My Life is in Shambles (but, I'm still here)

Where to begin.... Hubby and I began our counseling and things seemed to be improving, until we had our biggest battle over the weekend. They just seem to get worse and worse. We've only had one session of counseling, so we haven't learned a lot of communication tools yet. We tried the one we did learn, but perhaps we need a manual or something. We're just not doing things right and our patience is running thin.

I love my hubby, dearly but lately it seems we just cannot be on the same page about anything. We blow up at the smallest things and we're so easily agitated. He pretty much said he thought we should cancel the next session because it just seems like we're not getting anywhere. I was totally heartbroken...but then again, so was he. This morning, he called and said he wanted to keep the appointment. I told him last night that I though it would be a good idea, simply because the therapist is a third-party, totally removed from us. We're too close to the problems to deal with them.

I've wondered lately, for me, if it wouldn't be such a bad idea to medicate for a bit (insert Tom Cruise tirade). I'm not one for meds and I truly believe that behavior meds should not be permanent. I haven't gotten so far as to ask the doctor if it's a good idea or not. Perhaps time will tell (if we can make it past two counseling sessions).

Meanwhile, my house is coming together. We've begun grouting and the basement is looking better and better with each passing day. Pretty soon, we'll have the floor sealed and the trim in place. I'm hoping we'll have it all together by fall...it's strange to think about fall. I wonder what my life we'll be like then? We'll hubby and I be in a better place? We'll I be planning for the holidays in our new, spacey basement (family area) or figuring out how to prep the rooms for sale? Ugh! It's just too depressing. (BTW, that's what I'd want the meds for. I really haven't been right since last fall. After all the illness and drama this past winter? It's a wonder I can even work up the gumption to get up and go to work everyday).

I'm in the dark right now, but I'm hopeful that light will come soon. I need something happy to look forward to. I still attend my church regularly and enjoy the company of my coworkers, but I have yet to do my girls' night out (I know, I know). I'm thinking sometime next week, when I have a couple of days off. I hope hubby's not so out-of-sorts that he puts of fireworks. This will be Indy's first year of really being able to enjoy them.

Rambling is the theme for today's post, obviously. It's sort of the way my life's been for the past couple of weeks. We've got some work super-spy or something who's blowing the whistle on people for using the Internet for purposes other than work. The audacity! I'll have to really work hard and make time to post from home. I'll be more consistent because I truly need this outlet.

Paint Food Color

The projects are moving full steam ahead. Last night, we painted the office (which we've decided will now be the extra, spare bedroom) and it's quite lovely. The color? Crisp Croissant (where do they come up with these?). Three of our rooms are currently painted in food colors; cocoa brown, almond paste and now, crisp croissant. Perhaps it's a trend of our home. It definitely makes it easy to remember, in case we have to pick up more.

Hubby and I talked a bit about painting the current work-out room (former, extra spare bedroom) because he's not happy with the powder blue he painted it last year. I feel a "paint food color" coming. Happily, he started before I arrived and my contribution consisted of painting the corners, top portions and missing spots. Afterwards, we scraped up mortar from the tiles and prepped the room for grouting today. Sounds like fun? Actually, it kind of does to me. It was fun working and spending time with hubby. We talked a lot while we worked and, even though he was a bit irritated that I didn't come looking for him initially when I came home, he got past it quickly and we had a good time.

Uncle kept the kids and Indy even seemed happy to spend time with him. I suppose she's gotten used to him without my knowledge. I thought she was still a bit apprehensive, but not so. He fed her and got her ready for bed, even. What a good kid. (He also mowed the lawn and washed the dishes, yesterday. Nice.)

The babe is still enthralled with her summer camp/day care. She's always so eager to go, has made a host of new friends, and each afternoon wonders why I'm there so early. I just wish it didn't cost so much (about $100 dollars a week...ugh!) Let's not forget, we pay for Indy's daycare, too. Did my name become Rockefeller, Vanderbilt or Hilton without my knowledge?

