, to my way of thinking). She almost seemed to look through me as she talked. I wrote it off, thinking she probably had a lot on her mind.

Later, we met again and I didn't connect that it was the same person because, 1., she looked very different and 2., she was very talkative. So much so that I thought she was sharing way too much. Then, she began to criticize the girls dance and critique them to no end (which totally turned me off). She sort of apologized for being such a perfectionist, but by then, I wasn't really paying much attention to her. She was sounding too much like a pageant mother and they have issues.

At one of the competitions, I was sitting on the bleachers and she came past me. She said hello, but it was hollow again (like she was looking through me). Last night, the girls performed for a high school group. This time, I came up the bleachers and I didn't see her until I was on the row behind her. She said hello, as did I. Then, I mentioned that her daughter had asked me (yet again) for a sleep over. I told her mother I thought she might not approve of a "school-night" sleepover and that we should wait until all the competing is over and done with. I smiled a lot and hoped she would agree. She just looked at me. No nod. No vocal recognition. She smiled slightly, then turned away. Huh?!

So, now I'm wondering if she's nuts or if it's me. Am I crazy? What is this woman's deal?! Could it be that when she was having her "come to Jesus" moment and I turned her off, she turned me off? Could she be trying to figure me out? Is she the snob I think she is? (She bragged a bit about where her daughter takes gymnastics and how they moved from "Fruit Heights" - a very well-to-do area, to the city where the school is located now...almost like she had taken a step down). I know she's in real estate, as is most of their family. She provided the babe with her business card, so that we would have their number and yeah, the family is pictured on the card. Her daughter that dances with my daughter is also her youngest (she has a child in college, which I learned during her "come to Jesus" session).

My hubby says not to worry about it. That I know people here are generally a little weirder than others and that, "She could be crazy," and to "watch myself." Great. I'm thinking, my daughter wants to play with her daughter, who is a sweetheart and a doll and I'd love for them to play together, but I still have to deal with her mother, in order to do make this play date or sleep over happen. I'm not trying to be friends. That isn't necessary, but I'd at least like to be civil and not feel like I was the gum on the bottom of her shoe. Is that asking for so much?

She doesn't strike me as the type of person to rationalize things with. Again, I'm not trying to be friends; however, being cordial and polite would make for easier arrangements all around. I almost don't want to call her but, her daughter is incredibly persistent. What to do...

Meanwhile, the babe was up several times last night. Nightmares, sad thoughts, lots of crying, despondent. Hubby tried to talk with her and sent her to bed after each talk. I've just ushered her into the bathroom for a shower (mind you it's like 5:15am and she's up again). I hope she can make it through the school day. I hesitate to give her a caffeine boost, cause she'll just crash and things will be worse. What a night! Is the moon full?

Spring has Sprung

We had the wettest April on record, but now the sun is out and the flowers are gorgeous! We've got a row of tulips on our front strip that have an alternating pattern of color (hubby and the Babe planted them last year). I'll try and post a picture soon because they really are lovely.

Before hubby came back from his hiking adventure, I took a look at our yard (wild kingdom) and did something I've never done before in my life; I mowed the lawn. Holy crap was I tired afterwards! The back yard is the worse, being on a rocky slope with uneven terrain. I felt lucky just to get it done. My arms and back certainly got a work out (didn't need to add the extra one in the evening after this project). The yard looked pretty good when I was done and hubby was ecstatic. I thought he might wet himself in the excitement.

The babe has to perform at a high school tonight for the director's drill team's performance (the director of the dance school, that is, is a coach for this high school). She picked her three, favorite groups to perform. What an honor! My little one has certainly received a lot of attention this year. So, where's the agent from Disney, begging me to move to California? (lol!)

Did you use your KFC coupon? We did. We printed off four and all received dinner on Oprah, last night. I hope people are sharing these coupons with homeless folks and such. This is an amazing opportunity for everyone (and the chicken is pretty good, too). I kept mine "light fare" by ordering sweet corn and a dry-side salad, along with a corn muffin instead of a biscuit. The coupon lasts until mid-May, so there's still time. Heck, you could print that sucker everyday if you wanted to. I imagine chicken would get pretty tiring for some (my hubby, however, is probably in hog-heaven) .

The Eyes Have it

Monday, I spent the day (or at least part of it) at one of the larger vision centers here specializing in Lasik. It was scan after scan after scan, a counseling session, an optometry visit, another scan and then a final consultation. They were incredibly thorough (I guess they have to be). Hubby said when he had his surgery, the center he used wasn't nearly so thorough. I suppose I should be grateful.

The verdict? It was recommended that I receive PRK rather than Lasik. I was completely frightened to hear this prospect. The healing time spooked me and I was totally convinced that I would just throw caution to the wind, wimp out and just do Lasik. I even told my regular optometrist that I was going to be a wienie and he could understand. Then, I started researching and thinking through things clearly. PRK would be the best and, although the healing time is longer, I would achieve the same results and, perhaps, prevent future troubles for my eyes.

So, I've been waiting to hear back from my counselor today to see if the date we've chosen will work. I've talked to my boss and informed him of the "down time" I may experience, and he is supportive. My mother is happy for me and wishes she had done it when she had the chance (she's over sixty now so the options for her aren't as pleasant, since her prescription is very high).

What else is happening? The babe has been asked, with her dance group, to perform at a high school program next Wednesday. This after I bragged on Tuesday that I only had one more competition to endure and then the recital. Now, I've got to play mom taxi an extra time. Oh, well. She's certainly having loads of fun and getting a lot of use out of her costume. For years we've shelled out money for these things, only to have her wear it once or twice in public and retire it to the "dress up" drawer. Yeesh! Those are expensive play-dress up clothes.

Hubby is taking a weekend to go back down to St. George for some sun and recreation. He's going to hike the red rocks and be an outdoors man. It will also give him time for thinking and pondering. I'll miss him while he's gone, but I'm happy that he'll have some time for himself. I think we both need it. The stresses of life are certainly taking their toll. If only we could send the kids on their own vacation.

The swin.e flu has us rethinking our vacation plans. We shelled out money for passports, just so we could travel outside of the country this year. Thank goodness they last a while. We've decided to stay inland. Who knows where this thing is going to go. We don't want to spend tons of money on a vacation, only to be told we can't go. June is nearly here and no one has a handle on what this virus is doing. It's just to risky.

Is Blood Thicker than Water?

There's a lot of drama happening with my extended family (and a bit with me) presently. So much so that it has tensions raised high in my household. I think I'll be needing an intervention, soon...well, mental intervention. With everything that's going on, I've actually left the wine/spirits alone. Amazing!

My sister-in-law (my hubby's sister, who is in her late thirties) has been going through some incredibly trying times. Not only did they lose their mother this past January, but her husband was brought up on an arms charge in February. He is now incarcerated. She will find out for how long in May. This man has lots of kids (he's in his late fifties). Most of them are grown up and living their own lives; however, the two youngest (a boy and a girl) live with he and my sister-in-law. They are her step children, but she is the only mother they have ever known. The young boy has lots of issues and even more so, now that his father is out of the picture. He spends his lunches with the principal of the school and has been tested for a number of learning issues. He has also exhibited violence towards his teacher (he is in the second grade).

