A Long, Tiring Day Gets Better

This is my easy week for work (less calls), but the days are longer. I finished my last call after 6, then had to run to the grocery store for hubby's asparagus. While there, I picked up frozen meals for Indy's lunch this week. I'll be so happy to eat regular food again, soon. It was hard staring at all the pasta dishes she picked out. Oy!

Dance classes for adults. Where are they? I'm not talking about ballroom classes for those who are rhythmically challenged. I'm talking about a true, honest to God dance class for folks my age. I need one! What happen to all the Arthur Murray dance studios? Did they just leave Utah or have they completely gone defunct? I need a class and I need it now!

Swim season may get here, but I'm not sure. It just seems like winter just won't die around here. It's supposed to rain the rest of the week with temperatures in the 40's and 50's. What happen to our lovely 70 degree days? Rain is beautiful, but I'd like it much more if it were raining and 72 outside. At least then I could play in it.

Just Die, Old Man Winter!

Do you know we were in the midst of a snow storm, yesterday? A.freaking.snow.storm. Yes. I was not happy. I looked super cute, but I wasn't happy. Why oh why won't old man winter just die, already? You're time is over! Get the hell outta here!

The next few days (um, May starts tomorrow?!) are supposed to be cold and rainy/snowy. The good news is that it's not sticking; however, the flowers look sad and pathetic. I looked at the ten-day forecast and, at least, Mother's day looks like it will be nice (76). Of course, we'll all have colds and flus because of this blasted weather that can't make up it's mind.

Speaking of Mother's day, I found a lovely diamond necklace for my mom. I wasn't planning on buying her diamonds, but I found this piece for a steal and just couldn't leave it in the store. It even says Mom! I hope she likes it and actually wears it. So often, she's so happy to receive things but then won't wear them. I plan on just putting it on her in church when I see her. No choices, right?

I am happy it's Friday (even though it's colder than the 9th layer of hell) but I do wish my hubby weren't off and away. He's going to Boise for his show this weekend (a five hour drive) and I won't see him until late, Sunday. I will be drowning my sorrows in computer games I purchase from Office Depot (they're having a sale, currently). My poor computer is so full of games already. I am especially fond of time management games like Diner Dash, Wedding Dash, Dairy Queen Tycoon and Delicious. So pitiful, huh?

My Hubby is Wearing Himself Out

He has signed up for another show. That will make six total, once he's all done. I think he's lost his mind, but he sees this as some sort of personal challenge/goal. Okay, so when he falls out, who's going to pick him up? He's too damn solid...and heavy.

Have to say that all the testosterone in the house has made me randier than usual. No complaints from hubby, of course. Also, with my new eating habits I've learned that I substitute food and alcohol for the "good stuff". Better to have the "good stuff" than to put those 30 pounds back on.

We're thinking of our vacation plans and reconsidering our trip to California. We were going to drive part way, stay in Vegas a day or so, then continue driving to Southern Cal. Now, we're thinking we should go ahead and put those passports to use. I'm totally game! Point me to the big boat with the swimming pool. If everything goes well with the second part of my eating plan, I may dive in and get a two piece. Wow! Never thought I'd say that.

I made a faux baked potato dish for lunch and it was divine! Who knew cauliflower could be so good. I suppose when anything's drowned in cheese, it's bound to be good. I've made new and unique dishes four times over the past two weeks. It's been quite the adventure.

Work Politics and Other Stuff

So much drama happening in my office right now. I don't want to convey too many details just yet, but let's just say the environment is making it easier to leave in Mid-May. Why can't people who are fortunate enough to have jobs have a strong work ethic? Why not buy two, three or four alarm clocks if you can't wake up for work? Where in the recession-hell is a lunch paid for by a company these days?

Hubby has another show on the 30th and wants the family to go. I would love to, but we're not sure if he can change his hotel plans. Also, I can't remember if the Babe has her last competition that day or not. Crazy that each of their competitions have been on the same day.

