Fall Has Appeared

For the past week, we've been in the 70's (highly unusual weather for us, this time of year). It's been nice, but looking at the changing leaves with spring-like temperatures has been odd. Anyway, today, it hasn't gotten past about 50. The clouds are looming and it's been drizzling on and off all day. Now, it feels and looks like fall. I was having bit of trouble getting into the spirit of autumn, but I'm totally in the zone today (now, if I could just wake up...).

My hubby will be home all day tomorrow, then he's going to a party with the boys tomorrow night. I think he's feeling guilty about going because he keeps talking to me about it and asking me about the things they'll be doing there. Personally, I'm not interested in a bunch of guys getting sloppy, nasty drunk - telling each other, "Hey, man, I bet you can't drink three shots of Jager?" or whatever it is they dare each other to do. He hasn't been out with the guys in a while and I'm happy he has this opportunity for release, but I'm also a little paranoid. With everything that we've been dealing with, the paranoia is going to be there and he knows this. I just hope he remembers what thin waters we're on and he keeps his sanity during his partying. We'll see.

I'll probably hang out with my little one in the evening, maybe find a fall project or something to do with her, so she's not bored. I'm not very maternal, when it comes to things like that. She usually gets stuck doing things with me that I like to do but, she doesn't really seem to mind. Maybe that's her maturity. She even sat up and watched a t.v. show I was watching last night with no complaints. Perhaps it's also the fact that she's spending time with me.

Today, I felt a bit of a foot as I rested my hand on my belly this morning. It was so weird and special. I thought about what the baby was doing, her happiness level in a place so warm and peaceful. I also thought about how she'll look, when she finally blesses us with her presence. When I first saw my eldest, it was magical. I remember thinking, "Man, this kid is her daddy's through and through." She was so, so dark and her expressions were like his but there was no mistaking those eyes. Those were mine. She was absolutely breathtaking, and no one could tell me differently. She had a cone head for about two weeks, but nothing so bad as some of the newborns I've seen. This baby should be just as lovely...I hope. January seems so close and so far.

(How's this for sleeping so hard you don't know what's going on: my hubby came home last night at around 2 am and crashed. At fifteen to 5am, I woke him up (or so I thought), bringing him to the heights of passion. He fell asleep shortly thereafter and I assumed he would remember what happened. When I talked to him later today, he had no recollection...none whatsoever! He said it must have been like having a wet-dream or something and assured me it was no reflection on me...hmm...I don't know about that, but I always remember an orgasm.)

Sisters

There isn't a whole lot going on, right now. Just plugging away at work and trying not to strangle my out-of-state co-workers who don't seem to have a clue about what's going on. Last weekend was restful and uneventful. My hubby is still working overtime like it's going out of style. The babe was with me during UEA (sort of like in-service in other states) and we were pretty much tired of each other by Sunday morning. I was glad school was open and back in session on Monday.

I feel like with every passing weekend, I get a little bigger. Before long, I'm going to look like I'll topple over. I'm sure people will stop me in the street to say, "Can I get you a wagon/wheel barrow/shopping cart?" I can't even remember what it's like to be sexified in a dress and four inch heels. Or bust out in the tight jeans that you know make you look like mines would go off. Hah! I guess I won't know that feeling until sometime in the spring of next year (God willing).

I got a note from one of my sorority sisters. It seems they are making plans for homecoming which I will miss out on again. I'm only home (Nashville) every other year and this was my year so, I won't be there again until 2007. I was thinking about where my life might be in 2007; I'll be a mother of, not one but two girls. One will be 7, the other 2 (holy crap!). I will have been married (Lord willing, again) 9 years and in my home (if we're still in Utah) 6 years. I hope I would have changed jobs by then, but if not, I'd be hitting the 6 year mark with them too. Yikes! And, I would be 32 years old. Seems like a lot for a 32 year-old, but I still haven't done everything I want to, yet. I miss my sorors, but I think I couldn't handle being up under them all the time. There were 18 of us and that's a lot of estrogen and female drama. Granted, we are older but some things never change.

I also thought about what it would be like to go and see them if my family and I have moved to Vegas by then. Would I be different? Would a new city change me even more than I've already changed? Could I relate to them anymore? When I met some of them for lunch this past summer, it was so nice but there were things I just couldn't relate to anymore (and a lot of things I didn't want to). We (black women) have a tendency to be very closed-minded about the world. Because I didn't grow up and stay in one place, my outlook is so different. When they showed no tolerance with something, I couldn't understand why.

We're getting ready for our Halloween potluck at work and people are buzzing about what to wear and how to dress up on Monday. My costume is done, except for one minor detail. I was running ideas in my head about make-up and how to pull it off. I think I'll get up earlier that morning, just in case I have to sandblast my face and start again. It's fun to stray from the norm and I'm looking forward to being resident photographer that day. I'm also bringing my speciality - Kahlua cake...yum!

Surprise! I'm Home!

Thursday of last week went by pretty fast. I spoke to my hubby at around 1:00, who had finished his in-person interview and was feeling pretty confident. He said that he was going driving, then would hit the grocery store to pick up items for the hotel room. His plan was to leave Friday morning, first thing (around 5 am). I was happy that there would be only one more night to be without him.

Thursday night, I'd gotten me and the babe all settled in for the night. She was watching a Scooby Doo movie and I was in my room, watching a horror (hey, it's horror season, so I'm going to wear them out if I can). After a while, she comes running into the bedroom:

"Mama, come in the living room. I've got to show you something."
"-----, I don't have any clothes on."
"Just, please come into the living room, okay?"

So, I get myself up and head down the hallway. When I turned the corner into the kitchen, there was my hubby. I was so excited! He had parked in the driveway, so as not to give himself away (usually, I know he's home when I hear the garage door opening and the door from the garage to the house banging open). Once he parked in the driveway, he came in through the front door and quickly hushed up our daughter, so he could surprise me. It was a good trick, considering our five year-old has trouble keeping secrets.

He brought home plenty of souvenirs and gifts for both my daughter and I, then more goodies for my mother and sister. He also bought himself two suits (he's never owned a suit in his life! I can't wait to see him in one). They're gorgeous and look like they were tailor made (I'm sure he had to have an alteration or two for his size). He also dumped out the goodies from the sex store. Of course, our daughter caught sight of one and quickly asked, "What's that, mommy?" "Why can't I see it, mommy?" "Is it a toy?" Boy, oh boy. The older they get, the more inquisitive. We quickly hid "the toys" after the inquisition.