His older sister, who is one year older, has been "handling" his departure pretty well, but her mother opted for counseling for her. She and my eldest are the same age and have a great time together.

Recently, my nephew admitted to lying and theft, which was just another stress added to the pile. His mother "disciplined" him with a belt, and he showed up at school with the evidence. When she arrived home and asked her sister (who is visiting from Missouri) about the kids, she indicated that they did not come home. My sister-in-law arrived at school to find the kids there with the principal, the teacher and an officer. My nephew was removed from the home that night. A couple of sleepless days and nights later, the state removed her daughter. Their mother has been ordered to attend parenting classes along with anger management. Whenever she is evaluated again, she may be able to get her kids back.

Without directly asking us, she believed we (family members) could take the kids for the up-to-six-months time frame they are usually removed. Hubby and I talked and, with our own issues, just couldn't see bringing in those children. Our schedules alone would have prevented it and summer is nearly here (we pay for summer daycare for our kids two days per week). When hubby went to talk to her to explain why we couldn't, he was met with silence and dissension. He knew things were different.

I asked him if he thought things would be different if they were blood relatives, and he said that it doesn't matter. They are still our family. We are just not in a position to take on this tremendous favor. As I thought about it, we provided so much for her in the past. She lived with us for over a year, then her then boyfriend lived with us (which I wasn't too thrilled about). We provided after school care, when we discovered they were at home alone until she got home from work. We really didn't have to do any of those things. I hope my hubby realizes this soon and gets control of his frustration and anger. She has to come to this realization as well. If the reverse had happened (heaven forbid!) she wouldn't be able to take on my children. Her situation wouldn't allow for it either. It's been a harrowing past few days.

Having a Meaningful Relationship...

...with my scale. You'll recall that we "broke up" a while back, well we're trying to work things out. It's going to be a hard road, but I've been down it before. I'm optimistic.

How Things Change

I've been thinking a lot about the people I went to school with (college). Normally, this is not a subject of deep thought for me, but I wondered about a couple of people in particular. Yesterday, my hubby was on the phone with one of our class mates (his best friend) and mentioned the name of someone I hadn't thought about in years. We (the girl he mentioned and I) were strangers until I began my masters program. She and I found that we shared many classes together and soon became pretty friendly. I thought she was brilliant and funny, but lacking in the communication arena (that girl did not know how to call people back). Of course, that's when I relied on the phone for most communication outside of face-to-face. How far we've come!

We would run ideas past each other for papers, talk movies, books and music, and generally just hangout out. We pledged "rival" sororities, so we would give each other lots of crap (all in good fun). I remember her being very nervous about one of our professors who contracted Hepatitis. He later died and a general "unease" spread through the English department.

So, I googled her today and found out that she's an assistant professor teaching English. There were pictures and she pretty much looks the same (except for much shorter hair). The bio didn't go into her personal life; whether she was married, had kids, pets, her hobbies etc.... It's too bad too, cause I was very curious. I don't know if I'm brave enough to email her. I think, after her illustrious career, she won't know who in the heck I am. It was nice to see that she is doing well and I am happy for her.

This investigation led me to wonder a bit about high school folks, too. I'll be at my twenty years in just a breath's time. Will it be worth it to go to the reunion? I skimmed through old year books and found that I associated more with people in other classes than my own. My senior year was the year I really got to know my own classmates (three or four of whom were my "running" buddies). I discovered that many people stayed within the same area. Only a few have branched off or left entirely (I would be in the latter group, of course).

So thinking about all of this, what would I want to know? Would I really be interested or care? Would I remember who they were or would they remember me? So much has changed and we certainly aren't the people we were in 1993 (at least, I hope we're not). I suppose if they plan something, I'll see what my thoughts and feelings are then. I've got a little time to ponder it all.

We leave for the big dance competition this week (this couldn't come at a better time...I need a break!). The weather isn't looking too promising for here or down south. I was really hoping we would leave crappy weather behind. I suppose Vegas will be where we'll find the sun again, since were' planning an afternoon excursion there at some point. They're predicting snow tomorrow and Thursday. What happened to my pretty Easter weather? I really don't want to drive in the snow. I hope the forecast changes...

Spring Break, but not a break for me

The oldest is home on spring break and she's already driving me nutty. How is it that the oldest child doesn't assist in the care, but makes for more drama? She tries and tries to help, but it completely backfires. It's usually just a matter of her not thinking before she acts. We try to impress this upon her, but it doesn't seem to "stick". Wow, it makes my head spin to think the brilliance that would spill forth if she only thought before she acted.

No dance and no gymnastics this week, either. Both places acknowledge the school districts time off and take the same time off. Of course, that leaves her with no way to exert that extra energy. Too bad the dance competition is next week instead of this week. She wouldn't have to miss school. Anyway, I took them to the park at lunch time and will most likely do the same on Wednesday and Friday (assuming the weather holds out). Thank goodness my hubby will be home on Friday to help run interference with the munchkins. I love them, but my kids may get put out before the week is out.

P.S. We have our sectional in the house and all squared away. You'd never know the boys destroyed the door frame. It looks pretty much the same. Sweet!

Breaking the House

The weekend was chock full of activities...so much so that I was ready to strangle kids, last night. Not so much for anything specific, but because I was in the midst of kid-overload! Hubby was good, as usual, and played interference, once he got home from work.

Friday, hubby found a sectional online that he liked. The lady was selling and had already had offers. Hubby headed over to see if it would work and then called me to tell me he'd put down a deposit. Later in the afternoon, he and his buddy went down to pick it up. An hour and a half later, they were back and incredibly winded. It seems the lady's double-wide doors wouldn't open to remove the furniture, so hubby and his friend had to do this. When they got the furniture here? Only a few pieces would fit. The problem was the doorway. There is now a sectional, section sitting on the deck covered in plastic. Oy!

Saturday was the second competition. The time in was an hour before performance. The Babes' showtime was 3:00pm, so we got there at 2:00pm (not before I realized I'd forgotten the video camera, then had to go back home to get it. I was halfway to my destination when I realized my error). Anyway, we got there and I applied makeup in the changing room. I will not do this again. The lighting was terrible, there were too many distractions and the Babe kept eating all the snacks her grandmother had brought. You can't apply lip gloss if you have granola crumbs everywhere.

So, makeup applied, we went into the gymnasium to watch the performances. I asked my mother where they were in the line up? Oh, they were running an hour and a half behind. Terrific! Two hours later, the Babe performed. Indy was too put out, having had to sit for so long in one place (even if there were big girls dancing that she could watch). I took the kids to get dinner afterward, then headed home. We got home, changed out of our clothes, ate and watched t.v. The Babe was extra giddy, so she talked incessantly (not my idea of relaxation).