I've been living through my family, as of late. There's nothing really going on with me aside from the weight loss. I'll be moving through the next couple of phases and, hopefully, regain my former body back. Right now, I'm about six pounds less than I was when I got married 12 years ago. In a couple of weeks, I'm going to start adding my weight training back in (slowly) and tone up. That's the only aspect missing on my new physique. Happy hump day!

50 Random Questions

Haven't done one of these in a long, long while. Pass it on!

1. Where were you three hours ago?

Here, working.

2. Who are you in love with?

My hubby

3. Have you ever eaten a crayon?

Probably

4. Is there anything pink within ten feet of you?

Yes. A picture frame made at Indy's daycare with a picture of Indy in the center.

5. When is the last time you went to the mall?

Last week.

6. Are you wearing socks right now?

Nope

7. Do you have a car worth over 2k?

Yep.

8. When was the last time you drove out of town?

Last Friday

9. Have you been to the movies in the last five days?

No.

10. Are you hot?

Do you mean "hot like fire"? or Is my temperature warm? Yes to the first, no to the second. ;)

11. What are you wearing right now?

a birthday outfit my sister bought me a couple of years ago.

12. Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?

Depends on how I'm feeling that day (and how dirty my car is)

13. What was the last thing you had to drink?

Water

14. Last food that you ate?

Miso soup

15. Where were you last week at this time?

Well, right here, of course.

16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?

Shoes for my girls (sandals, to be exact).

17. When is the last time you ran?

Over the weekend, but not far.

18. What was the last sporting event you watched?

Figure pair skating on tv

19. What is your favorite animal?

Dog

20. Your dream vacation?

An all expenses paid cruise/European excursion for like 3 months (with built in babysitting)

21. Last person's house you were in?

My own

22. Worst injury you've ever had?

I was bit by a dog in the face. Fourteen stitches. You'd never know, today.

23. Have you been in love?

Yes, and still am.

24. Do you miss anyone right now?

My grandmother

25. Last play you saw?

Dial "M" for Murder

26. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?

My charm

27. What are your plans for tonight?

It's Mom-taxi time. Taking the Babe to dance.

28. Who is the last person you sent an email message to?

Co worker

29. Next trip you are going to take?

Hopefully, a postponed romantic rendezvous with hubby somewhere.

30. Ever go to camp?

Nope. The outdoors has bugs.

31. Where you an honor roll student in school?

Why, yes I was.

32. What do you want to know about the future?

If my children will grow up happy and safe

33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?

I'm wearing Black Amethyst body spray from Bath and Body Works.

34. Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?

Yes, that reminds me...

35. Where is your best friend?

At work in Nashville

37. How is your best friend?

Very, very unhappy with her current situation.

38. Do you have a tan?

Uh, not currently but I stay pretty brown through out the year. lol!

39. What are you listening to right now?

The sound of my typing

40. Who is the biggest gossiper you know?

My sister

41. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?

It's been years, but a cop came to help me when I had an accident, last year.

42. Have you ever drank your soda through a straw?

Yep

43. What does your last text message say?

"Thanks. :) I survived but, boy was it painful."

44. Do you like hot sauce?

Yep! Franks!

45. Last time you took a shower?

Last night

46. Do you need to do laundry?

Took care of two loads before work. Today is laundry day at my house.

47. Are you someone's best friend?

Yep!

48. Are you rich?

In so many ways, I am.

49. What is your heritage?

African, German, East Indian, Irish

50. What were you doing at 12AM last night?

Sleeping peacefully

It's About Timing

So, as I mentioned on the other site, my hubby is all ripped up and beautiful (not that he wasn't beautiful before). Now, it's so intoxicating! Everything stands out and all I want to do is touch him. It's like I'm PMSing and he's a big ole bar of chocolate! I've been extra flirty with him and sometimes he welcomes it, other times he seems annoyed.

