New, News from the Doc

So, I had my 38 week doc appointment today. He measured my belly, listened to the baby's heartbeat then did the "glove and KY" routine (God, how I hate that!). It was worse today. Today, it felt like he was doing some deep excavation dig or something. I remember grabbing the hand he was using to stable himself while he "probed". It was awful! The news was better than the exam. I'm 2 centimeters dialted and 50% effaced. Of course, that doesn't mean the baby's coming tomorrow or anything, but it does give me a bit of hope that things are starting to happen.

I woke up this morning to consistent Braxtons (around 3:30 am) and they continue until around five. After that, they slacked off and nearly disappeared altogether. After my visit with "Doctor Probe", they started up again. Not only that, I'm feeling extra sensitive down there (and, it's no wonder). When hubby got home, he had the nerve to say, "Well, if your contractions are coming more frequently, it makes more sense that I stick around on the 31st." Yah, think?! Then I was like, "I thought you were going to be here on the 31st." Then, he was like, "Well, nothing was set in stone for tomorrow night or that night. We were just gonna get drunk." Oh, so now he was planning on drinking himself into a stupor? Well, hell. I don't want you there if you're gonna be drunk. He was like, "I wouldn't come to the hospital drunk." Ugh! Sometimes, I wonder about that boy. I really think he said all that stuff to get a rise of out me and why? Because he's being a stupid man, that's why. Geesh!

I'm so glad I have tomorrow off. Work was really weird, today. My coworker "C" and I, IM'd throughout the day to try and resolve issues. I think we solved one, but it took (literally) all day! You'd think with as slow as it's been, we could have cruised through the day, but that was not to be. She was so frustrated because she felt like everytime she tried to help, it would blow up in her face (ever have one of those days?). I kept trying to reassure her, and as I said, we ended up resolving an issue by the end of the day, but it definitely tried her patience.

So, I'm happy about the doc's assessment but I know it may mean nothing for a time. He also said that he wouldn't let me go over a week past my due date. His reasoning was that the fluid is decreasing and there wouldn't be enough to sustain the baby. He actually said, "Babies have died because of this." I'm glad he doesn't sugarcoat things with me (I just wish he had a gentler touch. Yow!!). He also said that if he waited too long, she could get so big that coming through the birth canal wouldn't be an option, then I'd have to have a C-section. No, thank you. I'm really, really hoping she comes on her own. I really don't want the pitocin drip...it was murder the last time. Here's to hoping that, with each passing day, this baby feels more motivation about coming into the world.

Still Pregnant, but Coming to Terms

I'm frustrated but I've decided to try and calm down. It's hard because my discomfort is growing worse and worse with each passing day. Now, it kind of feels like I'm having menstral cramps in my back (which would be fine, if that's what they were...then, I could just pop a motrin and go to bed. Oh...Motrin...how I miss thee!). Unfortunately, I just have to suffer through them. Taking baths helps, but my jetted tub holds gallons of water...something that, economically, shouldn't be done to frequently. The bathroom trips are coming even more frequently, if that were even possible. At night, I'm up about every hour (seriously...I check the clock everytime I get up). At least if baby is active and won't let me go back to sleep, I've got new movies to watch and The Sims 2 to play (gifts from my hubby). The sad thing is I'm a bit addicted to the Sims. It sounds crazy, but you can't just play for an hour and stop...well, at least I can't. The funny thing is that hubby used to talk trash to me about how much time I spent playing the original and the Sims Bustin' Out, but then he bought me the new one. Silly, boy.

I've been reading a lot of web boards about women who are due in January. Quite a few have had their babies, while others (like me) are dealing with the last of the pregnancy drama. Some of them haven't even had Braxton Hicks, thinning, dialation, or anything yet. It makes me a lot more grateful for the "signs" I seem to be having that women, who are due earlier than I am, haven't even seen yet.

Oh, the five year old! She is running around driving me absolutely batty! I know it's partly the hormones, but it's also the schedule too. She's used to doing certain things at certain times of the day where now, she can pretty much play and play the day away. She loves the freedom, but I can tell there are lulls and she gets bored. I really don't have the energy and I'm really hoping my mother will take her for a couple of days this week to give her some variety. I've been working from home the past few days and will continue to do so through tomorrow. Monday, I'll still be at home, then Tuesday I'll return to work. I can't believe it...I'll return to work. It seems so wrong! I know the babe will be happy to be back at school with her friends and I'll actually enjoy being around company again...but.... Okay, no sadness. I'm coping. Coping, coping, coping.

Finally, I've been emersed in Anthony Hamilton's new CD, Ain't Nobody Worryin'. It's too bad he doesn't travel to this side of the continent. I'd love to see him live. I suppose I'll have to wait till I'm back east to see him. Such a shame. I think black artists hitting the "not so frequent" or "not so popular" cities is a brilliant idea (Bernie Mac new exactly what he was doing, back in the 90's). People just assume there aren't people of color in Cheyenne, Flagstaff, Anchorage, Salt Lake and the like. "We're here and we'll pay to see you!" "Give us a chance!" I would be willing to drive to Vegas if he ever went there.

It's time to feed the family (animals included). The dog keeps hitting me with his paw as if to say, "Excuse me, but you need to take your round butt over to my dog bowl and fill it up because I haven't eaten since 7 this morning and I'm tired of waiting so, get a move on duck-lady before I decide to make a snack out of one of these obnoxious cats!"

Merry Christmas! Now, bring on the grub!

Christmas morning began with my hubby getting home from work at a quarter to seven. He crawled into bed, shivering from the fever chills. We've decided that he's dealing with side effects from the tetanus booster he got last Thursday. This new vaccine now has whopping cough added to it. Lovely! Hubby's had a fever of some sort ever since.

Anyway, the babe wakes to his arrival and runs into the living room to see if Santa came (of course, he did). She runs back to our room to announce, "Santa came! Santa came! There are more presents under the tree. Come and see!" So, hubby drags himself up and puts on layers of clothes. I roll my round butt into the living room with him. What a sight! He's sick as a dog and my festive spirit (on a scale of 1-10) was about a 2. Thank goodness for the babe's energy. She opened presents for about an hour and played in the living room for a good chunk of the day, while dad and I slept.

After a few hours, I got up to make the apple crumble to take to my mother's for dessert (I made the rum cake on Christmas eve). Then, we all got up and got ready to go. Once we got there, we opened the presents my mother and sister got for us. My sister bought me a lovely "bath pampering" set. She bought my hubby a gift card to Home Depot and my daughter the cutest blouse and sweater. More gifts were exchanged as company began to arrrive. My mother invited to couples (friends of hers from church). We ate and ate and ate, and they drank and drank and drank. The drinks of the hour? White Z, red, and white merlot. I never saw a glass empty!

I got to "smell" the wine and take a sip of my mother's, but that was it. Ugh! I'm gonna die on New Years! Hubby's already talking about going out with the guys that night. We haven't spent a New Years apart...ever. He'll be out drinking it up while I desperately try to find a comfortable position to sleep in for the night. Have I said this is getting on my nerves...no really, it's getting on my nerves. Truly. I mean it. I'm not for the sharing anymore. Lord, will it end!

Oh, and an update on my doctor's visit? He said my cervix is thinning, but the baby is still "way up there" and I'm not dialated at all. He also said, "I don't think we're going to see your baby this year." Yep! Just as I suspected. She'll come in February and weigh 15 pounds and be three feet long. My coworker has probably already had her baby. Lucky girl! Um, have I said this is getting on my nerves? Really.

Weird Weather and Baby Stuff

Wednesday, I was home nursing the babe. Thursday, my hubby woke up with a fever and the same symptoms as the babe. Oh, brother. I started spraying disenfectant like a crazy woman! Can't afford to have the cruds while I'm 100 months pregnant. Dad took his meds like a good boy, and I sent him on his way. I took the babe to school (she was thrilled about it) and took my round butt to work.