Friday would have been really nice, if I could have stayed home with him. He worked on things around the house, then had to leave for work. Saturday, we ran errands together and had a wonderful time just being in each other's company. I'm not sure what happened Sunday, but when I came back from church, he was sure in a mood. I woke him up and apparently too early because he was grouchy and snappy. Then, we spent the next several hours not speaking to each other. He slept on the couch most of the day, while my tired butt tried to entertain our little one. She mainly watched movies and brought me "poems" she was writing (she doesn't actually write them, but more or less reads in her mind what she thinks her scribbles say). Sometimes, the scribbles rhyme.

Monday was better and we talked on the phone a bit. I guess maybe, we'd spent to much time up under each other over the weekend. It happens...your space is compromised and you start feeling claustrophobic. That's the only thing I can think of. I know I'm extra needy these days, so maybe he just really needed a moment. Whatever it was, I'm glad the mood/funk didn't last long. In fact, I stopped by a couple of stores after work yesterday and got fussed at when I got home for not answering my phone. So, needy is needed by the needy too.

Talk to me, Baby

I spent 3 hours on the phone with my husband last night. Three! I can't believe it. We talked and talked and talked until I finally had to say, "It's midnight, honey and I have work tomorrow." It still took another fifteen minutes to say goodbye (we are so pitiful!). Only two more nights like this, then he'll be home. I really miss him and he obviously misses me.

I started to think about what attracts people to certain people. We have to begin with looks because, you can't very well through your brain on a table and tell someone you're interested in, "Investigate this and get back to me when you're done. Should we hook up?" Nope. It's all about the face and the body for the first impression. When I was in college, I was petite but curvy. I'm mostly muscle (not gross muscle, the tone kind) so, I could carry around 145 and it appeared to be 125 on me. I have been very fortunate in that respect my entire life. Of course, my hubby was hooked by the curves and the chest (he's a breast man), but also the fact that I was the center of the crowd. I suppose that's the closest thing to my brain-on-the-table theory as you can get. My personality came through, just with that one, brief situation.

For me, it was his damn hot body and the way he ate ice cream and fruit. Seriously! It was like someone crafting something. He had it down to an art form! Later I learned that the ice cream and fruit were his "practice pieces". Amazing! (It's good to be the fruit). Now, of course, I know him better than anyone and vice versa. The nice thing is that we're still discovering things about each other and I suspect that's what keeps the marriage from getting bland. When we were getting his oil changed Sunday, the tech guy says, "You two sound like an old, married couple." Then, I said, "Eight years coming up." Damn. Eight years...it was weird hearing it out loud. My hubby gave me a look that told me he was thinking the same thing.

With the stats the way that they are now and people divorcing at the speed of light, I feel really lucky to have my hubby and the time we've invested together. I hope we can beat the stats and prove that our society hasn't just given up on committed relationships. Who really knows what the future holds but, that is what I wish for.

"We all sleep alone." - Cher

Sunday was one of the best days me and my family have had for months...and we didn't really do that much. My hubby was home by 3:00 am Sunday morning and his "fear" was magically gone. He woke me up and we spent the next hour and a half in bliss. Sleeping in would have been terrific if our daughter hadn't kept coming in, waking us up every twenty minutes. I finally got up, got her some fruit loops and a movie, then came back to bed. By 9:30, we were up and getting dressed. We drove to my girlfriend's house in Salt Lake and dropped off the babe, then we headed to the Utah Massage College for a couple's massage. Unfortunately, the wait was listed as one hour and a half, so we headed out (who wants to sit around that long, only to wait an additional half hour for someone to come down and get you..."Not I, said the cat").

We ended up at the movies and saw Serenity. It was fabulous! (One of my coworkers lent me the series Firefly about two weeks ago and begged me to watch.) I was hesistant, since Sci-fi is more up my husband's ailey, but gave in and watched the only season it was on the air, with three unaired episodes in the collection. I was hooked! By the time the movie was released, I had invested myself into the characters and needed desperately.

Hubby didn't get to see the shows with me, but felt like he could follow the story okay. He liked it, but not nearly as much as I did. Afterwards, we went to get his oil changed. Sounds exciting, I know, but it was nice to have thirty minutes or so just to talk. When the car was finished, we picked up the babe and headed back to our city. Everyone was so tired, so we all took a nap...well, the babe took a nap. I took advantage of my hubby's new-found courage and ravaged him for an hour. No time to pass out, we took the babe to see the Wallace and Gromit movie (which turned out to be really cute).

We picked up dinner at Noodles & Company, then headed home. That evening, after the babe was tucked into to bed, we watched the recent version of The Amityville Horror. I read the novel back in Elementary and loved the original movie. This was well done, with some changes made that I thought were unncessary and some that were perfect. I was pretty well freaked out by the time we went to bed, but happy I didn't have to sleep alone.

Monday was emotional and heart-renching. Hubby was leaving for Vegas and he was so not "feeling it" anymore. He kept saying how he wished we could go with him, regardless of the fact that he was so excited a month ago. He also said that, although it is probably his favorite city, he just didn't want to exprience it again without us. He called several times during the day and I called him last night. He was trippin' over his room because of all the mirrors:

"Honey, the bed headboard is a solid mirror across the wall, there are mirrors on the side and there's a mirror over the bed."
"So, what are you wearing?"
"Nothing...and I'm starring at a dark, bald man with a hard...too bad you're not here"

We were on the phone for about forty minutes, when my calling card ran out. It felt like when we were going together and talked all the time. It helped me sleep then and it helped me fall asleep last night. I suspect we'll have to do this until he gets home. Even though he's normally not there at night, it's so different when he's completely out of town. This is also the longest we will have been separated (before, it was my three-day stint back home to Nashville for my bestfriend's wedding, back in July).

I'm trying to occupy my time, but I think about him a lot. He said that he thought about me the entire ride down to Vegas (about five hours with an hour gained PST, once you hit the Nevada border). In some ways, I do hope he does well on his testing and in others, I hope he doesn't. I don't know if I'm ready to live in the desert and leave behind seasons, the mountains and my mother. Growing up in L.A., I didn't have seasons and it was fine, but once we moved to the southeast and I got a taste of what the weather is supposed to do, I loved it! Also, my daughter and my mother have a great relationship. My grandmother and I were practically strangers, until we had to move in with her for a while. I learned to really like and love her and I'd hate to see my daughter and mother become strangers (my mother likes to travel, but she hates the heat). I don't think she'd make visits very often. Finally, the Wasatch Mountains are magnificent! They bring me such comfort and are so beautiful. I'd hate to leave them, too.