Sunday, we went to church then fled afterward (due to a snow storm that hit). Craziness! High winds, rain, snow, sleet and then hail later on. We got home, ate and took naps. After this, I decided I really couldn't wait to purchase Easter shoes, so off to the store we went. I always seem to miss out on the girls sizes, so I got a jump start this year and found matching shoes in their respective sizes. They were both pleased. I also found discount bras on clearance (which is always nice and, no wire. I despise wire). The Babe, again, was asking for stuff. We'd had the, "Don't ask for anything," conversation, but it didn't seem to matter. Oh, well. By Sunday night, I was "over" the kids.

So what's up with the "Breaking the House" title? Hubby and friends are going to break the doorway, bring in the furniture, then build it back up. A carpenter will be in the mix, but I'm still nervous. I guess we'll see what happens.

My Pain and Other Ramblings

I've been struggling with an upper back pain for nearly a week. It gets better, then it bothers me again, then better again. It's just below my right clavicle (but I think the source is in my lats). I was doing bent over rows last week, trying to get back into my weight training in a more regular way. I was sore, but it was manageable. I noticed things got bad after the night I spent hunched over doing my daughter's hair.

What is it with this aging crap? Ten years ago, I would have rebounded with no trouble. Now, it's taking days and pain meds to make me feel better. And, why does it start so early? I guess I was delusional in thinking that aging wouldn't be noticeable in my thirties. So much for that. It's noticeable and has been for a while. Ugh!

I found out last that the Babe placed third in her competition category. She didn't seem to care, she just kept talking about how fun it was (my girl). The teacher was miffed and I was trying to understand, along with her, how the other group placed ahead of them. The other group was cute, but they didn't look like they were having as much fun nor were they as energetic. I guess, like other competitions, it could be who you know. I noticed at last night's practice, one of the mother's was being very critical of their dance routine. I don't do well with psycho-competition (or pageant) mommies. She turned me off really quickly with that stuff.

This Saturday, I hope she still has a good time. I now have details. They are the last group to perform from their studio. Luckily, it's at 3:oopm, which is earlier than last Saturday's dance time. The location is also closer. Cool.

My coworker is still gone and boy, am I feeling it. You really need two (maybe three) people working in this position. She's having a good time and I'm so happy for her (really, I am), but I miss her and her help. She'll be back on Friday. I'm hopeful that she'll just jump right in and not take two or three days to get back into the rhythm of things. Sometimes, that can happen.

Dancing Daughters and Competitions

So, Saturday went really well. I was happy that we only had the one performance because we could be there for her performance only, then leave right afterward. Nice. So many other parents were there from sun up to sun down. I can't even imagine. I suppose when it gets to that point, the Babe will be old enough to drive and pay for her own classes. I can't wait for the day!

We spent the bulk of Saturday resting and hanging out. I had her lay down at noon, but she couldn't sleep (of course not!). By one, she was up showering and prepping herself for the event. Three layers of lotion, thank you very much. That child is ashy (lol)! Costume, tights and oil layers on, I put her in the make-up chair, using the new haul I'd acquired for her. I put all the practicing I'd done in the past month on myself to the test. She was fierce! Here's what I did:

1. Applied base to her skin with a make-up wedge using Revlon Colorstay base in Mahogany.

2. To give a satin finish, I dusted her face with Black Radiance loose powder (in dark tone)

3. I colored in her eyebrows with eyebrow pencil, then brushed them out for a natural look (Chol.a eyes are not cute, despite what some people think).

4. To prepare her lid, I covered her whole eyelid in MAC Shadestick (sharkskin). I used the dark color to bring out the red I planned on using.

5. The lower lid was covered in red matte eyeshadow (from the Wales set I bought her). The upper lid, I used a bronzey orange and highlighted her brow with a shimmery coral.

6. Next, I went over her eye with barrier spray (lightly with a Q-tip) then covered the lower lid with red eye glitter pigment. I covered the upper lid, except for the brow highlight, with a pearlescent orange glitter pigment. She sparkled!

7. Black eyeliner was applied to the lower lid and water line, finishing off her eyes with a light coat of mascara.

8. An orange blush from the apple of her check to the temple (blended well), then a light coat of Revlon lustrous lipgloss. She was ready for the stage!

When we got to the location, everyone went gaga over her eyes. Hubby was like, "Keep it up and they'll be asking you to do a workshop." (you think?) The other girls weren't too shabby themselves. We only waited about an hour then on with my girl! She was working it and all of her group looked like they were having a blast. I was so proud. I videoed then, subsequently posted my child on you.tube. Why? Because I can. ;)

She has another competition this Saturday and, again, I have no details. Again, I'm hoping for more information tonight at dance class. Again, I'm hoping it's an "in and out" situation like last Saturday. We'll see how it goes!

Protective Style

Last night, I was sitting in the salon chair getting new crochet braids. Here is the hair I used (F1b/350, not the color shown here). Anyway, my hair-dresser is a trooper. I was in and out in two hours flat! I love her! Gone are the days when you're stuck at the salon from sun-up to sun-down, listening to all of the dredge and gossip of the neighborhood. My lady doesn't put up with that crap. We talk about the news, our families and other topics. No gossiping there. Can you imagine? It's terrific!

OMG! I have hair! Even before the extensions were put in, my TWA (Teeny Weeny Afro) was rocking a really close look. My hair-dresser confessed later that she wasn't sure I'd have enough to even braid up when she saw me (she laughed and said, "I thought I'd have to send you home and say, try again later."). When I sat in the chair, she began to pull it out a bit to see the length (if any) and let me tell you, there was plenty. Two years of rocking it natural and I've got about five or six inches of growth since going almost bald in May of 2007. It's so healthy, too. I'm very pleased. With this protective style, it should really gain a lot of length in the next couple of months.

Tonight, I take down the Babe's hair. Ugh! If I have half a foot of hair, she's got at least a foot. That girl has so much hair, we could make a rug. The hardest part is "clearing" it after I wash it. Inevitably, there are tears and I don't ever mean to hurt her but damn! The hair is thick, thick, thick! Tomorrow, I'll be braiding it all up and making it "fly" for competition on Saturday.

Speaking of which, I got all of my questions answered. Why did I only find out Tuesday night? They really need additional help. Using the family members and hording the money is not working anymore. You gotta spend sometimes to save. Friday, I'll also be throwing down $30 for more dance shoes. Yeesh! She's gonna be cute, though. The girls each represent a country. The Babe, of course, is representing the Mother Land. Oranges, reds and browns (earth tones look so good on her). When I talked to the other little girls about their costumes, only one seemed happy about hers. The others looked like they were unimpressed. I'm anxious to see how they all look together. I am not anxious to be at this competition from 3 in the afternoon to ten at night. I'm not sure if we'll make it to church on Sunday or not. At least Indy will be hanging with her grandmother. I don't know how I would be able to do this with both girls vying for my attention.