Now, if you work in a standard office, you know how fattening it can become during the holidays. So far, one coworker has brought in two batches of homemade caramel corn. Another, took home her recipe and brought in her own version, another lady has been keeping a consistent stash of Ghirardelli's at her desk, I brought a bag of holiday M&Ms that lasted only a day, another coworker brought in about twenty, full on candy bars to share and finally, homemade caramels showed up yesterday. If I weren't preggers, I'd be a sow for sure! As it is, I can say (at least) some of the sugary goodness is actually helping my babe. Well, it could be helping!

I went and got a massage last night to try and "egg on" labor. No, luck. A few braxtons and that's about it, although, I am feeling more like she's dropped some because I was able to sing in the car without feeling like I was going to pass out from lack of oxygen. Also, there are other noticeable differences: there's this feeling of "openness" I haven't had...that is to say, it feels like holding things in is getting harder to do. I may have effaced a bit, but they tell you that most mothers can't tell. I have another doctor's appointment today and, not sure about this, but maybe he'll do another internal to see if things have progressed. The lady at work who is due a week before me is already 50% effaced and at a 1. I'm guessing she's probably all nerves and excitement, now. I'm so happy for her!

Last week, we were hanging with cold temps and then dumps of snow. This week, it's like spring! 45-50 degree weather, along with rain showers. What's up with that? The ten-day predicts that we won't have a white Christmas, which is fine; however, It's kind of weird that it will be more like a Beverly Hills Christmas. I haven't experienced a mild Christmas since I was a child. If my babe were going to get a bike, this would be the year (because she could actually take it for a spin, later in the day). But, she already has a bike and will probably curl up with her brand new TV and DVDs instead. I suppose things could change between now and Sunday, but I doubt it.

Finally, we watched the Exorcism of Emily Rose last night. What a trippy movie that was! It was also not what I expected. I suppose I was expecting a more "exorcismesque" movie, but this was more like a bioptic meets L.A. Law. It was well done and well acted, but also very sad. My hubby and I commented on how "this type of thing" always seems to happen to isolated, die-hard Catholics. Ever hear of a Baptist, Methodist, Lutheran exorcism? Neither have I. I attributed the idea to all the ceremony that surrounds Catholicism (which has some influence in voodoo practices and I believe I've heard that they have their share of possessions, too.) It was kind of heavy to watch, with just a few days till Christmas. I hope we start watching "lighter fare" in the next few days.

Frustration Makes One Loony

My hubby just made the most bizarre phone call to me. It was all about how he was frustrated about all the stuff that needed to be done and why we didn't try and do all the stuff before the baby came. Of course, it's too late and we can't cry over spilt milk. He was really irritated and cut our conversation very short. Then, he called back while I was away from my desk and left a two minute message (that's pretty long, considering most people leave a 30 to 50 second message standard). He basically went on to say that it was our joint decision to not pursue things the way we should have and blah, blah, blah. I just really wasn't in the mood for the drama.

When I got home, my babe was coughing a lot and didn't eat well. She's a huge fan of top Ramen (who isn't?) and I should have known that she wasn't feeling well when she didn't even get half way through the bowl. I left her to her movies, while I got some things organized in the back. when I came back to check on her, she had her face buried in the couch but, she was bent over and standing up...all while sleeping. Poor, thing. I ushered her into her room and got her to bed fast. Then, I found some meds to give her and tucked her in.

At around 12ish, she was up hacking and hot, hot, hot! I took her temp and at 101.7, I decided that school wouldn't be an option for her today (12.21.05). I called my office and left messages for my boss and coworker. I bet they have just really gotten desensitized to my early morning phone calls, but I still assured them that I wasn't in labor and not going to the hospital.

Now, she's on the couch watching Barney (heaven, help me!) and looking most pitiful. I've been working for a little over two hours and will probably only do a half day today. We'll see. In the meantime, I'm wondering about the mood of my husband once he comes home. He was planning on painting the living room, which means we will have to hide out in our master bedroom (the babe and I) until he finishes. I'm sure it would have been easier to accomplish without his wife and child at home but, some circumstances can't be avoided. I hope he gets some rest before he starts...I can't imagine painting my house after working my regular night shift and half a morning shift. What craziness!

He just called and said that he doesn't have to work tonight so, all the hard work will help him sleep. I guess he's got everything figured out. He appeared to be in a good mood, but we'll see.

On the baby front, I'm trying things to encourage my contractions. I purchased raspberry tea and drank a steaming cup of it last night. It's supposed to relax your uterus and allow the contractions to "work" more effectively. Perhaps this evening I can convince my hubby to "return" the weekend favor and give me the big, "O". That ought to help things along, too. Meanwhile, my ankles are continuing to swell and look like sausages. I can't even see the bone anymore!

Oh, and we had our company party Monday night. It was lovely! The food was divine, which is saying a lot since Christmas party food can fall under the "country club" arena and just be bland, bland, bland. We had the most tender baked chicken I've ever tasted, wild rice, carrots, green beans, real mashed potatoes and soft-buttered rolls. For dessert, eclairs, puffs and fudge along with fresh coffee and real cream. After dinner, they brought in an improv comedy group which was a great way to top of the evening. So, my prediction did not come to pass. My water did not break on the way up the elevator. In fact, I'm thinking this baby isn't really interested in showing up at all, now. I wonder what kind of long term effects that tributaline has on people? Could it be that I actually have to wait past my due date? Oh, the humanity!

A Good Weekend

It's been a good weekend and I'm kind of sad to see it end. Although hubby had to work Friday night, he was home all day Saturday. We assembled the baby's dresser and I finally got all the baby shower stuff off the floor and organized in the drawers. It's actually starting to look like a nursery, now...unfortunately, my kitchen looks like a tornado went through it (hubby is in the midst of painting again). But, that's okay. It's all for the greater good.

We were supposed to go to the movies today, but instead we went shopping for more baby duds. The crazy thing is that we found little of what we were looking for: border for the nursery ceiling, a lamp for the dresser, decorative outlet covers, inexpensive Energizer rechargable batteries. All we found was the lamp, which is really cute but everything else was either the wrong color or we couldn't find it at all. The same thing was true of the dresser. It wasn't until we searched and searched before we found what we wanted for the price we wanted. I suppose that's what we'll have to do this time.

So, I'm in my ninth month and hubby is horny and not scared again. We didn't try to go full on (I don't think we could, now, even if we tried) but, I was able to position myself for oral pleasure which will have to do, for now but I heard no complaints...none at all. I was kind of scared to get it myself, for fear of the pain that's now associated with everything I do. It's such a joke! My body is totally out of my control. It hurts when I sit, stand, rollover, play dead (lol)! You get the idea. The Braxtons are still coming and are a little more intense, which is another reason why I didn't allow my husband to visit downtown, but maybe I should have...it could jump start my labor or put me in traction. Either way, I'd get a break from work. Oh, what the heck am I saying! Get this baby out! I'm starting to loose my mind!!

Music and Memories

I've been digging this new online, radio site, Live365. I was listening to Old School R&B and boy has it brought back a lot of memories, mainly from my latter days in high school and early college days. BlackStreet came on, and it immediately brought back memories of driving down Clarksville Highway, on my way to see my boyfriend in the dead of night (we're talking 40 minutes of rural highway...lots of trees, cows, and gas stations named after people). I had taped selected songs from a girlfriend's CD copy (because my Magenta, '93 Geo Storm only had a tape player, dang it!) and I would drive down the highway, singing at the top of my lungs with the anticipation of seeing my manly man. Now, everytime I hear them, I think of him (Oh, and I've posted this picture before...not such a bad photographer, huh? Of course, look at my subject matter! This was taken at the Ponce De Leon peninsula in Ponce De Leon, Florida this past May - on a side note, I was pregnant at the time and drinking like a fish, but I didn't know I was pregnant. Hey! I was on vacation).

