The Light at the End of the Tunnel is not a Train Bearing Down Upon Me

Saturday started off somewhat depressing. I got a call from hubby at work and he preceded in with the drama that is our relationship. We talked a long time trying to figure out what we want to do, but before we could finish, he had to hang up to go back to training. I was in tears, by the time the call ended, but then, I'm always in tears these days (damn pregnancy hormones!).

I took the babe to her birthday party in Salt Lake. Luckily, the mother of the birthday girl indicated that it was not necessary for me to stick around (thank goodness!). I don't think I could have handled all those little ragamuffins on a day like Saturday (cold, cold, depressingly cold and snowy). I ended up at a store doing some, dare I say it, Christmas shopping. I picked up a really nice, designer pull-over jacket for my hubby and a couple of other items. I also bought a gift for my coworker (actually, I already ordered a gift for her - several really cool coffee cups with beautiful, eclectic art work, but it's been on backorder so long, I doubt I'll get it before Christmas, the birth of the baby or both so, I bought something else - a wooden wine rack). I got the babe a huge drawing pad since she's always trying to find paper to color on and a couple of movies.

Afterwards, I went back to pick up the babe and just as we were leaving, she became obstinate and hateful. "I don't want to go home, mommy. I don't want to leave!" Pouting ensued along with some pre-temper tantrum type behavior (which I don't go for and she's never done) So, I'm standing there embarrassed because she's being a total brat and won't listen to anything I'm telling her, but I'm so tired that I can't regulate like I want to. By the time she got to the car, she was in tears because I'd said the all dreaded, "Your daddy's going to hear about this." I hate to throw that card for one because I don't want her to think that her mother can't handle her and for two because then I'm the confirmed bad guy and he's always the good guy (wouldn't you cry if your eternal "good guy" all of a sudden became upset with you?). What a mess! I grounded her for the evening and that seemed to do the trick.

When dad got home, he talked to her and gave her the, do-what-your-mother-says-or-I'll-really-give-you-something-to-cry-about speech. Afterwards, he had her helping with some chores he needed to take care of. Shortly after, she came up and apologized for her behavior. Oh, the apologies! She's so precious when they're sincere. I'm glad I have a good kid, for the most part. Once we were all squared away and had eaten dinner, I put her to bed and showered. Hubby had nodded off on the couch and I decided a few days ago that I'm not playing the wake-up-and-talk-to-me game anymore, so I just left him there.

A little while later, he comes in and apologizes for falling asleep and is mad at himself for doing so, because of all the paperwork he still needed to do before his Vegas trip. He goes downstairs and gets the paperwork, brings it back up stairs and starts working on it. We talk some more, getting out more of the frustration we've both been feeling. I whip out the laptop and help him find some addresses he needs (his work then becoming a team effort). It was kind of fun, burning the midnight oil together. I fell asleep at around ten as we watched Michael Buble in concert on PBS. When I woke up for my first potty break, it was nearly 1:00 am and he was still at it. I told him, "Aren't you glad you don't have to deal with this...me getting up at all hours of the night to go to the bathroom, only to sit up until the baby stops playing kung-fu fighter with my organs?" He was like, "Actually, I would rather be here with you then, I could sit-up with you when you wake up." This is the hubby I know and love. I helped him some more with his project, then the little one quieted down and I went back to sleep.

We got up at the same time and he left for Vegas at around 6:30am. Unfortunately, due to a white-out down south and terrible traffic into Vegas (a rodeo convention or something), he didn't make it to the Palace Station until close to 5:00pm PST. He was so pissed, but glad to be off the road (normally, he would have gotten there at or near 11:00 am). Those extra hours in the car really had him in a foul state, but I definitely couldn't blame him. We talked a bit about the next day's events and how he was going to prepare. His attitude about all of this is so different than what it was a few months ago. I'm glad he's not putting so much stake into this. He spends so much time worrying about every little thing that, I guess, he's finally figured it out! Worrying isn't going to make things happen or not happen. Things will happen or not happen, regardless of his fretting over it. I just want him (and the rest of the family) to find our center again. After our talk yesterday and our phone conversation this morning, it may really be a good light and not a train bearing down upon us. I was beginning to think the latter.

On a different track, I spent a lot of quality time with the babe, last night. We worked on Christmas presents for the neighbors (we're doing the layered cookie jars with the recipes). They take a lot of time and I'm finding that I'm running out of ingredients fast and frequently. I'll have to stop at the store again this afternoon (and I was just there yesterday!). We also sat on the couch together and talked about the shows we were watching. I'm glad I can field her questions cause there's really a lot of raunchy stuff on t.v. these days and she's smart. I don't pull the wool over her eyes, but I do explain things in a way that I believe she can understand them better. We had our story, then I put her to bed. Hubby called again just after that to talk a bit and tell me good night. Overall, I'm feeling better about life and it not sucking as much as it did when the weekend started. I'm hoping it progressively gets better and that I can climb out of this funk and enjoy the holidays like I'd like to.