We were in the grocery store last night and, while we were talking about a special tea I want that he's recently purchased, I was sort of messing around with his shirt. No one else was in the aisle, so it wasn't about being embarrassed. When he stopped me, I asked him what his deal was and he said, "Because If you're talking to me and doing that I can't focus." Of course, he was in jest and so was I when I said, "Well, that's your problem." We laughed about it, but when I got home, I was annoyed. How odd! Looking back now, I had no reason to be, but I was. I suppose my heart took it as rejection.

We watched an episode of Arch.er last night (have you seen this? It's crazy!) then settled in for bed. Well, I settled in and turned over to go to sleep. He was still on his laptop looking up information about living in Vancouver. After awhile, the light was distracting and I asked him when he was going to be finished. He said soon. I covered my head to keep out the light and in a couple of minutes, he shut down his computer. I began to drift off as soon as he turned off the light on his nightstand.

After a couple more minutes, he started poking me with his toe...asking if I'd asked if he would be finished, so we could spend "time" together. I told him I asked him because, if he hadn't finished up I would have changed locations so I could sleep. I could tell he didn't want to hear that.

So, in the span of about four hours, I went from wanting to jump him to wanting him to just go to sleep and forget I exist. I think his feelings were the exact reverse. And the reason for my post on such randomness? To state the obvious: Men and women are just different. Different, I tell you! This morning, I was sleepy but ready and, of course, he had to go to work. Timing is everything.

My Hubby is Home!

He got in around 9:00pm last night and seemed really happy to be home. I'd made sure to have some of his favorites available; lasagna, cheesy bread and an experimental cake I made. He said he'd wished he'd had the cake for pre-performance (the sugar helps with vascularity). He said the cheesecake he bought had nothing on my cake. I'll have to remember that.

He ate while I finished up watching True Blood (I'm re-watching the first season in anticipation of season 2 coming to DVD). After dinner, we talked about his adventures in Washington and he asked me what I did here, although not nearly as exciting, he seemed intrigued nonetheless. Of course, the ravaging began shortly after that (always good in my book).

I hadn't cooked so much in a long time. From making breakfast for the girls, to making a big dinner and a desert to go along with it. Everyone (including the girls) seemed very happy with the meal. Of course, due to my plan, I've been cooking a lot for myself but this was entirely different. I sort of missed it. Oh, and the smells! Candles and oils have got nothing on home cooking. My house still held the aromas this morning. Incredibly nice to wake up to.

Indy has her surgery this week and I received a card in the mail last week for pre-surgery classes. I called to register and in the midst of the recorded message was told that anyone under 14 couldn't attend because of H1N1 risks. Seriously? Are people still worried about it? My pre-teen is the one who needs this most and she's not going to be able to attend? I left a message, asking if she could wear a surgical mask or something. No response. I'll be stalking them again today. Somebody is going to tell me something, dammit.

My hubby has put my sister on a plan and she is struggling. I explained that most people are sugar/carb addicts and don't even realize it. There's refined sugar in practically everything these days. I'm surprised she didn't know this, but she really seemed shocked. Like any other addiction, she is going through withdrawals. I told her that she should be feeling a lot better in a few days. I hope she sticks with this.

Snowy, Snowy Friday

It started early this morning and hasn't let up much. Thankfully, it's not sticking and warmer weather is on the horizon. Hubby is safely in Washington and arrived around 6ish last night (after leaving at 5:30am yesterday morning. Yikes!). He spoke to me of the beautiful drive and the lush greenery the Oregon coast has to offer. Neither of us has ever been to Oregon. I guess he's now got one state "up" on me.

He said that they drove past a tree farm and, initially, it appeared to him as mountain terrain but as they drove closer, they discovered that it was acres and acres of trees. How I wish I could have seen it for myself. I asked if he'd taken any pictures. Well, of course not. Ugh!

I thought I wouldn't sleep well last night, missing my hubby and all. Surprisingly, I slept better than I've slept in weeks! I gathered it was because I wasn't waiting up at all hours to talk to him. Also, instead of "teddy", I threw an extra blanket on the bed to mimic his warmth and presto! Instant, fabulous sleep. I woke up happy and light, but of course, I still miss him.