I suppose we'll have to wait and see what happens. If things go the way he wants them to, we'll have to sell our house and uproot our entire lives...I really enjoy stability, but I'm not afraid of change. It's the damn moving process I don't like. Ugh! Even thinking about it depresses me. Packing, wrapping, shifting, lifting...I'll shell out the money to pay for a moving company, this time. Hmm. I guess, if I'm talking about moving, part of me has already accepted that I may have to. How about that...

Police Escort, Please...

Hubby did not sleep all day yesterday, which means he had been awake since 6:00pm Wednesday. When we got home yesterday, he was awake, sweeping the floors. Okay, so I have no problem with my man cleaning, but omigod! What was he thinking? We went into our bedroom to chat and he proceeded to pass out. He slept for about twenty minutes, then woke up. We chatted some more and I went on and on about how I was still in need of more, at least where intimacy is concerned (oral is great and we do that all the time, now but he seems to be getting the bigger end of the stick since it is his fetish). Anyway, after I "made him feel like a man", he passed out again. This time, for about 30 minutes. By then, it was 8:30, so I woke him up for work. He got dressed, kissed me and the babe goodbye then left.

This morning at around 2ish, I woke up briefly and thought I had to go to the bathroom. I did, but decided it wasn't worth getting out of my warm bed and I figured I could hold it until 4, so back to sleep I went. A few minutes later, hubby crawls into the bed. I was like, "what the hell? Where did you come from?" He began to tell me that he headed to work, barely able to make it there due to falling asleep at the wheel every few minutes. He was like, "I think I almost hit other cars and trees about fifteen times last night". Then, once he got to work, couldn't function enough to get any work done. So, someone from work drives him home in his car, while a patrol car escorts them both here. Crazy! Of course, he didn't call me and tell me what was happening, he calls my mother. So, when I get to work, she's all, "How is your husband? He called me at around 1:00 to tell me he was getting a ride home, but he didn't want to worry you." Didn't want to worry me? I just don't understand the way men think, I guess.

So, today he's calling his doctor about the sleep results to see what the hell is going on. If there's a temporary solution (like medicine), he's going to go for it (Thank God, cause I don't know how much more of this I can take). He works from 2:00 this afternoon till 6:00 am tomorrow morning. Then, he goes back in at 10:00pm tomorrow night and gets off at 2:00am Sunday morning. This is insane! I know he's trying to save money for the baby, but my goodness! I work too. He doesn't have to try and manage everything by himself. Talking to him about this subject is like talking to a deaf person looking the other way. It's futile! At least he sounded better after sleeping most of the morning and part of the afternoon. I knew graveyard shift would do this to him again. He just didn't listen...

Tagged by "God's Child" - Six Things Survey

Browsing through the blog world, I saw this on a site and thought I'd partipcipate. Here goes!

6 Things Survey (I love these):

Things I want to Do:
1. Learn to play the guitar...well.
2. Finish learning Italian (and maybe Spanish too)
3. Have enough money to buy my hubby and little ones something extravagant and not feel guilty for doing it.
4. Have enough money to buy msyelf something extravagant and not feel guilty for doing it.
5. Travel outside of the country
6. Work somewhere that I totally love and could do for the rest of my life.

6 Things I Can Do:
1. Play the violin...well.
2. Charm the pants off anyone!
3. Bake the most amazing Kahlua cake you ever tasted, even me (and I hate chocolate cake).
4. Swim
5. Make people feel at ease in even the worst situations.
6. Remember by imprinting (when I'm not pregnant, my memory is amazing).

6 Things I Can't Do:
1. Be in small spaces for too long (I'm a touch claustrophobic)
2. Blatantly lie (It's just easier to be honest). Besides, I'm no good at lying. Never have been.
3. Let go of all the past BS that has intruded on me and my hubby's intimacy (I had one boyfriend who really screwed with my mind) I'm doing a lot better in my old age.
4. I can't go back to the south...I just can't do it.
5. Be purposefully hurtful. I have friends who have no problem telling people like it is, despite the person's feelings. I just always think of how I would want to be told things (but I am, by no means, a wuss).
6. force myself to be kind to hateful people. I just try to avoid them entirely.

6 Things That Make Me Attractive To The Opposite Sex:
1. My bodacious tatas (even after the reduction, I'm still a force to be reckoned with at 34 D).
2. Coke-bottle/Hour-glass body (when I'm not pregnant, that is)
3. Sex appeal (I'm no raving beauty, but I've got that in spades)
4. Happy disposition
5. My acceptance of me ( the men I have been with and have known have always appreciated that I'm comfortable with me and don't feel a need to conform).
6. Still cute, despite no make-up (I leave the war paint for special occassions, only).

6 Things I Say All The Time:
1. What the crap?
2. Freakin' (as in, "He's a freakin' moron")
3. What the hell?
4. Holy cow! (I attribute this to living in Utah far too long)
5. Trifling
6. "You just earned yourself a Jackass award!" (I usually say this to the idiots that cut me off or do something generally stupid on the road, which is pretty much daily)

6 Celebrity Crushes (in no particular order):
1. Wesley Snipes
2. Mickey Rourke (circa 91/2 Weeks and Wild Orchid)
3. Bruce Willis (I know, he's old enough to possibly be my parent, but I just love the way he smiles that crooked smile of his)
4. Vin Diesel (he's not cute in the traditional since, but he has that "something")
5. Dwayne Johnson (better known as "The Rock")
6. Christian Bale (even before Batman, I thought he was hot)

6 People I'm Tagging:
1. You
2. and
3. anyone
4. who
5. will
6. answer

Little Sleep, but Okay

Yesterday, I had a well-mommy visit with my ObGyn and hubby went with me. When we arrived, my nurse nearly flipped, yelling, "The other half! The other half! We never see the other half!" I guess mommies-to-be rarely come with their significant others. Hubby has wanted to join me for every visit, but hasn't been able to. I think he was a bit embarrassed by all the attention, but glad he could come. The doctor even seemed pleased to see him.

The doc broke out with the tape measure to measure the belly this time...a sure sign that I am on my way. The heart beat was right there with no searching on the doctor's part. My next visit will involve a "cheat" gestational diabetes test. I was thrilled to hear that he doesn't do the "yucky soda" version. That stuff is horrible! Instead, he has you schedule the visit just after you eat, then takes your blood to test the sugar levels. Sounds good to me! Anything to avoid that gross stuff. (For those who don't know, the sugar test usually involves one drinking an orange "soda" of sorts that's extra sweet. Now, normally, extra sweet doesn't bother me, but this stuff is in a class all by itself. It's horrible! You drink it at the speed of light, then wait a half hour for it to hit your bloodstream. After sitting there with that terrible taste in your mouth, you go in and get your blood drawn. Many a mommy has said they've thrown up from that stuff. I came close, but managed to hold it down).

