My hubby came back from Idaho, yesterday. I missed him so much, even though it was only two days. This was his "personal discovery" retreat...a necessary diversion, in order for him to find time away and think clearly about his life and our lives together. He wasn't supposed to call, except to let me know he had gotten there safely, but he had a hard time and (I must admit) I was having a hard time without him. To hear from him was a joy and he had not been able to sleep until we talked. We spoke to each other early Saturday morning and late Saturday evening. Then, he called me on his drive home Sunday. This is a total famine of calls, where my husband is concerned.
I've only been to "potato country" once and that was just to buy a lottery ticket. We went to Malad, Idaho where there was absolutely nothing worth seeing. I was so ready to come home that I didn't think I'd ever step foot in the state again. Hubby, on the other hand, saw a different area and thought it to be tranquil, peaceful and beautiful. He raved about the Idaho State University campus and the surrounding areas. He said, "It's a typical college town and the people are so laid back." Sounds a bit like us, but I still need convincing. He also went on about the cost of housing and how, if we moved there, I could take a year off to be with the kids (if I wanted to). He also said to this, "I believe a year is about all you could stand, honey." Lord knows he's right about that! Especially since I wouldn't know anyone and it would be me, a five year-old and a newborn hanging out. I need adult stimulation on a regular basis...I'm only so maternal! Anyway, he was gone from Friday afternoon to 11ish Sunday morning and he said that he was truly ready to come home.
We talked and talked and talked and he seems much more clear headed than before he left. I'm really proud of him taking a stand to work on the foundation of our relationship. He seems more open and fluid. I'm very optimistic.
Tomorrow, we're having a "Grazing Pot-luck" here at work. This just means you bring your dish in and work on it all day long. I'm going to blow up like a Macey's Day float if I'm not careful. These folks love to eat around here. I, of course, am not helping the situation by bringing my all-famous, Chocolate Kahlua cake (which I can't eat...too sweet). Wednesday, I'm taking off for my orientation with my daughter's teacher (omigosh!), my ultrasound and our dentists appointments. I'm sure this technician will say I'm having a girl too, but wouldn't it be crazy if she sees something different? I keep running that scenario through my mind. We've been milling over girl names for the past week and to all of a sudden have to detour would be weird. I'm sure the first ultrasound was accurate, but what if...
Monday, August 29, 2005
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Happy, Healthy, Active Baby (Phew!)
I went to my emergency ultrasound yesterday. It was kind of a rough morning, since hubby had already been awake 24 hours (he left work at around 2 am or so and crashed when he got home, so he got a few hours); however, waking him up was tough. Finally, I had to start threatening to leave him if he didn't get up. That got him moving.
We hit the road and headed to the hospital, where I've never been before. I got a little lost, then (with Hubby's help) figured out where I needed to be. I felt really dumb when all the signs I'd been looking for, all of a sudden appeared when he started to help. We parked and headed inside the massive building. The landscaping is breathtaking! Lots of flowers and small, very Asian waterfalls. We took the elevator to the fourth floor and I preceded to fill out paperwork and more paperwork. I also let them know that I'd drank 32 ounces of water before getting there (even though no one told me to, but I wanted to be safe). They let me know that I was far enough along that I didn't need to, so they pointed me in the direction of the nearest ladies room (thank God!).
After I emerged, the technician saw us in and asked me to get on the the table/bed. She slathered my belly in goo and started the ultrasound process. The baby was beautiful, no matter what anyone else thought. I could see the large eye sockets and new that this one would also have the saucer-eyes that are so prevalent in my family. My daughter's eyes are gorgeous! Anyway, the technician is taking all sorts of measurements and showing all the cute baby parts (meanwhile, the DVD is recording everything. I was very happy about this). Then, Jean (the technician says, "Do you know what the baby is, yet?"
"Nope," I say.
"Do you want to know?"
"Heck, yeah!"
So, with a little maneuvering and shifting of my belly, she gets a picture of the baby's little bum. Before she says a word, I see the "golden arches" and know for myself. It's a girl! She confirms my thoughts aloud. Well, hubby is thrilled (cause he's done the "girl" thing before and knows what to do). My daughter seems happy too, now referring to the baby as her baby sister. It was good news, but the terrific news was when Jean said, "Everything looks great to me," words I've needed to hear for two weeks.
Next, the counselor comes in and tells us about the stats and that I rank 1 out of 250 to have a baby with Down's syndrome. Then he says that, based on all the measurements they've taken for the ultrasound, I have a 99.8% chance of having a perfect child. Hallelujah! My heart is at ease and I thank the counselor over and over again. He says, if I need the validty, I can have an amnio and I was like, "You know, for a .2 percent piece of info, I think I'll forgo the big scary needle and risk of miscarriage, thank you very much." He seemed to agree. The Maternal Fetal doctor (Doctor Andres) came in and talked to us a bit after the counselor left and he confirmed everything. Then he let us know that there is more of a chance that a baby is born with birth defects than Down's...1 in 30, to be accurate. I couldn't believe it! I'd never heard those numbers before. Women are more likely to have children with birth defects than a child with Down's.
After the visit, we leave the exam room and we head of out the hospital. I spent the rest of the day at home and had lovely Chinese for lunch and dinner (I ended up working four hours from home yesterday afternoon). I got a lot more done than I thought I would. Hubby worked out, then came home and crashed for an hour or two. We talked baby names for a bit but, we have nothing concrete yet.
Today has been a really good day, simply because I have the peace of mind I've needed for so long. I feel so much better and am anxiously awaiting the day when I can meet my next baby girl, who will hopefully be happy and healthy.
We hit the road and headed to the hospital, where I've never been before. I got a little lost, then (with Hubby's help) figured out where I needed to be. I felt really dumb when all the signs I'd been looking for, all of a sudden appeared when he started to help. We parked and headed inside the massive building. The landscaping is breathtaking! Lots of flowers and small, very Asian waterfalls. We took the elevator to the fourth floor and I preceded to fill out paperwork and more paperwork. I also let them know that I'd drank 32 ounces of water before getting there (even though no one told me to, but I wanted to be safe). They let me know that I was far enough along that I didn't need to, so they pointed me in the direction of the nearest ladies room (thank God!).
After I emerged, the technician saw us in and asked me to get on the the table/bed. She slathered my belly in goo and started the ultrasound process. The baby was beautiful, no matter what anyone else thought. I could see the large eye sockets and new that this one would also have the saucer-eyes that are so prevalent in my family. My daughter's eyes are gorgeous! Anyway, the technician is taking all sorts of measurements and showing all the cute baby parts (meanwhile, the DVD is recording everything. I was very happy about this). Then, Jean (the technician says, "Do you know what the baby is, yet?"
"Nope," I say.
"Do you want to know?"
"Heck, yeah!"
So, with a little maneuvering and shifting of my belly, she gets a picture of the baby's little bum. Before she says a word, I see the "golden arches" and know for myself. It's a girl! She confirms my thoughts aloud. Well, hubby is thrilled (cause he's done the "girl" thing before and knows what to do). My daughter seems happy too, now referring to the baby as her baby sister. It was good news, but the terrific news was when Jean said, "Everything looks great to me," words I've needed to hear for two weeks.
Next, the counselor comes in and tells us about the stats and that I rank 1 out of 250 to have a baby with Down's syndrome. Then he says that, based on all the measurements they've taken for the ultrasound, I have a 99.8% chance of having a perfect child. Hallelujah! My heart is at ease and I thank the counselor over and over again. He says, if I need the validty, I can have an amnio and I was like, "You know, for a .2 percent piece of info, I think I'll forgo the big scary needle and risk of miscarriage, thank you very much." He seemed to agree. The Maternal Fetal doctor (Doctor Andres) came in and talked to us a bit after the counselor left and he confirmed everything. Then he let us know that there is more of a chance that a baby is born with birth defects than Down's...1 in 30, to be accurate. I couldn't believe it! I'd never heard those numbers before. Women are more likely to have children with birth defects than a child with Down's.
After the visit, we leave the exam room and we head of out the hospital. I spent the rest of the day at home and had lovely Chinese for lunch and dinner (I ended up working four hours from home yesterday afternoon). I got a lot more done than I thought I would. Hubby worked out, then came home and crashed for an hour or two. We talked baby names for a bit but, we have nothing concrete yet.
Today has been a really good day, simply because I have the peace of mind I've needed for so long. I feel so much better and am anxiously awaiting the day when I can meet my next baby girl, who will hopefully be happy and healthy.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Paranoia is Creepin' Up on You
Or me, anyway. I'm still questioning and questioning and questioning. I had another long discussion with hubby and basically told him that the wishy-washy shit has got to end. It's just too emotionally draining to deal with, right now. It's either, "My wife is enough for me," or "My wife isn't enough for me." I'm not saying that things are that black and white, but this one is pretty clear cut. For me, it would be easy. I can know that I would do whatever I needed to do to keep my relationship going. That's just the way that I am. I was never one who did well in casual relationships. I was at my best when it was one-on-one and we had what we wanted and there was complete monogamy. I don't think it's too much to ask for after nearly nine years together (oh, and for those of you who haven't kept up, we will have been together nine years in January and married eight years in April). Every year, month, day, minute and second counts. (I suppose I'm becoming pretty transparent, here...about the type of person I am, anyway).
Dragging things out is no fun and if this is going to end (heaven forbid!), I need to know so that I can grieve, heal or whatever.
(He just called again).
He's set up a time to meet with someone. I can't express how relieved I am to hear this! It's the step I needed...knowing that he wanted to work things out and regain my trust. It was so important that he stop putting it off and start acting. Actions are the only things that will rebuild trust. (Sorry, "good intentions", that's just the way it is). The next steps will be follow-up to see how the sessions are going and if he's feeling like progress is being made. It's all so complicated...you know, life and stuff.