Yesterday, I organized the Babe's closet. She had an onslaught of plastic baby hangers, old clothes and randomness that I just had to get rid of. I wonder how long her closet will look the way it does now, all nice, neat and organized? She was ill, yesterday, so I worked from home and tended to her needs as best I could. Two Albuterol treatments and several ibuprofen later, she was raring to go for school this morning.

I can't believe Easter is nearly here! I suppose next week will be filled with doing hair and glamorizing my children. I don't know if I'll do pictures, but I'm considering it. I always take pictures of my own at the park. Beautiful spring photos of my girls prancing around with the ducks (wearing their Easter dresses) is sort of a tradition, now. Guess I won't be able to pull that off when they're teenagers.

I don't really have plans for the weekend, aside from taking the girls to Easter program practice at church. They haven't even looked at their speeches yet. Oh, well. I guess we'll go over them a couple of times tonight. Hopefully, they're short and sweet. Indy has never spoken in front of a large group before. I'm hoping she sees her big sister as a stellar example of how to do so.

Starting to Feel a Bit Sad

It's nuts that I am. Hubby is still here, in the flesh and I'm already starting to miss him. He leaves Thursday for his trip to Vancouver. I told him last night that I was dreading it because I hate sleeping alone (after nearly 12 years, it's incredibly difficult for me). I might have to lug my big teddy bear from downstairs, just to have something to cuddle with. Isn't that ridiculous. He said that for him it's tough too because he won't be in the state and won't be able to just leave whenever he feels like it. He's driving up (fourteen hours, I think) with other people and will be at the mercy of their driving and their car. Nice.

Work is okay, but that is becoming a bit emotional too. We'll all be working away and then someone will say something like, "Yeah, we'll ask you while you're still here," or "When you go away, then what will we do?" Oh, the guilt! I know it's going to be crazy hard when I go home permanently. I like to socialize (always a social butterfly, my mother used to say) and I glean energy from people. One of the IT guys told me the same thing, yesterday. He insisted that I come back into the office at least once per quarter so that he could "suck positive energy away from me." He's a great guy and has always been so kind to me. He saved my personal computer once and did it solely out of the kindness of his heart. We've had many long chats in his office with other IT guys joining in for the laughs. Yeah, I'll miss that and them.

My boss, who has changed departments, keeps milling around our department. He's on the eighth floor now and we're on the seventh. I think there isn't much socializing up there and he misses that. Seems like he's on our floor a lot more than he really needs to be. I think he's lonely, poor guy. Wonder what he'll do when he has his own team to work with? I suppose my team will hardly ever see him.

Twenty-Ten is my year for change, I guess. So many things have happened already and it's just the third month of the year! I can only imagine what the rest of the year will bring. It's exciting, but also a bit scary. For now, I'm just along for the ride reacting and acting on things brought in front of me. The good thing is that this year is already world's better than last year. For that, I am very grateful.

Oscar Fun and Other Miscellany

The funniest skit between Alec Bal.dwin and Ste.ve Martin? The paranormal activity head slap. I was cracking up! I wish I could have done that to the real characters of the real movie. Alec and Steve did me proud.

I'm glad the academy is recognizing original work. With all the recycled, rehashed scripts I was beginning to wonder if they had anything original to pull from at all. The dresses are still amazing and mind-boggling. Do you really only wear your gown once? Is it donated after wards? Do you keep it in storage like a wedding dress?

I really dislike driving in everyday, but I'm listening to lots of old discs to past the time. I need to get out my Pimsleur Spanish discs and learn how to speak the language, properly. Since we're destined to be a two-language country sooner rather than later, I'd like to be able to understand it (if not speak it fluently).

I made some amazing steak the other day. Truly! It was beef stew steak I picked up from Target. Then, I added some "Jamaican Me Crazy" seasoning to it and browned it in my non-stick skillet. Oh my gosh! It was to die for! I'll be trying to rack up on the stuff, when I can find it. Hubby picked it up from some obscure store. Haven't checked yet to see if it's at the local spots.