Happy St. Patty's Day

I've got my green on and green glittery eye lids (many comments about the latter). Shall we have green eggs and ham for dinner tonight? It sounds kinda good to me. I bet the kids would get a kick out of it.

We're in the market for a new sectional for our basement. We've sold our couch and the money is there for the new purchase, but we just haven't found anything we really like, except for this:



It's also mind blowing how much furniture stores want to charge you. From place to place, the prices are all across the board (one place wanted nearly $4,500 for something very similar to what you see in this picture. Ouch!). Hubby found someone online that sells direct, so that person may be our final stop. We'll see.

I've been kind of stressed out, lately. My coworker who manages the same area with me has been out of the office for now, almost two weeks! She's become a first-time grandmother and is tending to her daughter an new grand-daughter. I'm thrilled for her, but things have been crazy hectic on my end. My boss isn't helping by throwing more projects in my direction. He just doesn't get how nuts our inbox is and how I so don't have time to do all of his projects. There were 1100 messages this morning and I nearly cried when I saw that number.

The Babe's first competition is this Saturday. I would be really excited, but that's got me stressed for the following reasons:

1. No costume. We were supposed to have the costume two weeks ago, but they didn't come in. So what, my kid is supposed to dance on stage naked? Nice.

2. Where is the competition? They told us it would be Salt Lake Communi.ty College, but there are Annexes all over the city. Which one? Which building? Where do we park? What time are we supposed to be there?

3. The babe outgrew her dance shows this year. I have yet to buy new ones because I've been waiting to hear about the costume (why risk having to buy two pairs, when I could by one and buy the color to match the costume...whatever color that is).

4. Is there a fee for others who want to watch?

I talked to another parent whose kid had a class last night. He said that, at least, now she knows what time. Well, the babe's class is tonight and you better believe I'm drilling someone with these questions. I know they're busy, but we're paying enough money to take care of an administrator/clerk, something. This is so ridiculous! I have a hard time with disorganization.
They really better get it together.

Hubby is off again. Seems like I blink and he's off. He must really love this shift. I do too, but it's hard when he's off and I'm not. Oh, well, it's really a small complaint.

More makeup...

...along with the last of the Babe's stuff that I ordered; a matte eyeshadow palette to compliment the glitter pigments I bought her. My packages came yesterday (and much earlier than I expected). It came with 50 pigments, nail decals, 2 pairs of falsie eyelashes and makeup brushes. Here are some pictures of the haul:

Sookie Sock it to me!

Well, I'm hooked. Yet another book series. After finishing up Twilight (well, not really since I'm now reading the books aloud to the babe), I found myself talking "vampires" with my hygienist. She told me that S. Meyer, the author of the Twili.ght series, read a set of books before she wrote her own. The series is the Sooki.e Stackhous.e series by Cha.rlaine Harris. I ordered the complete set from Amazon and started in almost immediately. I didn't even realize the Tru.e Blood series on HBO was based on these books. Now, I'm itching for the release on DVD (nope...no HBO at su casa). These are fast reads and not as heavy on description as the Twiligh.t books (although, Cha.rlaine gives ample description...she's just not as wordy) and the dialogue is terrific! She's also an "adult" writer, where Stephanie is writing for young adults. This is very evident with all the "F" bombs dropped in Charl.aine's book.

I'm really enjoying the characters, the background stories and the locations. There are loads of similarities and it's a wonder there isn't copyright infringment; however, they handle things so differently, I'm sure that's enough to make the stories unique.

1. Sooki.e is an "every man" character who has nothing exceptional going for her. (like Bella) She's attractive, not a supermodel, but she knows she cleans up well. Whether by insecurity or lack of confidence, Bella does not consider herself attractive at all, but the other characters remark on her looks all the time.

2. Sook.e has a "disability" that she can use on everyone except Bill. She considers her ability a hinderance, until midway into the first novel. Ed.ward has this same ability, considers it a part of who he is and uses it at will. Unfortunately, he cannot use it on Bella.

3. Vampires live among us, they are hot, have the ability to fool us into doing things we wouldn't normally do and generally don't have to worry about money.

4. Vampires are still killers, despite the fact that they want to be "mainstream".

There are more but I don't want to give away too much of the stories, especially if you haven't read them. One of the differences that I appreciate with the Sook.ie series is that the relationship seems plausible and real. The Twiligh.t relationship is sureal and fantastic. Both are enjoyable to read about, even though they are so different. Check it out of if you're looking for a good read. Neither are too violent and there's a detective series feel in the latter. Enjoy!

More pictures..

Leishi eye pigments:













These are the golds/yellows with one on the very far right end that I couldn't categorize. It's got flecks of pink and looks somewhat bronzey.





These are the pinks. There are four here in the photo that look very similar, but I promise there are differences in lighting and tone.
















These are the blues. I can remember my mother putting blue, matte eyeshadow on me from lid to brow for recitals. Ah, those were the days. I would hope that I'd provide enough trend mixed with class that the babe won't be horrified in the future with pictures I take of her made up for dance.









These are the purples. You'll see the upper right is the one that "gave up the ghost" during shipment. I found pretty purple sparkle everywhere in the packaging. Bummer.








These are all very iridescent, with flecks of silver, purple, pink and even pewter. I think these will make a nice brow highlight or "dust" over the entire eye.










These are the silvers and whites.















Finally, the greens. Towards the back of the row, they become more turquoise. So pretty!

The colors are numbered rather than named underneath each 5gram container. I noticed that I had every number (1-40) except number 19 and a duplicate of 6 (I'm sure a packaging error). I placed my order and wonder, due to it's being a different seller, if the same process works for their company. I guess I'll find out in a couple of weeks.

It's March and around 50 degrees here. Spring is slowly making it's appearance and I couldn't be happier. Of course, for those of you allergy sufferers (I see you GC), I hope the blooming goes quickly for you. :)

All's well, sort of...

Last night, after being frustrated to no end, I decided to put my situation in "God's hands." At that point, it was all I could do. I didn't have a cocktail or a glass of wine...I simply gave it up. This was hard to do (being a human with pride and an ego), but I did it. Everything happens for a reason.

So, my boss called me this morning to apologize. He said that he felt he had been insensitive and I appreciated the call. I also let him know that things had gone wrong and I owned up to the fact that they were not good. He confessed that our talk had "bothered me all day." I was glad he called.

With that out of the way, I tried contacting my grandmother again. A bit of back story, my grandmother has been put into an elderly care living center. She has lived alone for decades and I've been trying to call her to see how she's doing (afraid that her missing independence had broken her). When I talked to her today (finally), my worse fears were confirmed. I'm not even sure she knew who I was. I had to get it together today, so I wouldn't be all weepy. I know it's going to take time for her to adjust. I really hope that she does and soon begins "running things" like I know she can. ;)

I have a new passion (or obsession...that may actually be a more appropriate word). My daughter and her "look". I'm cultivating how she's going to rock things during her dance competitions this year. Is that nuts or what? I've reorganized her makeup and scaled up a bit, so that she doesn't look like a short street walker. I've also started wearing a bit myself to practice tricks I've learned. I've always been really good at making folks up, but it's been fun learning new things. I even ordered a new palette for her.