Afterwards, hubby went to Michaels, of all places, to pick up Halloween decorations for the house. We then went to Target for more stuff, then to Mickey D's to pick up dinner. I don't know what those cheeseburgers did, but at 1:00am I was up and in the bathroom. After that, I couldn't go back to sleep. So, I went downstairs and uploaded some pictures online and downloaded new music to my mp3 player. Time well spent, I'd say. (I could have done something productive like organize the file cabinets or something. Yeah, right).

I stayed up and turned off my alarm before it woke up the babe, then got ready for work. It was freakin freezing in our house this morning, now that the temps have decided to drop down into the 30's at night. Hubby said, initially, that he'd wait until after his trip to Vegas to winterize the swamp cooler. Now, he's saying he'll do it before he goes (perhaps, this Saturday). Thank God! I had an extra blanket on the bed and a space heater in the babe's room. Her room was the warmest room in the house, by far! It didn't get cold gradually, but the cold came as a fast drop in temps when a storm blew through yesterday. The mountains are now dusted in snow. It's very pretty and I do like the fall crispness, but I just wish it wasn't so "crip".

Tonight is dance night and the balcony is closed, so I guess I'll take a book to read while I wait for the babe to finish. She really likes it and I'm glad we found one that she likes and is comfortable with. I noticed last week that she was show-boating for the teacher and put herself front and center. The only chocolate child - front and center. I wonder if that's where she'll be during the recital? Oh, recitals. I love recitals. Hers will be in December and, if I'm lucky, they won't have to roll me down the row to my seat just to see her.

The Corn Maze and Other Adventures

The corn maze was just that...a corn maze, but I guess I didn't realize how tall corn actually gets. Man, it was crazy! A lot of fun, at first. We went through and roamed around looking for the check points. Each checkpoint had it's own, unique marking tool so, you couldn't just mark everything up and leave. We initially just went in to roam, then got into the marking stuff pretty good.

There were 6 check points. We had a time finding the last one, but eventually stumbled upon it. After that, we were ready to go. Unfortunately, the maze was not ready to release us. Trail after trail we walked with no entrance in site. Some trails we crossed over several times. I'm sure we ended up walking more than five miles and boy did my body let me know that, that just wasn't okay. The babe kept fussing, "Mommy, why don't you just read the map so we can get outta here." Well, it just wasn't that simple. I knew if I could find a check point, I might be able to get us out. Finally, I found one. We cut through the corn and viola! The entrance appeared. We were so glad to be out of there and out of all that blasted corn. I'm glad we didn't do the Trail of Doom. The babe would have had cardiac arrest for sure (she could hear the voices and sound effects from where we were and was already freaked out).

Once home, we stripped, showered and crashed. It was a hard night. The next day, I prepared the gown for dyeing. It is a double-layered, nylon gown that reaches to the floor. The color was a very bright cherry. The black dye made it a deep purple...pretty, but not the color I was going for. I added dark green and the gown went chocolate. Very nice. I also finished the cape and was totally exhausted! Two little activities and I was ready to pass out. My energy level has dropped again and I know that it's in for the spiral downward from here on out. I keep trying to do what I did before, but to no avail. I've just got to learn to take it slow (but that's so hard for me!). Sunday, I spent most of the day resting, but did put a pot roast in the crock-pot early that morning, then made veggies and rice to go with it that afternoon. Delicious! I love comfort foods and I'm so glad I don't have to deny myself of them this year.

Some Satisfaction, Finally!

Wednesday, hubby was not home as anticipated. He had a previous engagement and had to leave shortly after I took the little one to dance class. When her class was over, we stopped at Burger King and picked up dinner (some appetites were going to be satisfied!). The next day, my department had a presentation at a lodge in Heber, Utah called StillWater. It's absolutely beautiful, nestled next to the Jordanelle river, surrounded by a breathtaking mountain terrain. Talk about a great place to have a retreat!

Anyway, I came into the office first, then my coworker and I headed up the canyon to the lodge to do our presentation and booth set-up. It was a good day, but very tiring. My phone didn't have service where we were, so I received no calls. Once we were back in Salt Lake, I answered a few emails then took off. My phone rang as soon as I left the building:

"Is there a reason why you haven't been around to answer or return any of my phone calls?" (in a somewhat suspicious tone)

"Um, yeah. I told you I'd be in Heber today. Our service doesn't work in Heber, you know that."

"Oh, yeah. I forgot, honey." (tone completely changes to the I'm-an-idiot-and-I'm-so-sorry tone)

"Well, isn't that interesting," I thought. I can't believe this is the same man that was treating me like I had the plague, two nights ago. All of a sudden, he's trying to find me. We then decide to talk a bit and I tell him about my frustrations with him and his fear. He promises he'll work on it, and agrees that his fear has effected our intimacy. Once I got home, I crawled into bed with him and made him remember why he's married to me. He was none too disappointed at my approach and both our modes changed for the better. I wanted to say, "See? Now was that so hard?"

He is working for the next twelve days and I'm sure that's going to drive me nuts. Supposedly, we're going to do stuff together on the 9th, while my girlfriend watches our little one. I'm hopeful, but not planning for it. Who knows what could happen between now and then. After the twelve-day stint, he'll be traveling to Vegas to test. I'm really nervous about that, but there isn't much I can do. He wants me to stay at my mother's while he's away, just in case something happens. You know, I really don't want to. Not that it wouldn't be nice at my mother's. I just would rather sleep in my own bed with my own stuff, you know? I'd have to bring the dog with me if I went so, added chaos. I'm still deliberating.

Tonight, I want to take my daughter to the Corn Maze/Trail of Doom. I kind of "hyped it up" for her, so she would see it as fun instead of a potential breeding ground for nightmares. We could just do the maze, but this seems like a fun way to get the season started. I just love the scary season.

Hot, Hot, Hot!

...and I'm not talking about the temperature outside. My hubby was off last night, so I had him all evening to myself. You'd think the fireworks would be going off, seriously. We watched a movie and then started in on another one. Fifteen minutes into it, he fell asleep. Well, I couldn't fault him for that. I know that he's probably so exhausted from the hours he's pulling and this was the first time in a long time he got to sleep at night. It was easy to forgive the nod-off. This morning, I was ready for him to make-up for it so, I'm nudging the hell out of him, trying to get things going (you know, strategic stroking and caressing) thinking, "I know this will get him. He can't possibly turn me down." I mean, talk about an easy lay.

