My Little Girl is Growing Up!

Things are going well with the eating and workout plan. I'm feeling so much better and have a few pounds lost to show for it. I don't know how many inches are gone, but I'm starting to see a difference (which is always good). I may meet my first goal yet!

As I was playing on my Sims 3 game yesterday, the eldest walks in and says, "Mom, I think I started my period." Well, I've heard this before and in the past, it's just been "mistaken identity". This time, she was correct. I thought about my first time and realized that it coincides with hers! It was the summer vacation just before seventh grade when "Aunt Flo" made her appearance for the first time for me too.

My plan was to give her "The Talk" after her birthday, but I believe I'll have to push that up a bit sooner. Dad is on stand-by to take Indy, while I have this very frank discussion with the eldest. My girlfriend said, "How are you going to have this conversation?" I told her I was just going to come out with it, no use beating around the bush. (Bad pun.Sorry.) I'll then talk with her about the other things like, how a young man should treat a young woman, respecting herself and her body and, finally, not giving in to every little temptation. I also want her to know that she's okay to ask questions and get straight answers from me (friends can sometimes have the totally wrong impression).

This is a hard age and no one could pay me enough to go back through it again. I hope that she knows she has parents ready to listen and support from multiple places to help steer her through. My little girl isn't a little girl anymore. What a milestone!

Updating Myself

With a new body, I've been seeking out clothes more than I used to. It always happens when I lose a little weight, but even more so now. I've been taking an opportunity to actually look at the clothing sale emails I get and have considered placing orders for lots of cute gear.

The fact is, I have so much (still) that I haven't worn and have been looking forward to wearing for just this time in my life. Some of it I'm a little afraid to wear. My hubby likes what I call, "naked" clothes and I'm a little self-conscious yet about wearing that stuff. I still have about 15 more pounds I want to lose and the plan is to get those off this summer. I've been wondering if I'll feel a little more self confident at that time to wear the "nakedness".

I haven't begun my workout plan this week like I wanted to. Some thing or another has sabotaged every morning that I would have gotten in a cardio session. It usually starts with whatever drama I've created the night before. For example, this weekend hubby has another show. We were up until midnight last night mixing his 60 second posing song for his routine (Didn't know I was a D.J., did you!). Anyway, after I completed the mp3 creation I knew there was no way I was going to get up and do the elliptical thing.

I don't dare say, "Maybe I'll start tomorrow," anymore because I keep jinxing myself. I do want to and the motivation is certainly there. I don't want arms flapping in the wind when I bust out the bathing suit. No matter what any one says, that is never a good look (young, old, big or skinny).

With all this updating, it really won't matter in a matter of weeks because I won't have to worry too much about my appearance. Working from home, I suppose I'll need only to update my sweat suits?! Of course, I'll still go out to grocery shop and taxi my kids. The occasional date with my hubby and church will be the time that effort is truly expended. It seems so weird! I could just look good for me and my dogs. Nah.

The night before, he kept me up discussing house projects we have to complete before the summer. Why do these discussions occur at night? Because, he doesn't get home until nearly 8 or 9 o'clock most evenings. An earlier night this week, we were helping the babe with her crazy math homework. I don't remember my homework being this insane in elementary school. What's going on, these days?

Whenever I do, I'm prepared. It's been two months and it's going to kick my tail all over the basement. I'll need plenty of potassium and apple cider vinegar for cramps and overall soreness. Why am I inviting all this agony? My hubby can't be the only one in the house who's rockin' a hard body. It's my turn.

Meeting with the Teacher and Age

This morning, hubby and I had to meet with the Babe's teacher. It was a good meeting and I hope the Babe was listening to all of the good advice the teacher gave her. My Babe has a busy mouth and sometimes doesn't know when to close it. She's also incredibly hard-headed, which can cause her some strife in the classroom. We talked strategies for frustration and the incessant talking she does for about half an hour this morning. It's the first time in a long time I've talked to a teacher and not felt like we (the parents) were on trial. I hope it made a difference.

