Change of Venue

We are preparing our house for potential buyers. I'm conflicted, but I don't feel nearly as bad about this as I did when I sold my car. Is that weird? Maybe it's because I really know it's time to leave. We've been here ten years. That's longer than I've ever lived in any one place in my life yet, I'm doing okay.

I'm sort of looking forward to a new place (we're going to rent for a while, then possibly buy again in a few years) and to all the new memories we'll create. Will I miss this place? Sure, but it's not going to make or break me. I hope that wherever we end up we'll just be happy and make good strides forward for our family. Then, whenever we do buy again, we live somewhere that's 100Xs better (physically and spiritually) and allows us to grow without being a burden. You know; just right for us.

My 2011 Mantra and the Law of Attraction

I finally watched the film The Secret with my daughter, yesterday. There were so many biblical references, which pleased me to know end (especially with my daughter watching). It's so important that she see the spiritual implications of this idea and how powerful it can be. It allowed us to have a really good dialogue, a very rare thing indeed.

My mantra for the year is "Nan kuru nai sah", which means, "Live for today, but look forward to tomorrow". I've found a lot of peace with this phrase, despite how hard the year began for me. Now that I've seen The Secret and am now reading the book, I am hopeful for bigger and better as 2011 continues and as future years pass.

Zee is also embrassing the spirit. The changes may not happen right away, but I'm visualizing life with my daughters in a new way. Rather than day after day of struggle, I'm seeing "peace in the valley". I want a really good and happy relationship with both of them. I also want a blissful relationship with my husband. I deserve and can have these things. Why is it that I'm just understanding it now?

The goal for the week is to put together my "life book" with images of my hopes and aspirations inside. I have done something similar in the past, when it came to my weight loss. It really does work. Having the images to focus on puts the idea front and center. The Enchantress site even had a "dream big" post with images that I was able to have a year later. Amazing! I'm very excited and the feelings are true and strong. The book will stay close by for rejuvenation. Truly I am moving onward and upward.

Sleepless Nights and Crazy Dreams

My TOM was late this week. It was supposed to show up Sunday but didn't show up until late last night. I knew it was going to be late, even before it was (the protocol I'm on states that this can happen). Anyway, we turned in rather late for us last night (around 11:30pm) and I was very tired.

My sleep was filled with dreams of animals...lots and lots of animals. It was a very surreal dream and I can't even describe that portion of it anymore (first thing this morning, I would have been able to recall). The other portion of the dream involved my best friend and a former friend of ours from college. The former friend and my bf had reconciled and for whatever reason, bf was having me take her to the lady's apartments for visits. I would be treated very poorly there, even to the point of having my purse rifled through and having my license stolen.

I decided not to go in, on the second drop-off, and turn heel right away. The former friend complained that I wasn't being protective enough of my bf to leave her there with her. If they had reconciled, why should I be worried about her safety? Weirdness, right? Well, the dream was full of drop-offs and pick-ups. I would take bf home to her apartment and her hubby, who did nothing but sleep all day. In real life, her hubby has no job, so this could be very true indeed.

I woke up around 2ish to whining and crying. My Chihuahua was very distressed about something. I went up front and let both dogs out. When they came in, the little dog drank a bit of water then went back into his crate. I guess he really had to go, but dang...2:00am is a little early for potty breaks. I slept fitfully, after that.

At around four, I woke up screaming in agony. I had caught the worse cramp in my calf that I've had in years. It was awful! I was yelling and tearing at the sheets. I 'm sure I smacked my hubby a few times through the fit. He was trying to calm me down, but I was in so much pain. Finally, it began to subside and he went to get me some apple cider vinegar (it counteracts the lactic acid that causes these suckers). He also gave me some potassium and vitamin C. On an empty stomach, however, those things did not sit well. I'm only now getting over the queasy feeling I had this morning.

So, I'm not running on a lot of rest today. I feel sort of loopy and out of it. I suppose if I'd had a fresh lager of green beer, I'd feel this way too (especially if I liked beer). Happy St. Patty's!

Stirred by Dreams

They've been heavy and weird, as of late. Hubby always says I dream heavy, but often I don't remember what they're about. Last night, I woke up with a "face in the place" and really didn't know where I was or what was going on. Turns out, hubby was dreaming to. Damn, what the hell is going on with us? Dreaming of sexy times, with sexy times happening...along with the whole euphoria thing? Is that what it feels like to be high? If so, I can understand how people become addicts.

A Peak Into the Future

Tuesday night, hubby and I watched Push. It was a fairly decent, character Sci-Fi that could have used a little help in some places. The idea was a good one, though, revolving around extreme testing on psychics. The next day (yesterday) was my all-staff meeting, so I had to drive into town. It was the normal speech, along with the announcement of our yearly bonus (woohoo). Afterwards, I was ready to bust outta there but couldn't because the person who was supposed to have the parking validations, didn't have them. Nice.