I took my hair down over the weekend. In fact, my world was full of hair. I took down and redid the Babe's hair. Then, I put braids into Indy's hair (she's been au natural for about two weeks, now). I straightened mine and was blown away by the length. It's so soft, too. I don't remember it being this soft when it was chemically treated. Another bonus! I'm wearing one of my reliable ponies today to hide my two-tone color. I'm not quite ready to go blond, yet. Huh, but you know I will eventually. :)

Rereading Bachman

As a junior high and high schooler, I read a lot of Dean Koont.z and Stephen Kin.g. They adorned my nightstand for those years and even into college. Eventually, I grew bored of Stephen and Dean became a very predictable formula writer. College offered many, classical reading assignments so leisure reading was almost non-existent anyway. Every so often, I wonder what it would be like to read some of their newer offerings, then something comes up or some author craze surfaces and I forget to dig into my old favorites.

About a week ago, hubby and I were talking about how suggestion changed our opinions on certain foods. Because someone or something effected a food item, we no longer want or have the desire to eat whatever it is. I told him that I loved cherry pie as a child...until I read Thinner. Well, that's all it took. I have not eaten one, solitary slice since that novel. What was it, specifically, that made it so hard for me to even look at a slice anymore? I jumped on the library's online catalog and put a hold on the book. I had to know. (of course, we'll also rewatch the movie too...you know us). ;)

Once I got it, I realized I was holding a Richard Bachm.an book in my hand rather than a Ste.phen King (yes, I know. It's the same person). I'd forgotten he used a psuedo-name for a bit. Why would someone as talented and popular as he is use a false name? Of course, it wasn't long before people figured out who it was but, still. I think if I wrote as a profession and had that kind of celebrity, I'd never hide my writing. It's not like people are mobbing him at grocery stores. He can still have a pretty regular life.

Whatever his reason for it, the proof is certainly in the pudding. His writing style is like no other and I am quickly remembering why I was such a big fan in the first place. Perhaps the latest novel will adorn my nightstand after this one.

A Little Bit on My Work Situation

My boss has been moved to a different department. He found out over the weekend, but we didn't hear about it until yesterday's "emergency meeting." Effective immediately, he will report to a completely different department and only "transition" items with us on a limited basis. He's very gracious and will, of course, make himself available to us with any questions we have but, wow. Nine years and now he gets the rug pulled out from under him. Guess he knows what I felt like, earlier last week.

I had meeting after meeting today. After all this time in the job force, I still think meetings are a complete waste of time.

"I can't get the things done you want me to get done because I'm sitting here meeting with you about them. My god, can't you send me an email or something? Let me know via smoke signals, and I'll get back to you."

The Freight Train Through February finally seems to be slowing down. I hope to have a grip on my life again my mid-March (yes, there's still stuff I'm not sharing...don't wanna jinx anything). My coworkers are stressed; one so much that I think she might leave, after only being here a few months. She's just not getting the support she should be getting from a separate, new employee. It's really too bad and, unfortunately, out of my control.

I'm sipping on my Alice White Lexia, reading blogs, writing in my own and contemplating my life. If this is the life of a real writer, I'll take it!

A New Perspective

As I approach my thirty-fifth birthday (seriously?!), I've started to think about my life; front and back. Nostalgically, I've thought about where I was ten, twenty even thirty years ago. The recitals from childhood, the boys I liked in junior and senior high school, friendships I made and lost in college. Frustrations and anger I felt over things I thought were so important, that now seem so trivial. As a married woman with children, I look at how everything effects myself, my children and my husband. All of my decisions, for the rest of my life, will involve myself and my family.

Hubby and I watched the following last night and I gained so much from the program. I guess it's a new series for PBS. Anyway, it falls right in line with what I'm thinking about these days. What makes me happy? Would I be happy with more material things or do I just think I would be? Considering my happiest moments, what do they all have in common? There were some remarkable people featured during this episode. One, whose story actually made me cry, gave me the most to think about. In all the crappy, bad, horrible things that have happened in my life...if I could erase/wipe away those moments as if they never existed, would I? The answer, of course, is no. Absolutely not. I would not be the person I am today, if not for all of my experiences (good or bad). It was a sobering thought.