My cardio pace has increased substantially. It always does the stronger and more "aerobic" I become. I'm hoping hubby still wants to purchase the new treadmill. That will change things up and allow for more weight/fat loss for sure. You don't burn nearly as many calories in the amount of time like you do with an elliptical, but you work bones and the impact is greater. This allows for bigger changes in the workout. I'm also preparing myself mentally to tackle toning and weight training again. I always feel so good when it's part of my regular routine (and I look a lot like the participants in the videos...seriously! Everything is long and tight. The results are fantastic!), it's just getting there again. The soreness, the yelling at the instructors, the initial shock of how blubbery I am. That initial process of starting is tough, tough, tough.

The air is clean again. Yeah! We are getting regular snow and rain this week, which is pushing out the nasty inversion we've had for about a month. The skyline is visible again and the mountains are white and breath taking. I just love it! It was sort of my birthday wish to God, last week. "I want rain and 40 degree weather." Guess what we got? ;)

Speaking of birthdays, my 35th approaches. Next Monday, I will officially be smack in the middle of my thirties. I've been more nostalgic with this birthday than with any of my birthdays past, making play-lists of the top 100 songs of various years to kind of usher it in. It's been fun and a little weird, too. My eldest knows some of the songs because they still play many of them on the radio. She sings along some times, other times she says, "Is that a man or woman singing?" Lots of androgynous singing in the 80's, I guess. She's lucky she didn't have to endure the visual pain of the fashion. I remember my neon-pink socks I wore with everything. Stirrup pants, psychedelic colors that matched nothing and sent folks into seizures. Yikes!

Having a Meaningful Relationship...

...with my scale. You'll recall that we "broke up" a while back, well we're trying to work things out. It's going to be a hard road, but I've been down it before. I'm optimistic.

Breaking up with the Scale

I've decided to do this, over the last couple of weeks. How freeing! Before, I would check almost daily...seeing if those pesky 15 pounds I picked up over the holidays were leaving (usually an up and down affair due to my unending water weight gain). Then, the funeral and traveling back south thwarted more plans for loss. You can't go back south and not eat, right? Real BBQ and Long Joh.n Silvers were calling my name! Yes, there is such a thing as self control, but I chose not to use it. I do not regret that choice. I knew I'd have work to do and I was up to the challenge.

Anyway, when I got back, I started working out full-force again. The portion sizes cut and better foods going into the machine were/are the goal. I'm going strong, feeling better and looking pretty good, but I'm avoiding the scale. I don't want to set myself up for defeat. Therefore, the scale and I are breaking up, parting "weighs" and agreeing to see other people. Oh, we'll meet on occasion for coffee and catch up on old times (perhaps in a couple of months), but our relationship was destructive and I've got to let it go. Free at last! Now, on to getting back into my "get it girl" jeans.

A Movie at the Theater? Really?!

Hubby and I caught Hellboy II at the local theater this past weekend. Really! We even took Indy with us (the babe was invited to a sleepover, so she was not with us). Indy was intrigued by the first one, calling him "the monkey", so we figured she'd be okay in the theater and she was (to our delight). I thought it was fun, but the first one had a better story with much more heart. Mr. Del Toro's infusion of "Pan's Labyrin.yth" type elements was a nice touch and the special effects were cool. They also left room for a third installment, but I'm not sure that's a wise move.

Still haven't seen "the bat", but I'm anxious. There's a special place in my hear for the DC Comic characters (especially my girl). After seeing the animated movie from red box, the special features teased me with a trailer for the Wonder Woman animated movie, coming out next spring. I was thrilled!

I had a nice surprise last night...a call from my best friend in high school. We talked for about half an hour about our families, our lives and the current culture climate in Utah and Tennessee. It was, as always, an eye-opener hearing about all the changes. I'm not due back until next year and I can only imagine how much will have changed by then. Two hours later, my college best friend called! I felt so loved and realized that I really need to put my "free" minutes into use on the weekends and talk to these ladies.