Dragging things out is no fun and if this is going to end (heaven forbid!), I need to know so that I can grieve, heal or whatever.
(He just called again).
He's set up a time to meet with someone. I can't express how relieved I am to hear this! It's the step I needed...knowing that he wanted to work things out and regain my trust. It was so important that he stop putting it off and start acting. Actions are the only things that will rebuild trust. (Sorry, "good intentions", that's just the way it is). The next steps will be follow-up to see how the sessions are going and if he's feeling like progress is being made. It's all so complicated...you know, life and stuff.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Massages, Sleeping in and Family Time
Thursday evenings massage was exquisite! The table didn't have a hole, but it did have a foam rubber substance (covered by many warm towels) with a hole and a place for mama's ample bossom. Climbing onto the table was more of a challenge and I probably should ask for a step stool, next time. The massage always begins with working from the top of the back to the bottom. Then, they work on one side of the body, then the other. Afterwards, they ask you to turn over (discreetly covered, since most people are stark naked, including myself) and they rub from the front. I was in heaven! I went home and hubby calls to say that he got a really good deal on a lobster and was having it steamed, along with some peel and eat shrimp for dinner.
The shrimp was great, but I've never been a big fan of lobster. I'd much rather have crab. It's much more tender and has a sweeter flavor, in my opinion. Anyway, the tail was tough and I could barely bite through it. I ended up giving my lobster to hubby, who
shared it with the dog. The next evening, I began watching an anime DVD we've had for a while, The Devil Lady: The Awakening, Part 1. Actually, I didn't know it was a part one, until I started watching. I thought it was an entire movie. Now, I'm hooked and of course, I'll have to complete the series (there are six discs, I've discovered). It's a about a fashion model who discovers, by force, that she's also a demon beast and has been recruited to kill others like her. If you like anime (especially anime that's a bit on the dark side), you'll like this.
Saturday, I folded laundry (a week's worth), mopped the floors, and cleaned the bathrooms. I was totally wiped out from all of it. I don't know why I keep forgetting that I can't do as much as a prego, but I keep trying. My back was in agony and a head ache creeped in later in the day. Hubby came home and we all napped. It was nice, since I can't sleep with him in the evenings anymore. When we woke up, he made dinner (Talapia, stir-fried veggies and potatoes) and we all ate as a family.
Sunday, we went to church and heard the disturbing news about a former member, Thomas Herrion. They still don't know how or why he died, but in the coming weeks, toxicology reports will hopefully give some clue as to what was going on. It's such a shame when they go so young. My coworker had a friend parrish in the recent cave tragedy that happened last week. He was in his early twenties and had just begun to live his life. They're calling it the worst cave incident in the US in over eleven years. I, myself would have never stepped foot in that thing.
After church, the babe watched movies and played in her play-room, while her daddy and I had time together. We've been initmate, despite the problems and I hope that it isn't confusing matters. Actually, our intimacy has intensified and become more adventurous, yet I still wonder and question, and he's always quick to give reassurance and help with any questions I have. I'm still pushing for him to call a counseling center and he promises that he will (I will, however, continue to stay on him until there's proof that he's seeing someone). I worry, but I also keep the faith that he'll work hard to make things right with our relationship. This weekend, he's supposed to take some "time away" to think and get his head together. He has asked that I do the same thing on his next weekend off, while he keeps the babe. I'm nervous, but hope that this will be a way for both of us to re-establish the trust. He claims that it will be some remote area (like Idaho or Wymoing) where there's no outside influence to corrupt. We'll see. He has said that he will check in, so that we're not worried about him (and also, to put my mind at ease). He's still diliberating on whether he'll even do it. I told him that he should, so that he won't regret it later.
The shrimp was great, but I've never been a big fan of lobster. I'd much rather have crab. It's much more tender and has a sweeter flavor, in my opinion. Anyway, the tail was tough and I could barely bite through it. I ended up giving my lobster to hubby, who
shared it with the dog. The next evening, I began watching an anime DVD we've had for a while, The Devil Lady: The Awakening, Part 1. Actually, I didn't know it was a part one, until I started watching. I thought it was an entire movie. Now, I'm hooked and of course, I'll have to complete the series (there are six discs, I've discovered). It's a about a fashion model who discovers, by force, that she's also a demon beast and has been recruited to kill others like her. If you like anime (especially anime that's a bit on the dark side), you'll like this.Saturday, I folded laundry (a week's worth), mopped the floors, and cleaned the bathrooms. I was totally wiped out from all of it. I don't know why I keep forgetting that I can't do as much as a prego, but I keep trying. My back was in agony and a head ache creeped in later in the day. Hubby came home and we all napped. It was nice, since I can't sleep with him in the evenings anymore. When we woke up, he made dinner (Talapia, stir-fried veggies and potatoes) and we all ate as a family.
Sunday, we went to church and heard the disturbing news about a former member, Thomas Herrion. They still don't know how or why he died, but in the coming weeks, toxicology reports will hopefully give some clue as to what was going on. It's such a shame when they go so young. My coworker had a friend parrish in the recent cave tragedy that happened last week. He was in his early twenties and had just begun to live his life. They're calling it the worst cave incident in the US in over eleven years. I, myself would have never stepped foot in that thing.
After church, the babe watched movies and played in her play-room, while her daddy and I had time together. We've been initmate, despite the problems and I hope that it isn't confusing matters. Actually, our intimacy has intensified and become more adventurous, yet I still wonder and question, and he's always quick to give reassurance and help with any questions I have. I'm still pushing for him to call a counseling center and he promises that he will (I will, however, continue to stay on him until there's proof that he's seeing someone). I worry, but I also keep the faith that he'll work hard to make things right with our relationship. This weekend, he's supposed to take some "time away" to think and get his head together. He has asked that I do the same thing on his next weekend off, while he keeps the babe. I'm nervous, but hope that this will be a way for both of us to re-establish the trust. He claims that it will be some remote area (like Idaho or Wymoing) where there's no outside influence to corrupt. We'll see. He has said that he will check in, so that we're not worried about him (and also, to put my mind at ease). He's still diliberating on whether he'll even do it. I told him that he should, so that he won't regret it later.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
A Floater in the Pool
My hubby paid for the family to receive a membership at the newly built, local Aquatic Center. So, we ventured over and went swimming last night. The pools are amazing and the one my daughter ran to, instantly, was the pool with all of the aquatic equipment. There's even a waterslide and a lazy river within. There is also a hot tub but, unfortunately, I am not allowed in hot tubs.
So, we're swimming around, having the time of our lives when suddenly, all the lifeguards begin blowing their whistles in unison. We all emerge from the pool, disappointed and confused. No one seemed to know what was going on, until I found a parent who looked like he had a clue, "Someone pooped in the pool". Nice. How long would it take to correct this problem, oh and, ewwwww!!! We decided it was probably going to be a 24 hour issue, so we went back into the locker room, changed and headed out of there.
We went to Golden Corral for dinner, leaving hubby behind to finish his workout. It was a nice dinner and we were only there forty minutes. We returned to pick up hubby from the aquatic center then headed to the store to rent one of the many movies released on Tuesday. Hubby picked up Sin City. Spectacular! Wonderful! I was amazed and hope that they continue with the series. Other than the floater, nothing exciting happened. I will be getting a "mother 2 be" massage tonight, that I am too thrilled about. I really need it. My back has been giving me grief, lately. I hope they have the table with the hole in it. I'd love to lay on my stomach (so to speak) and be comfortable at the same time.
So, we're swimming around, having the time of our lives when suddenly, all the lifeguards begin blowing their whistles in unison. We all emerge from the pool, disappointed and confused. No one seemed to know what was going on, until I found a parent who looked like he had a clue, "Someone pooped in the pool". Nice. How long would it take to correct this problem, oh and, ewwwww!!! We decided it was probably going to be a 24 hour issue, so we went back into the locker room, changed and headed out of there.
We went to Golden Corral for dinner, leaving hubby behind to finish his workout. It was a nice dinner and we were only there forty minutes. We returned to pick up hubby from the aquatic center then headed to the store to rent one of the many movies released on Tuesday. Hubby picked up Sin City. Spectacular! Wonderful! I was amazed and hope that they continue with the series. Other than the floater, nothing exciting happened. I will be getting a "mother 2 be" massage tonight, that I am too thrilled about. I really need it. My back has been giving me grief, lately. I hope they have the table with the hole in it. I'd love to lay on my stomach (so to speak) and be comfortable at the same time.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Five Years Ago
I was in a hospital, probably asleep, dreaming about the day's events. I had just given birth to a beautiful, six-pound eleven-ounce chocolate morsel who was more beautiful to me than anything in life. She was ill, but I knew she would pull through.
I can't believe how time passes! This chocolate morsel will be starting school in a couple of weeks. Holy cow! The weekend was filled with birthday bliss for her. She had the party to end all parties and gifts galore. Then, today she asks me, "Are we going to do more party stuff today, mama?" I was thinking, "Are you kidding, kid??" Anyway, it's a very nostalgic day for me and one day, I will share the events with her.
My hubby and I had a long heart-to-heart yesterday and I really feel much better. He seems to as well. He was very honest and open and I think that is where it has to start. I would ask questions that I needed answers to and hoped he would answer, and he would without hesitation. I was happy that he opened up so freely and I asked him to keep this line of communication open or else what happened before would happen again. He is still going to seek out objective, professional help, but we made a lot of headway. I don't think I could have gotten through the rest of the week without our talk.
I got my hair done Friday night. It took her an hour less than she quoted me (5 hours). My butt and back were in agony, but my hair looks good. I haven't had anyone take pictures of it yet, but I will. I may even be brave enough to add them to the blog! It's already been really nice not to have to do anything with it. I've curled it, but that's it. I don't even have to. I'm loving this freedom, I really am.
