All's well, sort of...

Last night, after being frustrated to no end, I decided to put my situation in "God's hands." At that point, it was all I could do. I didn't have a cocktail or a glass of wine...I simply gave it up. This was hard to do (being a human with pride and an ego), but I did it. Everything happens for a reason.

So, my boss called me this morning to apologize. He said that he felt he had been insensitive and I appreciated the call. I also let him know that things had gone wrong and I owned up to the fact that they were not good. He confessed that our talk had "bothered me all day." I was glad he called.

With that out of the way, I tried contacting my grandmother again. A bit of back story, my grandmother has been put into an elderly care living center. She has lived alone for decades and I've been trying to call her to see how she's doing (afraid that her missing independence had broken her). When I talked to her today (finally), my worse fears were confirmed. I'm not even sure she knew who I was. I had to get it together today, so I wouldn't be all weepy. I know it's going to take time for her to adjust. I really hope that she does and soon begins "running things" like I know she can. ;)

I have a new passion (or obsession...that may actually be a more appropriate word). My daughter and her "look". I'm cultivating how she's going to rock things during her dance competitions this year. Is that nuts or what? I've reorganized her makeup and scaled up a bit, so that she doesn't look like a short street walker. I've also started wearing a bit myself to practice tricks I've learned. I've always been really good at making folks up, but it's been fun learning new things. I even ordered a new palette for her.

The brand is called Leishi and is a brand produced over seas. The pigment is as strong as M.A.C, but without the M.A.C price (nice!). With travel and customs, only one pigment perished on route; a lovely purple sparkle that I'm sure I would have loved. It was scattered about the packaging. So, sad. Anyway, I've been so psyched by it that I'm thinking I'll buy some for myself, now. They're really gorgeous (see the pictures I took, although the pictures don't do them justice).

It seems so strange to me because I'm not a makeup person. I'll wear lip gloss and lipstick for days, without putting on a stitch of anything else for months...but twice this week, I've gone to work in full face. I've actually received a lot of compliments (was I looking that rough before?). Anyway, I know it's the dancing that counts and that she's going to rock her moves and blow every one's mind. Last year, I styled her hair for the event and people thought I was a professional (I know! Crazy, huh?). If I pull out all the stops with hair and make-up...woohoo, fireworks!

Slap!

I'm feeling Ludacri.s' song today for so many reasons. It's rare that I feel like doing this to anybody, but work is pushing me to the limits today. It always blows my mind at what people get upset about. The issue? Let me set it up for you:

For about a month, we've had this report that needed to be sent to faculty members. I drafted the letter and cut up the reports so that the faculty member only received what he or she needed to see. The emails were addressed, the documents were attached. They waited in limbo last week, due to a final question I had for my boss. I finally had the answer, updated a couple of the messages and then pressed send (about fourteen times). Well, not all of the messages had the addressee's name included in the body, so it still looked a bit generic. He comes racing out to tell me the error, so I proceed to send an apology note to the few who were personally addressed as, "Bob, Tim, Steve...".

I received a couple of responses like,"Oh, no problem. I didn't take it personally," or "That's mister to you! Lol!" They pretty much took it in stride. Boss man, however, must have been utterly embarrased because he totally reamed me about it today. WTH?! He was so worried that when he sent one of the messages to the "Big Boss" that he'd be seen as sloppy, lacking attention to detail, poor customer service provider. So, as I sat there feeling like gum on the sidewalk, he continued on. More things wrong with the previous week (more things that pretty much added up to confusion on both ends). "You know, you can call me if you have questions." Well, same here, bub.

I pretty much ended the meeting with, "Agreed," and turned to high-tail it out of his office.

"Do you have anything you want to add?"

"No. I have my notes and I will take care of everything."

So, I'm pretty much pissed off and ready to throw shit around the room, but I'll just dream about doing this instead:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-8NFbkQRpE

Obsessing

I have a three year old who is totally obsessing over a movie. Typically, she rotates her favorites: Dora, Elmo, My Little Pony and Barney. Recently, we obtained Madagasc.ar 2 and she's watched it at least twice every day, since we got it (we're talking about a week). Craziness, right? The story is better than the first and the music is great (sometimes hilarious; Big and Chunky is a favorite at our house), but does that merit multiple watchings each day?

I had to think about it and my oldest didn't obsess about things quite this way, but I certainly did. For me, I had to watch The Lion, the Witch and the Ward.robe multiple times a week (the animated version), along with King Kon.g (the 70's version) and Wonder Woman. I've noticed that she doesn't just get completely OCD about movies either. Other things creep into her obsessive nature. She used to be terrified of lint and would do everything she could to get it off of her, keep it away or destroy it entirely. Thankfully now, she's just mildly irritated by it. She doesn't like anything on her hands, especially sticky hands and will wash them frequently through out the day (which is a bonus for a small child, I guess).

She also performs tasks in a very systematic way. When I put her in the spare bedroom to watch something, the footstool she uses to get on the bed must be in the same spot every time, the house shoes go off only after getting on top of the bed and I always get a "thank you, mom" when I leave the room (after turning on the movie for her). It's so wild! I'm hoping that the obsessive nature doesn't get too out of hand. All I'll ask is that it sticks around for things like homework and room cleaning. Lol!

