Two Nights Down...I Guess

Last night after the babe and I got home from dance, I noticed she was crying and I asked her what was wrong.

"I miss my daddy, " she said. I told her I missed him too and I was really serious. I also told her to take a "lovey" to bed with her, which might help her sleep (seems dad and I aren't the only ones not sleeping well). Even with the pillows that carry his cologne/scent, I still toss and turn all night. He told me last night that the first night (Monday night), he didn't sleep at all. I popped up at 2:30am and couldn't go back to sleep. Last night (or this morning, rather), it was 3:40am. Honestly, I think that's the time he usually goes to work. I don't normally hear him when he's shuffling around here getting ready for work but, maybe subconsciously I do, which might explain why I popped awake at those particular times. Are we still connected even mentally? How nuts is that?!

I was going to have a glass of wine last night to help me sleep, but thought better of it. Now, I'm sort of regretting that I didn't. At least it would have helped me sleep through the night (of course, I could become dependent on it's acting as a sedative too, which wouldn't be good). I did, however, make good on my word and post the new goals on the other site...you know, the whole focus thing. I'd been doing pretty well until last night when the 128 ounces of water I'd drunk prevented my appetite from appearing until after 8:00pm. I knew I should eat something (my hubby whispering in my ear, even when he's not around...telling me that if I don't, my body will just hang on to the other stuff) , so I did and not the best things. Still, I didn't go as overboard as I could have. I think most nights I'll be happy with a big bowl of cereal. Most of my cooking will be for the benefit of the children anyway. I'm not one to eat when depressed...that, sadly, is my sister's lot in life.

Work seems to be the only stable thing (besides the children) right now. Our new person is pretty well trained. She's really sharp and (as a bonus) delightful. Such a change from my last coworker, who's house I will be going to for brunch on Sunday. That should be interesting. I'm not sure how to tone down how thrilled we are about her replacement. It's such a better match and I think she'll be so happy, where "J" never was. Each time we've talked, she's talked about work and even asked about specific tasks. She says it was hard to let go of. I guess I just can't imagine being so unhappy somewhere and not just making the break clean. My last job was like that; I couldn't wait to get out, and when I did? That was it. I was done. We'll see how the brunch goes.

I talked to hubby on the phone about four times yesterday. Each time, he sounded sad and confused. The deal fell through with his getting a bedroom set for the place. Currently, he's sleeping in another room that's already furnished. He said it's very nice. Still, the no bedroom furniture and not sleeping put a downer on his day. I think I projected the same feelings. He stuck around last week because he just couldn't get organized to leave. In his heart, he really didn't want to and told me that he had been trying to talk himself out of it. Ultimately, logic won out and he slept away Monday night. I truly hate sleeping alone and even when he's only gone for short trips, I never get my pattern down. When he used to work graveyards, it took months for me to get used to my biological furnace not being there next to me. It doesn't help that the nights are getting colder (we're supposed to drop down into the 40s this weekend) and so is our bed. I hope this doesn't last long...I guess I really hope that he feels we're worth saving. I've always chosen to fight. I hope he's fighting too.