When I notice he's awake, the following conversation takes place (I didn't want to conversate, if you noticed):

Me: "Hey don't you want to?"
Him: "Yeah, honey, but I gotta get up and get ready in a few minutes" (Please! That's never stopped him before)
Me: "Are you afraid?"
Him: "Well, I'm a little hesitant. I just don't want to do anything to put the baby in jeopardy"
Me: "The baby will be fine, honey. She's in the most protected environment there is."
Him: Well, I'm just thinking about last night and the past few nights. She (the baby) has been so busy and you've been so uncomfortable. I don't know how we can without it being too difficult for you.

The sentiment is sweet, but hell! Let me decide if I can or can't. Lord, I'm in need! Like I said, this is a new experience for me. During my last pregnancy, I would have been happy to have him stay as far away from me as possible. This time, I'm ravenous and it's really starting to get on my nerves that he's being so fidgety about our intimacy. Granted, our positions are very limited, but we can still get it on without too much difficulty.

Hubby is an oral fanatic, so he's been thrilled that I'm so sensitive and receptive to it, lately; however, I want it all! Call me greedy but, dammit, things are getting way too frustrating. He's off tonight too and I think I may have to rape his ass, if it comes to that. What do they say about denying pregnant women food? I think the same is true of all appetites.

Feeling Better...cough, cough, cough

Last night was the first night I actually slept soundly without waking up to run into the bathroom to cough up buckets full of phlegm (how's that for a visual). I'm still coughing and will probably cough for the next week or so. It's just like I said in a post earlier, as soon as things quiet down and everyone's expected to listen attentively, I start in with my old man coughing.

Yesterday was our all-staff meeting and the beginning of our week-long, faculty colloquium. These yearly meetings are always a mind blower because so many of our staff work across country. This is the only time we get a real visual of just how many people work for our University. Anyway, there are about 200 of us now (I remember when there were only 30 of us) and I was working really hard to try and remember name's to faces. I eventually gave up. My coughing started during the heart of our president's presentation and didn't stop until he presented the 5-year watches (my boss received his). Then, he presented a new award for "excellence" (there were only two handed out). Guess who got one of those suckers? I was totally blown away! A crystal weight with my name engraved as well as two, round-trip tickets to anywhere in the United States! Man, I must be living right. I was so excited! After that shock, we went to eat and "play" at Boondocks Family Fun Center.

Despite being preggers, I bit the bullet and drove the go-carts. That was more fun than I remember (I think I was a kid, the last time I did that). No Bumping signs all over the place (the only rule for the event) and what happens? Some rat-nosed kid bumps me. The only pregnant woman on the track and he bumps me (lil' .......)Afterwards, we played "Ice Ball" and won tickets for crap only a kid could love (all of which I gave to my daughter, once I got home). We then got accosted by every well-wisher hugging and (yes) even kissing me, before we finally headed out of there at 6:30 pm last night. It was a good day.

I got home expecting to find an empty house, but when I pulled into the garage, I saw my hubby's car. What the....? Well, turns out Mr. Fabulous overslept (again) and missed an appointment with a guy he was supposed to train. When I tried to get him to talk, he was so loopy that I could barely get anything out of him. He did congratulate me on my awards, but I don't think he really "got" it until this morning when he called to congratulate me again. He's been so tired and crazy, lately. I keep waiting for the "sleep doctor" to call with news on what he should do about his apnea. It's really starting to effect his life in a bad way.

I started work on part of my Halloween costume, Saturday. I am by no means a seamstress (totally self taught), but I do okay. I figure I should be done with the cape by this weekend and the great thing is, it's multi-functional. I can wear it during the winter, since my belly will probably not allow me a comfortable fit in my winter trench coat. The cape is super roomy.





The rest of the costume is in need of a dye job. It's lipstick red (purchased from eBay) and I will be dying it black (again, hopefully this weekend). I'm still trying to "construct" the idea of who I am in this costume. We always do it up big here, so I don't want to come off looking crazy. Last year, I did the disco diva thing, complete with sequined hat and halter top, black satin pants, platform heals, lots of gold chains, huge gold earrings and bangle bracelets, big Farrah-type hair with gold accenting spray and a gold chainmail belt to accentuate the effect. I was looking pretty good, but only a few people "got" it. (Utah: they're so clueless)

The pregnant lady is hungry, so I'm going to find some substanance quick and in a hurry.

I am soooo sick!

Yep. You read the time stamp correctly. I've been up hacking for hours! I can't find a comfortable position to sleep in and the only way I stop coughing is if I'm sitting straight up. What a nightmare! I've already called into my office and said I wasn't coming in. I think it truly blows their minds when they get a call from me at this hour. They all know how I like to go to bed.

My sides are so sore from hacking and hacking. Then, the baby thinks it's party time from all the movement. She hasn't slept either. She also keeps jabbing me in the bladder, so I'm running to the bathroom every half hour too. Sounds wonderful, don't it?

I sat in the bathroom and ran the shower for steam for about fifteen minutes. It helped, but I still can't freaking get to sleep! I'm going to take some more Sudafed (yep. I'm really starting to miss my Nyquil) to try to help with the "drip". I hope I can (if I do doze off) get up in time to take my daughter to my mother's house so that she can take her to school. Of course, hubby would be working overtime, so he can't take her. Ughh! What I wouldn't give for a really strong shot of something right now. And, tomorrow's the first day of dance too. The other dance mommies are going to love meeting one of he extras in Night of the Living Dead tomorrow. Maybe I'll sign autographs.

Happy first day of fall!

A Few Changes

I changed the template and straightened up a few "problems" I had with the last one. I hope this is easier to read for everyone (including myself). I've also added a couple of links from my former blog, my email address and my "100 Things" for more info about yours truly.

My cold has "kicked in" and the stages have begun. I sneezed for half the day and now, the coughing has started. I'll cough and sleep breathing through one nostril for about three or four days. The cough will be the last to go (I expect to see it depart around early October). I'll feel fine, but hack like a 3 pack-a-day smoker. It's really annoying. I can remember getting sick during exams in high school (stress and lack of sleep every time) and hack through the entire examination. I don't know what was more distracting, my hacking or everyone asking me every two minutes, "Are you okay?" or "Do you need some water?". I always wanted to yell, "No. I don't need any water, you morons. Water isn't going to make the phlegm go away now, is it." Thank goodness for tact.