On top of that, I shelled out money on a flight back home this fall (I couldn't pass it up. The rate was awesome!). I'll be pulling that money out of my butt, now. Seems like that's usually where it comes from these days anyway. How do I justify this lavish expense? It's my turn to return home and see my best friend. Our promise, made nearly ten years ago, has yet to be broken. I also think about when it was my turn in 2005 and I spent over $400 dollars for my flight. The $202 including taxes and fees doesn't seem nearly so bad.

The weekend looks like it's going to be a scorcher and hubby's plans to hike may be thwarted. I'm in fear that they will melt into a chocolate puddle somewhere, never to be seen again. I suggested water play in the front yard; refreshing and enjoyable for the whole family.

A Happy Birthday to You

Hubby and I spent part of the weekend at a somewhat posh resort in Park City in honor of his birthday. The one bedroom condominium reserved for us (and from what I understand, they're all different and privately owned) had a large living space complete with stereo, 32" t.v, comfortable furnishings including a large couch and recliner, a quaint coffee table and fireplace. The dining area was small, but would seat four people quite comforably. The kitchen had all the comforts of a kitchen with newer appliances, but was arms width wide and I wondered how someone who lived in one of these establishments could handle running into everything all the time. The bedroom was huge, housing a queen size bed and a twin with plenty of space for both. There was also a roll away bed in the bedroom closet and a nice, large bathroom.

The decor wasn't what I would expect of a mountain-side retreat. Paint colors were bright oranges, tans, reds and earth greens either as accents or full room colors. The paintings were a mix of art deco and Italian rustic. I'm not sure what the owner was going for but, it seemed to work. I just wished he'd/she'd thought about updating the furnishings in the bedroom. They were definitely circa 1978 (or therabouts). Overall, our room was nice and the price even better. We went to dinner at a really nice brewery where, despite being the main attraction (I don't guess they get too many African-American couples) one of the hostesses gave hubby and me the eye all during dinner. Didn't you know Utah is the swinging capital of the world? Crazy! After dinner, we drove around a bit before retiring back to the condo for drinks and conversation. The next day, we checked out and headed down the mountain to attend our first session in marriage counseling (didn't see that one coming, did you?)

After the first session, it was decided that we should join the couples group counseling, which we will try and set up for the middle of July. So, what do we do until July? Try and communicate as best we can without driving each other mad. I think a lot of prayer and hope will need to be included in these next few weeks as well and I hope those aspects are not one-sided.

In other news, the babe has started summer camp and is enjoying herself immensely. She was not too thrilled when dad came to pick her up, yesterday, insisting that he was "too early" and could he "come back later." Kids. We were preparing my brother-in-law for the workforce, but hubby keeps running into the age barrier (he's fifteen) whenever inquiring about teenagers and summer work. It may be that he'll spend his summer at the neighborhood park, unfortunately. It's too bad. I know he was hoping to work, save up money and take it back home with him for the school year. His brother is currently working for the summer getting paid $20 an hour.

The basement projects are back on schedule. We'll probably paint this afternoon and prep the floor for grouting. I'm okay with the painting, it's just the schedule that I'm not happy about. We have to do all of this when the kids are asleep because the babe can't and shouldn't watch her sister alone for hours at a time. The brother-in-law is still a bit of a stranger to the baby and she's not completely comfortable with him, yet. She's fine playing with him at a distant. So, that leaves all the basement work (at least the parts I can help with) for 8:00pm and after. Our goal is to have the office painted, the trim painted for all the rooms and the floor grouted by the end of the week. We'll see...

Basement Jaxx - Do Your Thing

Dance Recital

The babe will be performing to the song that's hopefully appearing on this blog today. She is so excited and I'm too excited for her. She'll have a small posse supporting her in the audience.

My brother-in-law is here and got here a week ago today. He's a different kid since the last time he was here. It's amazing what a couple of years will do to the maturity level of a young man. He's been keeping the babe for us until we can get her summer care arranged and he's been doing a great job. She loves hanging out with her uncle, although I'm sure she'll be bored before the week's end. She needs lots of stimulation and an outlet for all that energy she has. I don't think daily visits to the park are going to be enough. Thankfully, her summer care will begin next Monday as will her first, official gymnastic class. My kid; the human string of puddy.

