Is This for Real?

From a fun day with my girls to a rocky marriage. What happened? It's definitely a pattern. Last summer, hubby and I went through a few sessions of counseling. We gained a new found respect for each other (not that we didn't respect each other before, but it was rejuvenated and allowed us to communicate better) and revitalized our relationship. I thought we were making good head-way and we seemed to be moving to the same page. We would have issues resurface, but we would try to work through them as best we could. Well, last week, some of those issues resurfaced again and this time it hit the mark with hubby. He feels we're too close to the issues and need to be apart (I gather you can tell where this is going).

So, hubby has been looking into a non-lease option for a place to live. He's also discussed "kid share time" with me, which was so unsettling, I thought I might be sick! I can't believe we're here and I just fret everyday now, "Why is this happening? What could I have done differently? Are we just so different now that we can't deal with each other?" I'm literally a wreck. Relationships aren't perfect and I understand that but I never thought I would be here. Hubby thinks the time apart would allow us to think about what we want to do. I know what I want to do; I want to be with my husband. I've expressed this to him. Now, I'm starting to believe that this is more for him; does he want to be with me...he says there's no one else, but I can't help but wonder. It's so black and white for me.

The girls don't know and telling my oldest will literally be a nightmare. She's so sensitive and I know she'll have to release this somehow, whether at school or at home. I want to make the transition as smoothly as I can for her but I know that there will be hard times ahead for her. The baby, I'm not so worried about, but she will notice that things aren't "normal".

The depression is starting to set in. I love him so much and it just kills me that he'll be away. We haven't slept in the same bed for two days and you'd think it was a lifetime! I really, really hate this (and I don't use that word often). He's set on moving out for a while and he doesn't want emotion to cloud him and change his mind; the quicker the better. I feel like I'm losing a limb or something! Life can really slap you in the face, sometimes. I'm really trying to be strong...at least for my girls. It's hardest when I'm alone with my own thoughts...I'm so lost and empty.

Stats, of course, are not so good (see below). By the way, we will have/would have hit our ten year wedding anniversary next month.

"Reconciliation after Separation
A sociology professor from Baltimore posted this citation on the FAMILYSCI listserv:
"The only statistic I have is the one cited in my marriages/families
textbook, but it may (or may not) be dated: "Approximately 10 percent of all
currently married couples (9 percent of white women and 14 percent of black
women) in the United States have separated and reconciled" (Wineberg and
McCarthy, "Separtion and reconciliation in American marriages," Journal of
Divorce & Remarriage 29, 1993: 131-46). If there's a more recent cite, I
haven't bumped across it yet."