I'm so excited! I finally found a dance studio for my daughter. For weeks, she's been asking me, "When am I gonna dance, mama?" or "When's my next recital?" Her last dance class was offered through a studio that actually gave lessons to kids in various daycares throughout the valley. How convienient for us busy parent-types! She absolutely loved it and I was glad to give her that opportunity. When daycare ended and Kindergarten began, I worried that she might not be interested or, if she was, I wouldn't be able to find anything for her that was in a decent price range. She is and I did! She starts to tomorrow at 5:15, once a week until December, when she has her recital. That's the best part for the kids, in my opinion. I loved my recitals - putting on make-up (the only time I could, as a child), getting the hair all prettied up, wearing my costume and being a complete show-off, legitimately, all night long. Then, there was the flowers from mom and dad after each performance.

Hubby was home when I got home last night. We've been watching Lost on DVD for the past few nights and are absolutely addicted! We were up till past 11:00 (which is late for me) watching the episodes on disc 4. I've asked my mother to TiVo the new season for us, until we can finish up season 1. It's extremely well written, well acted and (go figure!) original. We were both exhausted and fell asleep holding hands (I kid you not!) I think we both had the loving in mind, but were too tired to do anything about it. Oh, well.

Love Those Nooners!

Hubby surprised me with lunch on Friday. I was so thrilled to see him! We ate, talked and laughed a lot (things I really miss, when he's not around). Of course, nooners are much more fun, when you're not pregnant (we didn't even try). After lunch, the day went pretty quickly and the weekend started off with the babe and I shopping at Michael's crafts (we're now in search of everything Unicorn for the baby's room). We bought a couple of those velvet pictures to color and she and I had a good time doing that in bed before I had to put her down.

Saturday, we all got up and prepared to run errands (hubby was planning another retreat). The babe and I went to Wally World, then to Mickey D's for breakfast, then to Home Depot, then to my mother's house to visit. Then, all the girls (including my sister) drove into Salt Lake to go shopping. That was about a two hour excursion, then back home. I fixed our lunch, then set about to fixing the bar lights in the babe's and the master bathrooms. Man, you don't realize how dark a room is until you fix all the lights. After that project, I put in a dimmer in the baby's nursery (proud to say, all by my lonesome). :-) Hubby was so impressed, the next day, he was sure we'd have no problem attaching the ceiling fan in our bedroom.

That night, after visiting a few more stores, I began to get a very sore throat. I sucked on some ludens, but it didn't help all that much. The babe went to bed and I sat up and put the massager on my back (it was a busy day and my back was reminding me that a pregnant lady can't take on the world). At around 1:00 am, my hubby climbed into bed. He had driven to Idaho again and was all checked into his room. He said that he went to Wally World, walked by a mirror and caught a glimpse of himself. He said he didn't like what he saw. He was alone and looked it...unhappy without his family. He said, he went back to the room, grabbed his stuff and hit the road (this was at around 11:00 pm). He stopped for gas on the way back and grabbed a lottery ticket (you know, priorities). He said he was so happy to be home and back in my arms and then it happened, finally. He said, "I realized that I don't need or want anyone else. I have these problems, that's trued and I don't know if they'll ever go away. But, all I want is you...my beautiful wife." If I'd been a bit more awake, I probably would have cried.

So, after our talk and intimacy, I realized that I didn't feel very good...you know, the sore throat and all. It was still there and my head felt congested. By Sunday morning, I was sick as a dog! I stayed home and hubby went and bought the family breakfast and juice. I ate and laid on the couch with him most of the day. Although I felt like crap, it was nice to have him around so much. The babe alternated between playing in her new playroom downstairs, playing in her bedroom and playing in the living room where we were. She was all played out by bedtime.

I slept okay, but I still feel it, you know? All the prenatals and vitamin C must have fought off the bulk of what could have been (thank God!). I was able to take sudafed, but it's not Nyquil (or a good shot of brandy or whiskey. That'll stop a virus in it's tracks for sure!) Can't do that to the baby. I'm really tired and could literally lie down on top of my desk right now. I think people would probably notice a big round lady sprawled out on her desk, slobbering on herself.

Feeling the Stress

I was so irritated last night before my hubby left for work, and I couldn't put my finger on why until he walked out of the door; I am lonely for adult companionship. I have my daughter all the time and I love her dearly, but you can only deal with so much "Arthur" and "Cyberchase" and "PBS Kids" in general before you start to feel like you're five yourself. Then, there's the Kindergarten chatter (which tickles me so), but is also not enough to stimulate the adult mind. Once she's in bed, hubby is up and preparing to leave for work. I hate this! What's even more irritating is that he said, "Oh, we'll have Wednesday and Thursday to spend together." Yeah, right. I knew his butt would get busy doing stuff (cleaning the house, mowing the lawn, moving out furniture -- which I'm totally happy he does and am not complaining about the acts themselves), and I knew he'd end up going to bed way too late as usual. When that happens, he doesn't get up until time to go to work. Then, we have 30 minutes to chat,which isn't nearly enough and then away he goes.

So, this morning, he makes his morning call to me, as the babe and I are driving to school and work and he's on his way to the gym. I'm getting a little snappy and irritated with every comment he makes (some of which deserved my irritation - going to his test site in October with a friend and staying at said friend's, friend's house or some garbage). Finally, he says, "What's going on with you? Are you grouchy or something?" I'm like, "Hell yeah, I'm grouchy."
"Why? Did you get enough sleep last night? What's going on?"
"I was grouchy when you left last night, I was grouchy during the night and I woke up grouchy. I'm lonely...I just miss adult companionship, that's all."
"Well, you know I"m on graveyard shift. There's nothing I can do about that."
"Yes. I know this, but I can't help the way I feel."
"I'm not trying to devalue your feelings, honey, I'm just saying..."
"I know, I know. I just need to deal with it. I'll figure it out."
But, frankly, I'm not sure what to do. We ended our call a few seconds after that and I know I didn't leave him feeling in the best way, but I wasn't exactly floating on cloud nine myself.

Even now, I'm just trying to figure out how to get out of this funk. It's so difficult to try and help myself when I'm so overly emotional and there's no way to get that under control. This is the part of pregnancy that I don't like one little bit. I hate feeling like I can't manage myself emotionally. I hate feeling out of control like I'm just going to start crying at any moment uncontrollably (the swing side to it is that, once I start laughing, I can't seem to stop that either).