Hubby and I are okay, but we're still talking about couples counseling. I think we need it for the sanity of ourselves and our marriage. Every vehicle needs a tune up now and again, right? I hope he can find something soon before this idea falls off the radar. We don't want anymore episodes like our last vacation and the blow up a few weeks ago.

I hope to have a nice date planned for hubby and I this weekend. He says he's waiting to hear back from the guy who's going to give him the information on how to build our deck this Friday. That's also the evening of our date, but that may not happen if this guy comes over. Oh, well. I guess I could use the money to buy a quick gift. Truth be told? I'd much rather have the date. My mother is already keeping Indy over night and the "uncle" has agreed to watch the babe if me and hubby go out.

It's 44 degrees today and not expected to get much warmer. Crazy! We went from 90 degree days to this in just two days? Global warming...hmm....

Now, That's Love

Short and sassy was what I was yesterday. Today, I am this:

There were still some really straight ends, I discovered as I was playing with my hair yesterday. They looked fried and unhealthy. The roots looked great...so, when I got home I implored hubby. Out came his trusty clippers and he, luckily, found a 1/2" guard (otherwise, I would be even cleaner than this). Buzz, buzz...clip, clip. All the hair to the floor. At least 2 to 3 more inches. Man, you don't realize how much hair you have until it's all on the floor. Mister, "I hate short hair," even cleaned up my edges for me. He kept looking at me, but he wasn't shaking his head as you might expect. Starring and starring. Maybe realizing that beauty doesn't come from one's face or hair, but from somewhere deep inside. I'm sure he already knew this, but I could see the facts laying themselves out all over his expressions. What a guy.

It feels good...light and airy. I'd say it was a freeing experience. I'm nervous again for the second time this week on reactions, but much more comfortable with how I'm feeling about it. It will grow back healthy and strong. It will be all me and not some fabricated, European idea of how I'm supposed to look. My African, German, East Indian, Irish and Native American heritage all over me...my face and my hair.

(Now, I will search for my India Arie copy of I Am Not My Hair and blast it from my car this morning.)

Sporting the All Natural

I did it. I am chemical free (sort of). I took my braids out on Sunday evening and then colored it with, what I thought would be a bronzey red (see box). I guess I forgot I was "all natural" because the color didn't take. I mean, it really didn't take at all. My hair is so thick and so non-porous that it sort of winked at the color and said, "So, you're trying to color me? Good one." Despite this, I cut off the remaining relaxed ends (about four inches...painful) and wrapped it up in a scarf.

I wanted my hair brighter and happier for spring and summer. I really liked the highlights and tones that my braids had and I was eager to have that over my dusty black hair. So Monday, I was on the hunt for African-American hair coloring (something I swore I'd never use again).But, the difference is that there's no relaxer in my hair. No further damage to add to already damaged hair...just healthy, virgin hair for the color to absorb in. In fact, the color I chose states that it only be used on natural hair. An indication that this color had a lot of umph to it. I was game.

So, I colored my hair with Dark and Lovely's, Light Golden Blonde. Well, not exactly. It turned out very bronzey red. I like it, but it will look much better after a couple of washes. I plaited up the parts I could catch up, wrapped it in a scarf and prayed I'd adjust to the change.

Today, I've received nothing but compliment after compliment. Everyone loves it and the biggest compliment of all came from my coworker, who (like me) decided to stop railing against nature. Of course, she made her decision a few years ago but, nonetheless. She's Caucasian with naturally straight hair. She used to perm the hell out of it and tried wearing it long, which her hair didn't seem to respond to. So, now she's short, sassy and straight. "It's much easier to deal with and I know, yours is easy now, too." She's right! It was just unbraid and moisturize this morning. Braids are even easier of course, but in terms of what I do when it's relaxed? No more curling irons, rollers, wrapping lotion, wrapping papers, spritzers, and sprays. I'm actually looking forward to when it has a bit of length and I can work some puffs. Wow! To be brave!