Hubby is training folks again, and this time, he's getting paid. He's not the most organized person, when it comes to business. I can foresee a lot of paper work and such being handle by moi. So far, transactions have occurred without receipts (not good). He says he's on the hunt for a good receipt book and I was like, "Honey, it really doesn't matter what it costs. You don't have to be super frugal...you'll probably right it off anyway." We've never done the personal business thing before and we've still got a lot to learn, but I definitely know that the money needs to be documented.

I started weight training again, yesterday morning and I'm paying for it today. The front and back of my arms, my chest and even my shoulders are in agony. Lactic acid is definitely to blame, so I'm trying to drink my water like a good girl. Tonight, we're supposed to paint and wash cars. I was going to try to work in some cardio, but we'll see how time plays out. Tomorrow? Leg day. I think I'll roll over and die now, thank you.

Life is Pretty Hectic these Days

We're still fighting with our systems at work (only some things are operational, which makes it crazy difficult to get anything done). On the home front, hubby and I are out of sorts; not arguing so much as just not talking. We got into it on Saturday and by Sunday afternoon, the words were few. Things have been that way ever since. I'm just so tired of fussing about things and then having it turn into a world crisis with him. I'm just trying to stay low key in hopes that the little things don't become monumental again. It's exhausting.

The babe is winding down her school year. When did four weeks away from summer vacation happen? I'm really thrilled about not having to drill on homework once a week, but we are going to do some prep work for third grade. I want her to get a jump on things, since she is usually the youngest in her class and the one most likely to be behind mentally and physically. I've also decided that gymnastics will break and we'll do swim for the summer. I think she'll benefit from one-on-one lessons, rather than the group lessons she has been taking the past few years.

Indy is really making strides with potty-training. She'll sit on the pot for a while now and attempt to wipe herself. She still hasn't actually done anything in the pot, but it will happen. Her teacher has asked me to bring lots of clothes and under pants. She believes we can have her all trained sooner rather than later. I hope so. It would be so great to be done with diapers and pull ups once and for all.

I am doing well on my plan again. After our Washington trip, I put on a couple of pounds and have managed to work them off. I'm motivated to keep going and have a strategy planned for my pre-TOM time (that seems to be when things fall apart).

You Gotta See it to Believe it!

My first blog was created to chronicle my quest to a better body. I began that quest and did quite well, then I got pregnant and decided to do my chronicling here. I didn't pick up my posts on my previous blog until January of this year, in my attempts to lose said baby weight. It was a rough start. Illness after illness, problem after problem. I just couldn't get a handle on it. For the last couple of months, I've really put my focus in. I even signed up on the Daily Plate and began tracking my food and exercise there, just so I wouldn't have to do it on one my dumb spreadsheets. Well, the proof is in the pudding (or lack thereof in my case). I'm down 25 pounds and have nearly hit the ultimate goal I set for myself: to return to my pre-pregnancy weight and size.

I will be changing that goal very soon and it has me a little anxious. Where will this new goal lead? Will I get there? Will my hubby kill me in the process? (he's designing a plan for me and I haven't seen it yet. I have a feeling that there will be lots of yelling and tears on my end). My visual goal is to get down as far as I can, in order to compete for a figure competition. That means my weight training program is about to kick into overdrive and I'm sort of excited by the idea. My arms and legs are already looking better than they did before the baby, and I was training then. I don't know what's different. My attitude is good, but it was good then too. I'm older, so that's definitely not a benefit. My eating is a little different, so perhaps that's it. Oh, and that part of it will change when I start preparing for the competition itself. The menu isn't the most appetizing in the world, but it serves it's purpose. I'll probably feel like all I do is eat once it begins.

The competition is a goal and certainly not something that I'm cornering myself into doing. If I get there, I get there and that's great! If I don't, then what have I lost? Absolutely nothing...but I would have gained a super hot body on the way. I feel really good and the prospect of feeling better astounds me. I'm also loving the bonuses like tight arms and very little jiggle in the thighs. Nice.

