Am I Too Sensitive?

I feel so emotional these days. Everything seems to affect me, even though I may not show it. The other day, one of my co-workers came over to say hi. (She had her first child in May). Anyway, the baby isn't doing well and ended up going to the children's hospital for an overnight stay. She was so stressed out over it that she started to cry right here. I comforted her as best I could, but I totally know how she felt. I've been there. When my babe had RSV at four months, it nearly killed me. The "Super Mom" syndrome kicks in and you think you can take care of everything yourself but really, you can't. Oh, and no one can tell you otherwise. You just continue to take on the world until you inevitably crack. I told my coworker not to let it get to that point and to come talk whenever she felt like it because at least she wouldn't feel like she was doing it alone.

I've changed my practitioner, too. I've had funny vibes about her and received confirmation of those vibes on Tuesday when I had my second visit. First, I felt like I was in an assembly line for the bathroom, when it came time to do the urine sample. The nurse wouldn't speak up or speak clearly, so I didn't even know what she was saying. Finally, when I got in the room and the doctor appeared, she didn't even acknowledge my daughter being there. I had to say, "Z, say hello to the doctor," before the doctor would even said anything to her. The final straw was when she pulled out the machine to listen to the baby's heart beat. She couldn't find it right away and when she couldn't she said, "Wow, this is a bad baby." I kid you not! I was so euphoric about hearing the baby's hear beat (finally), that I didn't let all of this sink in until much later. Than, I tossed and turned and worried about it all night. I don't want to be "just another patient" despite the fact that I've done this before. I need to feel like I'm important and that my baby is important. Even thinking about it now makes me want to cry.

The next day, I called my girlfriend (who recently had a baby) and asked her who her OB/GYN was. She told me his name and that he works here in Salt Lake, but I want someone in my neighborhood. She then told me about her friend who just worshipped her OB and he works in the city where I live, but my friend didn't know his name. She said she'd call her friend and ask her, than call me later that day (she never did. I began to panic).

Yesterday, she calls back with his name and a huge apology about waiting entirely too long to call me back (I didn't mention that she could have left a message, but you know...whatever). I called the doctor's office and asked if he was taking any new, pregnancy patients. Fortunately, he is. I called my now former doctor's office and asked that they send over my records. God, I hope he turns out to be good. I don't think I could go through this again, not with the state of mind I'm in. It's weird because it's like having PMS or something. You can feel yourself falling into these emotional pits in fact, you can almost see yourself doing it but you have no control. You bawl, bitch or lose it without any means of stopping yourself. And I've got 7 more months of this craziness? God bless my poor husband and child.