Half a Tank and Forty Dollars Later...

Hubby and I were reunited. Not in the way I'd wished, but it still turned out okay. We spent Friday evening talking about how much we missed each other and all the things I had wanted to tell him while he was away. We discussed my honey-do list (which I think surprised him that I'd kept up with so well). I showed him the office minus the ugly border. When he saw it, he pinned me against the wall and tried to have his wicked way with me. Hmm...if that's all it takes, I need to put up ugly border everywhere and take it down!

Next, I showed him how sparkling clean I'd made the spare bedroom. Down on the bed we went. Wait! I just cleaned the linen on this bed! Okay, so back upstairs where I showed him the list I was keeping up with, magnetically clinging to the fridge. Pinned against the fridge...not exactly comfortable, but I wasn't going to complain. We had a lovely evening and I hated that he'd scheduled to work someone's shift this weekend. That was indeed poor planning. After Friday, I only saw him in spurts.

We had a little episode yesterday after he got home from work. He's been frustrated with some things, but he's only talking about them in bits and pieces. I suppose he'll dump when he's ready, but it made me quite frustrated. Just tell me the issue, man? In time...patience is a virtue.

On an unrelated topic, they keep showing footage of Miss U.S.A. taking a fall on her butt during last night's Miss Universe pageant. She totally played it off, stood up and kept on smiling and walking. That's the way to do it, but do we have to relieve this woman's embarrassment for the rest of the day? Oh, well. Miss Universe is lovely.

Irritated and Borderline Pissed

I sometimes feel like a crazy person when I get these feelings. Are they real? Am I just jumping too conclusions? Does anyone else act or feel like this? For the past couple of nights when hubby's called, it's been all about him. "This is what happened, this is what I ate, this is where I went". Terrific! I do want to know about all of these things, of course. Then, he talks to the babe and asks her about her day, what she did at school, what she's currently doing and what she plans to do. The phone is handed back to me and it's, "Well, this is going on..." or "I'm getting ready to go..." or "I gotta charge my phone, so I'll call you later." Can't I tell you about my day? The crappy traffic I had to endure, the jerk who cut me off on the interstate, the funny thing my coworker said? It's as if he's so self-absorbed into his world there in Nashville that he doesn't care what's going on here.

He's back today and there were things I wanted to get done before now, but you know, life happens. I would have had the lawn mowed and I actually tried to do it (I even picked up the dog droppings...ugh!) but the grass was too saturated with rain from earlier this week, the wet grass clogged up the mower and then the mower shut off. That was the end of my lawn-mowing moment. I have yet to put up the shade, but may try to do it this morning. I kind of think it's not a "twenty minutes and it's done" project.

His car needs gas. It's newer than mine and has a bigger engine. I have no idea what brand of gas he uses. Low grade? Mid? Supreme? I can't afford his gas but, I was going to be nice and fill up his car anyway. I was going to ask during our phone calls, just as I was going to tell him about the mower and the ask him what he suggested I do about it but, he never got around to seeing about life at home from my perspective. Granted, I feel bad that his crappy Ford Focus rental (pictured here) got a flat tire and the rental guy was an ass when he came out to see about the car but, he's not the only one with drama. It's different drama, but drama nonetheless.

He called last night from a live jazz club, talking about, "I forgot about how much culture there is here." Well, there is a bit of culture here, too. In fact, there are live music clubs all over the place and we never go. I've threatened to go on my own, since he seems to have no desire to take me. I tried to tell him this, but then the noise in the club crescendoed and he swore he couldn't hear what I was saying. Fine, whatever. Enjoy your live jazz with your boys and I'll be here with the kids, as always. Perhaps my irritation is coming from those feelings of being trapped in my life again. He seems to have so much more freedom and it's so unfair. I've excepted the plight as "the way of mothers" but I'm feeling more and more that this can't be it. I think I'm going to make good on my threats and go out more, leaving him with the kids. Perhaps then he can understand what it's like for me. Yeah, I'm probably dreaming.

