Smut Meme (tagged)

Wow! I haven't been tagged in a while. Smut, huh? Haven't talked trash in a while either. This should be interesting. Who tagged me? Why, Buffoon, of course. Who shall I tag? How about GC and Icey (if they're up to it). Anyone is welcome to join this band wagon. Equal opportunity, right?

You're welcome to post it on your blogs. You must call it the Smut Meme, you must link to me in the beginning paragraph, and you must tag 2 people, and link to them as well. Oh, and you must post this little blurb of instructions at the beginning, as has been done here.

1. Chocolate or Whipped Cream:

I love both! And together? Oh, the possibilities! Hubby and I haven't indulged in "food love" in a long time. It's hard to be creative when kid could enter in anytime.

2. Leather or PVC:

I used to get these smut catalogs when I was a teenager. PVC clothing is huge "underground". There were even ads on how to have a PVC wedding! I never entertained the idea for my own sex life, once I began to have one. I'm a sweater and it just seems like you'd sweat buckets with that stuff on. I'll stick with the cow-hide (pleather, preferably.) Oh, and cow-hide if it died of natural causes, I suppose.

3. Outdoor Sex or Indoor Sex:

Indoor. I have an issue with critters joining in.


4. In the Jacuzzi or In Bed?

Both! It's been a while since we've done it in water. Don't try this unless everything is "ready" or it could prove really uncomfortable.

5. Bad Sex or No Sex:

Yeesh! I'd rather have no sex than bad sex. I don't choose to, but I'd rather handle things "on my own" if these were the choices.


6. Dominate or Be Dominated:

Can't we take turns?


7. Thigh highs or Bodystocking:

Neither. Both would just get in the way.


8. Fast or Slow:

Depends on my mood.


9. Rough or Gentle:

See #8

10. Bite or Suck:

Hubby likes both. No biting sensitive areas on my end, please.

11. Role play or Reality:

Reality. Hubby and I have talked about it, but I think I would just laugh the entire time. I'm too honest for my own good, I guess.

12. Dirty Talking or Dirty Talking To:

Hubby likes me to talk dirty, but I feel so fake when I do. He's always asking, though. If it's directed at me? I don't care either way.

13. Edible panties or No Panties:

I'd rather not wear much of anything. I'm waiting for the "Garden of Eden" days to return.

14. Spanking paddle or Bare-handed:

None of the above.


15. Landing Strip or Kojak:

Right now, things are a little wild, but I'm for the Kojak look, thanks.


16. Multiple Sessions or One Good F*&%:

Multiple sessions. When I've got the energy, 2 or 3 hours is great!

17. Moaning or Screaming:

Compulsive talkers like me make noise. This has caused kid curiosity. I've had to tone it down a lot since the kids came into the picture.

18. Older (Wo)men or Young (Wo)men:

Older, please.

19. Threeway or No Way:

If I weren't married? Who knows!

20. Swing or No Swinging:

Nah, I don't like to share.

Apeculture.com

Here's a survey I stumbled upon (I've edited some of the questions because I thought..."Gosh, there's no way I can answer this). So, here it is! Consider yourselves tagged.

1. What's the strangest place you've made whoopee? Probably the basement of my mother's house. We tried to be really quiet, but I don't think anyone was fooled.
   

2. Name a part of your body you detest. My arms. Ugh! I'm a linebacker...it's crazy!
   

3. What is your most painful childhood memory? I went through a thievery phase in elementary school. I know now that it was for attention, but I changed everyone's perception of me when I was caught. No one trusted me.
   

4. Describe how you lost your virginity. I was dating my now husband for about five months. He'd been begging and begging for a while, but I was pretty sure I could wait until I married. I figured it would be him (Justifying, yes). Four days after graduation, we were getting pretty hot and heavy in his bedroom when one thing led to another. Black satin sheets...could it be more cliche?
   

5. Name 4 porno movies you watch over and over. We don't have any anymore, but theirs plenty of smut samples on the computer. Haven't watched any in a long time (no need to).
   

6. Name something you have shoplifted. I lifted a comb set from a kiosk at Marine land when I was a child. I didn't have enough money for it and the stuffed dolphin. It's seems so stupid, now.
   

7. What's the highest your credit card debt has ever been? About $12,000 -$15,000 combined (me and hubby). He's credited home improvement purchases on cards, but that's about it. I just hate using them. When I do, I try to pay them off right away.
   
   

8. On a scale of 1-10, rate your self-esteem. Right now, it's around 6, but once the baby weight is off, look out!
   

9. Name a celebrity of the opposite sex whose bones you would like to jump. Just one? Nuh, uh. There's no way I could name just one:Vin Diesel, LL Cool J, Christian Bale, Jason Statham. Whew! Hot, hot, hot!!
   

10. List a medical problem you had that you were embarrassed to talk to the doctor about. I was ten and had taken a very aggressive round of antibiotics. A week later, I was all itchy in the neither regions and eventually had to tell my mom (because it was driving me crazy). This was before yeasty beastie medicine was over the counter, so off to the doctor's we went. I had to get a special inserter because I was still a virgin and hadn't started my period (I wasn't used to having things in there). I remember being so embarrassed.
    

11. When was the last time you voted and who did you vote for? The last Presidential election. Um, not Bush. I'm not crazy. I was one of the millions that voted for Kerry. Oh, well.
    

12. When was the last time you picked your nose? Did you get caught? Yesterday. Nope, I was in the bathroom.
    

13. When was the last time you farted? Yesterday...I had black beans. It couldn't be helped.
    

14. Women: do you groom yourself "down there"? I was much better about it when I was thinner. I would shave what little I have completely off. I think my hubby likes the variety so, I go back and forth. He's the only one who cares about it anyway. Oh, and I'll make sure "nothings hanging out" when swim season appears.
    
    

15. How much money do you make? Not enough :-), but above average in my field.
    

16. How much money does your dad make? Who the hell knows. Probably a lot less than me. It's too bad, since he could make 6 figures if he really wanted to.
    

17. Have you ever considered suicide? When and why? What method? Once, when I was younger. I could never go through with it, though. I'm not that selfish and way too chicken.
    

18. Have you ever been so drunk or high you didn't remember what you did? What did your friends later tell you that you did? It was New Year's eve 97-98. I asked my boyfriend to buy me a bottle of Champagne. It didn't taste right at some point in the drinking, and I added sugar. Oh, the agony the next day (my one and only hangover). There are parts of that night that I don't remember. I'm glad I was in a safe place.
    

19. Have you ever had an abortion or paid for someone to have one? No
    

20. Was potty training easy for you? My mom says it was, but I always wanted to bring my little potty out when company was around and show everyone.
    

21. If you could eliminate one religion from the face of the earth, which one would you pick? Mormonism
    

22. Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight? What about in a sleazy dive bar? Yep, and boy was he sweaty. Never been to a sleazy dive bar, but would love to go one day and people watch.
    

23. Have you ever eaten a lot of junk food and then thrown it up on purpose? Yes. I had
    several slices of pizza, a lot of soda and what seemed like buckets of candy. I felt awful and didn't want to have to endure the misery for the night, so I brought it back up. Oh, the colors.