V-day Shopping? Nope, not yet.

Usually, I have all of this taken care of a couple of weeks in advance. Not this year. This year, I was totally thrown off by our earlier trip to Missouri. Then, I came back to crazy, manic work (January is a big month for most Universities). Things are finally starting to calm down but there are only a couple of days left. Certainly, it's not like shopping for Christmas. Trinkets, keepsakes and candy go a long way for this holiday in my family. It's hubby that always proves tricky. I've already decided what I'm going to get him and, thankfully, he won't be home until later. I can pick it up and wrap it in plenty of time. I have this sneaking suspicion that he's probably getting me the same thing (one can only hope!).

As for the girls, I'll probably pop over to Mich.ael's for little things that will tickle their fancy. Last year, I got the Babe a Hi.gh Sch.ool Musical night gown, along with some chocolates. I can't remember if I even bothered with Indy, since she was only two and wasn't concerned about such things. This year, it's all about everything being hers and not sharing...a tough phase, but we'll get through it. She'll definitely be offended if sis gets something and she doesn't...even if it is only hair accessories or a mini-box of Russel.l Stovers.

Hubby and I tried to get someone to take the kids for the weekend but, it proved to be too difficult. How often do you have two holidays show up on the same weekend? We managed to get my mother to watch them from Sunday to Monday. This will be so nice for us...I just wish I weren't still coughing and hacking. So not something that works with bringing the sexy.

It's nearly time to do the workout. This should be really interesting, since I can still feel the Nyqu.il pulsing through my system. Has anyone ever fallen asleep at the helm of an elliptical trainer? I'm about to find out.

It's an Arctic Tundra!

I spent Monday shoveling, shoveling, shoveling. The grand total? Around a foot. Oy! It wasn't the sweet, fluffy stuff. Oh, no. It had to be the heavy, weight, turning-to-ice-upon-contact-with-the- ground, stuff. Hubby doesn't get off work now until 6:00pm, so it was just me out there. My neighbor came home, just as I was reaching the end of the driveway. The snow plows were so kind to barricade us all into our homes. A mini-wall of snow was formed that I knew my hubby's car would never get over. That stuff was so heavy! The kind neighbor, after shoveling an entry for his own car to get through, came over and assisted me with clearing mine. What a guy!

Later, my other neighbor's husband came over...not to help, but to chat about how his wife was doing weight watchers and how he ended up doing it by default. He's lost over 20 pounds and you can totally tell. He said his wife has too...unfortunately, I don't see it. I'm sure it's because of what she wears (baggy, baggy, baggy) and how she's shaped. I hope this improves life in their household over there. She suffers from depression and the kinds of foods one eats can totally attribute to how one feels. Of course, they've also had a lot of sickness over there this winter. That certainly can't be adding to the happiness morale.

I've got a bugger of a cough, now. I'm sure it's from shoveling, shoveling, shoveling and sweating in the cold. I really hope I don't end back up in the doctor's myself. Ugh! The youngest (Indy) had a fever of 102 last night. I quickly encouraged her to chew down a children's IBU last night, poor kid. The babe has also had the sniffles and a cough for a few days. Winter, be gone!

More Snow?

Yeesh! It's dumping white stuff everywhere here. I need to go out and measure, but I'm thinking five inches so far. I can honestly say I'm tired of it. I'm ready for spring, bloom and sunshine. I haven't even shoveled/snow blown yet because it just keeps coming down. Yes, it is beautiful but the thrill has worn off.

Did you catch the grammy's? I thought the sound was weird...like you were sitting in the audience, but then hearing vocals was a challenge. Then there's the "missing" acts. I suppose more will be out about that later today.

Breaking up with the Scale

I've decided to do this, over the last couple of weeks. How freeing! Before, I would check almost daily...seeing if those pesky 15 pounds I picked up over the holidays were leaving (usually an up and down affair due to my unending water weight gain). Then, the funeral and traveling back south thwarted more plans for loss. You can't go back south and not eat, right? Real BBQ and Long Joh.n Silvers were calling my name! Yes, there is such a thing as self control, but I chose not to use it. I do not regret that choice. I knew I'd have work to do and I was up to the challenge.

Anyway, when I got back, I started working out full-force again. The portion sizes cut and better foods going into the machine were/are the goal. I'm going strong, feeling better and looking pretty good, but I'm avoiding the scale. I don't want to set myself up for defeat. Therefore, the scale and I are breaking up, parting "weighs" and agreeing to see other people. Oh, we'll meet on occasion for coffee and catch up on old times (perhaps in a couple of months), but our relationship was destructive and I've got to let it go. Free at last! Now, on to getting back into my "get it girl" jeans.