So, I'm standing around with coworkers talking, when we notice that there are caricature artists. Really? My girlfriend and I run over to have our picture drawn. It was too much fun and the artist seemed to enjoy our goofiness. Over the hedge, we could see people sitting with a folks. One lady had cards. Tarot? Do we dare? But of course!

Picture drawn, we headed over to the line to wait for our fortune-telling session. There were two tables; one featured a very large lady with a massive deck of cards, the other was a gentleman who used no paraphernalia to speak of. Those of us in line chatted, while we waited for our turn. In my mind, I hoped to speak to the guy, rather than the lady. Intuition? Who knows. I just felt I'd get a better answer from him.

My turn arose and I sat in front of the middle-aged gentleman with silver-hair and a medium build. He took my right hand into both of his and introduced himself. I returned with my own name and we began.

"You have a light around you...a wonderful light and I can see you're surrounded by love." (so far, so good...) "You, yourself have a lot of love to give."

We go on and I tell him my question/statement; that I'm at a crossroads and I'm not sure which way to go or what to do, at this point. He basically tells me that I need to throw logic out the door and go with my heart. That logic isn't what's going to give me what I want. He said that my angels were telling his angels that I could have whatever I wanted. (Really??) He said that I had talents to share and that I should share my talents and not be afraid too (I took this as letting go of my inhibitions, which I never do). He told me, again, that I have a lot of love to give and that I should do so freely. He also said that I'm in a mode of study and that the things I am learning now, are what I will need when I do what I'm going to do (which, he said, I already know what I want to do). I have to send it out and make it known so that I can be "assisted" in that direction.

How eye-opening! It's interesting because I don't put much stock into such things, but I was actively listening with my ears and with my heart. It was good to hear and I needed to hear it. Hubby tells me all the time that I "hold back" and I know that I do (upbringing). Was confirmation from a third-party what I needed to get me moving? Will I really move past this "dead zone" in my life? I have to say, too, that I loved the terminology he used; Christian references. It set my mind at ease. My girlfriend felt good about hers, too.

Weird Dreams

I had the craziest dream last night that still has me scratching my head. I was with old roommates and various people from my college days for some sort of reunion get together. Half of the people I was hangin' with were people I would never associate with. Then, out of nowhere, Mr. Will Smith himself appears and starts telling me that he needs me to help him hide. WTF? First of all, where did you come from and second, why are you asking me?

Well, not to be uncharitable, I try to find an undisclosed location for him to hide and succeed. He's so grateful, that he tells me he'll send me something. Then, he gives me his email address. The user name of which? PoundPuppy. Again, wtf? He then leaves the location, shortly after urging me to put him there, then gets jumped by a mob of fans. It's your own damn fault, man.I tried to help you.

Hubby says that, when he woke up, I was wrapped all around him. We usually awaken on opposite sides of the bed...not because we don't like being near each other, but because he's a freakin' furnace and it's just too hot to sleep too close together. Blast his metabolism! When he called me this morning to talk, he said that he didn't sleep well and that he woke up sweating. Wonder if, between the two of us, that's where the weird dreams came from. I'm really surprised that I didn't dream about runners because that's the last thing we did before bed; Watch Usai.n Bolt win the gold for Jamaica. Why wasn't he in my dream? Too weird.

Hubby's Lookin' Good

My hubby is preparing for his next show. It's been about a year and a half since his last one and he is looking damn good. Just three weeks ago, he was approximately 190lbs. Today, he's 172lbs. Amazing! Of course, he's dropping weight to lean up for the show. Afterwards, he'll put some of it back on again. It's a good thing because he's planning on dropping another ten pounds and at that weight, he'll look like a little boy.

The most noticeable aspect of his weight loss is the definition in his abs. I feel like I could grate cheese on them. Awesome! He's really so wonderful at all of this. I wish he were able to do his training full-time without the need for his regular job. I keep hoping that, rather than us taking out business loans that put us in hock up to our ears, some wonderful benefactor will come, put his/her faith in my hubby, and invest in the future. Here's to dreaming that day will come!

Wishing for Sunny Days, Cool Sand and Beaches

I guess global warming is doing it's thing because we are getting slammed with storms. One after another...and it's been that way for weeks! Last night, a new storm came in promising 4 to 6 inches before the day was done. Tomorrow, will have a mini break, then the next storm arrives to bring on more snow. And that's the pattern for the next couple of weeks. I feel like I'm having a torrid affair with the snow-blower. (We're talking about taking it to the next level. Yowza!)