Finally, there have been some developments with the baby. My perinatology visit is scheduled for August 24th (seems like forever from now, and I've asks that they inform me of any cancellations). At that time, I will have a counseling session with one of the doctors and a very extensive ultrasound, in which they will measure everything to assure the health of the baby. I am excited to see the little one, but scared to hear any bad news. I don't need or want any more bad news right now. I'm glad that I've found the strength to get through this and I know that I have my friends and family to thank for giving me so much support. I'll continue to lean on them and hope that some day I can return the favor.
I can't believe how time passes! This chocolate morsel will be starting school in a couple of weeks. Holy cow! The weekend was filled with birthday bliss for her. She had the party to end all parties and gifts galore. Then, today she asks me, "Are we going to do more party stuff today, mama?" I was thinking, "Are you kidding, kid??" Anyway, it's a very nostalgic day for me and one day, I will share the events with her.
My hubby and I had a long heart-to-heart yesterday and I really feel much better. He seems to as well. He was very honest and open and I think that is where it has to start. I would ask questions that I needed answers to and hoped he would answer, and he would without hesitation. I was happy that he opened up so freely and I asked him to keep this line of communication open or else what happened before would happen again. He is still going to seek out objective, professional help, but we made a lot of headway. I don't think I could have gotten through the rest of the week without our talk.
I got my hair done Friday night. It took her an hour less than she quoted me (5 hours). My butt and back were in agony, but my hair looks good. I haven't had anyone take pictures of it yet, but I will. I may even be brave enough to add them to the blog! It's already been really nice not to have to do anything with it. I've curled it, but that's it. I don't even have to. I'm loving this freedom, I really am.
Finally, there have been some developments with the baby. My perinatology visit is scheduled for August 24th (seems like forever from now, and I've asks that they inform me of any cancellations). At that time, I will have a counseling session with one of the doctors and a very extensive ultrasound, in which they will measure everything to assure the health of the baby. I am excited to see the little one, but scared to hear any bad news. I don't need or want any more bad news right now. I'm glad that I've found the strength to get through this and I know that I have my friends and family to thank for giving me so much support. I'll continue to lean on them and hope that some day I can return the favor.
Friday, August 12, 2005
Let's Watch a Bad Day Get Progressively Worse
Yesterday was the first day my hubby started with his overtime, but before that, he had to go in for his last shift. This means that he worked from 6:00 am to 2:00 pm, had a bit of a break and then a nap, then had to be into work by 10:00 pm, in order to work until 6:00 am. Insane, I know. So, I'm all depressed about being without my hubby. I came to work with that on my mind and called him at around 9ish. He was busy and said he'd call me back. He didn't until much later, when he was making his way home. It seems there were a couple of fights and he had to stay late to make sure things were under control. We chatted for a few minutes, then he had to go.
Later, he calls and says that there's a message for me at home from my doctor's office, asking me to call back about my quad screen test results (blood test). So, I try and try but to no avail. The voice messaging keeps picking up at the office, while I'm freaking out about what could possibly be wrong with me. Finally at around 3ish, (after trying for about half an hour), the nurse tells me that I showed Down Syndrome in my test results. At first, I wasn't sure what to say. I remained calm and answered her questions about my insurance. Then she said that she would schedule me for a perinatology visit at the hospital. I call my hubby back to tell him, remembering a friend who had had the same test and indicated that there were many false positives. I still tried to remain positive and told him not to worry and to go to sleep. We hung up and I got back to work.
My drive was filled with thoughts: What if I did have a "special needs" baby? I know I will love my child no matter what. Children are gifts from God and God makes no mistakes; however, how do we handle the expenses,when we barely make ends meet as it is? What kind of test is God posing on me? Why is all of this happening now? I was beginning to come apart.
I reached the daycare, only to find that my oldest had spent the day out-of-control. Not listening, being loud and doing whatever she wanted on her field trip to the Planetarium. I told her she was grounded for the night and I was so disappointed in her. She was pretty quiet most of the ride home. More time for me to meditate on everything and start stressing all over again.
We arrive home and I have the babe work on practicing her letters while I make our dinner. She finishes and I have a seat on the couch to eat while she plays in the playroom. Later, I made my way downstairs to pacify my stress and research the quad screens and get more information about what I may be dealing with. The babe comes down later, realizing she's all alone upstairs (despite a sleeping father) and wants to be with her mom. I'm plugging along on the computer when, all of a sudden, yahoo messenger pops up with someone exiting a friend list (not mine).
I removed messenger from our computer a year ago because of all the viruses it brings. My hubby saw fit to reinstall it, I guess, and add a list of the most obscene screen names. I checked profiles and found that most of them were sex crazed or worse. I tried to get into email and ended up in his, finding messages from strange people, exchanging the most perverse information with my husband. I was mortified! With everything else going on (my research on down syndrome anchored at the bottom of my screen, while filth starred at me), I started to cry. My daughter became scared and kept asking what was wrong. I tried to reassure her then, I took her upstairs and fell apart in the bathroom.
Of course, she told her dad that mom was in the bathroom crying and she couldn't get in. I didn't mean to fall apart in front of her. I couldn't even talk. How do you tell your five year old that mommy is sad because daddy has been dishonest? I had no words. My husband tried to get me to come out of the bathroom and once I gained my composure, I did emerge.
The next couple of hours were awful. He took blame, as well he should, while I conveyed to him my hurt and anger. My trust for him is gone and I always treasured that this was so strong in our relationship. After a while, I had no more words and he talked to me as he got ready for work. I prayed and fell asleep in mid prayer. Somehow, I rested without interruption.This morning, I typed him a two page letter of how I felt and my conditions, since I feel you can't throw away nearly 9 years of a relationship.
The phone rang as we were getting ready to leave for school and work. I didn't answer. I knew it was him and I didn't want to get caught up talking and be late. I rode to school with Zaura, watching the sun rise and marveling at how beautiful everything was, even though I felt so bad. After our 30 minute commute, I turned into the daycare parking lot to see my husband's car parked out front. We walked the little one in then sat in his car to talk. I could tell he'd been crying and he looked nearly as bad as I did. I spoke first, telling him what I'd written in my letter. He was in agreement and said he would do whatever he needed to do to regain my trust. Then, he talked, saying over and over again how wrong it was of him, but that he also needed to seek out help (since he didn't seem to be able to overcome this alone). Of course, that was also one of my conditions and I am totally standing firm to that. I sincerely can't do this again.
I've never dealt with infidelity on a cyber level before (my father cheated on my mother, but that was a flesh and blood mistake). I'm not sure how to deal with this. He hasn't physically touched anyone (and he confessed everything last night, so I know he hasn't) but there were a lot of things said in these messages that just floored me. I had no idea he had those kinds of thoughts. I knew he had a freaky side and I think I would have been fine with him expressing it with me, but with strangers and online? I don't know. I do, however, feel strong in my conviction that this is wrong and that something needs to be done, in order to salvage our relationship. I do love him and I know that he loves me, but you absolutely must have trust. Now, with this and the possibility of having a special needs child, I need prayers more than ever.
Later, he calls and says that there's a message for me at home from my doctor's office, asking me to call back about my quad screen test results (blood test). So, I try and try but to no avail. The voice messaging keeps picking up at the office, while I'm freaking out about what could possibly be wrong with me. Finally at around 3ish, (after trying for about half an hour), the nurse tells me that I showed Down Syndrome in my test results. At first, I wasn't sure what to say. I remained calm and answered her questions about my insurance. Then she said that she would schedule me for a perinatology visit at the hospital. I call my hubby back to tell him, remembering a friend who had had the same test and indicated that there were many false positives. I still tried to remain positive and told him not to worry and to go to sleep. We hung up and I got back to work.
My drive was filled with thoughts: What if I did have a "special needs" baby? I know I will love my child no matter what. Children are gifts from God and God makes no mistakes; however, how do we handle the expenses,when we barely make ends meet as it is? What kind of test is God posing on me? Why is all of this happening now? I was beginning to come apart.
I reached the daycare, only to find that my oldest had spent the day out-of-control. Not listening, being loud and doing whatever she wanted on her field trip to the Planetarium. I told her she was grounded for the night and I was so disappointed in her. She was pretty quiet most of the ride home. More time for me to meditate on everything and start stressing all over again.
We arrive home and I have the babe work on practicing her letters while I make our dinner. She finishes and I have a seat on the couch to eat while she plays in the playroom. Later, I made my way downstairs to pacify my stress and research the quad screens and get more information about what I may be dealing with. The babe comes down later, realizing she's all alone upstairs (despite a sleeping father) and wants to be with her mom. I'm plugging along on the computer when, all of a sudden, yahoo messenger pops up with someone exiting a friend list (not mine).
I removed messenger from our computer a year ago because of all the viruses it brings. My hubby saw fit to reinstall it, I guess, and add a list of the most obscene screen names. I checked profiles and found that most of them were sex crazed or worse. I tried to get into email and ended up in his, finding messages from strange people, exchanging the most perverse information with my husband. I was mortified! With everything else going on (my research on down syndrome anchored at the bottom of my screen, while filth starred at me), I started to cry. My daughter became scared and kept asking what was wrong. I tried to reassure her then, I took her upstairs and fell apart in the bathroom.
Of course, she told her dad that mom was in the bathroom crying and she couldn't get in. I didn't mean to fall apart in front of her. I couldn't even talk. How do you tell your five year old that mommy is sad because daddy has been dishonest? I had no words. My husband tried to get me to come out of the bathroom and once I gained my composure, I did emerge.
The next couple of hours were awful. He took blame, as well he should, while I conveyed to him my hurt and anger. My trust for him is gone and I always treasured that this was so strong in our relationship. After a while, I had no more words and he talked to me as he got ready for work. I prayed and fell asleep in mid prayer. Somehow, I rested without interruption.This morning, I typed him a two page letter of how I felt and my conditions, since I feel you can't throw away nearly 9 years of a relationship.