I wish I was brave enough to pick him up from the airport tonight, take him home and say, "Okay. You had your escape, now it's my turn. The corn dogs are in the freezer and Indy's gums are tender, so give her some Children's Motrin before you put her to bed. I'm out."

My Southern Girl Feelings and Memories of Sleep

My feelings about the south are mixed. Actually, it's sort of a love/hate relationship. For demonstration purposes, I will project the south as I see it into a human form. Because I know my own sex best, we'll call this human created geographical area a woman, Georgia.

Georgia is church-going, kind and wholesome woman. She always speaks to people, whether passing someone on the street that she doesn't know, or visiting with an old friend. Her sexy drawl, traditional build and gentle face make her appealing to men from all over the world. She's the woman they pine for when the world seems cold, dark and lonely. Her cooking? So good you'd smack yo mama! Rich creams, butters, frostings and sprinkles that delight all the senses. She can satisfy any appetite and quench the most dehydrated thirst.

But, Georgia isn't perfect. She has a lot of beliefs that stem from past issues that she just can't seem to let go. Even though she claims to have a "diverse" set of friends, she typically only hangs out with people that look like her. She feels she's a liberal, free-thinking, modern woman...but when it comes down to brass tacks, she's completely terrified of change. She will destroy relationships and side-step values, just to avoid progression. She isn't likely to try anything new, so don't ask her to taste your sushi or calamari. She hasn't visited the doctor in a while because she's pretty sure she's got "the sugar" (diabetes), blocked arteries and high blood pressure. And although Georgia is quite aware of all these problems and it's her "smack yo mama" cooking that's caused all this, she's not changing great-great grandma's recipe just to save an artery. She's also not giving up her weekly trips to the buffet restaurant down the street. After all, it's the best value and you can eat as much as you want!

Finally, she's been noticing that there are a lot of problems with the education system, tax disbursement and mass transit. There are people in jobs who most definitely need to further their education to keep up with the tasks within the job, but it's just to much effort to try and change these things. Why bother anyway...she went through the education, has driven on these highways for years and hates the bus. They can just keep doing what their doing; patching things up whenever there's a problem.

If that doesn't paint the picture? Here it is flat out - I was born in the south, but was moved west before I even new what west was. I knew people of all races, beliefs and attitudes. Nothing was a surprise and it was fine. The more outrageous a person, the more interesting they were to me. At the time in my life when I was just starting to figure out my dreams, I was forced back to the South. I was ridiculed for how I sounded, my knowledge about all sorts of everything, I was talked about for being different and ostracized by my own race for having friends of different colors. People would assume me ignorant or "ghetto" before I ever opened my mouth! Through the years, I learned to cope/conform and close my ears to the opinions people had about me...always holding out that one day, I would leave and never have to deal with the garbage again.

But...the south is beautiful, lush and green. Want beautiful skin? Move to it's humid climate and look young forever! The food, initial friendliness and men for the picking will make you think you've stepped into heaven. I met my hubby and best friend there. I have ties. But, I don't want to live there again.

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I'm so tired! I went to bed at 9:00, but I starred into the empty darkness until 9:30. Then, I got up and went downstairs to take the border off the walls in our office. That water/fabric softener mix is awesome! The border just peeled off, no problem. Then, I tackled cleaning the spare bedroom; organizing discs, dusting, stripping the bed to wash the linens. I even started a load of laundry. I was just about to try and install the shade, when I read the instructions that indicated some drilling is involved. Couldn't wake up my kids, just because I was restless. So, 12:30...in the bed. I don't know when I fell asleep, but when the alarm went off at 4:30, it felt as if I'd only blinked my eyes.

Hubby had a blast with his friends, last night (the ones who he still considers friends). One took him to a lodge and the owner treated them to dinner and drinks. They hung out the rest of the night, with hubby calling me mid-clean to see how I was doing. I didn't tell him I was cleaning and that I wasn't anywhere near our bed. I only said I missed him and loved him. This morning, I confessed my lack of sleep and he confessed the same. It's getting worse not better. My mom called from the airport asking me to walk her dog in the mornings on my way to work. His big butt is to tall for the dogie door (the other dog gets through just fine). He's such a sweetie, but took his time "doing his business". My mom and hubby will get together today. At least he'll get to see a little bit of home today. Even though I am home, I feel like I haven't been for three days.