So, I'm fantasizing lately. Picture it; a beautiful, pristine beach with gorgeous white sand; waves lapping at the shore while warm breezes blow through tall palms. Cabanas adorn the coastline with personal wait staff. Then, there's me. Soaking up the sun and sipping some exotic, fruity, umbrella adorned drink, nibbling the fruit decorating the sides of the glass. No worries, no stressors, no problems, (no shovel or snow blower). At my vacation home, a sumptuous seafood dinner awaits along with an amazing, romantic evening with my hubby. These are pics that have circulated the web over and over but I think they help paint my fantasy quite well.

Ooo! Better Post Before Time Slips By

If I wait to load pictures, I'll be waiting forever. It's best to just do it, right?


This first one here is the tree, cookies and juice on Christmas eve. Hubby was home and then went to work the next morning. That was incredibly tough for me because, even when he was working graveyards, he's always had Christmas day off. So, hubby went into work and the girls opened three gifts that morning. We saved everything else for hubby's arrival in the evening. After the brief morning horrah, we went to my mother's and opened the gifts she had for us there (hubby met us there, once his shift was complete). By 6:00pm, we were all home and ready to open the remaining gifts. I gotta say that it was sort of nice. I wasn't expecting it to feel the same as Christmas morning feels, but I think it was even better. On December 26th, I took the babe and Indy into Salt Lake. Indy went to daycare, while the babe and I journeyed to the movies to see Enchanted with a girlfriend. It was quite cute and better than I thought it would be. The babe enjoyed it but we were both freezing! Why do they insist on cranking on the air conditioning during movies? (I know I'm not the only one who has noticed this). It doesn't matter the time of year or the number of people in the auditorium, they will crank it up as if it were 100 degrees outside and a packed house inside. And, there's no exclusion...it's every theater I've ever been too.

After the movie, we picked up lunch and then picked up Indy. She was glad to see her friends, but felt even better about going home. These are the moments where I truly hate that my kids have to be in daycare. They are loved and treated well, but I'd much rather be the one to take care of them (more specifically now, Indy since the babe is in school). From December 27th to January 2nd, the kids were home with mom. It was nice and I noticed how much improvement I saw in Indy's vocabulary. She's always chatting but much more clearly to all of us in those days that passed.

Sunday, December 31st, we took new family pictures. Now, I have to say, it's been a while. The last family photos only reflect our family as it was in 2004. Indy wasn't even thought about when those pictures were taken! Well, Miss Indy was all over the place during the session. At first, she was grouchy because she had stinky bricks in her diaper. Once I took care of that, she was in much better spirits but didn't want to relinquish the photographer's "watch the duck" rubber ducky. She took picture after picture with only a few of Indy in one place or not making a crazy face. The babe, the consumate modeling professional, took picture after fabulous picture without trouble. Family pictures were hard, but we got through it and with a few nice ones we could actually order. (Hubby actually did a bit of reordering when we picked them up on January 16th). There are several he and I took together that turned out so beautifully. He even commented last night at how these were the best we'd ever taken together. How sweet!

January 2nd was the first day back to school for the babe and hubby was off. Woohoo! (We had spent New Year's eve watching Season three Dallas Episodes and drinking Tequila Sunrises till two in the morning. (These are the kicks for a mother of two with barely a social life....it was awesome nonetheless). We took Indy into Salt Lake to daycare and the two of us went to see Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem. Fun, suspenseful and definitely much truer to both franchises than that last piece of garbage they released. Hubby and I were elated! We then to lunch at a new Thai restaurant. I had the Pra Ram (my new fav) and he had a spicy noodle dish that wasn't Pad Thai. I tasted it and it was wonderful, along with his Thai iced tea. We'll definitely pay that place another visit, even if just for take-out. Too bad we don't have a decently priced Thai place in our area. There's no reason Pad Thai should be more than $10 for lunch. Yeesh!

The vacation time moved quickly (as I knew it would) and I could sadly feel the end approaching. It wasn't the going back to work that I dreaded, but being separated from the kids (even though they were working my nerves, at times). I experience this anxiety after ever Christmas break - you'd think I'd have learned to cope by now. Hubby's first day back after five days off had him very upset, too. For all the time we've put into working on the house and making it a comfortable living space for the family, we just weren't ready to give it up so quickly. Vacation time for the summer is definitely a goal we're shooting for.

During all of this break time, I was fortunate to be home during some pretty big storms. The biggest, however, was yet to come. January 9th, I found myself working from home because I just didn't want to take my life into my hands. It was as if Someone was shoveling snow from heaven's driveway and we were the curb. Yeesh! It just wouldn't stop! (See picture)------>

By the end, we had 8 inches of cover and more to come during the week. I don't mind the snow so much when all it does is flutter down and then melt the next day. But this kind of stuff is wild! I worried that I wouldn't be able to get out and pick up Indy's stuff for her birthday the following day. Luckily, at around 3:30, it stopped. Hubby and I shoveled as soon as he got home. It's no wonder I didn't put on much weight this holiday season. I think I shoveled snow, at least, every other day and sometimes twice on those days!