The phone rang as we were getting ready to leave for school and work. I didn't answer. I knew it was him and I didn't want to get caught up talking and be late. I rode to school with Zaura, watching the sun rise and marveling at how beautiful everything was, even though I felt so bad. After our 30 minute commute, I turned into the daycare parking lot to see my husband's car parked out front. We walked the little one in then sat in his car to talk. I could tell he'd been crying and he looked nearly as bad as I did. I spoke first, telling him what I'd written in my letter. He was in agreement and said he would do whatever he needed to do to regain my trust. Then, he talked, saying over and over again how wrong it was of him, but that he also needed to seek out help (since he didn't seem to be able to overcome this alone). Of course, that was also one of my conditions and I am totally standing firm to that. I sincerely can't do this again.
I've never dealt with infidelity on a cyber level before (my father cheated on my mother, but that was a flesh and blood mistake). I'm not sure how to deal with this. He hasn't physically touched anyone (and he confessed everything last night, so I know he hasn't) but there were a lot of things said in these messages that just floored me. I had no idea he had those kinds of thoughts. I knew he had a freaky side and I think I would have been fine with him expressing it with me, but with strangers and online? I don't know. I do, however, feel strong in my conviction that this is wrong and that something needs to be done, in order to salvage our relationship. I do love him and I know that he loves me, but you absolutely must have trust. Now, with this and the possibility of having a special needs child, I need prayers more than ever.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Friendly Gougers Always Make Money
I am in the process of coordinating my "hair braiding experience". What is that, you ask? Well, that will be me spending a small portion of my life in a chair, getting every possible strand of hair braided on my head. Due to the pregnancy, I am no longer relaxing my hair (to spare the baby of all those chemicals). Because of this, I am slowly returning to my natural state (think, Macy Gray). This look is perfectly fine for others, but it is not cute on me.
Anyway, in order to save face for the next few months (since my ponytails are completely out now, with my new growth coming in), I've opted to have my hair braided. I'm exciting and dreading it, both at the same time. The braids I want are micro in size and will, undoubtedly take hours away from my life. Once done, I know I will be happy but....oh! The hours and hours and hours. I'm not looking forward to that part at all!
So, what's with the gouging title? Well, Utah isn't exactly bursting at seams with folks who know how to do ethnic hair, much less braiding. I found a lady who is willing to do it without charging me a mortgage payment to do it. Unfortunately, it was the buying of the hair that killed me. Each package (and I bought two) were around $32.00. The entire time, I was thinking about the Korean shops back south, who sell the same hair for half that cost. I've never paid that much for a hair piece, much less a bag of hair. What the hell? Anyway, I bit the bullet and bought the dang hair, citing "support of black businesses" and such. Don't they realize, that's why their sales suffer? If we were smart, we would learn Mandarin or Cantonese and work with the distributors in those areas, then sell the hair for a decent price, while still making a profit. The person who finally does it will never be for want of anything. Believe that!
So, here are the styles I'm scoping. I think they'll be nice for the fall:
(I'm not sure which one I like better. They're pretty much the same, except the second photo shows the model with her micro braids pulled up.)
Thursday, August 04, 2005
The New Doctor Sees Me
Really. He sees me, unlike the last one. I was much happier with this visit than with the two visits I had with my previous doctor. He did ask me why I left the last one, then agreed that comfort was important and that if I ever felt like the communication wasn't good or I wasn't receiving the information I needed from him or anyone in his team, that I should switch again. I don't think I'll need to.
I had my visit on Tuesday, after leaving work at around 10ish to pick up the babe at daycare. We got to the office at around 10 minutes till and waited to be seen. The waiting room was just that: a waiting room. Not very appealing with very few magazines and all the chairs lined around the room facing one direction. I've never been in a waiting room quite like that one before. The babe colored while I watched the comings and goings of other patients. We were then seen in by my nurse, Shasta, who was pleasant and bubbly and weighed me without any conviction or judgment in her. It was great! We went to our examination room and filled out papers together and chatted about my history. She was enchanted with my daughter (score for this office!). The doctor came in a few minutes later, addressed my daughter, then talked to me about my status and so forth.
When he reached for the fetal Doppler and KY, applied the KY to my belly and added the Doppler. Boom. The baby's heartbeat right away. The babe was impressed. We then scheduled the ultrasound (yes, the big one) for August 31st. He said I could bring a video tape, if I wanted to record the event (heck yeah). My hubby is so excited and the babe has no idea. She will be totally blown away.
Yesterday was a pretty average day, but today hasn't been the greatest. Granted, it's gotten better. It started off with the daycare lady yelling for the babe, while I was there (she didn't know I was there). At any rate, it upset me terribly. I talked to anyone who would listen, then I talked to the manager. She was very understanding and helpful. I hope it doesn't lead to any backlash from the teacher. The babe only has a few weeks left there anyway.
Then, I was supposed to have a happy-go-lucky birthday lunch with one of my co-workers, when I got side-lined by work. I ended up going to the deli downstairs for hamburger and fries. They were all pretty good, but I would have rather have gone to Olive Garden.
Tonight, I just want to sleep and end the day. I'm done and want to be done with it; however, one good thing did come up. I think I found someone to do my hair. I'm going to have it braided so that I don't have to do anything to it for a while. When pregnant, the last thing you want to do is fuss over your hair. Granted, I wear pieces, but if you have a ten-foot fro, the pieces don't fit the best. I'll only be able to wear them for a few days longer before I really start to look crazy. The lady quoted good prices and asked me to figure out what I want. I will probably stop at B&N and pick up a few hair magazines to help. Then, when I buy the hair, I'll look at the hair book for more ideas.
The boy leaves tomorrow morning. Hooray! So, I do have something to look forward to (with the way the day was going, I was beginning to wonder).
I had my visit on Tuesday, after leaving work at around 10ish to pick up the babe at daycare. We got to the office at around 10 minutes till and waited to be seen. The waiting room was just that: a waiting room. Not very appealing with very few magazines and all the chairs lined around the room facing one direction. I've never been in a waiting room quite like that one before. The babe colored while I watched the comings and goings of other patients. We were then seen in by my nurse, Shasta, who was pleasant and bubbly and weighed me without any conviction or judgment in her. It was great! We went to our examination room and filled out papers together and chatted about my history. She was enchanted with my daughter (score for this office!). The doctor came in a few minutes later, addressed my daughter, then talked to me about my status and so forth.
When he reached for the fetal Doppler and KY, applied the KY to my belly and added the Doppler. Boom. The baby's heartbeat right away. The babe was impressed. We then scheduled the ultrasound (yes, the big one) for August 31st. He said I could bring a video tape, if I wanted to record the event (heck yeah). My hubby is so excited and the babe has no idea. She will be totally blown away.
Yesterday was a pretty average day, but today hasn't been the greatest. Granted, it's gotten better. It started off with the daycare lady yelling for the babe, while I was there (she didn't know I was there). At any rate, it upset me terribly. I talked to anyone who would listen, then I talked to the manager. She was very understanding and helpful. I hope it doesn't lead to any backlash from the teacher. The babe only has a few weeks left there anyway.
Then, I was supposed to have a happy-go-lucky birthday lunch with one of my co-workers, when I got side-lined by work. I ended up going to the deli downstairs for hamburger and fries. They were all pretty good, but I would have rather have gone to Olive Garden.
Tonight, I just want to sleep and end the day. I'm done and want to be done with it; however, one good thing did come up. I think I found someone to do my hair. I'm going to have it braided so that I don't have to do anything to it for a while. When pregnant, the last thing you want to do is fuss over your hair. Granted, I wear pieces, but if you have a ten-foot fro, the pieces don't fit the best. I'll only be able to wear them for a few days longer before I really start to look crazy. The lady quoted good prices and asked me to figure out what I want. I will probably stop at B&N and pick up a few hair magazines to help. Then, when I buy the hair, I'll look at the hair book for more ideas.
The boy leaves tomorrow morning. Hooray! So, I do have something to look forward to (with the way the day was going, I was beginning to wonder).
Friday, July 29, 2005
Little Round Woman
That's what my hubby calls me, now. I wonder if when he says it and we're in public, people understand it's a term of endearment and not some condescending put-down of his pregnant wife. It's really cute, actually. I mean, that's what I am right now: a little round woman all of 62 inches tall and a belly moving into it's own zip code. He keeps stopping at Motherhood Maternity when we're in the mall. Their clearance rack seems to change every week and he's always searching for something new to get me. He's such an awesome guy, I gotta tell you. four new dresses in the past two weeks.
I wore one of those dresses yesterday - a coral colored one piece with an empire waist, lightly flowered bodice and a tie in the back. My coworker brought her 3 month old daughter into the office and after having a giggle, she spit up all over me. She and her husband began apologizing profusely while I just continued to cuddle and play with her. I told them that I knew the game and it didn't bother me. Her husband was like, "But that's so gross!" Of course, I tore off the dress as soon as I got home and took a shower. An hour in the car smelling like hot, regurgitated Enfamil is not my idea of fun.
Today, my hubby wouldn't get up (damn, the irony. The phone just rang and it was him!) He normally gets up at four, gets ready and is out of the door by five. At a quarter to six, he was still snoring and barely stirring when I'd touch him. I asked him, "Why are you sleeping so much? It's worrying me." Actually, he's had insomnia for the past couple of days, so this is probably needed sleep...worthy of a "call in" to the office, I'd say (which is what he's getting ready to do, now at eight in the morning). I hope he gets the rest he needs today and takes a bit of a break. He really, really needs one. He's been working those manic overtime hours and now he's training for a show. No wonder he was sleeping like the dead!
