Feeling the Stress

I was so irritated last night before my hubby left for work, and I couldn't put my finger on why until he walked out of the door; I am lonely for adult companionship. I have my daughter all the time and I love her dearly, but you can only deal with so much "Arthur" and "Cyberchase" and "PBS Kids" in general before you start to feel like you're five yourself. Then, there's the Kindergarten chatter (which tickles me so), but is also not enough to stimulate the adult mind. Once she's in bed, hubby is up and preparing to leave for work. I hate this! What's even more irritating is that he said, "Oh, we'll have Wednesday and Thursday to spend together." Yeah, right. I knew his butt would get busy doing stuff (cleaning the house, mowing the lawn, moving out furniture -- which I'm totally happy he does and am not complaining about the acts themselves), and I knew he'd end up going to bed way too late as usual. When that happens, he doesn't get up until time to go to work. Then, we have 30 minutes to chat,which isn't nearly enough and then away he goes.

So, this morning, he makes his morning call to me, as the babe and I are driving to school and work and he's on his way to the gym. I'm getting a little snappy and irritated with every comment he makes (some of which deserved my irritation - going to his test site in October with a friend and staying at said friend's, friend's house or some garbage). Finally, he says, "What's going on with you? Are you grouchy or something?" I'm like, "Hell yeah, I'm grouchy."
"Why? Did you get enough sleep last night? What's going on?"
"I was grouchy when you left last night, I was grouchy during the night and I woke up grouchy. I'm lonely...I just miss adult companionship, that's all."
"Well, you know I"m on graveyard shift. There's nothing I can do about that."
"Yes. I know this, but I can't help the way I feel."
"I'm not trying to devalue your feelings, honey, I'm just saying..."
"I know, I know. I just need to deal with it. I'll figure it out."
But, frankly, I'm not sure what to do. We ended our call a few seconds after that and I know I didn't leave him feeling in the best way, but I wasn't exactly floating on cloud nine myself.

Even now, I'm just trying to figure out how to get out of this funk. It's so difficult to try and help myself when I'm so overly emotional and there's no way to get that under control. This is the part of pregnancy that I don't like one little bit. I hate feeling like I can't manage myself emotionally. I hate feeling out of control like I'm just going to start crying at any moment uncontrollably (the swing side to it is that, once I start laughing, I can't seem to stop that either).

To try to smooth things over, I called and left my hubby a message, apologizing for getting his day off to such a crappy start. I also conveyed my distress over my lack of control and how I appreciate his help and all the effort he is putting forth. I hope he doesn't just take it as lip service, because I was being very sincere. What a mess...I miss working out. I had an outlet for all of this, but my exercise must remain minimal, less I go into the hospital early for heart attack complications.

I'm so glad the weekend is nearly here. I could use the down time...really badly. Again, it will be me and the babe...hubby has to work.