A variety of Keith Sweat was playing, which also made me think of him. Personally, I am not a Keith Sweat fan and I feel like he whines entirely too much. (Be a man and stop begging! Dayum!) When I was in college, I was a member of BMG or Columbia House (one of those places that suckers you into receiving random CDs for years). I happened to get a Keith Sweat CD that I didn't return, but ended up giving to "this guy" because he said he liked him a lot. Later, this guy managed to get me into his dorm room and show me what it means to be a woman...hmmm....That guy was my future hubby. Who knew!

Other songs that have played have made me think of the haunted halls of my high school, passing notes to my friend in a notebook we shared, borrowing each other's clothes (she had a thing for my suede boots), parties at my house (not out-n-out house parties, but mainly giggly girls and overly observant boys, watching movies, eating pizza and scarfing down as many skittles as we could get our hands on...then topping off the evening with a good, ole fashioned tarot reading). Driving to school and singing to these same songs on the radio (in my beat up, '81 Datsun wagon...the one that barely made it up the hill and desperately needed a paint job, but I didn't dare because I only paid $700 dollars cash for that bucket of bolts anyway). Hearing the guys "talking" BBD's, Poison (because, you know, guys don't sing songs in high school...they rap everything) whenever I walked down the hall. Now, what was that about? I was a good girl. Why poison?

There are still more songs that make me think of different guys (Shhh! Don't tell my hubby.) Like, the guy I was convinced would be my husband. He was so beautiful (inside and out) and we had a great time together. He was kind of quiet...a bit of an introvert, in fact but we totally balanced each other. As soon as I told him where I was going to college (45 miles away) he punked out and made it seem like I was too far away to deal with. But, even before then, he had made a comment to me in the car (after we'd gone to the movies or something) that sent all sorts of red flags up for me;

"I don't think I was meant to do anything but work. I'll probably work and work until I die."

Um, right. You don't plan on having any fun in there anywhere, man? You just gon' work till you drop dead, huh? What's up with that? It was pretty much a done deal, after that comment. Once I started college, we talked maybe twice and then I never saw him again. I wonder about where he is, sometimes. I'm sure, wherever he is, he's working. Ah, memories~

I am Huge!

(So, I drafted this on Monday, December 12th but it's actually Wednesday, December 14th around noon MST...just so yah know)
Huge, I tells yah! Huge like a whale...huge like a wide-load mac truck, huge like a zepplin...HUGE!! People are starting to make comments about my hugeness as well. It's nuts how big I got...seems like, over the weekend I put on twenty pounds or something. What the hell? I tried on two dresses before church, Sunday, and my hubby was straining (I kid you not) straining to get the zipper up my back. It never went...so, I tried on the back-up dress. No dice. Oh, man. What happened? The sweater I wore on Monday looked as if if was going to burst at any moment. This baby needs to come and she needs to come now! Come on, "N"! Mama's waiting for you!

I woke up really congested on Monday and blew my nose constantly through the day. It didn't help that my boss was also snotty and yucky too (he'd spent the weekend in Arizona with 70 degree weather, than came back to our single digit nightmare). He took us to lunch for Christmas (an Italian bistro - I had the veggie lasgna) and we actually had a conversation about phlegm (lovely, huh?). Yesterday, when I got up, I felt like I'd been hit by a train (all that dairy probably didn't help matters). I decided to work from home, but I still needed to get the babe to school so, I threw on some clothes and drove the 30 miles into town to take her to daycare. I dropped her off, turned around and drove the 30 miles back. I parked my round butt on the couch for the duration of the day...laptop at the ready and working like a good girl. My timing couldn't have been better, since our new person started yesterday. My coworker would IM me and let me know the progress of the day, but I could tell something wasn't quite right.

Here's the story on the new lady: She's qualified to the hilt, has a Masters in Library Science, can manage computers well and looks fantastic on paper. When we had our interview with her, there was no energy. None. She would laugh a bit, but there was no joke...you know, nervous laughter but not the kind everyone joins in on. We felt that she could do the job, but wouldn't really "fit in" with the office. We pow-wowed with our boss and expressed our concern about the fit and how we thought either of the other two candidates would "fit in" better. So, our boss and his boss brought her and the two other candidates back in for a second interview. Well, the big boss felt "library lady" was the better candidate, so that's who they hired. My coworker, "C", talked a bit about how "weird" the day went and how "distant" she was with everyone. Now, granted, nerves can make people do strange things, but when you're getting warmth and love from everyone, "Welcome! We're so happy your here! Feel free to ask me questions anytime!", wouldn't you automatically send that happiness and warmth back? "C" said she was just cool to everyone and stayed primarily to herself. I told "C" that we would give it a couple of weeks and see what happens, then (if things aren't getting better) we ask about bringing in the lady we really wanted. It may be that "C" has to do it herself, if the baby decides to show up. (Please, please decide to show up!!)

So, I had my doctor's appointment yesterday. I shut down the laptop, threw my clothes back on, then headed over to the office. I let him know that I had a case of the ickies and he prescribed another Z-pack, saying that, "We treat colds a little more aggressively when it involves a pregnancy." Here's what I don't understand - aren't colds viruses? Antibiotics are for bacterial problems right? So, maybe it's not for the cold, per se, but for a possible infection? At any rate, I started feeling better right away the last time and this time (after the first dose) I could tell a difference in how I felt.

"So, I'll see you next week," he says. Too wild! To think, I'll see this man every week until the baby comes. I don't think I got to this point with my last one (the preeclampsia had me on bed rest one week, then in the hospital delivering a week later). So, next Friday, I'll be in his office again...kinda hoping I'm not...kinda hoping my large and in charge body will be in the hospital before then. I may have to go get another massage to "encourage" things and this time, when the contractions come, I'm not stopping those bad boys. I may just be all talk. My luck, she'll come January 20th (I'm due the 12th), be 24 inches long and 9 pounds. LOL!

tHe ChRiStMaS kId In Me

As Christmas has been approaching, I've been thinking about the things in my life that bring so much joy to me during the holidays. We've always put up the tree the day after Thanksgiving (artificial, of course). When we lived in California, we would sometimes have our fake tree and a few weeks into December, my dad would go out buy a live tree. The live tree would be in the living room for the family and the artificial would be in the window, to be seen by passersby. We never really decorated beyond the trees, but the house still felt so festive, nonetheless.

We would also watch the standard Christmas shows like, A Charlie Brown Christmas, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Scrooged, A Christmas Carol, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, A Christmas Story, White Christmas, A Garfield Christmas, A Muppet Family Christmas, A Claymation Christmas... (I think you get the idea). This just added to the feelings of holidays, food and family.

One year, my parents went to a Christmas party across the street. I was probably 5 or 6, but the memory is pretty clear. I remember lots of talking and laughing, then having more than my share of goodies and my parents having more than their share of eggnog and whatever other booze was being served. When the hour became late, my parents were saying their goodbyes, grabbed me and we headed out. As we crossed the street, my dad looked up and pointed at the sky and said, "Hey, I see the sleigh. Look! Look!" I'm straining to try to see and insisting over and over again that I can't see anything. All of a sudden, I see something sort of falling out of the sky (a falling star, no doubt, but a great decoy for a little kid). I raced to the front door and announced to my parents that I had to get to bed right away, or else Santa wouldn't come to our house.

I remember another year (perhaps, the very next year), when we went to a neighbor's house, premade song books in tow to rehearse for caroling. Now, I can't imagine doing this now, but in 60 degree weather in California, it was perfectly fine. We went door to door singing our songs and had a really good time. When we were finished, we came back to the neighbor's house for eggnog, cider and hot cocoa. It's a warm and happy memory and another time when I remember my parents actually being together at the same time (my dad toured a lot, but he was always home for the holidays).