So Much to Feel and Say

Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts. It seems like I've been MIA for a while, but we've actually been back in town for a little over a week, now. It's hard to get back into the flow, when you haven't been writing. I look back now and think, I should have written in the hotel or something. Oh, well. Where to begin? I suppose I'll start where I left off in the last post.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When hubby returned, he looked so down-trodden. He spent the next few hours sleeping. That's what he does when he's depressed. I took care of getting the girls situated and got them squared away, only to return to his calls ("honey, where are you?") and have him fall asleep. The next couple of days were the same. We finally told the babe and she took it very hard, but hubby was a trooper. He stayed strong for her. Her tears of sadness always want to make me cry, so I hid my eyes a bit to try and remain strong for her, too. I called my boss at home and told him what was going on. He assured me that I had three days bereavement time, but I had a few hours on Tuesday that I felt I had to work (big faculty meeting that week...everything always happens at once, right?).

Hubby's sister had told him that they would make the arrangements for the funeral, once he arrived. The important piece of information to keep in mind was that his brother would be released from jail on Friday and that, most likely, the funeral would be held on Friday. Knowing all of this, hubby and I made plans to fly out on Wednesday and return on Saturday. We booked the flights, hotel and car rental in record time. When hubby called sister back, the arrangements had already been made. Wtf?! Ugh! Weddings and funerals bring out the best in people, don't they? Anyway, hubby remained calm and told his sister what had transpired. He asked her to please try and make changes or, at least, schedule the wake for Friday. Why he would have to ask this in the first place irritated him to no end, but he handled it well. (She did manage to reschedule the wake for Friday, so at least he could attend that).

The scramble to place kids and animals began next. The babe and older dog would stay with our doggie babysitter (she fostered him before we got him and became a friend of the family). She's a nurse and a good friend of hubby's, so she was happy to take them. My former co-worker took my youngest (she doesn't work and I knew this wouldn't be an inconvenience for her, or I hoped it wouldn't be). When I called, she simply said, "Just tell me what you need me to do." Another friend told me the very same thing. Thank God for friends.

We left early Wednesday morning, driving down the highway through pea-soup fog. We arrived at the airport and checked in fairly smoothly. We napped at the gate until our plane arrived, then flew into Phoenix. Did you know that some airlines now charge you for the once complimentary juice and nuts you used to get? To the tune of $2.00, you can have your choice of soft drink or juice in a 4 ounce cup or $7.00 for an adult beverage. How about $7.00 for a snack box with crap you wouldn't feed to your dog? Yeesh! The economy bites! You are now forced to spend outrageous prices on drinks and food within the "secure" portion of the airport.

From Phoenix, we flew on to Missouri. The temperature was cold, even by our standards. Humid cold is so different from dry cold. We were shuttled to the rental location from the airport and were upgraded to a Pontiac Vibe (not a bad little car...rated high by Consumer Reports, I remember. I looked at these as a potential purchase, at one time). We had a two and one half hour drive from St. Louis to Sikeston. Never heard of Sikeston? Well, it recently gained some noteriety on the Travel channel...its restaurant, Lamber.t's rated as the number one place to "pig out" ("home of the throw.ed rolls"). This is where we booked our hotel.

We arrived, checked in and headed right back out almost imediately. We had another half hour drive to the little town where hubby is from. Cotton fields and more cotton fields. Hubby talked about picking the cotton as a summer job or throwing watermellons. Our history, ladies and gentlemen.

The town has approximately 3,000 residents. A very weighted feeling begins to press down over you, once you drive in. Time has somehow stood still in this sleepy, non-progressive place; mentally, spiritually, physically a place that time forgot. I definetly understand why my hubby and his sister left.

For the next few days, we (hubby and I) spent the day talking and being together. Then, we'd drive to the town and hang out with family. The blessing with funerals is the resurgence of family connections. Hubby saw brothers he hasn't seen in years. He hung out with cousins, aunts, uncles and old friends. I was introduced to a plethora of people that I hope I won't soon forget. By Friday, they were a part of my family and I was pleased.

The wake was difficult, as was expected. Hubby finally let down his walls and mourned his mother. I sat by him, but constantly felt like I wasn't doing enough. Thinking back on it, I walked around taking and hanging up people's coats (what the hell?). I guess that was something...I still felt like I just wasn't doing enough. I did, however, take the opportunity to gather all the brothers together and capture a group picture. I will share all of the pictures with family that I took while we were there by putting together a DVD/slideshow for all of them. That should be quite the project (I haven't started it yet). I hope these connections last, but I know the history in his family: hubby calls everyone, sometimes they call him (when they want something).

When we came back, the connections remained between hubby and his sister. We actually kept her kids over night. My daughters were elated to have their cousins over and it was good to see them all having a good time. We're hopeful that this continues.

Hubby is doing better, but he has his good days and bad (as does the babe...church was especially hard for her this past Sunday...her first church day since the tragedy). We've really come together through this. He keeps telling me how glad he was I was there and how much I did to help him (seriously, I still feel like I didn't do enough). We're planning for couple time during the weekend of Valentine's/President's day to just be with each other. He also wants to spirit me away in March...possibly another Vegas trip. We shall see. I'm just glad that he's in good spirits again. So, now on with life...