Indy's birthday was a quiet affair at home with just the family. We picked up cupcakes this year rather than a cake...mainly because the Sesame Street decal wouldn't fit on the small cake I wanted to order. Oh, well. It turned out that it was perfect for a toddler and she enjoyed the Elmo, Cookie Monster, Big Bird and Ernie rings mounted to each one. She also enjoyed receiving her Cabbage Patch "baby" and See 'n Say Farmer in the Dell. It's quite easy to please a two year-old.

This week and last have been filled with numerous emails, projects and all kinds of craziness at work. I want to say that things are calming down a bit, but I don't want to jinx myself. So, I'll just say work is work and I'll be happy when it's not bearing down on me like a ten ton boulder.

Oh, and I should mention my dreams. I've been having very intense, vivid dreams for the past month. I usually remember them with great detail and they haunt me through out the day. The night before last was the first night I didn't remember a dream, but this morning, I'm having flashes of the one I had last night (not as intense, but the images are still there). There doesn't seem to be a recurring theme, but several have been sexual in nature. Some involved my hubby and some did not. Yes, I think I'd use the word erotic and in some cases also p.orno.graphic. Others are very normal, day-to-day occurrences but still quite vivid. In two or three of them, it was hard to distinguish reality, once I woke up...as if I were traversing a plain. These were the cases were I was bummed out to find that my dream wasn't the reality. Other times, I woke up feeling like I had more to do...I just wasn't finished. Since hubby and I had a love-making session that last more than an hour last night, I wasn't surprised that I dreamed of the events. To bad it wasn't as vivid as the other dreams I've had.

I talked to our resident Shaman (she really is!) and she said that if I were interested in pursuing this, I could keep a dream journal. Most likely, though, my mind was fixating on something I subconsciously need to notice/work on/pay close attention too. I don't know if I'm ready to keep a bedside journal about any of this. As I said, they are growing less in their intensity. Perhaps I'm already working out whatever it is I need to workout. Of course, for those that are "fun" in nature, perhaps I should just enjoy them.

Hair Raising Event

After GC's comment, I remembered that I've never posted pictures of "the hair" on this site so, here it is before I chop it all off. Yep! I'm close to the two-month mark, which is as long as I care to keep a braided style, these days. I'm going on a break and back to my ponies and falls for a bit (well, at least until April). My mom is coming over to put my relaxer back in and I'm not sure how I feel about that, yet. Underneath the braids, I am all natural again...ten foot fro and amazing strength. I wish I was brave enough to wear it natural, but it's never really been me.

So, off come the braids this weekend for me and the babe (she currently sports the same style I do). If I were a better beautician, she could go another month; however, I'm just not as good as those who are licensed. Hers have to come out every four weeks, or it's not a good scene. I think she'll be pleased with what I do to it this time around. It's all braids...very small...braided all the way, straight as a board. She hasn't had straight for about a year, so I'm thinking the new look will please her.

All hair aside, I'm feeling the effects of the antibiotics and decongestant big time. I can breathe at night and I no longer feel like I'm swimming in a pool of phlegm (lovely). I'm even enjoying my "tumble" sessions with hubby again (it's so hard to feel romantic and sexy when only one nostril is working). Whispering sweet nothings or even dirty talk, sounds like it should be coming from a Muppet rather than a human. Oh, so sad. Although, it really doesn't seem to matter to him. I guess I egged on last night session anyway...telling him he owed me and that he needed to service his wife. All I remember is waking up to his kisses...ahhhh.

I had sort of a fun dream last night. I dreamed that I went to my 20th high school reunion (which actually won't happen for a few years yet), but there I was. Hubby was on my arm and I saw people I haven't seen in years. There were plenty of faces in the dream of people that I had contact with in high school and my brain amazingly aged them effectively, but I couldn't remember their names. A few people were there to pose and I did what I would expect myself to do in that situation...I avoided them. Those who were there to reconnect and have fun were the people I hung out with the most. There was also a girl there who was severely disabled. I remembered her, but in school she had no physical problems. It appears that she was suffering with MS because she walked into the room on her own just fine and then progressively through the evening had problems standing on her own.

By the time they were making announcements and she had to venture up front, me and another lady supported her weight as we carried her to the podium. It was quite odd. At the end of the evening, a dear friend of mine arrived late and went around the room shaking hands with the guys, and kissing the ladies on their cheeks. He had gone completely silver, but had lost a ton of weight. We were all happy to see him. Through all of this, I remember being very proud and happy my hubby was with me (also going a little silver himself) and seeing all the women looking at us just amazed. Then I realized, I looked pretty good...even better with the eye-candy on my arm. Oh, dreams. Sometimes you just hope and wish and pray that they're real.