After moving to Nashville, Christmas as a teenager became more about spending time with my friends and doing holiday "stuff" with them. We would watch movies, have tree-trimming parties, go to movies, visit shops in the mall and check out all the holiday decorations around the city. It was fun and I appreciated having a job, so that I could give rather than just get.

Trying to remember the best Christmas I've ever had as a kid is really tough because, they're all starting to blend together. I personally think this is a good thing; memories and feelings are meshing into one and there's not a specific Christmas I remember because of some gift I got, but more about the happiness and love I felt during those times. As an adult, I remember Christmas 2002 very vividly. We'd been in our home a couple of years and our daughter was old enough to appreciate the lights and also appreciate ripping open boxes with pretty paper. She wasn't too concerned about what was inside.

Now that my babe is older, I look at how she marvels at all the Christmas glitz and I'm hoping her memories are starting to form because she really seems happy...specifically, showing the same kind of happiness I once had as a child during the holidays. She's helped me put some of the gifts together this year and I'm hoping I can leave the cookies up to her (with only my assistance during the baking process) and I want to try and have her wrap a gift or two, so that she feels like she's participating in the giving process as well (and not always on the receiving end). I really have felt like Christmas is so much more fun with a child in the house. In college and even after my hubby and I first got married, it was nice but it wasn't the way I remembered Christmas. Children really make the holidays special.

She's getting some pretty high-end gifts this year, some of which I didn't get until I was in high school, for heaven's sake! I've told her daddy that, as times change, we'll get broker and broker with each holiday and birthday. One day, she's going to ask for a computer or a laptop and I'm sure she'll come to us with a, "Mommy, Daddy, can I have a cell phone?" These are items that would never have entered my parent's minds as potential gifts, but they are very much a reality and a near necessity in this day and age. It's nuts! I hope that she will also reach a point where the giving becomes more important to her than the receiving. That feeling brings it's own, personal specialness to it.

I'm anxious to see how Christmas will change with, not just one child but two. Will they enjoy each other at Christmas? Will they share their joy? Will the big sister make sure the little one finds happiness in what she has? I'm anxious to also see if this Christmas brings me the joy of two children...who knows! It could happen!

An Outpouring of Love

Yesterday, I got the last (or at least I think it's the last) of my baby shower gifts. Donations were coming in from all over the country for a gift card and our exec. admin presented it to me, just before I went home last night. Amazing! Men and women, all showing how much they appreciate me. I felt like crying (yeah, so what else is new). The amount came in at $155...this on top of the other 5 or 6 gift cards that came in the mail for $10 or $20. Hubby was very pleased and said we'd go ahead and pick up the crib mattress, when he gets back. I'm thinking it could be the mattress and the shelf. As of right now, there's a room full of baby clothes with no where to put them. Of course, there's also a crib with no mattress. Both will need to be purchased, regardless.

Last night when I talked to hubby, the first thing he said after hello was, "I miss you." Oh, those words meant so much! Of course, absence makes the heart grow fonder. I just hope he remembers how much he misses me (us) when he gets back. It's different when you're a state away, but then (from my perspective) not so different when you work the kind of hours he works. We talked more and he really struggled to get off the phone with me. I could tell he was tired and nearly asleep, but he kept telling me he wanted to talk. He told me about all the tests he's taken and how the day was so draining, but how he was looking forward to coming home. His passion for this "mission" has diminished a lot and his voice told me more than his words. I think he feels our relationship will shift again if he has to go and he's right. You can't live without your spouse for four months without some sort of shift. It's inevitable. The change could be positive or negative and there lies the fear.

For me, it's the idea that he will find happiness in his solitude and decide that independence is more for him than married life. For him, he believes someone will "snatch me up," which I think is utterly ridiculous, but it is a valid fear for him. Ugh! Why can't you get a road map for life? All these twists and turns we're taking...I hope we're actually getting somewhere.

Aside from my heart-to-heart with hubby, I watched the Billboard awards last night. What a cat raggedy mess that was! I can't believe how boring! In fact, at the end of the show when the cameras went around to those who had attended, they literally had a, "Is that it?" look on their faces. And not just one or two people, but everybody that appeared in the camera pan. My coworker and I talked about the crappiness of the show and we agreed on one very crucial point: Mariah Carey is a skank and way too old to be as skanky as she is. Geesh! She could barely walk in her dress. In fact, she looked like a sausage stuffed into sequence. WTH was she thinking? If you have obvious talent, is it really necessary to parade around naked? I guess I just wouldn't fit well into the "Biz" world. The picture I've linked to isn't as bad as how she looked shuffling onto the MGM stage, last night.

We've had some really freaky weather as of late here. It snowed like crazy last night, but it was 11 degrees outside. Normally, you can't get any sort of moisture with a temperature like that, but we got dumped. Some areas got over 100 inches! I had about 4 fresh inches in my yard, when I finally got home (which was two hours from the time I left work). Everyone was driving 20mph or less on the highway. What a nightmare! Thankfully, the sun came out today but the temps are still really cold. We're 30 degrees below our norm. I hope we can last through this crazy winter (oh wait, it isn't winter yet, is it? Yikes!).

Tag, You're it!

Can we shift gears and add a little happiness to my site? I've been such a downer, lately:

10 Years Ago- 1995, wow. I was a Junior in college...preparing for the winter break to be spent out here (in Utah) with my mother. I was spending a lot of time in workshops and training in Nashville, preparing to bring our chapter off of probation. I remember feeling a lot of pressure because we were so busy in Delta, I was writing papers all the time (because I was deep in my major, by this point) and my social life was actually hopping (even though I was still single).

5 Years Ago- Winter of 2000 was tough. I was doing everything in my power to get out of my current job, not because I didn't like what I was doing, but I couldn't stand my supervisor. She was a bitch on wheels who expected everyone to bow down and kiss her feet. I refused, so she gave me much grief. My little one was four months old and (knowing what I know now) I should have just calmed down. A new, better job was just on the horizon.

1 Year Ago- We were in the midst of interviewing potential candidates as a "clone" for me. I was so happy! I'd been the lone ranger for so long without help and was so overwhelmed that the idea of a body to take on some of my drama was like an early Christmas present! She's been great! Now, we're doing it all over again.

Yesterday- I went to church, ate breakfast with the babe at Home Town Buffet, went to Wally world, came hope and took a nap. Got up, watched Ali (I know, I'm behind) then worked on Christmas presents with the babe. Talked to hubby a few times throughout the day.

5 snacks I enjoy- pineapples (rings not chunks), cup-a-soup, cheetos, strawberry shortcake parfaits, sorbet.

5 bands to which I know most of the lyrics to most of their songs- Tony Toni Tone, Intro, Sade (Yes! I know it's her name, but it's also the name of her band), Mint Condition, Huey Lewis and the News (Oh, it's so sad). LOL!

5 Things I’d do with $100 million dollars- Tithe, pay off my house, pay off my hubby's car, pay for hubby's school, finish my masters, invest for more (to pay for the girls' college education and by my mother a house and such).

5 locations I’d run away to- Florence, Paris, Maui, US Virgin Islands, and Fiji

5 bad habits I have- Correcting my hubby's grammar, over analyzing everything, shutting down and avoiding the pink elephant in the room, not expressing my feelings (much better at this with the prego hormones...I tell it all!), picking the skin off my lips when I'm nervous (I know...so gross).

5 things I like to do- listen to music, write, eat, dance and have buck-naked, wild sex with my hubby (TMI? So, sorry but it's the truth). LOL

5 things I would never wear- a cut-off halter (Oh, Lord! Can we say, "muffin tops"? Yuck!), a platinum (or any other metal) grill, pastel make-up, ugly shoes, and shoulder pads.

5 TV shows I like- Family Guy, That 70's Show, Lost, Made in America (Hey, there's some cool stuff on this show!), Bernie Mac

5 movies I like- The Matrix Trilogy, Jane Eyre, Predator, Blade, Carrie (and the list goes on and is HUGE).