Playing the Role of Single Mother

It's been weird and lonely not having hubby around. He flew out on Saturday and yours truly tried hard to hold back the water-works but was oh, so unsuccessful. I did wipe the tears away before getting back into the car with the kids. I really didn't have to...the babe turned into a fountain herself as we pulled out of the airport parking lot.

He arrived safely and called once before leaving Atlanta (his layover city) and once when he arrived in Nashville. I received another call, once he had his rental and was on his way to the hotel. He hard night, after taking his friends around town. All they wanted to do is drink and club hop. He's just not that type of person anymore. He called again when he'd left them downtown and told them to take a taxi home. He wound up back at the hotel on the phone with me again, a bit sad and a little miffed that he still had six more days to go. The last call was to say good night...that he missed me and loved me. His sadness was palpable.

This all changed yesterday, when he got to see his brother (who he hasn't seen in years). This brother is married with two little children whom hubby and I have never met in person. Hubby was so happy to see them and the kids. His spirits were rejuvenated and the sadness in his voice was nearly absent when I talked to him. I told him that once he started seeing friends and family he'd feel better and (of course!) I was right. He even spoke a bit about how it would be nice to live closer to his brother. I remained silent and he heard my silence and responded:

"I know this is more my feelings since your sort of anti-south." I wouldn't say anti-south, but I really have no desire to go back. It was hard enough living there the first time, but to do it again and subject my children to some of it's backward mentality? No, thank you.

Meanwhile, we've (the girls and I) have had episodes: the babe has been "acting out" a bit since her father left. Yesterday, I made it very clear that whether daddy was here or not, she couldn't just do whatever she wanted. I also reminded her that if she thinks he won't know, she's sadly mistaken. He's asking about her with every call and I give him a full report. I hope that she heard me last night because I don't want anymore phone calls from school (yes...I got one on Friday...ugh!). There are two full weeks of school left (OMG! I can't believe it!) and I don't want her ending on a sour note. She's really a good kid and I know she was "acting out" as a result of her sadness, but she's got to suck-it-up and be the good kid that I know she is. She's not like some kids who don't have a father or only have a weekend dad or a dad who travels and is gone months at a time.

Hubby left me a "honey-do" list and I've yet to begin. There's a new shade to put up in the living room. We have a window-seat that's quite lovely and the dog and cats make themselves very comfortable there, through out the day. Currently, burgundy curtains hang there getting covered in animal hair. The shade will add beauty to the living room and a break to the drapes; however, I suppose we'll be dusting this shade regularly because I don't think the animals will be giving up their hang out on account of a window-covering change. I'm also supposed to take down the border in our office downstairs, tidy up the "blue room" (the extra bedroom where my brothers-in-law will stay while here this summer) and mow the lawn. What?! Yeah, never done that before in my life. Never had to. Pretty sure the lawnmower is going to blow up after I use it.

Then there's the normal stuff that hubby attends to because I always have to see about the kids; litter change, garbage day, house cleaning. You know? I've really got it good. I hear about my coworkers hubbies all the time and mine is in a league all his own. He may make me absolutely nuts sometimes, but he's a good egg. I'm missing him lots (and not just because he scrubs the toilets). ;)

Virtual Positive Energy...Get You Some!

Thanks to all of you for your virtual positive energy. It must have done something because there was peace in the valley, yesterday. The kids were great (the babe brought home a good behavior award), the baby didn't fuss when we changed our regular schedule to take her big sister on a play-date after work, and hubby was a gem! A beautiful bouquet of flowers and a dessert to share (strawberry shortcake) after dinner. Then, lovely conversation (minus flames and stress) followed by an evening passion.

