Let's Do it Again/No Repeats

The dinner was wonderful...much better than I thought it would be (oh, and not necessarily the food...that was just average). It took my mind off things for a while. Then, as we were talking about babies and getting up in the night to take care of them, my girlfriend said, "I bet you didn't even have to nudge "hubby" when Indy was a baby. I bet he just got up. He just adores you! He loves you so much." I swear I wanted to cry right there. I did my best to hold it in. I guess acting runs in the family cause she didn't seem to notice I was in turmoil.

After a little more chatting, we got ready to leave and I told them I wanted to do the dinner again soon. Really...I need this. I need the distraction, the support of women. Women who are human too and who are also dealing with true issues. One friend's sex drive is gone, so her hubby is convinced she doesn't want him anymore (she's recently had a baby, so this is totally normal...of course, he doesn't know this). One is trying to adopt a child, since she cannot conceive on her own. She's very thin and has had medical issues most of her life, but the bureaucracy of adoption and medical tests is preventing her dream currently. The other, who was married five years ago, didn't want children at the time of marriage (neither did he). Now, she's aching for a baby and he's still not interested. He's older (there is an 8 year age difference, so convincing him is not going to be easy).

I made it home and got dressed for bed, then I went looking for hubby. I let him know that I was home, but there was no rush for him to leave. He seemed a little "lost" in his thoughts, but got up and started to prepare to leave. He told me that his "landlords" were off in Vegas and it would be his first night handling the house alarm by himself (he was a bit worried). I walked him to the door and then we hugged. I fell apart. I laid on his shoulder and just cried. A minute or two passed and I felt him trying to pull away, "Don't let me go," I said. He didn't. He held me as I tried to pull myself together. He asked me if I wanted to turn on my cell phone so that he could call me from the car. Of course, I agreed. A few minutes later, my phone rang and we talked about how all this was going a bit. We're both so confused. Trying to use the time to figure our relationship is the point of the separation. His concern is that our emotions are so tied up, it's hard for us to be objective. He's probably right. He asked about coming over Sunday and, of course, I agreed. He also mentioned that as soon as I told him my sister was willing to watch the kids on Saturday, he was ready to plan stuff for us.

"Why didn't you? I thought part of this was that we would go on dates and stuff...get reacquainted."

"It's only been three...three...has it been three? Hmm. It seems longer. Three days and I'm trying to do all this stuff, planning stuff to do together. We haven't given ourselves enough time yet to know what this is like."

"I know what this is like and I hate it!"

"I know, but we need the time to start working things out, if things are going to work out. If we just got back together and forgot everything, then things started going bad again, I don't think we'd recover from that spiral."

Honestly, he's right.