5 Famous people I’d like to meet- Morgan Freeman, President Bush (if only to tell him what an idiot he is), Dave Chappelle, Oprah Winfrey, and Bill Cosby.

5 biggest joys at the moment- My eldest daughter (whose name means "flower" in Arabic), my unborn daughter (whose name means "of great success" in Arabic), my husband (even though he's driving me batty at the present), looking at the snow covered, wasatch mountains on a clear day, feeling loved by everyone around me.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel is not a Train Bearing Down Upon Me

Saturday started off somewhat depressing. I got a call from hubby at work and he preceded in with the drama that is our relationship. We talked a long time trying to figure out what we want to do, but before we could finish, he had to hang up to go back to training. I was in tears, by the time the call ended, but then, I'm always in tears these days (damn pregnancy hormones!).

I took the babe to her birthday party in Salt Lake. Luckily, the mother of the birthday girl indicated that it was not necessary for me to stick around (thank goodness!). I don't think I could have handled all those little ragamuffins on a day like Saturday (cold, cold, depressingly cold and snowy). I ended up at a store doing some, dare I say it, Christmas shopping. I picked up a really nice, designer pull-over jacket for my hubby and a couple of other items. I also bought a gift for my coworker (actually, I already ordered a gift for her - several really cool coffee cups with beautiful, eclectic art work, but it's been on backorder so long, I doubt I'll get it before Christmas, the birth of the baby or both so, I bought something else - a wooden wine rack). I got the babe a huge drawing pad since she's always trying to find paper to color on and a couple of movies.

Afterwards, I went back to pick up the babe and just as we were leaving, she became obstinate and hateful. "I don't want to go home, mommy. I don't want to leave!" Pouting ensued along with some pre-temper tantrum type behavior (which I don't go for and she's never done) So, I'm standing there embarrassed because she's being a total brat and won't listen to anything I'm telling her, but I'm so tired that I can't regulate like I want to. By the time she got to the car, she was in tears because I'd said the all dreaded, "Your daddy's going to hear about this." I hate to throw that card for one because I don't want her to think that her mother can't handle her and for two because then I'm the confirmed bad guy and he's always the good guy (wouldn't you cry if your eternal "good guy" all of a sudden became upset with you?). What a mess! I grounded her for the evening and that seemed to do the trick.

When dad got home, he talked to her and gave her the, do-what-your-mother-says-or-I'll-really-give-you-something-to-cry-about speech. Afterwards, he had her helping with some chores he needed to take care of. Shortly after, she came up and apologized for her behavior. Oh, the apologies! She's so precious when they're sincere. I'm glad I have a good kid, for the most part. Once we were all squared away and had eaten dinner, I put her to bed and showered. Hubby had nodded off on the couch and I decided a few days ago that I'm not playing the wake-up-and-talk-to-me game anymore, so I just left him there.

A little while later, he comes in and apologizes for falling asleep and is mad at himself for doing so, because of all the paperwork he still needed to do before his Vegas trip. He goes downstairs and gets the paperwork, brings it back up stairs and starts working on it. We talk some more, getting out more of the frustration we've both been feeling. I whip out the laptop and help him find some addresses he needs (his work then becoming a team effort). It was kind of fun, burning the midnight oil together. I fell asleep at around ten as we watched Michael Buble in concert on PBS. When I woke up for my first potty break, it was nearly 1:00 am and he was still at it. I told him, "Aren't you glad you don't have to deal with this...me getting up at all hours of the night to go to the bathroom, only to sit up until the baby stops playing kung-fu fighter with my organs?" He was like, "Actually, I would rather be here with you then, I could sit-up with you when you wake up." This is the hubby I know and love. I helped him some more with his project, then the little one quieted down and I went back to sleep.

We got up at the same time and he left for Vegas at around 6:30am. Unfortunately, due to a white-out down south and terrible traffic into Vegas (a rodeo convention or something), he didn't make it to the Palace Station until close to 5:00pm PST. He was so pissed, but glad to be off the road (normally, he would have gotten there at or near 11:00 am). Those extra hours in the car really had him in a foul state, but I definitely couldn't blame him. We talked a bit about the next day's events and how he was going to prepare. His attitude about all of this is so different than what it was a few months ago. I'm glad he's not putting so much stake into this. He spends so much time worrying about every little thing that, I guess, he's finally figured it out! Worrying isn't going to make things happen or not happen. Things will happen or not happen, regardless of his fretting over it. I just want him (and the rest of the family) to find our center again. After our talk yesterday and our phone conversation this morning, it may really be a good light and not a train bearing down upon us. I was beginning to think the latter.

On a different track, I spent a lot of quality time with the babe, last night. We worked on Christmas presents for the neighbors (we're doing the layered cookie jars with the recipes). They take a lot of time and I'm finding that I'm running out of ingredients fast and frequently. I'll have to stop at the store again this afternoon (and I was just there yesterday!). We also sat on the couch together and talked about the shows we were watching. I'm glad I can field her questions cause there's really a lot of raunchy stuff on t.v. these days and she's smart. I don't pull the wool over her eyes, but I do explain things in a way that I believe she can understand them better. We had our story, then I put her to bed. Hubby called again just after that to talk a bit and tell me good night. Overall, I'm feeling better about life and it not sucking as much as it did when the weekend started. I'm hoping it progressively gets better and that I can climb out of this funk and enjoy the holidays like I'd like to.

Life Can Really Suck!

Oh, and it can in a big way! I was back in the hospital Wednesday night with contractions coming 6 minutes apart. Still only Braxton Hicks but, 6 minutes? My husband's sleep apnea is going to turn me into a murderess because I kept trying to get him to wake up and show me support, any kind of support. I was scared, frustrated, confused...It wasn't until I'd made several trips to my car (packing it with stuff like my laptop, hospital bag and purse) that he arose and tried to do something. I was in tears by then as he tried to convince me to sit and talk to him. Please! After my doc had already said, go to the emergency room ten minutes prior, I'm supposed to sit around and psychoanalyze life with him? Bullshit! "I can't talk to you right now. You should have talked to me before. Now, I have to go to the emergency room."

So, I called my mother (I've been doing that a lot lately). She met me at the hospital, with no questions asked, at 11:00 on a work night. They injected me every hour, on the hour (3xs) with the tributelene in order to stop the contractions. I got home at around or a little after 2:00am and crashed. Thursday, I worked from home and my hubby (who finally decided to contribute to the living) took the little one to school and my mother picked her up and brought her home. (Yes. After all that, my mother dragged her tired butt to work). She's an awesome mom and she's getting baked goods for being so!(Which is sooo not enough for all that she does).

I went to work, yesterday (much to my boss's dismay. He was worried about my health...actually concerned about me!) and sat in on an interview as well as worked on the daily tasks that had built up during the interview. Contractions came, but not nearly as frequently. Hubby redeemed himself a bit by showing up at my office 45 minutes after I got there with breakfast goodies. This is the hubby I know...the kind, generous man who is concerned about others, but I fear it's fading fast. This morning, he told me about all the stuff going on in his mind lately, as he drove to work for training; the possible job change, his difficulties with his family as of late, and the drama within our relationship. I was frank with him and said that I didn't feel selfish thinking that a husband should only want his wife and how I felt about his relationships (so far platonic) with other women. He told me that the counselors he's been seeing have both said that he's implanted the potential of a possible break-up between us in his mind that has been there for years and that they don't know his strength or foresee how he's going to get past it or everything else he's been going through. It was devastating to hear and he even said it was not what he wanted or was expecting to hear. Truly a "Christian" counselor would have given him a totally different perspective, but I don't know if he'll ever go that route.