The path of life is definitely looking shorter and shorter as I age. I certainly echo the thoughts of some of the older individuals. Having time with my family means so much more.

EbonyEnchantress Gets a Workout

I've been putting that site into over-drive, while neglecting this one. I really should take the first day of September (the month of change) to make a change and post here. Tah-dah! Here I am...posting!

Life has been busy, busy, busy. With my new weight-loss/workout regime, I've been burning off the fat and trying to look more like a woman and less like a walrus. There's been a lot of stress and the cankers are back with a vengeance. I also have to wonder if, through the course of eating a more cleanly diet, the virus is just shedding. I suppose that's possible, too. I just hate them with a passion, though. Ugh!

So, my department has grown by two people in a little over two weeks (the other person starts next Tuesday). That's insane to me, but completely necessary. We have the largest group of students starting today than we've ever had in the history of the University. That's exciting and intimidating. I hope we don't crack from the strain.

My girls will start dance next week. Both are so excited! My youngest will tell anybody who will listen (perfect strangers!) that she's "going to dance jazz" when she's a big girl (which just happens to be next week). Boy, we become a big girl quickly, don't we? The eldest started gymnastics last week and also has a class today. It's funny. Over the summer, she put on a bit of weight and height. Initially, I thought she was putting on puberty weight then I thought about it. She's been pretty sedentary and the activities are about to kick up in a big way again. I have a sneaking suspicion that my once petite chocolate-chip will be petite once again. How could she not with two hours of gymnastics and an hour of dance per week, not to mention all the running around at school.

Married life...is, well...strange right now. I've confessed my feelings of loneliness to my dear hubby and it has him all in a quandary. I don't want him to give up the things he loves for me, or he will be miserable but I also don't want to lose the time I have with him or I'm miserable. It's been very difficult these last few days. Trying to talk and feeling the strain of our thought processes behind the talking. I'm not sure what will happen, but we've both said we still love each other very deeply. That has never changed.

I stopped writing again. Surprise, surprise; however, I did churn out a children's story that I actually completed (based on recent events with our missing Chihuahua). It's actually pretty good and encourages children to adopt animals from the shelter. I have a friend whose hubby is an artist. I may work with him to bring the story to life. Wouldn't it be awesome if it were ever published? A girl can dream...

Finding Happiness

I'm having a hard time with this, again. There's so much going on at work and home. Life has become very uneventful and boring. I need something to look forward to. My trip to Nashville isn't or a couple of months and the weekends just don't last long enough. Can't take vacation time (gotta save it for Christmas). What to do? How do you take a vacation from yourself without actually going anywhere?

I've Been Writing

Not a lot, but more than I used to. I've been feeling motivated to write again. My problem is that, in the past, I've begun lots of stories and drafts, but have left them unfinished. I'm trying to keep up the momentum. I started a children's story (a reader, actually) based on the recent events of our dog getting lost and then re-found. Part of it is my encouragement to children to adopt animals from shelters.

I haven't worked on it since last week, but my plan is to do a bit of writing (creatively) every day. It would be nice to be published again...a sort of contribution to my immortality. We'll see where it leads me.

We Found Our Dog!

It's so wonderful! Shortly after I picked up the babe from summer camp, we came home to try and make a flyer for our door-knocking agenda (our next plan of action in the search). Just as we were leaving, the phone rang and a lady said she had our dog. She said that she called the number on the tag, which led her to our vet. Turns out, we share the same vet and they felt comfortable sharing our information with her. I'm so glad they did. We hurried over and ended up making a new friend.

That little stinker traveled about a mile to get to her house. Not only that, he crawled under her fence and made friends with her husky. Well, all's well that ends well. He's safe and the whole family is so happy. It was such a load off our minds, knowing he was safe. I just kept envisioning a big, mean dog using him as a chew-toy. Yikes!