I have my first appointment with my new doctor next week. I tried to call the office earlier this week to see if they had my records. The first lady on the phone sounded totally clueless and I wasn't quite sure if she was a receptionist or an answering service. She then told me no one was there, which was strange at nearly nine in the morning. Finally, I think she understood what I needed and sent me to the medical records office. They told me that once they have the records they send them to the doctor, so she had no way of knowing if they'd come in or not. All I want is to be sure they have them so that when I see him, it's not a blank for him or me. I think I'll try again in the later morning. Perhaps specific doctor's assistants aren't there until certain times. I really don't want this to be a bust like the last doctor. I don't think I can go through this again.
The brother-in-law's ticket home was purchased last night. He will be leaving Friday the 5th (not soon enough, if you ask me). All of a sudden, all the food hubby has purchased for his dear pregnant wife has started to disappear. I was all geared up to eat the sausage biscuits he bought for me and low an behold they were gone! Gone, I tells yah! Not only that, there is only one Long John Silver's here in this state and it's located smack downtown (where I never venture). My mother took me to lunch there on Wednesday, she bought me hush puppies to take home (twelve come in a box). When I got home last night, there were two left. TWO! I was so livid! Then, the brother-in-law tried to perpetrate like he didn't know what I was talking about. Then, he just got up and left. Now, I admit. I don't know a great deal about fourteen year olds, but don't most people own up to something when they know they're wrong, especially when they've been caught red-handed? There's nothing else to do, in my opinion. Well, he's got a lot to learn about being a man and owning up to his responsibilities. No one is perfect, but at least own up, you know?
My hubby is at his limits too. His space is being compromised and he's ready to kill that boy. He's been nice to have for a visit, but it's time for him to go home. I think he's ready to go home too because, I believe his mother allows him to do whatever he wants and our structured environment is too limiting for him (as structured as our environment is). She also enables him, and I refuse to do that with someone who will be a grown man in just a few short years.
TGIF! No plans for the weekend and that doesn't bother me in the least.
I wore one of those dresses yesterday - a coral colored one piece with an empire waist, lightly flowered bodice and a tie in the back. My coworker brought her 3 month old daughter into the office and after having a giggle, she spit up all over me. She and her husband began apologizing profusely while I just continued to cuddle and play with her. I told them that I knew the game and it didn't bother me. Her husband was like, "But that's so gross!" Of course, I tore off the dress as soon as I got home and took a shower. An hour in the car smelling like hot, regurgitated Enfamil is not my idea of fun.
Today, my hubby wouldn't get up (damn, the irony. The phone just rang and it was him!) He normally gets up at four, gets ready and is out of the door by five. At a quarter to six, he was still snoring and barely stirring when I'd touch him. I asked him, "Why are you sleeping so much? It's worrying me." Actually, he's had insomnia for the past couple of days, so this is probably needed sleep...worthy of a "call in" to the office, I'd say (which is what he's getting ready to do, now at eight in the morning). I hope he gets the rest he needs today and takes a bit of a break. He really, really needs one. He's been working those manic overtime hours and now he's training for a show. No wonder he was sleeping like the dead!
I have my first appointment with my new doctor next week. I tried to call the office earlier this week to see if they had my records. The first lady on the phone sounded totally clueless and I wasn't quite sure if she was a receptionist or an answering service. She then told me no one was there, which was strange at nearly nine in the morning. Finally, I think she understood what I needed and sent me to the medical records office. They told me that once they have the records they send them to the doctor, so she had no way of knowing if they'd come in or not. All I want is to be sure they have them so that when I see him, it's not a blank for him or me. I think I'll try again in the later morning. Perhaps specific doctor's assistants aren't there until certain times. I really don't want this to be a bust like the last doctor. I don't think I can go through this again.
The brother-in-law's ticket home was purchased last night. He will be leaving Friday the 5th (not soon enough, if you ask me). All of a sudden, all the food hubby has purchased for his dear pregnant wife has started to disappear. I was all geared up to eat the sausage biscuits he bought for me and low an behold they were gone! Gone, I tells yah! Not only that, there is only one Long John Silver's here in this state and it's located smack downtown (where I never venture). My mother took me to lunch there on Wednesday, she bought me hush puppies to take home (twelve come in a box). When I got home last night, there were two left. TWO! I was so livid! Then, the brother-in-law tried to perpetrate like he didn't know what I was talking about. Then, he just got up and left. Now, I admit. I don't know a great deal about fourteen year olds, but don't most people own up to something when they know they're wrong, especially when they've been caught red-handed? There's nothing else to do, in my opinion. Well, he's got a lot to learn about being a man and owning up to his responsibilities. No one is perfect, but at least own up, you know?
My hubby is at his limits too. His space is being compromised and he's ready to kill that boy. He's been nice to have for a visit, but it's time for him to go home. I think he's ready to go home too because, I believe his mother allows him to do whatever he wants and our structured environment is too limiting for him (as structured as our environment is). She also enables him, and I refuse to do that with someone who will be a grown man in just a few short years.
TGIF! No plans for the weekend and that doesn't bother me in the least.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Pioneer Day
Pioneer Day
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
Pioneer Day is a holiday celebrated on July 24 in the U.S. state of Utah, with some celebrations in regions of surrounding states originally settled by Mormon pioneers. It commemorates the entry of Brigham Young and the first group of Mormon Pioneers into the Salt Lake Valley on July 24, 1847, where the Latter-day Saints settled after being forced from Nauvoo, Illinois and other locations in the Eastern United States. Parades, fireworks, rodeos and other festivities help commemorate the event.
In addition to being an official holiday in Utah, Pioneer Day is considered a special occasion by many members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. On Pioneer Day, some Latter-day Saints walk portions of the Mormon Trail or reenact entering the Salt Lake Valley by handcart. Even Latter-day Saints outside of the US occasionally sing Mormon folk music around July 24 in remembrance of the pioneer era.
We are not Mormon, so we do not do the parades and such on this holiday; however, we had no problem shooting off loads of fireworks last night. It was big fun at my house! The weather was perfect (around 80) with a strong wind (which made lighting the fireworks somewhat difficult), but the show was terrific. I watched my husband and brother-in-law light and run for about an hour. My daughter had a blast and was thoroughly exhausted this morning, when I tried to wake her for school, "No mommy. I don't wanna go to school," sound familiar?
Saturday, we went to see Charley and the Chocolate Factory. I liked it and thought it had it's own, unique charm. Johnny Depp was great and, like any Tim Burton film, there was a darkness and sadness to this one as his others, which didn't take away from its charm. The babe loved it, but had nightmares that night as a result of some of the imagery. I tell yah, a kid's imagination.
Hubby is preparing for another body building show. He's preparing, but I don't know if he'll actually do it. He always weenies out of it and I'm not sure why. He'll train and train and then he'll say,"Oh, I've got so much going on," or "I'm not cut enough," or "I don't think I'll make the weight category I want." Why all the excuses? Beats me. It's not like he doesn't have the confidence and it's not like he can't do it, and it's not like he hasn't won before. I think he expects so much of himself, then feels like not participating is easier to deal with then letting himself down. He's afraid to take the chance, even with all the support from family and friends. I hope he doesn't weenie out this time. I've threatened to mail in the paper work with a forged signature if he doesn't get his act together and just do it. He lives for fitness...it's his dream! I want him to go for it and I know that he can. If you had the opportunity to embrace your dreams, wouldn't you do it?
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
Pioneer Day is a holiday celebrated on July 24 in the U.S. state of Utah, with some celebrations in regions of surrounding states originally settled by Mormon pioneers. It commemorates the entry of Brigham Young and the first group of Mormon Pioneers into the Salt Lake Valley on July 24, 1847, where the Latter-day Saints settled after being forced from Nauvoo, Illinois and other locations in the Eastern United States. Parades, fireworks, rodeos and other festivities help commemorate the event.
In addition to being an official holiday in Utah, Pioneer Day is considered a special occasion by many members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. On Pioneer Day, some Latter-day Saints walk portions of the Mormon Trail or reenact entering the Salt Lake Valley by handcart. Even Latter-day Saints outside of the US occasionally sing Mormon folk music around July 24 in remembrance of the pioneer era.
We are not Mormon, so we do not do the parades and such on this holiday; however, we had no problem shooting off loads of fireworks last night. It was big fun at my house! The weather was perfect (around 80) with a strong wind (which made lighting the fireworks somewhat difficult), but the show was terrific. I watched my husband and brother-in-law light and run for about an hour. My daughter had a blast and was thoroughly exhausted this morning, when I tried to wake her for school, "No mommy. I don't wanna go to school," sound familiar?
Saturday, we went to see Charley and the Chocolate Factory. I liked it and thought it had it's own, unique charm. Johnny Depp was great and, like any Tim Burton film, there was a darkness and sadness to this one as his others, which didn't take away from its charm. The babe loved it, but had nightmares that night as a result of some of the imagery. I tell yah, a kid's imagination.
Hubby is preparing for another body building show. He's preparing, but I don't know if he'll actually do it. He always weenies out of it and I'm not sure why. He'll train and train and then he'll say,"Oh, I've got so much going on," or "I'm not cut enough," or "I don't think I'll make the weight category I want." Why all the excuses? Beats me. It's not like he doesn't have the confidence and it's not like he can't do it, and it's not like he hasn't won before. I think he expects so much of himself, then feels like not participating is easier to deal with then letting himself down. He's afraid to take the chance, even with all the support from family and friends. I hope he doesn't weenie out this time. I've threatened to mail in the paper work with a forged signature if he doesn't get his act together and just do it. He lives for fitness...it's his dream! I want him to go for it and I know that he can. If you had the opportunity to embrace your dreams, wouldn't you do it?