The brand is called Leishi and is a brand produced over seas. The pigment is as strong as M.A.C, but without the M.A.C price (nice!). With travel and customs, only one pigment perished on route; a lovely purple sparkle that I'm sure I would have loved. It was scattered about the packaging. So, sad. Anyway, I've been so psyched by it that I'm thinking I'll buy some for myself, now. They're really gorgeous (see the pictures I took, although the pictures don't do them justice).

It seems so strange to me because I'm not a makeup person. I'll wear lip gloss and lipstick for days, without putting on a stitch of anything else for months...but twice this week, I've gone to work in full face. I've actually received a lot of compliments (was I looking that rough before?). Anyway, I know it's the dancing that counts and that she's going to rock her moves and blow every one's mind. Last year, I styled her hair for the event and people thought I was a professional (I know! Crazy, huh?). If I pull out all the stops with hair and make-up...woohoo, fireworks!

Slap!

I'm feeling Ludacri.s' song today for so many reasons. It's rare that I feel like doing this to anybody, but work is pushing me to the limits today. It always blows my mind at what people get upset about. The issue? Let me set it up for you:

For about a month, we've had this report that needed to be sent to faculty members. I drafted the letter and cut up the reports so that the faculty member only received what he or she needed to see. The emails were addressed, the documents were attached. They waited in limbo last week, due to a final question I had for my boss. I finally had the answer, updated a couple of the messages and then pressed send (about fourteen times). Well, not all of the messages had the addressee's name included in the body, so it still looked a bit generic. He comes racing out to tell me the error, so I proceed to send an apology note to the few who were personally addressed as, "Bob, Tim, Steve...".

I received a couple of responses like,"Oh, no problem. I didn't take it personally," or "That's mister to you! Lol!" They pretty much took it in stride. Boss man, however, must have been utterly embarrased because he totally reamed me about it today. WTH?! He was so worried that when he sent one of the messages to the "Big Boss" that he'd be seen as sloppy, lacking attention to detail, poor customer service provider. So, as I sat there feeling like gum on the sidewalk, he continued on. More things wrong with the previous week (more things that pretty much added up to confusion on both ends). "You know, you can call me if you have questions." Well, same here, bub.

I pretty much ended the meeting with, "Agreed," and turned to high-tail it out of his office.

"Do you have anything you want to add?"

"No. I have my notes and I will take care of everything."

So, I'm pretty much pissed off and ready to throw shit around the room, but I'll just dream about doing this instead:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-8NFbkQRpE

Obsessing

I have a three year old who is totally obsessing over a movie. Typically, she rotates her favorites: Dora, Elmo, My Little Pony and Barney. Recently, we obtained Madagasc.ar 2 and she's watched it at least twice every day, since we got it (we're talking about a week). Craziness, right? The story is better than the first and the music is great (sometimes hilarious; Big and Chunky is a favorite at our house), but does that merit multiple watchings each day?

I had to think about it and my oldest didn't obsess about things quite this way, but I certainly did. For me, I had to watch The Lion, the Witch and the Ward.robe multiple times a week (the animated version), along with King Kon.g (the 70's version) and Wonder Woman. I've noticed that she doesn't just get completely OCD about movies either. Other things creep into her obsessive nature. She used to be terrified of lint and would do everything she could to get it off of her, keep it away or destroy it entirely. Thankfully now, she's just mildly irritated by it. She doesn't like anything on her hands, especially sticky hands and will wash them frequently through out the day (which is a bonus for a small child, I guess).

She also performs tasks in a very systematic way. When I put her in the spare bedroom to watch something, the footstool she uses to get on the bed must be in the same spot every time, the house shoes go off only after getting on top of the bed and I always get a "thank you, mom" when I leave the room (after turning on the movie for her). It's so wild! I'm hoping that the obsessive nature doesn't get too out of hand. All I'll ask is that it sticks around for things like homework and room cleaning. Lol!

V-day Shopping? Nope, not yet.

Usually, I have all of this taken care of a couple of weeks in advance. Not this year. This year, I was totally thrown off by our earlier trip to Missouri. Then, I came back to crazy, manic work (January is a big month for most Universities). Things are finally starting to calm down but there are only a couple of days left. Certainly, it's not like shopping for Christmas. Trinkets, keepsakes and candy go a long way for this holiday in my family. It's hubby that always proves tricky. I've already decided what I'm going to get him and, thankfully, he won't be home until later. I can pick it up and wrap it in plenty of time. I have this sneaking suspicion that he's probably getting me the same thing (one can only hope!).

As for the girls, I'll probably pop over to Mich.ael's for little things that will tickle their fancy. Last year, I got the Babe a Hi.gh Sch.ool Musical night gown, along with some chocolates. I can't remember if I even bothered with Indy, since she was only two and wasn't concerned about such things. This year, it's all about everything being hers and not sharing...a tough phase, but we'll get through it. She'll definitely be offended if sis gets something and she doesn't...even if it is only hair accessories or a mini-box of Russel.l Stovers.

Hubby and I tried to get someone to take the kids for the weekend but, it proved to be too difficult. How often do you have two holidays show up on the same weekend? We managed to get my mother to watch them from Sunday to Monday. This will be so nice for us...I just wish I weren't still coughing and hacking. So not something that works with bringing the sexy.

It's nearly time to do the workout. This should be really interesting, since I can still feel the Nyqu.il pulsing through my system. Has anyone ever fallen asleep at the helm of an elliptical trainer? I'm about to find out.

It's an Arctic Tundra!

I spent Monday shoveling, shoveling, shoveling. The grand total? Around a foot. Oy! It wasn't the sweet, fluffy stuff. Oh, no. It had to be the heavy, weight, turning-to-ice-upon-contact-with-the- ground, stuff. Hubby doesn't get off work now until 6:00pm, so it was just me out there. My neighbor came home, just as I was reaching the end of the driveway. The snow plows were so kind to barricade us all into our homes. A mini-wall of snow was formed that I knew my hubby's car would never get over. That stuff was so heavy! The kind neighbor, after shoveling an entry for his own car to get through, came over and assisted me with clearing mine. What a guy!

Later, my other neighbor's husband came over...not to help, but to chat about how his wife was doing weight watchers and how he ended up doing it by default. He's lost over 20 pounds and you can totally tell. He said his wife has too...unfortunately, I don't see it. I'm sure it's because of what she wears (baggy, baggy, baggy) and how she's shaped. I hope this improves life in their household over there. She suffers from depression and the kinds of foods one eats can totally attribute to how one feels. Of course, they've also had a lot of sickness over there this winter. That certainly can't be adding to the happiness morale.