A Peak Into the Future

Tuesday night, hubby and I watched Push. It was a fairly decent, character Sci-Fi that could have used a little help in some places. The idea was a good one, though, revolving around extreme testing on psychics. The next day (yesterday) was my all-staff meeting, so I had to drive into town. It was the normal speech, along with the announcement of our yearly bonus (woohoo). Afterwards, I was ready to bust outta there but couldn't because the person who was supposed to have the parking validations, didn't have them. Nice.

So, I'm standing around with coworkers talking, when we notice that there are caricature artists. Really? My girlfriend and I run over to have our picture drawn. It was too much fun and the artist seemed to enjoy our goofiness. Over the hedge, we could see people sitting with a folks. One lady had cards. Tarot? Do we dare? But of course!

Picture drawn, we headed over to the line to wait for our fortune-telling session. There were two tables; one featured a very large lady with a massive deck of cards, the other was a gentleman who used no paraphernalia to speak of. Those of us in line chatted, while we waited for our turn. In my mind, I hoped to speak to the guy, rather than the lady. Intuition? Who knows. I just felt I'd get a better answer from him.

My turn arose and I sat in front of the middle-aged gentleman with silver-hair and a medium build. He took my right hand into both of his and introduced himself. I returned with my own name and we began.

"You have a light around you...a wonderful light and I can see you're surrounded by love." (so far, so good...) "You, yourself have a lot of love to give."

We go on and I tell him my question/statement; that I'm at a crossroads and I'm not sure which way to go or what to do, at this point. He basically tells me that I need to throw logic out the door and go with my heart. That logic isn't what's going to give me what I want. He said that my angels were telling his angels that I could have whatever I wanted. (Really??) He said that I had talents to share and that I should share my talents and not be afraid too (I took this as letting go of my inhibitions, which I never do). He told me, again, that I have a lot of love to give and that I should do so freely. He also said that I'm in a mode of study and that the things I am learning now, are what I will need when I do what I'm going to do (which, he said, I already know what I want to do). I have to send it out and make it known so that I can be "assisted" in that direction.

How eye-opening! It's interesting because I don't put much stock into such things, but I was actively listening with my ears and with my heart. It was good to hear and I needed to hear it. Hubby tells me all the time that I "hold back" and I know that I do (upbringing). Was confirmation from a third-party what I needed to get me moving? Will I really move past this "dead zone" in my life? I have to say, too, that I loved the terminology he used; Christian references. It set my mind at ease. My girlfriend felt good about hers, too.

Scaring the Normals

So, I made myself (and hubby) a disc the other day; Thr.33 Ring.z. I am having a ghetto fabulous week with this disc! Yes, I know he uses auto-tune and I know lots of people take issue with the use of the device, but growing up with Roger and Zap.p, I'm easy to forgive. I think it adds his own style and it's obviously making him a trunk load of money.

I've been blasting this disc, jammin' hard on my way to work (the two days I drive in) and around the neighborhood with my kids (I am trying to be a good mom, skipping the harsher tracks when they're in the car with me). Turns out hubby has been too, and on our way to the Targe.t yesterday evening, I noticed the stares we were getting. Yeah, the black family was blasting hip-hop...and? Does that mean we're degenerates or potential cell-block residents? Hell, no...but that's what the looks were saying. Of course, when the pigmently challenged are blasting their stereos, it's supposed to be a testament to their coolness, right? Wrong. If we look utterly ridiculous, than it's twenty times worse when they do it. At least our car has rhythm (even little Indy, she just moves rhythmically in circles).

All this has reminded me of how stifling living here can be for me, some times. I don't conform because it goes against everything I am. Hubby is the same way. I feel it in moderation only, but there are times when I'm talking to someone or when we're around other people...the differences. For example, people will just say things to my hubby when we're out and about. It's obvious that their scared, so they say something to him to alleviate their fears. Punk asses! It would be so easy to call them on it, but we're always polite and easily show that we're not as scary as we look. Hubby sometimes calls himself "The G.I. Joe Action Figure" because there are those who sort of see him as their "doll" to show off. Crazy, right? This definitely didn't happen when we lived in Nashville.