Friday, July 22, 2005
Friday, with No End in Site
It's just been dragging and dragging today, where yesterday went by at the speed of light! I hoped for the same today, but no such luck. I keep saying, "All I want to do is go home and go to sleep, " but it never happens. I am getting to bed on time, now so I guess that's good.
Last night, I was rewatching Kill Bill Vol.2 and I got to the scene where "The Bride" and Elle Driver are having their bitch-fight in the trailer and the disc started stuttering on me. Oh! I hate when that happens. I took it out wiped off any possible traces of finger prints, inspected the disc for scratches and put the disc back in. No luck. I ended up skipping to the last chapter where Bill and Beatrix have their battle. The movie was great, but I hate that I missed that part. Oh, well.
I think I'll take the little one to see Charley and the Chocolate Factory, since she's been begging us for the past few weeks (when the trailers started airing). Everyone that I know that has seen it, says they really like it.
I'm running out of things to talk about, can you tell? It's just so booorrrrinnnggg right now. It was so busy all week, and now this. I can only gather that many people have headed out for the holiday (Utah holiday on Monday). But, we have staffers (more than a few) across the country who don't celebrate the holiday. What gives? Hopefully, I'll have more to share in the next few days. At least more interesting than this babble. The baby is fine and all is well. Happy weekend!
Last night, I was rewatching Kill Bill Vol.2 and I got to the scene where "The Bride" and Elle Driver are having their bitch-fight in the trailer and the disc started stuttering on me. Oh! I hate when that happens. I took it out wiped off any possible traces of finger prints, inspected the disc for scratches and put the disc back in. No luck. I ended up skipping to the last chapter where Bill and Beatrix have their battle. The movie was great, but I hate that I missed that part. Oh, well.
I think I'll take the little one to see Charley and the Chocolate Factory, since she's been begging us for the past few weeks (when the trailers started airing). Everyone that I know that has seen it, says they really like it.
I'm running out of things to talk about, can you tell? It's just so booorrrrinnnggg right now. It was so busy all week, and now this. I can only gather that many people have headed out for the holiday (Utah holiday on Monday). But, we have staffers (more than a few) across the country who don't celebrate the holiday. What gives? Hopefully, I'll have more to share in the next few days. At least more interesting than this babble. The baby is fine and all is well. Happy weekend!
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Back Woes
My hubby purchased me a Dr. Scholl's back cushion that worked beautifully this weekend in his car (cigarette lighter adapter), but didn't come with a regular AC adapter. So today, I made a pit-stop to Wally world and picked up an adapter. I got to work, plug in all the necessary plugs and tips and what happens? Absolutely nothing. What a bummer! I was really looking forward to using it, since now my back is starting to twinge like crazy (pregnant/baby stuff, yah know). Anyway, I wanted to be vibrating to happiness today, but no such luck. Looks like I'm going to have to go to Best Buy or Circuit City and buy a $30.00 adapter, just to get this sucker working.
Last night, we watched Constantine. We had wanted to see it at the movie theaters, but missed it. I thought (never having read the comics) that it was a very entertaining and dark film and I hope that they continue with the franchise. It reminded me, in some ways, of Prophesy, Christopher Walken. They run in the same vein, as far as being stories about God's chosen and how they effect the regular and spiritual world.
It's Wednesday and I'm glad the week isn't dragging by like last week. A nice treat is that I'll be doing the "lunch thing" for the remainder of the week. Lunch at my favorite Chinese restaurant today, a lunch meeting tomorrow and lunch at my second favorite Chinese restaurant on Friday. Cool! I'm going to turn into Chinese chicken, I just know it!
Last night, we watched Constantine. We had wanted to see it at the movie theaters, but missed it. I thought (never having read the comics) that it was a very entertaining and dark film and I hope that they continue with the franchise. It reminded me, in some ways, of Prophesy, Christopher Walken. They run in the same vein, as far as being stories about God's chosen and how they effect the regular and spiritual world.
It's Wednesday and I'm glad the week isn't dragging by like last week. A nice treat is that I'll be doing the "lunch thing" for the remainder of the week. Lunch at my favorite Chinese restaurant today, a lunch meeting tomorrow and lunch at my second favorite Chinese restaurant on Friday. Cool! I'm going to turn into Chinese chicken, I just know it!
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Rumbling Tummy
It's been doing it ever since I woke up this morning. I just ate breakfast, so hopefully it will settle down in a few minutes. It's weird! It's never felt like this before. Kinda gassy, but kinda pukey at the same time. I've been eating a pasta salad with mystery contents, so perhaps that's why my stomach is rebelling. That should be long gone by now, but who knows.
I just discovered that I still do not have my registration tags yet for my car. I renewed back in April and got the little temporary deal, but never got my tags. Too weird! I'll be calling them today. I've been getting tailed lately and I couldn't figure out why (besides the obvious). But, this is definitely much more than normal. So, at lunch yesterday, I walked out to my car and saw that my sticker still says "4/05". Not good. The temporary thing expired on 4/30. How'd I miss that? Well, vacation was coming up and all kinds of weirdness like missing my period and stuff. It's no wonder I didn't think about it again. I just new I had paid like I do every year. I hope they don't give me grief about it.
[brief pause]
Oh, great! I just called a student who was asleep. I thought she was Eastern time, but maybe she gets a late start. Boy, do I feel bad. Luckily, she wasn't grumpy. She could have cussed me out and I totally would have deserved it. Yikes!
Next Monday is an observed Utah holiday. Normally, it's a work day but, I'm going to have to take off because the babe's daycare is closed. Dad has to work, my mother has to work, everyone I know has to work. I asked if I could work from home, but my boss didn't seem to keen on that. He just said take the day and enjoy! So, I guess I will. It will be a nice little break, but I hope it doesn't hurt my maternity leave. I don't think it will.
Other than that, nothing exciting happening. Still getting round. Again, I hope my belly settles. It seems to be feeling better already. No more mystery pasta salad for me.
I just discovered that I still do not have my registration tags yet for my car. I renewed back in April and got the little temporary deal, but never got my tags. Too weird! I'll be calling them today. I've been getting tailed lately and I couldn't figure out why (besides the obvious). But, this is definitely much more than normal. So, at lunch yesterday, I walked out to my car and saw that my sticker still says "4/05". Not good. The temporary thing expired on 4/30. How'd I miss that? Well, vacation was coming up and all kinds of weirdness like missing my period and stuff. It's no wonder I didn't think about it again. I just new I had paid like I do every year. I hope they don't give me grief about it.
Oh, great! I just called a student who was asleep. I thought she was Eastern time, but maybe she gets a late start. Boy, do I feel bad. Luckily, she wasn't grumpy. She could have cussed me out and I totally would have deserved it. Yikes!
Next Monday is an observed Utah holiday. Normally, it's a work day but, I'm going to have to take off because the babe's daycare is closed. Dad has to work, my mother has to work, everyone I know has to work. I asked if I could work from home, but my boss didn't seem to keen on that. He just said take the day and enjoy! So, I guess I will. It will be a nice little break, but I hope it doesn't hurt my maternity leave. I don't think it will.
Other than that, nothing exciting happening. Still getting round. Again, I hope my belly settles. It seems to be feeling better already. No more mystery pasta salad for me.
Friday, July 15, 2005
Am I Too Sensitive?
I feel so emotional these days. Everything seems to affect me, even though I may not show it. The other day, one of my co-workers came over to say hi. (She had her first child in May). Anyway, the baby isn't doing well and ended up going to the children's hospital for an overnight stay. She was so stressed out over it that she started to cry right here. I comforted her as best I could, but I totally know how she felt. I've been there. When my babe had RSV at four months, it nearly killed me. The "Super Mom" syndrome kicks in and you think you can take care of everything yourself but really, you can't. Oh, and no one can tell you otherwise. You just continue to take on the world until you inevitably crack. I told my coworker not to let it get to that point and to come talk whenever she felt like it because at least she wouldn't feel like she was doing it alone.
I've changed my practitioner, too. I've had funny vibes about her and received confirmation of those vibes on Tuesday when I had my second visit. First, I felt like I was in an assembly line for the bathroom, when it came time to do the urine sample. The nurse wouldn't speak up or speak clearly, so I didn't even know what she was saying. Finally, when I got in the room and the doctor appeared, she didn't even acknowledge my daughter being there. I had to say, "Z, say hello to the doctor," before the doctor would even said anything to her. The final straw was when she pulled out the machine to listen to the baby's heart beat. She couldn't find it right away and when she couldn't she said, "Wow, this is a bad baby." I kid you not! I was so euphoric about hearing the baby's hear beat (finally), that I didn't let all of this sink in until much later. Than, I tossed and turned and worried about it all night. I don't want to be "just another patient" despite the fact that I've done this before. I need to feel like I'm important and that my baby is important. Even thinking about it now makes me want to cry.
The next day, I called my girlfriend (who recently had a baby) and asked her who her OB/GYN was. She told me his name and that he works here in Salt Lake, but I want someone in my neighborhood. She then told me about her friend who just worshipped her OB and he works in the city where I live, but my friend didn't know his name. She said she'd call her friend and ask her, than call me later that day (she never did. I began to panic).
Yesterday, she calls back with his name and a huge apology about waiting entirely too long to call me back (I didn't mention that she could have left a message, but you know...whatever). I called the doctor's office and asked if he was taking any new, pregnancy patients. Fortunately, he is. I called my now former doctor's office and asked that they send over my records. God, I hope he turns out to be good. I don't think I could go through this again, not with the state of mind I'm in. It's weird because it's like having PMS or something. You can feel yourself falling into these emotional pits in fact, you can almost see yourself doing it but you have no control. You bawl, bitch or lose it without any means of stopping yourself. And I've got 7 more months of this craziness? God bless my poor husband and child.