I love my family and enjoy being a wife and mother. It's wild because I never thought I would play either of these roles. I know how hard I am to live with (total perfectionist) and how selfish I can sometimes be (with him, not my daughter), but fate had other plans. I married young (but not ignorantly) and had my hubby all to myself for two years before our first child showed up (unplanned, of course). The same with this baby. We were "Three's Company" for five years before she appeared, unplanned, but loved all the same. I've always felt that everything happened within the time it was supposed to happen and in the way that it happened for a reason. I can't bear to think that, if hubby gets this job, he'll go to Vegas without us and like it...like the freedom of being without a wife and house to think about. Enjoy the idea of being able to date again and "experiment" the way he wants to. I already know he'll miss his girls, but I'm not exactly sure he'll miss me. Oh, how I hate this!

I'm not sure how to handle things well, right now. I'm a logic based person for the most part, but being pregnant throws logic right out of the window. Every time we talk about this stuff, I get all emotional, can't think straight and start to cry. Believe me, it's definitely worth crying over, but I miss the me that can reason things out with relative sanity. That me is on vacation until the baby comes. How I miss her! I despise walking around with my heart on my sleeve. Hubby says that he appreciates that I'm this way and he feels I'm being more honest. Perhaps I am. It's just not what I'm used to. If only there could be a happy medium.

So, it's nearly 8:00 am here in Utah...the snow is falling again and my yard (which was green last night) is completely white this morning. I have to take the babe to a birthday party, all the way into Salt Lake. I also have to do something with the rat's nest on her head (I've let it go for several weeks, poor thing). She'll be styling by the time I'm done (I hope!). I'll be thinking and praying a lot, over the next few weeks. I've given everything up to the higher power and asked for guidance, but humans are stubborn (as am I) and I continue to try to resolve things by myself. It ain't happening. Therefore, I need to just chill out and think about trying to keep this baby "in the oven" for at least two more weeks as well as focus on caring for my kindergartener, who has no idea the strife her parents are going through. That's really all I can do...but it still hurts and plagues me. I have a lot of fear I've got to let go and my life is so not my own, right now.

I Need a Vacation!

It's so sad when you're looking towards your maternity leave as a potential vacation (cause that sure the hell isn't what it's going to be). Normally, I take a ton of time off around Christmas and the timing is perfect. We normally do the family vacation thing during the summer, so by the time the holidays come around, I'm ready to leave again. I guess it's just a kind of restlessness I've become accustomed to...well, whatever it is, it's starting to make me nuts! I feel like taking a drive somewhere and just laying low for a few days but there's no way I can. Every day I have is for the baby...every single one, so I can't afford to just "take off" like I want to. I'd even be fine with me and the babe "taking off" to Wolf Creek (one of our favorite getaways), but it's not like she's in preschool or daycare anymore. Kindergarten requires attendance, turned in assignments and record taking. Then, there are the social aspects. I can really tell she's missing school when she's out for a long period of time, like this past week. She needs the outlet of friends and silliness to keep her grounded and her mother sane.

The other issue is my husband. More marital drama, I'm afraid. It's actually more of the same stuff: hubby working way too many hours, spending way too much time trying to get "house" stuff done, and then spending little to no time with me or the babe. I can feel the beast of depression coming down on me, and it's really not a good time to be preggers and hating life. With wintry, snowy skies and no sun it's going to take it's toll if I don't do something. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do until after next week. The waiting around for him to come back from Vegas, just so I'm assured that all his days off are actually days off and not time for more overtime, is excruciating! I've thought about spending more time at my mother's if only for the companionship, but that would mean more time around my sister and I can only handle her in small doses. Besides that, my mother would become suspicious (because that's just the type of person she is) and would silently wonder why I was at her house so much...then possibly hold secret resentment against me or my hubby. Although, I could just be paranoid. I don't know. Did I mention I haven't heard from him at all today? We fuss a lot when there's tension between us and I truly think he's trying to find his peace. I hope he has better luck at it than I'm having.

I just got a call from my doctor's office and they are squeezing me in next week (the 6th at 9:15 am...my boss is going to love that). It's a good thing, too especially after my stint in the hospital this past Saturday. The doctor will only be in on the 6th and is off the remainder of the week. He was completely booked when I set-up the appointment last week and I hoped a cancellation would happen. I guess my hopes were realized. So, that's one good thing that's happened to me this week. I hope he spends more time talking to me about what happened then my normal 5 minutes with him in the office of, "Your blood pressure is good. You're weight is good and your pee is good. Any questions?". That gets a bit frustrating.

So, no skipping town, no husband and I've got an earlier doctor's appointment to look forward too. God, that's awful! Well, I think I need to give myself something to look forward to. Maybe I'll take me and the babe to an "eat out" tonight (somewhere besides McDonald's, for heaven's sake). I could do with some seafood and there's a Long John's Silvers downtown. Okay, so it's not "real" seafood, but it would make me happy and the babe likes their chicken. And, since it's in a mall, would could walk about a bit and look at Christmassey stuff. Yeah, okay. That's what I'll do. It ain't much but, you gotta find your joy where you can.

A Visit to the Hospital

I'll start out by saying, "I love my mother's cooking!" Thanksgiving was wonderful and the menu consisted of roasted turkey, cornbread dressing, collard greens, sweet potato souffle, baked macaroni and cheese, brown rice, turkey gravy, squash and my apple crisp for dessert. All of us crashed after eating our weight in food and perhaps, it was the food that got the baby going. I started having braxton hicks like crazy. After about the 15th, my mother was like, "Call and see if this is normal, or if we should bring you in." I spoke to an Amber "something" and she said that they were normal, until or if they began to appear 4 to 6 times within the hour. Mine were more random and I'd had several over a several hour period, so everything was fine.

My husband slept like the dead, literally. My mother had put a blanket down for her dog and ours (so, imagine a 116 pound Rottweiler laying next to a 109 pound great Dane) right in front of the fire place. My hubby was snoozing on the couch when he sat up all of sudden then relocated to the floor next to the dogs. It was the craziest funniest thing we'd seen all night. He stayed there for another two hours before I had to roll him out of sleep. He showered, packed some leftovers, then went to work. (My daughter stayed to sleep over).Once I got home, I ate again then got in the bed, still having contractions.

Yesterday, I was so paranoid about the potential of having the baby early, I quickly got the tree up then decided to finish up the nursery. (Thanksgiving morning, I finally finished the stenciling of the South wall). I started with the crib and was so impressed by the instructions, I was half-tempted to call and commend whoever the technical writer had been. So often, instructions are written without any mind to the person who will be assembling the product. There were so many, obviously female nuisances, that I marveled at how fast the crib was coming together. Once the crib was assembled (all by my lonesome), I went downstairs, dragged up the bassinet box and assembled that as well. Then, I took the car seat and stroller out of its box and set them against the wall, just in case. I was really tired, but proud of myself.

This morning, I awakened around 1:30 to aches in my lower back. After getting up to use the bathroom, I got back in bed and found a comfortable position. While laying there, the Braxton Hicks started up again...this time, coming much more frequently then Thanksgiving evening. I started keeping up with the times. They were between 4 and 9 minutes apart. I started to pack my bag (just in case), then called my mother. She was at my house in about twenty minutes. We woke up my daughter and headed to the hospital. Once there, the emergency crew toke forever!Two people working with only two people in the waiting room, and we sat there for twenty minutes. Finally, I started filling out paperwork. The lady attending to me says, "Are you pregnant, honey?" I was like, "Yes." Then she says, "Oh my God I couldn't even tell!" What the hell?! Do people normally carry basketballs under their shirts? I mean, really! Then she says, "I am so sorry, let's get you in here." So, she starts working on my paperwork double-time, then calls up to Labor and Delivery to get me a room.

My mother, daughter and I head to the labor and delivery area and are greeted by very nice night nurses. We get into the room (which is beautiful and much bigger than the hospital room I had with my first) and I get undressed and into the dreaded hospital gown. Once in the bed, she straps on heart monitors and a arm cuff for frequent blood pressure checks. The nurse, Amberly (the same lady, I think, I spoke to on Thanksgiving) asked me a series of questions about my medical history, preferences for delivery, etc.... I was beginning to get a little nervous, but she assured me that the baby was fine and that, indeed, I was still having contractions, but she would call my doctor to see what he wanted to do. She suggested that he might have me get a
tributelene injection, which would slow down and stop the contractions. She also said she'd check to see if my cervix was dilated. Great! Don't you just love a good pap smear?

