So Much to Feel and Say

Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts. It seems like I've been MIA for a while, but we've actually been back in town for a little over a week, now. It's hard to get back into the flow, when you haven't been writing. I look back now and think, I should have written in the hotel or something. Oh, well. Where to begin? I suppose I'll start where I left off in the last post.

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When hubby returned, he looked so down-trodden. He spent the next few hours sleeping. That's what he does when he's depressed. I took care of getting the girls situated and got them squared away, only to return to his calls ("honey, where are you?") and have him fall asleep. The next couple of days were the same. We finally told the babe and she took it very hard, but hubby was a trooper. He stayed strong for her. Her tears of sadness always want to make me cry, so I hid my eyes a bit to try and remain strong for her, too. I called my boss at home and told him what was going on. He assured me that I had three days bereavement time, but I had a few hours on Tuesday that I felt I had to work (big faculty meeting that week...everything always happens at once, right?).

Hubby's sister had told him that they would make the arrangements for the funeral, once he arrived. The important piece of information to keep in mind was that his brother would be released from jail on Friday and that, most likely, the funeral would be held on Friday. Knowing all of this, hubby and I made plans to fly out on Wednesday and return on Saturday. We booked the flights, hotel and car rental in record time. When hubby called sister back, the arrangements had already been made. Wtf?! Ugh! Weddings and funerals bring out the best in people, don't they? Anyway, hubby remained calm and told his sister what had transpired. He asked her to please try and make changes or, at least, schedule the wake for Friday. Why he would have to ask this in the first place irritated him to no end, but he handled it well. (She did manage to reschedule the wake for Friday, so at least he could attend that).

The scramble to place kids and animals began next. The babe and older dog would stay with our doggie babysitter (she fostered him before we got him and became a friend of the family). She's a nurse and a good friend of hubby's, so she was happy to take them. My former co-worker took my youngest (she doesn't work and I knew this wouldn't be an inconvenience for her, or I hoped it wouldn't be). When I called, she simply said, "Just tell me what you need me to do." Another friend told me the very same thing. Thank God for friends.

We left early Wednesday morning, driving down the highway through pea-soup fog. We arrived at the airport and checked in fairly smoothly. We napped at the gate until our plane arrived, then flew into Phoenix. Did you know that some airlines now charge you for the once complimentary juice and nuts you used to get? To the tune of $2.00, you can have your choice of soft drink or juice in a 4 ounce cup or $7.00 for an adult beverage. How about $7.00 for a snack box with crap you wouldn't feed to your dog? Yeesh! The economy bites! You are now forced to spend outrageous prices on drinks and food within the "secure" portion of the airport.

From Phoenix, we flew on to Missouri. The temperature was cold, even by our standards. Humid cold is so different from dry cold. We were shuttled to the rental location from the airport and were upgraded to a Pontiac Vibe (not a bad little car...rated high by Consumer Reports, I remember. I looked at these as a potential purchase, at one time). We had a two and one half hour drive from St. Louis to Sikeston. Never heard of Sikeston? Well, it recently gained some noteriety on the Travel channel...its restaurant, Lamber.t's rated as the number one place to "pig out" ("home of the throw.ed rolls"). This is where we booked our hotel.

We arrived, checked in and headed right back out almost imediately. We had another half hour drive to the little town where hubby is from. Cotton fields and more cotton fields. Hubby talked about picking the cotton as a summer job or throwing watermellons. Our history, ladies and gentlemen.

The town has approximately 3,000 residents. A very weighted feeling begins to press down over you, once you drive in. Time has somehow stood still in this sleepy, non-progressive place; mentally, spiritually, physically a place that time forgot. I definetly understand why my hubby and his sister left.

For the next few days, we (hubby and I) spent the day talking and being together. Then, we'd drive to the town and hang out with family. The blessing with funerals is the resurgence of family connections. Hubby saw brothers he hasn't seen in years. He hung out with cousins, aunts, uncles and old friends. I was introduced to a plethora of people that I hope I won't soon forget. By Friday, they were a part of my family and I was pleased.

The wake was difficult, as was expected. Hubby finally let down his walls and mourned his mother. I sat by him, but constantly felt like I wasn't doing enough. Thinking back on it, I walked around taking and hanging up people's coats (what the hell?). I guess that was something...I still felt like I just wasn't doing enough. I did, however, take the opportunity to gather all the brothers together and capture a group picture. I will share all of the pictures with family that I took while we were there by putting together a DVD/slideshow for all of them. That should be quite the project (I haven't started it yet). I hope these connections last, but I know the history in his family: hubby calls everyone, sometimes they call him (when they want something).

When we came back, the connections remained between hubby and his sister. We actually kept her kids over night. My daughters were elated to have their cousins over and it was good to see them all having a good time. We're hopeful that this continues.

Hubby is doing better, but he has his good days and bad (as does the babe...church was especially hard for her this past Sunday...her first church day since the tragedy). We've really come together through this. He keeps telling me how glad he was I was there and how much I did to help him (seriously, I still feel like I didn't do enough). We're planning for couple time during the weekend of Valentine's/President's day to just be with each other. He also wants to spirit me away in March...possibly another Vegas trip. We shall see. I'm just glad that he's in good spirits again. So, now on with life...