I've changed my practitioner, too. I've had funny vibes about her and received confirmation of those vibes on Tuesday when I had my second visit. First, I felt like I was in an assembly line for the bathroom, when it came time to do the urine sample. The nurse wouldn't speak up or speak clearly, so I didn't even know what she was saying. Finally, when I got in the room and the doctor appeared, she didn't even acknowledge my daughter being there. I had to say, "Z, say hello to the doctor," before the doctor would even said anything to her. The final straw was when she pulled out the machine to listen to the baby's heart beat. She couldn't find it right away and when she couldn't she said, "Wow, this is a bad baby." I kid you not! I was so euphoric about hearing the baby's hear beat (finally), that I didn't let all of this sink in until much later. Than, I tossed and turned and worried about it all night. I don't want to be "just another patient" despite the fact that I've done this before. I need to feel like I'm important and that my baby is important. Even thinking about it now makes me want to cry.
The next day, I called my girlfriend (who recently had a baby) and asked her who her OB/GYN was. She told me his name and that he works here in Salt Lake, but I want someone in my neighborhood. She then told me about her friend who just worshipped her OB and he works in the city where I live, but my friend didn't know his name. She said she'd call her friend and ask her, than call me later that day (she never did. I began to panic).
Yesterday, she calls back with his name and a huge apology about waiting entirely too long to call me back (I didn't mention that she could have left a message, but you know...whatever). I called the doctor's office and asked if he was taking any new, pregnancy patients. Fortunately, he is. I called my now former doctor's office and asked that they send over my records. God, I hope he turns out to be good. I don't think I could go through this again, not with the state of mind I'm in. It's weird because it's like having PMS or something. You can feel yourself falling into these emotional pits in fact, you can almost see yourself doing it but you have no control. You bawl, bitch or lose it without any means of stopping yourself. And I've got 7 more months of this craziness? God bless my poor husband and child.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Wedding Bell Blues
Let me start off by saying, the wedding ceremony was absolutely beautiful! It couldn't have gone better and I'm sure the pictures will turn out great. It was the reception that somehow became a disaster (I suppose it could have been worse, but I'll start from the beginning).
Thursday - We arose at around 4 and left the house by 4:30 am for the airport. My daughter was excited to arrive at the airport, then crushed to hear that she wouldn't be riding on the airplane. I felt horrible. I checked in and quickly found my way to the security line, kissed the babe and hubby goodbye then headed to my gate. My plane left at approximately 6:22 am MST. I arrived at Chicago O'Hare at approximately 10:30 am CST. My next flight wasn't due to leave until 12:30, so I found a McDonald's and had some breakfast.
My flight from Chicago to Nashville was super fast. I fell asleep (which I never do on planes) and when I woke up, we were making our "final approach" to Nashville. Once I landed, I headed to the Thrifty counter to grab my car and low and behold, they upgraded me. Woohoo! I make my way to the space where my car is housed and, wouldn't you know it? It's a 2005 Mitsubishi, Galant...the same make and model as my hubby's car. Oh, how I missed him! Down the highway I went in search of my hotel. I checked in, dumped my stuff and took a nap. (Boy, did I need it!) Later, I awakened, called my dad and he came over to chat. I also called my best friend, to let her know that I had arrived. She called me back later and made plans for dinner with me.
We met at O'Charley's at around 8:30 for dinner. I had the appetizer combo and a virgin, strawberry daiquiri. Yum! I couldn't even finish it! It was so good. We chatted and had a really good time. Then, I followed her to her apartment to drop off my car. We then rode out to Wally world and grabbed a few items. Afterwards, we went to her mother's house and hung out with her for about an hour. I called my hubby. 11:45 pm CST and I was bushed! I told my girlfriend I was ready to go, so we headed back to her apartment. I grabbed my car and drove back to the hotel and crashed. It was a very long day.
Friday - I awoke at around 7 am and showered. I wasn't the least bit hungry, which totally surprised me. At 8ish, I called my sorority sister to make lunch plans. Afterwards, I dressed and took off for the hair shop where I purchased a new Zury compact (in Tender Brown), fabulous lipstick, glosses and hair balls for the babe and body glitter.
Thursday - We arose at around 4 and left the house by 4:30 am for the airport. My daughter was excited to arrive at the airport, then crushed to hear that she wouldn't be riding on the airplane. I felt horrible. I checked in and quickly found my way to the security line, kissed the babe and hubby goodbye then headed to my gate. My plane left at approximately 6:22 am MST. I arrived at Chicago O'Hare at approximately 10:30 am CST. My next flight wasn't due to leave until 12:30, so I found a McDonald's and had some breakfast.
My flight from Chicago to Nashville was super fast. I fell asleep (which I never do on planes) and when I woke up, we were making our "final approach" to Nashville. Once I landed, I headed to the Thrifty counter to grab my car and low and behold, they upgraded me. Woohoo! I make my way to the space where my car is housed and, wouldn't you know it? It's a 2005 Mitsubishi, Galant...the same make and model as my hubby's car. Oh, how I missed him! Down the highway I went in search of my hotel. I checked in, dumped my stuff and took a nap. (Boy, did I need it!) Later, I awakened, called my dad and he came over to chat. I also called my best friend, to let her know that I had arrived. She called me back later and made plans for dinner with me.
We met at O'Charley's at around 8:30 for dinner. I had the appetizer combo and a virgin, strawberry daiquiri. Yum! I couldn't even finish it! It was so good. We chatted and had a really good time. Then, I followed her to her apartment to drop off my car. We then rode out to Wally world and grabbed a few items. Afterwards, we went to her mother's house and hung out with her for about an hour. I called my hubby. 11:45 pm CST and I was bushed! I told my girlfriend I was ready to go, so we headed back to her apartment. I grabbed my car and drove back to the hotel and crashed. It was a very long day.
Friday - I awoke at around 7 am and showered. I wasn't the least bit hungry, which totally surprised me. At 8ish, I called my sorority sister to make lunch plans. Afterwards, I dressed and took off for the hair shop where I purchased a new Zury compact (in Tender Brown), fabulous lipstick, glosses and hair balls for the babe and body glitter.
I then headed for Kroger to pick up my mother's Aunt Jemima grits that she wanted. They didn't have them. So, I headed to H.G. Hill's where they had two packages left (one was leaking). I bought the grits and a bottle of water and waited five minutes before heading across the stree to O'Charley's for lunch. Once there, I waited about fifteen minutes for my sorority sisters (CP time). They arrived and we had a blast! I had the corn chowder and half a club sandwhich. I also had another virgin, strawberry daiquri. Yum! After I left, I headed down the road to survey the area. It appeared that I could get to my best friend's church by way of a side road, rather than taking the highway. I pondered this, but ended up going back to the hotel, grabbing my change of clothes, then jumping on the highway. Road construction slowed traffic down to a crawl. I barely made it on time. Luckily, they hadn't started yet.
It was at this point that I finally met the bride's future husband. I had only seen pictures and heard about him through her. He seemed nice, pleasant. But, we didn't have a lot of time to talk. The rehearsal began and we worked on two walk throughs...which took two hours (Lord knows why). We went downstairs for the rehearsal dinner, which consisted of Mrs. Winner's chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans and biscuits. I made myself quite welcome to the potatoes and about three glasses of their sweet tea. I then followed the girls to their hotel room, changed for the bachelorette party, then headed downtown to the Red Iguana/Wanna B's. It was basically a honky tonk...which surprised four little black girls without a clue. We went in (all eyes on us), found a table at the front of the stage and proceeded to have a really great time (despite all the country music). The bride belted out "Who's Bed have your Boots Been Under". Later, three of us braved the stage and sang, "Stop! In the Name of Love". We left at around 1:45 am. I took the inebreated girls back to their hotel room, then headed back to my own. It was 2:30 when I got there and couldn't settle down to go to sleep. "Why can't I sleep," I kept wondering. I was tired...exhausted, really and I just couldn't go to sleep. Then, it dawned on me. The tea! Full of caffeine. No wonder I couldn't sleep. It was around 3 ish when I finally dozed off.
Saturday - I awakened (believe it or not) at 7:30 (I know...totally crazy). I took a shower and called in my breakfast order to the Waffel House (yum!). I had a waffle, bacon and an order of grits. They were all divine. I later took off to another hair shop and purchased my sister a new pony (and one for me), pony tail holders, a brush, and some ghetto fabulous shorts for my hubby. With 20 minutes till I needed to be at the church, I rushed back to the hotel, fixed my hair, grabbed my dress, and headed back out to the church. I was five minutes late and not everyone was there. I calmed down. We dressed and made ourselves look extra glamourous (yep! I actually put on make up). Everyone said you couldn't even tell I was pregnant. Amazing! Again, the ceremony was beautiful. The groom was sweating bullets through the entire service. I found this odd, considering the bride was wearing about 20lbs worth of dress and was cool as a cucumber. After the wedding, a white limo spirited the bride and groom off to the reception hall. Then, one came for the remainder of the wedding party. We arrived, lined up and were announced inside the hall. Dinner was served and the groom took off. It seems the best man got lost and got so frustrated that he told the groom that he wasn't coming. This set in motion the tone for the entire evening: the bride sitting by herself through most of the reception, while the groom pleaded for the best man to see reason (over his cell phone in the lobby). I was so irritated for her and even more irritated to see the groom's mother flitting around all over the place, getting into everyone's business. I just wanted her to sit down somewhere and shut-up! Once the evening concluded, the bride and groom were again spirited off in the limo, this time to the Union Station hotel for their romantic honeymoon evening. The bridesmaids went back to the church, changed, then went home (I can't tell you how happy I was to get out of that dress!).