She left for a few minutes, then came back and swabbed me. Lovely! It was unpleasant, but bearable. Then, she takes a glove and lubes up several of her fingers to check my cervix. Oh my God! I thought I was going to die! She's pretty much fisting me to find the tip of my cervix. Yikes! It felt like it took forever, then my daughter pipes up, "Mommy, is she reaching in to grab your baby?" Oh, the mind of a child. That chillaxed me right away. She let me know, as soon as she extracted her hand from my area, that my cervix was not dilated.

So, the nurse spoke to my doctor and the injection was approved. Ow! It was one of those that burns going in. Then she tells me it will make me jittery. After about 30 minutes, I was shaking like I'd drank four cups of coffee. Ironically, the contractions were slowing and she believed I would get to go home after a little more observation. As we waited, I took a good look around the room to see what would be available to me whenever the baby did come. The TV has a dual deck VCR and DVD player. Nice! I'm planning on rewatching the LOTR triology when baby finally arrives. There was a nice couch, a lounge chair, several wood chairs, and a glide rocker. There was also a billy Rubin table for baby. I liked the idea of a table like that being in the room, rather than down the hall in the nursery. You could still attend to your baby, even if he/she had jaundice.

Nursey comes back and says that the swab she took for a test I can't remember the name of, came back negative. It would have basically told us if I was due to have the baby within two weeks. Wow! How far things have come since I last delivered. My mother was like, "Great! I've got a two week window where I don't have to worry." Me, too.

I finally went home, feeling a loopy and jittery (the way I feel when I've taken a Loritab). It was snowing lightly and the air was more crisp than it had been in weeks. My mother stopped and
got us all breakfast. She stuck around while I packed the babe's bag, then took her with her when she left (I knew I wouldn't be able to take her to the birthday party in Salt Lake today, especially after nursery dear and doctor instructed me to "take it easy"). Nursey even said that if my contractions started up again, I should miss work on Monday. Thank goodness for that laptop! I can't get over how valuable that thing is going to be to me. Once my mother left, I slept for several hours.

So, here I sit now, eating leftovers and writing about the early morning's events. It was so surreal and a bit scary, all at the same time. I kept hubby in the loop and when he finally came home, he kept falling asleep as I told him what was going on. Of course, I got pissed off and he was just as mad at me for storming off like a two-year old, but I felt justified in my irritation. The contractions are still coming, but nothing like they were before. At any rate, all is well for now and I will pay close attention to my body for the next few days. I guess I'm really coming down to the wire.

Showered in Baby "Stuff"

My baby shower was held this afternoon in one of our conference rooms. The girls really did it up with lavender, pink and pearlescent balloons along with babyfetti and dark Hershey kisses on the table. A buffet of delectable desserts was at the rear of the room and many people came (some I didn't even know) to wish me well and shower me with baby "stuff". It was so sweet and I'd really forgotten how precious baby clothes can be. Granted, my hubby has been buying stuff since we found out, but there's something about having a room full of baby hungry women, watching open bag after box full of unicorns, bears, pink fluffiness and pastel dreamies that makes the whole experience...well, super sweet. We really had a good time.

Afterwards, the men in the office kindly filled my car for me with the remaining gifts (my mother and sister were there to take half for me before they left for appointments and such). I'm really excited for the baby to come now, so I can see her in all this fabulous stuff. She's going to be a well dressed kid, I gotta tell yah. There's still lots to do and, I'm told by coworkers, a "fountain" of cash is soon to come (we have faculty all over the country and many wanted to contribute. I wonder if this "cash" will cover one of the big items like the changing table or the dresser? We still don't have those yet).

Hubby was in a mood today...my guess was because his regular work schedule started up again tonight and he was not looking forward to it at all. After all that time this weekend with us (did I mention he also found someone to cover Saturday evening and Sunday??), I think he got just as spoiled as we did. He told me that he wouldn't have another day off until his trip to Vegas (the second week in December). So, that sucks in a big way. He was frisky this evening and wanted to play, but I'm not crazy. How can we play when there's only fifteen minutes for him to get ready for work? I was not up for hearing (possibly tomorrow morning) that it was me who made him late or got him a write-up or whatever. Not that I think he would say so outright, but he may subtlety let me know it was me. So, I settled for soft caresses and kisses on the ear. That will have to hold him until tomorrow, I guess.

Still not finished painting (nope. we watched Polar Express instead). I'll be working from home tomorrow, after my doctor's appointment. Perhaps, during a break, I can get some of the painting in. I guess I'll have to. I know I won't want to do it on Thursday and Friday is "put up the tree" day.

They gave me my loaner laptop for maternity leave, finally. It's working out great! (I did a test run tonight, just to make sure I could be up and running early tomorrow morning). It does everything my computer at work can do. Damn, I don't know why they just don't let me work from home permanently? There are others, like me, that can do the majority of their work from home too. Aren't we a virtual University? What the hell? Oh, well. Perhaps someone will get a clue someday, then they can sell the building and put their money into recruitment and retention, rather than suite rental. What a concept!

Time for sleep now...

I'm Married, again!

Friday evening, I got home and started right to work on the painting in the nursery. I was able to complete the south wall with the first of the layered stencils (only one layer left to do). Once I was done at around 6ish, my daughter came in and said, "Mommy, daddy wants you to come to the back." So, I tidied up the materials and headed to the back where our bedroom is located. He was actually awake, alert and talking (a rare thing at that hour, since he's usually dead to the world until around 7 or 8). So, he said, "What do you guys want for dinner? My treat." Of course, my babe begins her normal, "I want McDonalds," speech (what is it with kids and McDonalds?). Dad's like, "Anything besides McDonalds." So, we decided on chicken. The babe pipes up, "Daddy, can we eat inside?" I began to think about how much time it would take to eat-in and then get back in time for Dad to get ready for work, but he just says, "Yeah, if we don't take too long."

So, we put our shoes on and head to KFC. We order, sit down and begin eating and chatting. Before I know it, it's quarter to eight and I start in, "We'd better get back so Daddy can get ready for work." Well, daddy starts snickering and then I figure out he's up to something. "I got somebody to cover for me." I love those words! I got him the whole night and was too thrilled! We ended up watching Christmas with the Cranks and eating dessert together. It was lovely. We also spent a blissful, adult, evening together. I can't even remember how long it's been since I "got" any. Granted, "getting it" is very different these days, but it was still wonderful to get.

Thinking that I needed to pace my time with him on Saturday (since he had to go in on Saturday evening), we slept in and talked a lot. Then, he got up and went to get us breakfast. When he got back, we all ate together and decided what we were going to do for the day. Well, there really wasn't anything anybody wanted to do, so we lounged around most of the morning and afternoon. Hubby says, "I've really got to get my oil changed because I'm about a thousand miles over and I can hear it in the engine." Totally understanding, I say, "Go ahead and we'll be here when you get back." So, off he goes. Then, I decide the babe and I can pick up lunch. The mall was ideal because, low and behold they have a McDonalds and a Chinese Gourmet. I was able to get us both what we wanted (and calling dad, got his order too). After having a major contraction and a hot flash, we head back home. Me made it back moments after he did.

Lunch was filling and we all sat and watched another movie together. Once we put the babe to bed, we wached Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, which was outstanding! It was also very depressing, but of course we couldn't say we didn't see it coming. After that, we went back to our bedroom and stuck another movie in the PS2 (for noise, more than anything); The Hideway, based on the Dean Koontz book. I don't know what it was about that movie, but it got hubby into a particularly frisky mood. I had dozed off, but he succeeeded in waking me up in the nicest way possible (you know what I mean). He even put his fear aside for the evening and was not disappointed. He kept saying, "How could I have forgotten how good this was?!" I remember looking at the clock as I dozed off, two hours later.

