The Room is Spinning

The room in my head, anyway. The weekend would have been nice, relaxingly and restful had I not been worrying about my marriage again. Hubby went off with the boys on Friday night to clear his head. When he came back, he informed me that he now finds a lot of clarity in his time away from me. Before, all he could think of was getting back home to me. He was very snippy and sleeping a lot Saturday. Finally, I asked him if he needed another day "away". I told him I understood, but it still hurt. He decided to take me up on my offer and disappeared with friends again.

I stayed up and watched a movie until around 11:30pm, then I texted him that I loved him and I wanted him to be safe. I didn't sleep well...two evenings in a row.

Sunday morning, he called at 7:00 and in his tone, it sounded as if he missed me. I went to church and was so excited to get home to see him. I thought, surely, he's figured out what he needs and all will be well. When I got home, we all napped and napped. (Those sleepless nights will make you do that, you know.) When we woke up, he informed me that he'd made his decision. That it was a decision he had been afraid to make, but knew that we probably should. He said that love has never been our problem, but that we're two different people now from when we started. Who knows how it happened, but he was unhappy that we fuss all the time now. He was despondent about being more "colorful" about his metaphors lately and he was heartbroken at how impatient he has become. I understood everything he was saying. With each word, I felt a little more hollow because I knew what was coming.

So, I'm still not sure what's happening. We didn't sleep well last night (the air conditioner is on the fritz. Ugh! We just bought that sucker last year, what's the deal?!). This morning, we talked briefly but I didn't want to get into logistics (truthfully, I'm afraid to). That's all he seems to want to talk about, but then he admitted last night that he doesn't. He just doesn't know what to talk about.

How will I explain this to the babe? She's so sensitive and everything seems to effect her. I think school, gym and dance will probably suffer. Not because she won't be interested, but because her family is falling apart. I suppose it is good that we are parents that still love each other and we're not trying to split up the kids and everything. The one thing I told hubby was that I was respecting his decision. This is certainly not what I want. I believe that, even though we've become different people, we could learn to get along again. We would just have to work at it and I believe our relationship is worth it. I also told him that I wouldn't pressure him that way. If he feels this is what we should do, than I respect that. I've been sort of numb the past few days.

Today, I'm numb and all over the place today (I have to go into the office, and that's throwing me for a loop). I'm so OCD and it throws me off when things are altered, even a little bit. We have interviews back-to-back over the next two days. I guess that's one stressor I won't have, once we finally have someone hired. I wish I could wave a wand and, not only would the interviewing be done, but the training as well. The training is going to put us so behind.