I've got a bugger of a cough, now. I'm sure it's from shoveling, shoveling, shoveling and sweating in the cold. I really hope I don't end back up in the doctor's myself. Ugh! The youngest (Indy) had a fever of 102 last night. I quickly encouraged her to chew down a children's IBU last night, poor kid. The babe has also had the sniffles and a cough for a few days. Winter, be gone!

More Snow?

Yeesh! It's dumping white stuff everywhere here. I need to go out and measure, but I'm thinking five inches so far. I can honestly say I'm tired of it. I'm ready for spring, bloom and sunshine. I haven't even shoveled/snow blown yet because it just keeps coming down. Yes, it is beautiful but the thrill has worn off.

Did you catch the grammy's? I thought the sound was weird...like you were sitting in the audience, but then hearing vocals was a challenge. Then there's the "missing" acts. I suppose more will be out about that later today.

Breaking up with the Scale

I've decided to do this, over the last couple of weeks. How freeing! Before, I would check almost daily...seeing if those pesky 15 pounds I picked up over the holidays were leaving (usually an up and down affair due to my unending water weight gain). Then, the funeral and traveling back south thwarted more plans for loss. You can't go back south and not eat, right? Real BBQ and Long Joh.n Silvers were calling my name! Yes, there is such a thing as self control, but I chose not to use it. I do not regret that choice. I knew I'd have work to do and I was up to the challenge.

Anyway, when I got back, I started working out full-force again. The portion sizes cut and better foods going into the machine were/are the goal. I'm going strong, feeling better and looking pretty good, but I'm avoiding the scale. I don't want to set myself up for defeat. Therefore, the scale and I are breaking up, parting "weighs" and agreeing to see other people. Oh, we'll meet on occasion for coffee and catch up on old times (perhaps in a couple of months), but our relationship was destructive and I've got to let it go. Free at last! Now, on to getting back into my "get it girl" jeans.

So Much to Feel and Say

Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts. It seems like I've been MIA for a while, but we've actually been back in town for a little over a week, now. It's hard to get back into the flow, when you haven't been writing. I look back now and think, I should have written in the hotel or something. Oh, well. Where to begin? I suppose I'll start where I left off in the last post.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When hubby returned, he looked so down-trodden. He spent the next few hours sleeping. That's what he does when he's depressed. I took care of getting the girls situated and got them squared away, only to return to his calls ("honey, where are you?") and have him fall asleep. The next couple of days were the same. We finally told the babe and she took it very hard, but hubby was a trooper. He stayed strong for her. Her tears of sadness always want to make me cry, so I hid my eyes a bit to try and remain strong for her, too. I called my boss at home and told him what was going on. He assured me that I had three days bereavement time, but I had a few hours on Tuesday that I felt I had to work (big faculty meeting that week...everything always happens at once, right?).

Hubby's sister had told him that they would make the arrangements for the funeral, once he arrived. The important piece of information to keep in mind was that his brother would be released from jail on Friday and that, most likely, the funeral would be held on Friday. Knowing all of this, hubby and I made plans to fly out on Wednesday and return on Saturday. We booked the flights, hotel and car rental in record time. When hubby called sister back, the arrangements had already been made. Wtf?! Ugh! Weddings and funerals bring out the best in people, don't they? Anyway, hubby remained calm and told his sister what had transpired. He asked her to please try and make changes or, at least, schedule the wake for Friday. Why he would have to ask this in the first place irritated him to no end, but he handled it well. (She did manage to reschedule the wake for Friday, so at least he could attend that).

The scramble to place kids and animals began next. The babe and older dog would stay with our doggie babysitter (she fostered him before we got him and became a friend of the family). She's a nurse and a good friend of hubby's, so she was happy to take them. My former co-worker took my youngest (she doesn't work and I knew this wouldn't be an inconvenience for her, or I hoped it wouldn't be). When I called, she simply said, "Just tell me what you need me to do." Another friend told me the very same thing. Thank God for friends.

We left early Wednesday morning, driving down the highway through pea-soup fog. We arrived at the airport and checked in fairly smoothly. We napped at the gate until our plane arrived, then flew into Phoenix. Did you know that some airlines now charge you for the once complimentary juice and nuts you used to get? To the tune of $2.00, you can have your choice of soft drink or juice in a 4 ounce cup or $7.00 for an adult beverage. How about $7.00 for a snack box with crap you wouldn't feed to your dog? Yeesh! The economy bites! You are now forced to spend outrageous prices on drinks and food within the "secure" portion of the airport.

From Phoenix, we flew on to Missouri. The temperature was cold, even by our standards. Humid cold is so different from dry cold. We were shuttled to the rental location from the airport and were upgraded to a Pontiac Vibe (not a bad little car...rated high by Consumer Reports, I remember. I looked at these as a potential purchase, at one time). We had a two and one half hour drive from St. Louis to Sikeston. Never heard of Sikeston? Well, it recently gained some noteriety on the Travel channel...its restaurant, Lamber.t's rated as the number one place to "pig out" ("home of the throw.ed rolls"). This is where we booked our hotel.

We arrived, checked in and headed right back out almost imediately. We had another half hour drive to the little town where hubby is from. Cotton fields and more cotton fields. Hubby talked about picking the cotton as a summer job or throwing watermellons. Our history, ladies and gentlemen.

The town has approximately 3,000 residents. A very weighted feeling begins to press down over you, once you drive in. Time has somehow stood still in this sleepy, non-progressive place; mentally, spiritually, physically a place that time forgot. I definetly understand why my hubby and his sister left.

For the next few days, we (hubby and I) spent the day talking and being together. Then, we'd drive to the town and hang out with family. The blessing with funerals is the resurgence of family connections. Hubby saw brothers he hasn't seen in years. He hung out with cousins, aunts, uncles and old friends. I was introduced to a plethora of people that I hope I won't soon forget. By Friday, they were a part of my family and I was pleased.

The wake was difficult, as was expected. Hubby finally let down his walls and mourned his mother. I sat by him, but constantly felt like I wasn't doing enough. Thinking back on it, I walked around taking and hanging up people's coats (what the hell?). I guess that was something...I still felt like I just wasn't doing enough. I did, however, take the opportunity to gather all the brothers together and capture a group picture. I will share all of the pictures with family that I took while we were there by putting together a DVD/slideshow for all of them. That should be quite the project (I haven't started it yet). I hope these connections last, but I know the history in his family: hubby calls everyone, sometimes they call him (when they want something).

When we came back, the connections remained between hubby and his sister. We actually kept her kids over night. My daughters were elated to have their cousins over and it was good to see them all having a good time. We're hopeful that this continues.

Hubby is doing better, but he has his good days and bad (as does the babe...church was especially hard for her this past Sunday...her first church day since the tragedy). We've really come together through this. He keeps telling me how glad he was I was there and how much I did to help him (seriously, I still feel like I didn't do enough). We're planning for couple time during the weekend of Valentine's/President's day to just be with each other. He also wants to spirit me away in March...possibly another Vegas trip. We shall see. I'm just glad that he's in good spirits again. So, now on with life...