Sunday was a surprise too. Normally, we have the big "philisophical" discussions about whether or not he should go to church and why it's "okay" to go, even if you feel like your the evilest among evil. No discussions at all! In fact, he put on a suit...a SUIT and got ready to go with the babe and I. Church was fine, until the usher brought me a note saying, "Enchantress, your mother has gone to the LDS Hospital emergency room." Talk about freaking out! We creep out of church and head to the hospital to visit my mom, who has checked herself in complaining of intense chest pains. She's fine and everything looks good, but she's going to have to take a stress test today. Her big complaint? "I've got a Thanksgiving meal to prepare in a couple of days. I really don't have time for this." Oh, so my mother.

We left the hospital, had breakfast, then went to the movies to see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. It was terrific! I was disappointed that they left out some great aspects in the novel but, the movie would have been nearly four hours long if they'd tried to keep everything. It was great, nonetheless (No, I'm not an obsessed Potter freak, but I do like the novels and my little one has enjoyed the stories thus far. She's also excited to see The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe...a story I, myself grew up with). We also saw the new trailer to Superman, and I nearly wet myself. I'm so excited for that one! I think I'll probably lose my mind when Joss Whedon finally gets Wonder Woman off the ground. I'm such a kid.

So, basically, my hubby was my hubby again this weekend and not just a house mate. It was wonderful having him around at home, being a dad to the babe the way he likes to and having a lover in my bed at night. I don't think I've slept so well in so long. I was really spoiled...even if it is something I can't have all the time, I really enjoyed myself. It was so easy to remember, this past weekend, why we got married in the first place.

Crocheted, Ghetto Fabulousness!

So, I'm the cute pregnant lady again. At least, my friends think I'm the cute pregnant lady. I went and got my hair did and I am loving it. It's black with bronze highlights (which I know is totally ghetto, but in Utah, nobody cares). Plus, I think it's pretty cute and I got loads of compliments. I'ts long and that automatically shaves 5 or six years off of me. When I got home with my new "do", my normally opinionated husband said absolutely nothing. At work, the girls (after ooing and awing for twenty minutes), asked me what he thought and I told them that he said nothing. This did not sit well with them because they know how he is and they spent time pondering his silence much more than I had. So, I waited for him to call, so I could question him (since they succeeded in making me paranoid). When he called a few minutes after our conversation, he was like, "Well, I left Nashville so I wouldn't have to look at Shaniqua in the ghetto." What the hell?

This evening, I came home and I told him how many compliments I'd gotten and he was like, "Yes, because all your coworkers are caucasian, honey, and don't know any better. And anyway, honey, it's not important if I like it, do you like it?"Then, he goes on to say, "I, personally, loved it the way it was the last time." Hmm. Talk about building up your self-esteem. Oh, well. He's right. He doesn't have to like it so, I will happily bask in the fact that I like it and I don't have to do a damn thing to it for three months. I can end my pregnancy, have this baby and start raising her a bit, all before I have to have it done again. Suits me just fine.

Hubby has actually been pretty depressed the past couple of days. Jail politics at it's best; they've decided to keep all the favorite officers where they are, which means any hope he or anyone else on graveyards had of changing back to day-shifts is down the crapper. That means, when shift-bid happens again in January, he stays where he is for another eight months. He was so disappointed, but not surprised. Then he got all pumped about Vegas again...in his eyes... a way out. I keep telling him that Vegas may not happen and that he needs to find a way to make life better for himself there, if he can, in the event that we do stay in Utah. It's just been today that logic has kicked back in for him and he's understanding what I said (of course, he already knew this for himself, but he was so upset he couldn't really see straight). We've pretty much decided that if we do stay, we will sell our home and opt for a condo instead.

I am so thrilled tomorrow is Friday! I can't believe how much I'm looking forward to sleeping in on Saturday! Normally, sleeping in doesn't interest me because I'm such a morning person. (yep, I'm one of those disgusting, happy, perky morning people that normal people who drink 4 cups of coffee by 9:00 am want to shoot) Every weekend is like a mini-vacation to me, now. What with all the energy I'm now putting into getting the nursery ready (these afternoon projects squeezed in after working all day in the office) is really beginning to take a toll on me. I still haven't mastered not doing the things I did before I was pregnant. I'm still trying to take on the world. But, there's so much to do before the baby gets here!

Once I finish the stenciling on the south wall, then I'll start working on assembling the crib (which just happens to be a convertible. I'm sure the directions will be a joy to ponder). After that, the Eddie Bauer Travel System stroller and car seat, then putting up the trim or crown molding (we haven't decided yet). The baby shower is next Tuesday, so there's another built-in project of organizing baby clothes and supplies. I think that's when I'll get the babe involved. She's been so patient, waiting for something she can do in the nursery. I didn't dare have her help with the stenciling, as much as she kept begging to help. I was afraid unicorns painted by the babe would have been a little to surreal. A babie's eyes can only handle so much.

Finally, I have to see about packing my bag for the hospital. I'm about a month behind there (they usually say have it packed before your 8th month. Oh well). So, I've got to get that together sooner rather than later. Oh, and of course, the Christmas tree must be up on Friday, November 25th. See? Taking on the world....

Maintenance

This week, I've been scrambling to find someone to do my hair. The lady I went to last time, just had a baby (so I kinda don't think she's up for braiding my hair). I knew of a place, not far from my home, that may work so I gave them a call. Shaqueta (I kid you not!) informed me that all the stylists would be traveling to Vegas for the holiday weekend/week and would I be able to come in tomorrow (today). So, last night, lil' sis and I were busy taking down the million microbraids in my head, all this after I'd spent two hours painting stencil "stuff" in the nursery. I was dog tired! Of course, it's not just taking down the braids, it's combing out the "mess" it leaves after you've washed out the three months of ground in yuck, lint and flakes. Combing (or maybe raking is a better word) out the now fro I have took about an hour.

So, today I'm sporting my favorite wig to cover the tangle free fro. I always get lots of compliments when I where it and it's been nearly a year since I've sported this one. I've pretty much grown out all of the process (perm) I had before the first braiding and it is thick as hell. The effects of the prenatal vitamins can definitely be seen in my hair. It's crazy! I hope they don't turn me away when I take this wig off and present them with my flattened fro, "Here. Please make this look pretty.'' I am looking forward to when it's done and I can be the cute, pregnant lady again. We'll see.



My coworker asked me when I was going to start my maternity leave. My answer? When my water breaks and that's pretty much the truth. Unless the doctor tells me otherwise, I'll be coming in until the baby makes her arrival. It sounds crazy, I know but, why stop and possibly loose out on needed money if I'm physically able to do my job? I mean, it's not like I'm running a crane or doing construction work. I sit at a desk and manage emails most of the day. I get up when I feel like it and, eventually, sit back down when I feel like it. I don't see what the big deal is. I'm not a wilting flower that needs to be babied during pregnancy. Granted, there's a lot I can't do now, but there's so much that I can still do. The only irritating thing, besides the dull ache in my lower back, is how hot I get during the end of the day. We've got 40 degree weather with low 20's at night, am I'm sweating like a slave by 2:00pm. It's embarrassing!

I've been wondering about my doctor, though. I think (and he hasn't said anything outright) that he will put me on bed rest, probably in mid-December. I have a feeling I won't make the Christmas party this year. I hate missing out on social events. Being the social butterfly that I am, it's a need I fulfill by participating in events like these. I hate getting things second hand...I want to be the one dispensing the information, know what I mean? Oh, well. I guess I can't be at everything. (My daughter has somehow inherited this trait and feels a need to be included in everything. She's young still and can't finesse it the way I can, so she can come off sounding annoying. Other times, the cute factor works in her favor.)