If you decided to peruse the other site, my weight may surprise you. The number seems quite high for someone of my height, and it is; however, I carry a huge amount of muscle mass. I have since I was a child and my own children do as well (my seven year-old is skinny at forty pounds, but ripped...she should be competing!). I've carried my weight well but I haven't made that an excuse. I am quick to get it off when it begins to cause me problems with my health or, heaven forbid, prevent me from wearing my favorite clothes.

I'm looking forward to wherever this new road leads me. So far, it's been a good ride.

Married Woman Goes on Date

It's true! I really did...and it was wonderful. Hubby took me out to dinner to a lovely Thai restaurant. I had the Pra Ram and he had the very spicy meal with Thai Chilies and noodles, that I can't pronounce. Both were wonderful and we had adult dinner conversation! Actual conversation! Then, we went to an event (which I will not mention here). I will only say that it served to pump me up!


****We interrupt this program to bring you this breaking news!****

I've been thinking about Figure competitions and have toyed with the idea in the past, but now I think I might actually try to reach for this goal. It's sort of the rabbit in my dog race. It's okay if I don't actually catch the rabbit, but if I can get close to it...

The difference between this and regular bodybuilding is that the women are training for symmetry and definition, not bulk. It's also about looking toned, yet feminine. What a novel idea! Why some women want to look like a big, bulky dude is beyond me but hey, it's live and let live. I'm not here to judge or crash any body's party. There are also Fitness competitions, but they are really focused on athleticism (which I have none and wouldn't admit to it just to save face). I can dance and do well with choreography, but integrating back flips and splits into my dance routine would have me face first on the stage. No thank you.

So, with my new found enthusiasm, incorporated to my already bustling workout agenda, I think I may do well. Hubby is all geared up to train me (of course he is!). I just don't know if I'm ready to start sucking down egg whites, tuna, brown rice and oatmeal all day again. I felt more than full all the time and the eating all day was nutty to me. I remember how good I looked, so I'll just have to keep reminding myself that it's all for the greater good.

***Now, back to our regularly scheduled program****

The date finished with hubby and I returning home at around 9:30, paying the babysitter, and settling in for a nightcap. I ate my leftover dinner and he warmed up some of the hamburgers I grilled, earlier in the week. You would have thought I'd created a masterpiece, as much as he raved about them. I'm glad they were good because those suckers took me two full hours to cook. My hubby buys in bulk, so "yours truly" grilled twelve burgers that night. Twelve!

We pulled a movie out of our archives to watch; Devil's Advocate. It was better than I remembered and only reaffirmed my belief that Al Pacino's an amazing actor. He totally absorbs his character and that's not easy for people to do. (I'm a big fan of Christan Bale's for that very reason.) As much as Jack Nicholson rocks, Jack is always Jack to me.

The night ended and I wished hubby didn't have to get up and go to work the next morning, but he did and I survived. I look forward to the holidays when, hopefully, I'll have a little more time with him. I loved date night and I'm already feening for another one.

Back from Vacation

I've been back since Sunday, but it's been hard getting back into the rhythm of things, which also includes my attempts at exercising. I had started off well before I left, getting in a walk here or there or doing a workout video. It was a good habit in progress and then...vacation. Vacation to the south which equals to lots and lots of double-dipped, super fried craziness. I didn't go as overboard as I thought but it's still damage to work off.

Hubby and I missed each other during the five day hiatus, but we survived as did my eldest daughter (I took Indy with me. Hey, it's only a few more months before she's too old to fly for free. I definitely took advantage). He managed to get homework stuff done and house work. Amazing! She was happy to have her mom back and I was happy to see her, when I returned.

The trip was very nostalgic for me. I saw my sorority sisters, my best friend from high school, my best friend from college, my father and his wife and all the places I grew up going to and loving. Indy didn't do so well, intestinally that is. She was runny most of the trip. Hubby believes it had to do with the altitude change. That may be, but I also think the difference in food and it's preparation was major. We ate things she's never had before and I'm sure her stomach was rebelling.