Yesterday was supposedly the big gasoline walkout. I bought my gas on Monday so, not really trying to boycott, I just didn't need any gas. There are analysts who feel these boycotts only make a slight difference in gas prices and I believe that just goes back to how dependent we are to oil. If enough people avoided the tanks on these designated days, a boycott could work in driving down prices substantially. The problem is that there aren't enough people participating and there probably never will be. That's why big oil businesses are never worried when someone gets it into their head to boycott. Again, we're just too dependent. It requires a lifestyle change. If you're not too far from work to walk, then walk. If your mass transit systems work, take the bus, trolley or train. Lord knows I've been begging for the option to telecommute for years. If I could, I would certainly be doing my part. I never go anywhere, really, besides work. And now, I will climb down off of my soap box.

Hubby asked me what I plan to do while he's gone next week because, "I don't know what the hell I'm going to do, " he said.

I told him that my plan was to keep the kids busy and, in turn, keep myself busy. I then reminded him that he'll have the opportunity to see friends and family.

"Family? Yes," he said, "But so-called friends didn't support me, remember?"

Hmm. I'd sort of forgotten. When my hubby and I got together over a decade ago now, he began taking me around to meet his friends. They were less than supportive on how serious he'd gotten with me and how quickly it had all happened. They would tell him that he shouldn't settle down and would constantly beg him to go out with them to the clubs and troll for women. He didn't and wouldn't. I remember one incident in particular where we went to his friend's wedding and many of his coworkers were there. If looks could kill! They certainly did not want me there and didn't hide their disapproval of me. I just wasn't what they thought my hubby should be with. Thankfully, the reception was a lot nicer and I had to be convinced to go, after the cold shoulder I had gotten with everyone.

Not every coworker was like this. There were a couple (interestingly, the ones that were married or in a relationship) that were genuinely happy for him and actually spoke to me. I really haven't thought about this in a long time and after our discussion last night, I understand why he's not so eager to see them. I still wonder if he'll see the old girlfriend...

So Much Going on Inside

Hubby and I are going through a rough patch, currently. We have a small flame burning that seems to enrage with the slightest issue, mistake or wrong word spoken. Currently, the flame is down to smoldering embers, but you never know when it will turn into a full-fledged rager.

We've both been on edge majorly...he, because of his non-stop work schedule. Me, because of my work and constant attention given to my girls. It's starting to wear me out and I keep thinking, "I need a break for me," but it just hasn't happened yet. I seem to remember feeling the same way not long after my eldest was born. This overwhelming feeling of being trapped that just pushed down on me (and being a touch claustrophobic doesn't help matters). There's also an amazing amount of guilt wrapped up in all of this; not wanting to leave my kids with relatives or strangers because if it's a lot of work for me, surely it's a lot of work for them. Babysitting is only so long, then you have to come home and take care of the children again. Besides, I could use that money for so many other things. Don't get me wrong, I love my girls...It's just I'm feeling a bit trapped in my life and need a change. Can't see how that's going to happen anytime soon. My reaction? Throwing flame throwers of frustration at my hubby. Not good.

So, to make matters more interesting, he's going on a work trip next week (his flight leaves this Saturday morning) and he'll be gone for seven days. Seven days...that will be the longest time we've ever spent apart. On his trips to Vegas, he's only ever been gone (the longest) three days...and that was only because he couldn't stand to be away from us and came home. He was supposed to be gone four days. This time, there's no coming home early from this trip. It's not a six hour drive and a couple of hundred miles, it's 1600 miles and a 5 hour flight.

The break will do us good, but it also has me a bit paranoid. His last girlfriend lives in that city and (I believe) she still holds a torch for him. With everything that's going on here, she may seem quite appealing. Someone who isn't throwing napalm at him at nearly every waking moment and would do anything to get him? Like I said...paranoid. I don't know if he'll try to contact her, but I wouldn't be surprised. They are still "friends" and I'm sure he'll try and see as many friends as he can, while he's there. It's been four or five years since his last trip there, after all and last time, he was only there two days.