To try to smooth things over, I called and left my hubby a message, apologizing for getting his day off to such a crappy start. I also conveyed my distress over my lack of control and how I appreciate his help and all the effort he is putting forth. I hope he doesn't just take it as lip service, because I was being very sincere. What a mess...I miss working out. I had an outlet for all of this, but my exercise must remain minimal, less I go into the hospital early for heart attack complications.

I'm so glad the weekend is nearly here. I could use the down time...really badly. Again, it will be me and the babe...hubby has to work.

A Nice Retreat and Busy Weekend

The retreat turned out okay, better than I anticipated, actually. I did get my oil changed, shelling out $60 big ones. What the hell! I guess every kind of oil has to be jacked up all to hell. Hydrogen cars where are you?!

Anyway, after the oil change, I went to the movies and saw Skeleton Key. I was the only living soul in the theater...a little weird at first, but I settled in and forgot about my solitude soon after the movie began. It was really, really good. I appreciate a well told suspensful, horror tale. It's been a while since one has been out. I paid attention because those who I know who have seen it, all said there was a twist at the end and I wanted to get it. I got it, but still mulled the story over in my head afterwards (another sign of a well told story). It takes place in New Orleans and I couldn't help but think, "Wow. This was probably the last film made before hurricane Katrina hit." The cinematography is beautiful and I think it really captures the essence of the city and the bayou. It truly made the film that much more erie.

Many people haven't heard much about it, simply because of this. Our entertainment standards, unfortunately, have lowered to just mindless guff. It's too bad. I appreciate a movie that gives me credit for being intelligent.

After the movie, I went to Barnes and Noble and picked up a baby names book and a fairy tale book to start reading to my daughter at bedtime (something without pictures, so that she can get used to enjoying the story and images in her mind). After that, I stopped in the mall and picked up her shoes that I ordered through Payless (I love that you can have them shipped to the store for free!) then picked up dinner at the food court. I got home and the family was enjoying a leisurely dinner, while watching Racing Stripes. The babe was exhausted, since her dad had taken her swimming, earlier that afternoon. She looked as if she might fall over into her food, poor baby. It was that evening that we decided on the baby's first name (we're still working on her middle name).

The weekend was spent cleaning out my daughter's playroom. It is set-off from the breakfast/dining room and the back, pseudo French doors. This will now be the baby's nursery and the big sister's stuff will go downstairs in one of the spare bedrooms. We also spent a huge amount of time cleaning that out. My furniture from my childhood was in there and my hubby will be giving it to his friend (who, by the way, has a tribe for a family). I'm glad their getting my stuff because I know they'll totally appreciate it and take care it. I hope they find time to restore it because it's really beautiful, antique furniture.

Here's something I'm sure a lot of people don't know about pregnant women; our sex-drives are totally out of control! Well, I shouldn't say all pregnant women are like this. During my first pregnancy (especially towards the end), I didn't want my husband anywhere near me. This time around, I can't enough! There are problems, though. Well, the obvious is my changing shape. I like being on the top and bottom, but being on the bottom is getting more and more difficult. Sixty-nine was a perfect solution, now that's proving to be difficult (okay, I know. Too much information. LOL) It's getting more and more difficult, but the drive is still there! It's going to be so frustrating in a couple of months when I really won't be able to do anything!

Emotional issues my hubby and I are going through are another hindrance. Some days, I feel the complete trust returning...other days, I'm doubting myself and saying things like, "You trusted before, and look at what happened." I guess that's to be expected as we try to work through things. He's preparing to test for another Sheriff's department in another state and that's got my mind reeling (he'll be gone for three days and I know the paranoia is going to make me nuts). Granted, the department doesn't give them a lot of free time, but you can do so much damage in just a few minutes.

And just this morning, he calls and says the former department where he worked and where we used to live in Nashville, has increased their pay scale to what he makes here. Dammit! I don't want to go back to Nashville. Just thinking about it made me so depressed. My best friend in the world is there and I would love that, but that's it! The education is nothing like it is here, and that's a huge factor now that I have a school-aged child. She would have to go to private school.
Also, there's a couple of other factors that worry me (which I will have to communicate to him if this idea persists); ex-girlfriends. One in particular. I think that in too close of contact with her (although, he says he's made his choice and she would never be a consideration, even if we broke up), I still wonder. Is this just my paranoia? I don't know, I mean, it's not like there aren't scads of women trying to hit on my husband now.

The last factor? Well, I want to convey this without sounding arrogant or egotistical and I think the best way to do that is start by saying; nobody is interested in me here. These past few months that I have been pregnant have been the only time other men have hit on me, since living in Utah...the only time (and the fact that they're hitting on a pregnant woman just doesn't seem right, does it?). Back home (in Nashville), I had to work really hard to avoid temptation because I was always getting hit on. Not to say that the men hitting on me were always terrific, but man...sometimes.... It's interesting because I know the type of person I am. I'm completely devoted and believe in my monogamous relationship. I know temptation is out there and I'm okay fighting it off. I just think about the things my husband has been saying lately about how "worn down" and "tired" he is. I think my fighting people off wouldn't be enough if he couldn't. It's just such a mess! Damn, if this had been the "real deal" infidelity, I'm not sure I could go through this. It's just that this is so much work!

Little things: the freaking humidity and heat during the summer...ugh!, the backwardness of the people in general, the overt racism, the closemindedness, the inability to accept people who are not "true" southerners, outsiders, or people who just choose to be different and not conform, ice storms (although beautiful, they're terribly scary), tornadoes, low activity in people (Nashvillians spend a lot of time eating and not much else, unfortunately). I know that I probably sound jaded but, I saw all these things and it made me want to run for the hills! Granted, Utah isn't perfect, but I'm much, much happier here. I know that I've always belonged out west and now my daughters will be westerners. This is wonderful to me.

Don't Cry, Baby

I had an entire post yesterday that was somehow lost. I really hate when that happens! I mean, it's not like I can setup an automatic save every few minutes (which would be a nice enhancement, Blogger). It was sheer poetry! Okay, maybe not poetry, but I got a lot of history and stuff out.

Basically, I documented the babe's first day riding the van to school and doing the daycare thing on Tuesday. She was totally overwhelmed, and when her dad picked her up, she started to cry. When they got home, I managed to get her talking about the day. I learned that there were lots of big kids (my guess is that most of the kindergarten group gets picked up by 12:45, while she goes home with the 3:00 bunch, who are all older than her). She was intimidated and scared by their loudness and consistent talking. We told her that each day would get better and my mother even said, "Give her a few days and she'll be bossing them around too."