For me, I see their fear of the "Crazy Black Woman" emerging...and, it has on occasion. This is rare and, thankfully, I keep "her" in check because I seriously don't need that kind of a reputation. Then there's the stereotypical stuff people are trying to read from me and from hubby. I'm not naive. We do know that stereotypes originated for a reason...so many of them are gospel (but some are not, of course). Here's an example; hubby and I were at a dinner party, not long ago. There was a discussion about how one of the couples met, a lot of details were included, but I got the impression (once the story was over), we were expected to deal ours out in the same way. Hubby and I are usually so quick to share our story, but there was hesitation from both of us this time. What else were they looking for? Hmm... I also notice, when people are admiring his physique, they're looking at me. Not in a way like, "Why aren't you ripped-up like him," but, "Man, what do they get into?"

Further elaboration with this? Our kiddlings. When we're out together as a family, some one always says something about the girls. Always. Every single time. Whether it's how beautiful they are (which, of course, they are) or how well behaved they are. Sometimes, people just randomly give them stuff. What the hell is up with this? Again, this would never happen back in Nashville. I'm convinced.

So, are we just different or are we truly scaring the normals? I guess I'll never know.


(On repeat in the car.)

Aging Parents

My parents are very different. In fact, I used to wonder as a child how they ever got together in the first place. I see there differences multiply further the older they get. My mother, the consummate diva, would rather die than give up her fabulous new size 6 and size 8 clothes, so she works out like a crazy person to keep the pounds from creeping back on. She's also careful about what she eats and keeps active with her dog. She is a career woman and revels in the accolades she receives from her peers. My father can barely walk now, uses a motorized chair to get around (or a cane), is diabetic and probably suffers from high blood pressure as well. (He'd have to, with the kind of foods he eats.) He is a minister, but hasn't had a real job in I don't know how many years. I honestly am unaware of how the bills are paid each month. His M.O in the past was to rob from Peter to pay Paul. (BTW, my mother is six years older than my father).

Earlier today, my sister called and informed me that he has just had a stent placed in his coronary artery. She had no idea, until she called to just see how he was doing after, what she thought was a regular doctor's visit. He's resting and she encouraged him to seek out a home-nurse for a while (his wife is older than he is and is having her own issues). She asked if he has medicare and what sort of insurance he uses (she is in the medical field now and was trying to be helpful). She couldn't figure out why he was so hesitant to talk to her about such things. He just kept saying, "I'm fine," and encouraged her to stop worrying. I told her that it would be a cold day before he'd give up that kind of information. My father has always been incredibly paranoid and doesn't share personal information freely. She didn't understand this, and I told her I was just as in the dark about it myself.

I think we're faced with issues now that we really weren't prepared to deal with until much later. My grandmother (his mother) was placed into long-term care earlier this year and is approaching 90. With the depression from being there, I don't know how long she'll hang on. What happens if she passes? I would be heartbroken at losing her, but she's lived a long and happy life. But what if her own son's failing health gets the better of him, is it back to Nashville for me for his funeral? I know I probably sound very insensitive, but I just hate waste. If my father passed, I would be more angry at him than hurt at the loss. He knows better. In fact, he spent a big part of my childhood working out and following good eating habits. Vitamins were all over the house and at 3, I knew who Jack Lalane was.

Perhaps it was his lifestyle as a musician that kept him working so hard at his physique and health, or maybe it's where he lives (everyone in Nashville seems so large to me, now that I don't live there anymore). The temptation to eat out and eat horrible things is everywhere. Southern-style, deep-fried, grease dipped cuisine is everywhere and no one is really concerned that you weigh 300 pounds plus. It's not like L.A. where a perfect-body culture drives people to look good and think thin (of course, this type of thinking can also drive folks to the other extremes, unfortunately). I'm so flummoxed about it all. I think I need to think on things a bit.