As for seeing all my friends, it really made me miss those connections. At times, I thought I was intruding in the normal activities of their lives but it turns out, they never get together. Only a few miles apart, and no lunches, play dates or dinners to be had. Would that be different for me if I was there. I kind of think it would. I miss them tremendously, but I have no plans of ever moving back there.

The city had changed some, but not much. When I went back to my college town, I saw more changes there than anywhere. The street was heavily congested when I left but going back? It was terrible! They've built tons of new restaurants and stores on the major drag and there's just not enough room for everything and daily traffic. They're going to have to do something soon, if the population keeps growing (which it will). So much for the quaint, little college town I remember.

I'll be working out momentarily. I realized that my waist line is really struggling from the C-section I had. It's been hard getting that area toned up so, it's back to the Firm for me and perhaps a bit of Jane Fonda (I know it's dated, but I love her workouts!).

Black on White May Help

Going on and on with my little tangent yesterday must have made a difference...at least, somewhat. When I got home, hubby was working in the yard with the Babe so, I joined in where I could. Not exactly walking in the park, but activity nonetheless. By the time we were done, it was going on 6:00pm and the kids were hungry. Hubby suggested picking something up and then taking it to the park to eat. This wasn't really a practical idea on a school night, so we went out to dinner at a buffet (with coupon!) instead.

Let's just say I enjoyed myself a little too much. By my third trip up, I knew I had blown it for the day (the third trip, by the way, was to the dessert bar so, I 'm doing better than others). Chicken Parmigiana, bread sticks, butterfly fried shrimp, veggie rice, chocolate chip cookies, double fudge brownies. It was a really exceptional Tuesday night dinner and my body was quick to judge me for it.

Afterwards, we strolled around a department store that was located in the same parking lot. I ended up getting a pair of sandals, since my other ones broke on the way to my car last night. I was really bummed. They were lovely, even if they were from Payless. We also bought Indy another Elmo DVD. Potty Time Elmo, or something like that. It might as well be worth while, if we're buying a DVD for a toddler.

When we got home it was "get the kids ready for bed and reading time". It was also, pull-the-left-incisor-tooth-from-the-babe's-mouth time, too. She lost most of her baby teeth last year, but there are still a few left. It wasn't as stressful as in times before thank goodness. She woke up with a nice, new dollar this morning. I think I'll ask her for a loan.

This morning, I woke up to work and was almost done when I decided, "I'm going to do my workout," and I did. Twenty minutes later, I had done a small workout and had broken a mild sweat. It's a start and, I figure, it will help get today started right and maybe make up for yesterday's damage. I felt really good afterward (as I always do after a workout, but apparently, that's not enough) and totally ready for the day. I've really got to get back into a more regular schedule. Truly!

My trip back East is coming up in less than a week. I've been invited to two events, not involving my best friend and I'm feeling a little guilty about them. I get there on Tuesday and I suppose we'll see each other in the evening. She'll be working everyday I'm there except Friday and Saturday (she could only take one day off...odd, I know...and we only see each other once a year). My friends want to have dinner with me one of those night, then there's this thing on Saturday. I feel like I'm cutting into the time I should be spending with my best friend. Now, why should I feel guilty? I'm sinking a lot of money into this trip that I really do not have and I should be able to see all the people I want to but the guilt is really weighing on me. I suppose I need to just talk to her about it and let her know how I'm feeling. I know she's going through her own stressors and I don't want to add to them, dumping my guilt issues her way.

I did ask her to stay in the same hotel with me, so that I could monopolize and maximize the time I have with her and she agreed. Maybe she'll be missing her husband and will want some time away. Yeah, I know. I'll talk to her.

In other news, my friend from high school sent me an email that she's getting divorced. I feel bad about her situation, but she seems in good spirits. She had her first child last year. I hope this divorce isn't rushed.