Phone Calls in the Night

The phone rang early this morning...around 1ish. Someone left a message, but it was incoherent from our bedroom. I dismissed it and tried to go back to sleep. I couldn't, so I tried to wake up my hubby for a little playtime. The phone rang again. It was his sister. She said their mother had been flown to the hospital, due to some sort of "asthma" attack. She was non-responsive. I told hubby that I didn't know his mother even had asthma. Anyway, his sister said she would call him back, once she had more information. We laid there together. He fell back asleep, but I couldn't. I was restless and couldn't settle down. I laid on his chest, stroking his chest and arms. I tried to turn him over when he snored, but he woke up and said he was comfortable that way with me lying there.

I told him I needed to apologize.

"When the phone first rang, I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. I was going to have my wicked way with you. Now, I feel bad about it."

"Don't feel bad, how could you know?"

"Still, it seems wrong, now."

"Don't worry about it," but, I did.

The phone rang again. This time, I could hear his sister. She was crying hysterically:

"____, mama's gone! Mama's gone!"

All I could say, "Oh my God!" I burst into tears. I can only surmise that my hubby was in shock. He didn't say anything. He held the phone, then attempted to say his sister's name. She wasn't there anymore.

"I gotta go over there." He got up slowly, calmly. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. I asked what I could do. I tried to find his shoes for him, but couldn't I put on his shirt, he put a sweatshirt on over that. I held him. I apologized and told him I loved him. He still wasn't crying, but sadness was all over his face. He went to the garage door then asked me to call his work.

"Ask for the Sergeant on duty and tell him that I'll call." I promised I would and told him to drive carefully. It's a short drive, but I worried he wouldn't "see" his way to her house. He left. I found my cell phone and called. The sergeant was very nice and asked if there was anything they could do. I told him there wasn't and thanked him. I called my mother. I told her what was going on. She was calm and told me that she anticipated her hubby going first, but, "You just never know." (My mother-in-law's hubby recently lost a leg, due to a blood clot. Being an active man, we worried that he wouldn't be the same after that.) I told her that I worried for her kids. Her 18 year old is coming here for college. Her sixteen year old is still in high school. She's the guardian of her 11 year old granddaughter and cares for her 4 year old grand daughter. Their own mothers are a mess...and now? Oh, Jesus! What will happen to them? The boys will survive...but those little girls?

I'm still in shock myself, but I can't sleep and my mind is racing...so, I write. It's here that I'll document what happened when my hubby's mother passed on. I wanted to go with him to his sister's, but he didn't want to wake up the girls. Understandable. But, I still wanted to be there. I don't know what things are being said. I worry because his sister recently cut off communication with him because hubby was too "stuck up" in her opinion. I worry because it's easy to blame every body for a loss and hubby already feels an amazing amount of guilt about his family. I worry because her own hubby may make things even more difficult (there money situation isn't good...she's the only one who works) and may try to manipulate some way for them to get home, out of my hubby.

My eldest just woke up. She had a dream of being in a bus full of children going to fast and she and others were about to die. Coincidence? She's always been sensitive to things. I don't think she heard the conversations because we never said what had happened out loud. My mother said not to tell her right away. We should wait a bit and tell her later. I don't know when later is. The more we delay, the less time she has to deal with it. My mind is racing.

Do you know I have a grandmother who turns 90 in May? We have amazing longevity on my side of the family. My maternal grandmother was well into her 80's when she passed. Now, I wonder about my hubby. I've always wondered about how I'll be when he goes...since I'm pretty sure he will go before me (not just because of family genes, but statistics speak to this too). Mortality for everyone you love, I guess, becomes a harboring thought when you lose someone.

My memories of his mother? She came and stayed with us one summer. She was soft-spoken, kind and totally loving to my girls. She told me, on the way to one of the Babe's dance classes that she really liked me. She admitted that she wasn't sure about me at first because she didn't know me, but that she decided she liked me. I told her I liked her and, after this, I felt so much better about our relationship. I'll also remember that she was a huge fan of the Bath and Body works packages I would put together for her. She loved being here and was convinced she would move, but hubby knew better. He knew she could never let go of that small town. I guess he was right.

I suppose I can't type all night. I think I'll work a little bit, make myself productive. I don't really want to work, but sleeping is out. I keep waiting for the phone. I need him to come home. I have an uncontrollable desire to protect him; my 187 pound, body-building officer. Yeah, it's totally ridiculous.

Getting Well and Enjoying Change

I'm nearly done with my antibiotics. Already, life is good. The cough syrup at night allows me to sleep, while the antibiotics is killing all the bad stuff. I'm actually looking forward to working out again because, despite putting on weight this Christmas season, I never stopped working out. I was going all gang-busters until the illness hit me.

Hubby has a new work schedule; four, 12-hour work days followed by four days off. He's currently on his days off and it feels like he just had days off. Wow! I am liking this. :) He's also trying to conserve money so, when he is off, he keeps the youngest at home with him. She's definitely growing up a different child than her sister. She's experiencing exactly what I wanted for my oldest; more home time than daycare time. I'm glad older sis turned out okay, though.

I watched a bit of American I.dol last night. I haven't watched religiously for a couple of years and I don't think I'll ever watch like that again; however, I did want to get a gander at the new judge. On first impression, I think she's a mite conceited and self-absorbed. The focus should be on the contestants (at least that's what has happened when the other judges are involved), but with her? It's all, "Me!Me!Me!" She even took the opportunity to try and out-sing one of the contestants. Lame. It got annoying quickly, so I just tried to tune her out. There's still everything you expect from the show; over-the-top auditions, diamonds in the rough, awesome singers who've never been discovered until now and the really terrible singers who you know have friends that say, "Oh, you have a great voice, Bill. You really should stand out in the rain all night and try-out. They'll pick you for sure!"

Is it Friday yet? This week just seems to be dragging along for me. I met up with a guy in the elevator who felt the same way. He said it could be because it's the second, full-week we've spent back at work since the holidays. I guess...that still doesn't help it move any faster. I am looking forward to the long weekend, though. No plans...just looking forward to it.

Sick again?

Yep! Bronchitis is the word. I had it only six months ago and it has reared it's ugly head again. Yuck! I left work early Thursday afternoon and missed work on Friday. The weekend was a blur, since I was high on toddies and tons of cold medicine most of the time. I did manage to go to church on Sunday. I also called and wished hubby a "happy boyfriend/girlfriend anniversary!" Twelve years ago Sunday, we became a couple. So sweet it's sickening, yes? He left work early to come home and take care me. He also surprised me with the sweetest card. I gotta give it to hubby, he's trying to bring the romance back and I'm oh, so happy he is. Wednesday is the anniversary of our first date.