Yesterday and today, she talked about the kid with the earrings and how he takes things from people and doesn't listen. He must be a real bully because she gets so upset talking about him. I swear, if that kid touches my baby he's in for it. Besides, he sure doesn't want to have to tango with her dad, the big, scary cop.

This morning, she was talking about him again and I told her that if he did anything, specifically to her, she needed to tell the teacher or the adult in charge right away. I told her to use her words and make sure people knew what was happening. Nobody should have to suffer at the hands of a bully. Thank goodness my daughter is stronger than she appears or I'd really be having a panic attack.

Today is my day. When hubby had his retreat (See Idaho Retreat post), he was gone for two days with limited contact. He discussed this excursion with his counselor last Wednesday. She told him that he was really smart to do this, but that his spouse should take some time to separate from the family for a bit and think about things too. Now, he's a big guy who can take care of himself and, not to say that I can't but, being in the family-way limits me. I told him that staying overnight somewhere by myself would not work while I'm pregnant; however, I would meet him halfway and take the afternoon and evening to do things for myself. I've decided to get my oil changed (oh, big fun), get a pedicure (cause my dogs are starting to look ass-raggedy again), and take in a movie. That should fill the evening, I think. It's always so weird when I do things for myself because, in some ways, I don't feel that I deserve them.

My hubby is my best friend (aside from my girlfriend in Nashville) and you totally want to do all the fun stuff with your best friend, right? So, when I'm doing something fun, I sometimes feel guilty if he's not around because I want him to be a part of my fun. He says he feels this way too, which is why it was so hard to go away and keep the communication limited (as I said in my retreat post, he broke down at around 3:00am and called because he was missing us so much). I can't turn my phone off and break communication because anything could happen, but I can't have us calling each other every five minutes while I'm away. I'm thinking I'll leave my phone off and turn it on when it's time for him to pick up our daughter (to make sure she's okay and stuff).

Wish me luck. I'm still so uncertain about this whole scenario. I want to have the time to think, but I know I'll miss him (even if it is for a few hours). Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely independent and can/could take care of myself and my children if I had to. The thing is, I don't want to and I don't have to. Is that codependency? I don't know. Perhaps that's one of the side effects of love.

Back to School

Friday, I took the babe to school with hubby following in tow. It was a beautiful, end of the summer's day and there were kids a plenty; walking, riding and biking to school. Once we arrived, the little one ran to the playground and released some pent up excitement before the bell rang. I took lots of pictures of the momentous day. The bell rang (toned) and she ran straight to her appointed place, along with a slew of other children, and waited for her teacher to invite them in. We tried to get her to come over and kiss us goodbye, but no luck. Her teacher came out and she ran straight inside. I was glad that she knew what to do, but sad that she didn't say goodbye to us.

The parents loitered around peering into the windows to see what the kids were up to. One little boy stood in the center of the classroom, screaming for his dad to come inside. I, standing next to his father, immediately began to chant, "Don't look! Don't look at him!" We soon began to dissipate and hubby and I decided to go out for breakfast. It was one of the nicest morning dates I can ever remember having with him. I had the eggs, hashbrowns and pancakes. He had steak and eggs, hashbrowns and pancakes. Barely able to move, an hour or so later, we adjourned and he took me back to the school(where my car was parked). I took him in, so that he would know where to pay for lunches and who worked in the office. Then, we got in our cars and drove away.

I went to shop for hair and then to my mother's job for a visit. We ended up having lunch together in her office. Afterwards, I went back to the school to pick up the little one. The cry-boy came running out first and met his daddy with an excited, "Daddy, I had a great day." It was really sweet. Mine came out later happy to see me, but wondering where her daddy was. We got in the car and chatted about the first day of school. She had fun and said she listened to her teacher and did everything he said. They also had lunch, and she got to punch in her code. She remembered all the numbers, except the last one. They had hamburgers, yogurt and juice (there may have been more, but that was all I could get out of her).

Once home, she settled in for her nap and I had some quiet time with hubby. I fell asleep around 1:30 and didn't wake up until the phone rang at around 2:30. It was Colleen from my doctor's office:

"Hello? Is _______ there?"
"Yes. This is she."
"Hi, _______. This is Colleen from the Tanner Clinic. Did you have an appointment today with doctor Bitner at 2:00?"
"Oh my God! Yes. I am so, so sorry."
"Did it slip your mind?" (Hell yeah, it slipped my mind...so much so that it wasn't until she called that I remember. Regardless of the fact that I had scheduled it on the day I knew I would be off AND I had it written down everywhere. Ah, the joys of being pregnant!)
"Yes. It was the first day of school and so much was going on...I can't believe I forgot."
"It's okay. We've got some open appointments for next week. Why don't I transfer you to the scheduler."
"Yes. Thank you. That would be great." (Oh man, still shuddering with embarrassment).

So, the appointment is this afternoon and there's a good chance that I'll actually make it! Oh, brother. The babe went to morning daycare today and will be dropped off at school by the bus, as well as picked up. I hope she remembers all the rules and so forth. I'm more worried that they'll forget my little chocolate chip than anything.

Oh, and she was complaining of a sore tooth this morning. Goodness! It's time for that already. All the milestones...I don't know if I can handle anymore.

Mercury is out of Retrograde!

Thank the good Lord, because I thought I might lose my mind there for a minute. No wonder there was so much chaos this month! Yesterday was a great day. I had my real ultrasound and it was confirmed that I am, indeed, having another little girl. She was busy, that little one; kicking and stretching and running from the ultrasound wand everytime it brushed her or touched her on the head. My hubby and little one are thrilled! We then had dentists appointments for cleanings. I love the flouride treatments they do now, not like when I was a kid and the stuff made you want to throw up upon contact. The years have brought along some nice changes.

Well, the babe starts school tomorrow and I'm still having quite a bit of anxiety about it. I woke up at 2ish this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. I tossed and turned thinking about how she would do, would she feel safe, and would she make any friends. I'm having such a hard time with this and I can't quite figure out why. I had a lot of stress before taking her to daycare the first time, so I guess this must be a repeat. Who would have thought I'd experience all of these emotions, just over kindergarten. It's starting to make me a little nuts.

Tonight, we're going to see my boss and his old highschool band play at the park. He seems really excited and we're glad to go and check him out. He's always been so supportive of the things I do outside of work, my whole family is coming (except for hubby, who has to be at work).

Well, it's my time so I'm off...