Changing My Thinking

It's very frustrating to step on the scale and see no change. I've been very careful about what I've been eating. More than anything, it's been a course of action to shrink my stomach and it is working. I mean, think about it; people who over-eat stretch their stomachs out to sometimes gargantuan proportions. I have not done this, but it has stretched enough to accommodate one or two too many burritos and hamburgers. With work, you can force your stomach back to it's normal size. It's not normal yet but I'm sure that it's getting there (I can tell when I eat that I can't eat as much). So, what I want to know is this; why is it easier for me to subsist on only a thousand or so calories a day but getting up to do my aerobics is nearly impossible?

I'm at the 1200 calorie mark and a bit above, which means my body isn't in starvation mode; however, I am not the workout machine I once was. Not because I don't want to be, but because time and distractions seem to be a huge problem for me as of late. I could blame it on Indy, who is twenty-months old now and into everything! If I'm gone for longer than a standard Elmo movie, all hell breaks loose. The kids have been watching t.v. in our room, since we sold the big screen but there is one downstairs. Why not just set your kids up down there? Then, you're only one door away and you can still walk on the treadmill. Good point.

I could blame it on the babe. Homework seems to take nearly an hour and a half to complete each day (I don't remember this in second grade. What are teachers doing nowadays?). On Mondays, we have to do it in the afternoon, but every other day is a morning session for homework. That way, I've got her full and focused attention. She's so much better at staying with it in the mornings. So, if you have to do homework in the afternoons on Monday, why not do a morning workout on Mondays and afternoon workouts every other day. Good point.

I could blame it on my hubby who works crazy hours but when he doesn't, chooses his free time to work out. Then, I have to get dinner ready, bath the kids and then get them ready for story time and bed. Some nights, all the Babe wants is Ramen Noodles and Indy could live on pretzels and lunch meat for the rest of her life. Call that dinner some nights and do your workout. Or, cook enough one night to have enough leftovers for a day or two later. Good point.

I've got to change my thinking! Here it is all italicized and pretty, now I just gotta do it.

Our Second Session and Learning How to Communicate

It was a really good session and there were two things that really made it work; a.) the office is in the midst of several pediatric offices, so there are kids (lots of them) in the waiting room. Hubby was playing a game of peek-a-boo with an eleven month old, while I learned about missing fingers and toes from a three year-old. Children can always help in bringing things into perspective and b.) we both went in with a positive attitude. Last week, we just were at our wits end and didn't know what to do. This time, there was a sense of hope.

We talked with our counselor about two of the past issues we've been dealing with (one of mine and one of his). We also talked about the history of relationships in our lives, in terms of what long-termed relationships we were witness to. After listening to my story, she determined that what makes a long-term work is having things in common and enjoying each others company. From him? Stability and respect for both parties...things I already knew from him, but heard in a different way from our therapist. It was quite enlightening.

We went home afterwards and had dinner (sandwiches and chips) and settled in for a bit of TV watching. Once the kids were in bed, we sat and talked a bit on the couch about some of the day's events and also how we felt about the session. It was only a few minutes, but it was a great joy just to have that time with him. We went to bed, after a nightcap (a Master Mixes Mai Tai...would have much rather had a real one but hey, you take what you can get) and a little more conversation. I had a little trouble turning off my head, but eventually I settled down and went to sleep. I felt quite refreshed when I awakened this morning. I can't remember the last time I felt that way.

On other fronts, my hair is growing and my color is fading or just looking really dark because of my new growth. It's very coily/curly and soft. Hubby is not digging his growth at all and keeps threatening to cut it. He did say that he'll at least have it edged up in the next few days. Meanwhile, I think I'm going to brighten up my color and go a bit blonder. I'll be two-tone by the fall, but by then I could dye it just dye it back off-black or brown...hmm...or maybe plum.

The basement floor is nearly complete. It's almost hard to believe that we'll have this space to use in just a few short weeks. We've been waiting so long. It will be surreal (yes. I need to get out more).

Finally, I've had enough gumption to start working out again. For a while, I was so depressed and sick that I just couldn't muster up the energy to do anything...not even walk the dogs like we were doing each weekend. Last week, I took a mile jog and did a two mile walk. I haven't done anything yet this week (I had that set-back on Sunday) but, I want to. The fact that I want to is huge for me right now.