tHe ChRiStMaS kId In Me

As Christmas has been approaching, I've been thinking about the things in my life that bring so much joy to me during the holidays. We've always put up the tree the day after Thanksgiving (artificial, of course). When we lived in California, we would sometimes have our fake tree and a few weeks into December, my dad would go out buy a live tree. The live tree would be in the living room for the family and the artificial would be in the window, to be seen by passersby. We never really decorated beyond the trees, but the house still felt so festive, nonetheless.

We would also watch the standard Christmas shows like, A Charlie Brown Christmas, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Scrooged, A Christmas Carol, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, A Christmas Story, White Christmas, A Garfield Christmas, A Muppet Family Christmas, A Claymation Christmas... (I think you get the idea). This just added to the feelings of holidays, food and family.

One year, my parents went to a Christmas party across the street. I was probably 5 or 6, but the memory is pretty clear. I remember lots of talking and laughing, then having more than my share of goodies and my parents having more than their share of eggnog and whatever other booze was being served. When the hour became late, my parents were saying their goodbyes, grabbed me and we headed out. As we crossed the street, my dad looked up and pointed at the sky and said, "Hey, I see the sleigh. Look! Look!" I'm straining to try to see and insisting over and over again that I can't see anything. All of a sudden, I see something sort of falling out of the sky (a falling star, no doubt, but a great decoy for a little kid). I raced to the front door and announced to my parents that I had to get to bed right away, or else Santa wouldn't come to our house.

I remember another year (perhaps, the very next year), when we went to a neighbor's house, premade song books in tow to rehearse for caroling. Now, I can't imagine doing this now, but in 60 degree weather in California, it was perfectly fine. We went door to door singing our songs and had a really good time. When we were finished, we came back to the neighbor's house for eggnog, cider and hot cocoa. It's a warm and happy memory and another time when I remember my parents actually being together at the same time (my dad toured a lot, but he was always home for the holidays).

After moving to Nashville, Christmas as a teenager became more about spending time with my friends and doing holiday "stuff" with them. We would watch movies, have tree-trimming parties, go to movies, visit shops in the mall and check out all the holiday decorations around the city. It was fun and I appreciated having a job, so that I could give rather than just get.

Trying to remember the best Christmas I've ever had as a kid is really tough because, they're all starting to blend together. I personally think this is a good thing; memories and feelings are meshing into one and there's not a specific Christmas I remember because of some gift I got, but more about the happiness and love I felt during those times. As an adult, I remember Christmas 2002 very vividly. We'd been in our home a couple of years and our daughter was old enough to appreciate the lights and also appreciate ripping open boxes with pretty paper. She wasn't too concerned about what was inside.

Now that my babe is older, I look at how she marvels at all the Christmas glitz and I'm hoping her memories are starting to form because she really seems happy...specifically, showing the same kind of happiness I once had as a child during the holidays. She's helped me put some of the gifts together this year and I'm hoping I can leave the cookies up to her (with only my assistance during the baking process) and I want to try and have her wrap a gift or two, so that she feels like she's participating in the giving process as well (and not always on the receiving end). I really have felt like Christmas is so much more fun with a child in the house. In college and even after my hubby and I first got married, it was nice but it wasn't the way I remembered Christmas. Children really make the holidays special.

She's getting some pretty high-end gifts this year, some of which I didn't get until I was in high school, for heaven's sake! I've told her daddy that, as times change, we'll get broker and broker with each holiday and birthday. One day, she's going to ask for a computer or a laptop and I'm sure she'll come to us with a, "Mommy, Daddy, can I have a cell phone?" These are items that would never have entered my parent's minds as potential gifts, but they are very much a reality and a near necessity in this day and age. It's nuts! I hope that she will also reach a point where the giving becomes more important to her than the receiving. That feeling brings it's own, personal specialness to it.

I'm anxious to see how Christmas will change with, not just one child but two. Will they enjoy each other at Christmas? Will they share their joy? Will the big sister make sure the little one finds happiness in what she has? I'm anxious to also see if this Christmas brings me the joy of two children...who knows! It could happen!