I got back to the room and called my high school girlfriend. We met for dinner at (you guessed it!) O'Charley's. Since I'd pretty much filled up on meatballs at the recption, I had the artichoke dip appetizer and chicken harvest soup (along with O'Charley's fabulous yeast rolls) and my last virigin, strawberry daiquri. We had great conversation and I got to meet her two, adorable daughters. We dined and chatted till around 9:30 when we finally called it an evening. I didn't go back to the hotel room right away. Instead, I rode by mine and hubby's old apartment (when we were first married. Bad idea. I ended up being swamped with so many memories that I just burst into tears. I had to pull the car over because I was crying so much that I couldn't see the road. It was awful. All I wanted then was to go home. I missed my hubby and my little girl. Who knew! I thought surely I'd want to stay longer. Oh, no. I was ready to leave and be back in the arms of my wonderful husband. I really, really missed him.
Sunday - I awakended at 4:00 am (30 minutes before the alarm went off). I showered, finished packing, checked out of my hotel, jumped in the car and headed for the airport. I dropped off my car and checked into the airport. My plane arrived about an hour later and I was off and away to the Ft.Worth/Dallas airport. I slept the entire flight. My next flight was the same way. Off to sleep I went (it must be the pregnancy). I woke up once for a drink, then back to sleep. When we arrived, I was picked up by my sister. We chatted the whole ride home and when we got there, (to my absolute delight) my hubby was there. He was working on the yard, came in shortly there after and cuddled with his wife and daughter. What a glorious afternoon!
Friday, July 01, 2005
Happy Independence Day
But, are we really? No. I'm not going to get deep...too tired. It's been kind of a lazy day today...not too busy here at work and the day is just dragging, dragging, dragging by. We went to a coworker's house for lunch and sat on her patio till almost two. I thought surely that diversion would help speed up the time, but alas. It is still an hour from quitting time for me.
I've had a nagging headache all day. I actually got some perfume (my favorite, KL) to spray out of the atomizer and it smelled lovely, but I think this same loveliness is what is giving me this blasted headache (and I rarely get headaches). That's the only thing I've done differently today. I also retouched my hair with new Dark and Lovely Botanical Relaxer one I've not used before. I can't imagine that's what's giving me my headache, since I retouched my hair a month ago with no troubles. Who knows. I'm glad I'm documenting this so, if in four weeks I do my retouch and another headache comes back, I have a reference. And of course, no one has any tylenol. Plenty of Ibu floating around, though.
Tomorrow, we're supposed to go to my mother's for a BBQ. It will be the first time I've been back to my mother's (officially) since the incident in February. I'm glad to be going, but I'll probably sit in a corner and make sure not to "rock the boat" even a smidgeon. She wants us to bring the dog, so that will make it a very full house indeed (a great dane and a rottweiler chasing each other around the house. What fun!).
Oh, will this day ever end?! I found myself philosophying over an ion hair dryer a moment ago. I've gotta get out of here! If only my boss would just say, "Take off. It's the holidays. Have fun." Yeah, that's likely to happen.
I've still been enjoying my Miami Vice episodes. They are so good! Last night, the one I saw was entitled, Give a Little, Take a Little. It involved Gina and Trudy in a prostitute/drug take down. Gina got in way too deep and ended up sleeping with a crime boss. He was evil, greasy and hairy...a deadly combination. She had a moment with Trudy and Crockett towards the end. Talk about going above and beyond the call of duty!
Okay, so I can only type so much before I bore everyone to tears. I'll try to find something else to get into for the next 45 minutes or so. Happy fourth!
Monday, June 27, 2005
Saving for a Flying Day
I broke down and purchased my airline tickets this weekend. It was terrible! I've never paid so much for airline tickets before. I suppose I should just be grateful they weren't more than what they were (over $400). The car rental was easy and inexpensive, thank goodness. I already had my hotel arrangements, so everything is finally done. In fact, today is the day my dress is supposed to be ready. Won't it be interesting, trying it on now!
Hooray! I'm so happy that the funding for PBS came through. I actually wrote my congressman and expressed my distress over the proposal last week. It was good to see that the public was heard and congress restored the funding. There's so much garbage on t.v. these days that I really worried about what my daughter would watch (during those times when she is allowed to watch t.v.). She has video tapes and DVDs, but they get reptitive. In the morning, the easiest thing to do (after all the chores are done and she's eating her morning snack) is to turn on PBS Kids and have Arthur or Clifford on. Good quality shows, where I know she'll actually learn something while being entertained. Again, I am thrilled the programming is sticking around.
The weekend was good. I saw Batman Begins yesterday and was utterly impressed. I've always liked Christian Bale, but he was superb in this opening to the new franchise. Hooray for good actors and writers! I don't think that the Quatro Fantasticos (The Fantastic Four)will be up to this caliber, but should be entertaining enough. I'll go to see that as well.
I thought I saw my stomach move yesterday, when I felt some flutters. Are they turning into real kicks already? It might be a bit early or it could have been a muscle twitch, but it was sure cool to see.
Hooray! I'm so happy that the funding for PBS came through. I actually wrote my congressman and expressed my distress over the proposal last week. It was good to see that the public was heard and congress restored the funding. There's so much garbage on t.v. these days that I really worried about what my daughter would watch (during those times when she is allowed to watch t.v.). She has video tapes and DVDs, but they get reptitive. In the morning, the easiest thing to do (after all the chores are done and she's eating her morning snack) is to turn on PBS Kids and have Arthur or Clifford on. Good quality shows, where I know she'll actually learn something while being entertained. Again, I am thrilled the programming is sticking around.
The weekend was good. I saw Batman Begins yesterday and was utterly impressed. I've always liked Christian Bale, but he was superb in this opening to the new franchise. Hooray for good actors and writers! I don't think that the Quatro Fantasticos (The Fantastic Four)will be up to this caliber, but should be entertaining enough. I'll go to see that as well.
I thought I saw my stomach move yesterday, when I felt some flutters. Are they turning into real kicks already? It might be a bit early or it could have been a muscle twitch, but it was sure cool to see.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Why can't I find a decent price?!
It's been days of checking, checking and rechecking with no success. I'm supposed to be in Nashville in two weeks, and I cannot for the life of me find a RT less than a king's ransom. What is going on? What's crazy is that just last year, I managed to snag a great flight for my girlfriend (the same girlfriend I, myself am going to see). It's making me nuts! I've got one more day before I'm officially pushing it. I'll be on the computer tonight, checking on rates and praying to God that I don't have to hock any jewelry to go. What a mess! I've been looking since late April with no luck at all. I'd say I wasn't mean to go but, dammit...I've already bought my dress! Fitting or not, I'm going to be there. Perky or not, I'm going to be there (and I guess broke or desolate, I'm going to be there).
The roundness factor increases daily and the nausea is kind of there, but not really. It's still not like my first pregnancy. I'm thinking that I want to go swimming today, but I'm not sure if I'll have the energy to keep up with my totally hyper daughter. Maybe I'll wait until tomorrow night. I know I don't want to go on the weekend because everybody and their granddad will be there.
I'll keep hoping for a miracle with these tickets. I really don't want to pay over $300, but it's looking more and more like I'm going to have to. I'll keep checking, and checking and praying.
The roundness factor increases daily and the nausea is kind of there, but not really. It's still not like my first pregnancy. I'm thinking that I want to go swimming today, but I'm not sure if I'll have the energy to keep up with my totally hyper daughter. Maybe I'll wait until tomorrow night. I know I don't want to go on the weekend because everybody and their granddad will be there.
I'll keep hoping for a miracle with these tickets. I really don't want to pay over $300, but it's looking more and more like I'm going to have to. I'll keep checking, and checking and praying.
Monday, June 20, 2005
A Restful Weekend
I spent the weekend sleeping in (which I never do) and taking naps. It was bliss! I also ate a lot. I'm still eating...all the time. I feel like I just shovel the food in but thankfully, most of it is good food. I actually wanted an apple this weekend and ended up mooching it from my daughter. I need to go buy some. It's seems to be one of the few sweet items I can stand. Everything else makes me ill.
I'm going to have a hard time getting through the next couple of weeks, I just know it. I've had a day off for the past three weeks for one reason or another. These next couple will be hot and long. I'll try to withstand what I can, but it's hard when there's nothing to look forward too (except, of course, the up and coming fourth of July holiday and my trip out of town, if I can ever find a cheap enough ticket). We'll see what becomes of that issue in the next few days. I'm down to the wire.
I was watching Family Guy and American Dad last night and was really marveling at how they "take it there" with their jokes. It's really outstanding how much they're getting away with and the comedy is truly clever, but I'm very glad that my little one is sound asleep in bed when these shows come on. Most of the references, I don't think she'd get but others...I really wonder how many questions parents are getting from their older children.
I want to give myself something to look forward to this week, but I don't know if we'll have time for swimming or even if I'll have the energy for it. Restaurants have become pretty standard, so no excitement there. I'm not sure what to do. Oh, well. I guess I just wait patiently through the next two weeks (and watch my belly expand).
I'm going to have a hard time getting through the next couple of weeks, I just know it. I've had a day off for the past three weeks for one reason or another. These next couple will be hot and long. I'll try to withstand what I can, but it's hard when there's nothing to look forward too (except, of course, the up and coming fourth of July holiday and my trip out of town, if I can ever find a cheap enough ticket). We'll see what becomes of that issue in the next few days. I'm down to the wire.
I was watching Family Guy and American Dad last night and was really marveling at how they "take it there" with their jokes. It's really outstanding how much they're getting away with and the comedy is truly clever, but I'm very glad that my little one is sound asleep in bed when these shows come on. Most of the references, I don't think she'd get but others...I really wonder how many questions parents are getting from their older children.
I want to give myself something to look forward to this week, but I don't know if we'll have time for swimming or even if I'll have the energy for it. Restaurants have become pretty standard, so no excitement there. I'm not sure what to do. Oh, well. I guess I just wait patiently through the next two weeks (and watch my belly expand).
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