Today I got up and worked half day, then called the doctor's office to see if he could see me. He confirmed my guess of bronchitis and told me that I may be a bit asthmatic. No surprises here. He listened to my breathing and there was a bit of a wheeze. He had me puff an inhaler to aid in my breathing and, I promise, I didn't cough for an hour afterwards! He also prescribed antibiotics (Z-Packs...gotta love 'em), codeine cough medicine and a pleasant afternoon. Hubby was off, so he took me to pick up my prescriptions. We then had a bit of lunch (can't take the meds on an empty stomach) and came home. Despite the illness, it's been a pleasant day. I promise I feel 75% better, even after just one pill. By Wednesday, I'm hoping I can get back on the fitness train (I was doing so well, too!).

I'm going to go pass out, now. The codeine is kicking in. A side effect this stuff has on me...it makes me horny. Yeah, weird I know. Who gets sleepy and horny? If it's bizarre, it's probably happening to me.

Workshop 101: Responsibility for Adults

I may have mentioned (I'm sure in lots of depth and with more details than anyone wants) that I take my neighbor's daughter, along with my own, to school each morning. It's her trade to pick them up in the afternoons. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, it's understood that she'll stay a bit longer because I have to drive in from Salt Lake. Well, this arrangement has worked okay until recently. (Before this, another neighbor was picking her up and her ADD, out-of-control grandson was doing all sorts of things that made the babe come home in tears. We had to end that with a quickness).

The latest fiasco happened when she called one morning to tell me her daughter wouldn't be riding to school because she wasn't feeling well. She was going to give her some medicine and, most likely, take her to school later in the morning. Fine. I got my girls all situated and we headed to school. This happened to be a day I work from home and when 3:45 rolled around and no babe, I started to worry. Before I could even call the neighbor to see if she, perhaps, went to the store or something, the babe called me.

"Mom, almost everyone has left and I'm the only one here."

"______ didn't come to pick you up?"

"No. I haven't seen her."

"Alright. Just sit tight. I'll be there in a few minutes."

I scrolled through my phone to call the neighbor.

"Hey, _____. Did ____ go to school today?"

"Oh, no...she didn't. I just woke up and realized I didn't call you and tell you."

Okay. I'm thinking, have you been sleeping all day? You knew your daughter was home and you had no intentions of picking up my kid. The phone system still works. Your ass could have called. Meanwhile, my kid is wondering if she'll ever get home.

After I picked up the babe, we talked in the car about responsibility. I told her that this was why I stressed it so much with her. Being responsible is important, not just for yourself, but for those around you. Being irresponsible can cause problems, like what happened today. If a person is irresponsible, it could potentially cause harm to themselves and others. She seemed to understand clearly (examples that involve yourself are always helpful). After I talked to her dad about it, he was through! He was immediately on the check-for-other-alternatives bandwagon. I was certainly in agreement. So, my coworker will be picking her up on Tuesdays and Thursdays, while hubby and I will take care of Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays.

Sunday evening, I called my neighbor to tell her that she wouldn't have to worry about picking up the babe. I let her know that I would get her on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. She quickly asked if someone would be picking her up on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I told her yes and that it was all taken care of; she wouldn't have to worry about the babe anymore. She sounded a little bummed. I didn't dare come right out and tell her that she wasn't dependable and that every call from her made me wonder, "What is it now?". She's a stay-at-home mom with major depression issues. I didn't want anything I said to be taken the wrong way (and with this discussion, it was hard enough making sure I said the right thing). I assured her that I was fine to take her daughter in the morning, still.

Hubby's new work schedule will actually allow for one of the two of us to get her all month (except this Thursday). He now works four, 12-hour days and then gets four days off. The cycle has him off for January most Tuesdays and Thursdays. Cool! He'll have to get used to this schedule, though, to truly reap the benefits. I'm not sure I could do it, but he has the wherewithal to handle it.

The neighbor called yesterday. I'm not sure what she wanted, but when I called her back and left a message, she didn't call back. She probably thinks I'm the evil mother who doesn't want people picking up her kid (after the incident with the other neighbor and now her). I second-guessed myself for a minute, then I remembered how frantic I was when I couldn't find her mother-in-law's house that one day. She had dropped her off there instead of taking the babe with her to her daughter's eye appointment. Who does that? Keep my child with you, and we'll meet up later. How hard is that? I wouldn't dump my neighbor's child onto another relatives lap. That child was put under my care. So, if I got drive all over the place with him/her to take care of 1,000 errands, that's just what I have to do. Perhaps I'm painfully responsible. I'll look into it.

It's still below freezing here. How the snow is able to fall with these temps, I'll never know (usually, it has to be above freezing to get precipitation). Anyway, I'm actually looking forward to 40 degrees tomorrow. I'm also having a lunch-date with hubby. Love those!

Welcome 2009

The holidays are over, but the memories live on. It started off great with 17 days off and no set plans. Woohoo! I was so spoiled...sleeping in till 8 sometimes 9 (hey, that's late for me), playing video games until my butt was numb, eating whatever the hell I wanted, playing with the girls, eating whatever the hell I wanted. It was great! Christmas eve, we opened our "one" gift. The girls got PJs and slippers which they quickly changed into. I received a DVD set and hubby opened his new, insulated gloves. We left Santa warped looking sugar cookies and cranapple juice with sprite zero.

The actual day was lovely. Hubby was home this year, which was an added bonus. He was happy with everything he got this year (what a change!). In fact, I had a homemade gift for him this year that he absolutely loved. He's still talking about it. I blew up a picture of the Great Salt Lake that I took this fall and had it framed. He must be in my head because one of his gifts to me was an incredible film Minolta camera. I gotta study up on that sucker and learn how to use it. I think I need another seventeen days off. (wink, wink)

The state is covered in snow and we are now experiencing blistering, cold temps. The high yesterday was eleven degrees. Yikes! Everything is frozen and going outside is just plain painful. I hope they keep the kids indoors today for recess. Supposedly, the temps will warm back up into the forties, but then we're going to get dumped with more snow. Yeesh. Forty would feel downright balmy today.

Oh, and Happy New Year ! Did you party hard or sleep a gentle slumber when the new year appeared? I brought in the new year in a different way than I expected. The family visited friends and had cocktails, while the kids played. We stayed about an hour and a half, then left for home (hubby had to work New Year's day). We came home, had a little bit to eat, shared sparkling grape juice with the girls and popped champagne cork-pops before putting the little ones to be. Straight to the kitchen, I mixed up lovely Tequila Sunrises (love 'em!) and went downstairs with hubby to begin our Soap marathon, or so I thought. Hubby decided to have his wicked way with me and the next thing I new, midnight had come and gone. No ball dropping and no "staged" midnight kiss. It was heaven!

By the by, that "eating whatever the hell I want" comes with a cost. How about fifteen extra pounds since the beginning of October. Ugh! I started eating what I need rather than what I want on Saturday and am down a pound. Let the work begin (at least I know what to do in order to get it off and get it off rather quickly).