Meanwhile, it's me and the girls...but it's always me and the girls. I've been planning a playdate for the eldest and trying to figure out what else we can do to make the time pass a bit more quickly. If I can get the little one sleepy enough before we go, perhaps a movie at the theaters? (Amazing...I can't even remember the last time I went - and this from someone who used to go one or two times each weekend). Dinner out at a real restaurant (not a cattle-call buffet or fast-food) and a chance for the eldest to put those manners to work. A skating night on Tuesday, perhaps and possibly another playdate next week. Those will be their distractions and my putting my focus into them? Mine. I hope it works.

In other news, Mother's day was nice. Hubby gave me a spa certificate for a massage, made me a crab dinner and washed my car. The babe made me a really cute book in school, which is now proudly displayed on my desk at work. It was a nice day, but it ended on sort of sour note when I happened to ask my hubby questions about his mom. A touchy subject it seems, since he got all bent out of shape about it and clammed up. Well, I guess I'll keep my questions to myself (he hates when I don't talk to him, but damn. I can't walk on eggshells, can I?).

Thinking Blogger (Who, me?)

Thanks, RN_Buffoon, for nominating me for the "Thinking Blogger" award (takes a deep, low-waisted bow). And now, for the instructions:

1. If, and only if, you get chosen, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think.

Here are the bloggers that amaze and delight me:

Radio Ventriloquist "God's Child" - An amazing lady with her eyes wide open. Her heart and spirit are definitely her flowers. She's adventurous and always discovering something new (I live vicariously through her!) therefore, I visit her site often.
Maintain Sane "Icey" - A mom who's endured so much and still manages to raise herself up higher. She doesn't post as often as she used to, but still worth the read.
The Brutha Code - Another talented writer not afraid to say exactly what's on his mine. I discovered him a couple of years ago (BTW, it doesn't hurt that he's in my brother fraternity)
Yeah...I Said It - A new read for me. A talented writer with a natural gift for comedy. He's not afraid to laugh at himself or you.
Blography of Southern Writer - Astrologer and writer extraordinaire and a heart the size of Texas! I think we were maybe related in a former life.

2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme.

3. Optional: Proudly display the Thinking Blogger Award.

So, I've finally accepted the award. Now, on to the after party!

I've Got Air, but the Heat is On...

We had a cool down (it should have been called a frost down) the night before last that pulled our 80 degree temps back into the 50s. Crazy! The air conditioner gets all installed and lovely and now we've got the heat back on. I'm okay with it, though. Eighty in April was a bit much and I do love the rain (which we never seem to see enough of here). The clouds hanging low over the mountains like fluffy, white blankets...misting over the city in soft, warm sprays. It was really very pretty to watch. I should take some pictures (dang it! If I only had a flash). I guess digital will do. (the picture to the left is one I found online. It's not Utah, but this is a great representation of what I could see out of my work window, yesterday).

The babe has a "Share and Teach" today at school and she's very excited about it. She'll be making and talking about Guatemalan Worry Dolls. I spent about ten dollars on the supplies, making sure there was enough for everyone to make one while she performed her demonstration. I truly wish I could be there to guide her, but she presented her spiel (including each step) to me last night before bed. She was so good! I have a real orator on my hands! Unfortunately, she wasn't feeling so confident about her dancing rehearsal, last night. She told me, after she got in the car, "I'm not a good dancer," which is totally false because her teachers have both said she's got great rhythm and displays so much natural talent. I told her, "Sometimes we can have an "off" day, where we don't feel like we're doing as well as we'd like." She seemed to understand this, but I reiterated that she was, indeed, a great dancer. Recital time is coming and I think the perfectionist in her has kicked into overdrive.

The weekend is here, but I'm really not feeling it yet. I'll make the cookies with the babe tomorrow and my Baja beans, as I said in an earlier post. I may venture to the mall, since they're having a bunch of drawings and give-a-ways. Got to get in on those. I win stuff! If the weather is a bit kinder, I may take the girls to the park (the babe has asked about going almost everyday this week). She makes a new friend every time we go. Such the social butterfly...

Hair

So, here are a couple of shots of the hair and the unique color I'm sporting. Again, it's called F503 (whatever that means) and it's twisted, rather than braided at the top. It's left loose about midway and falls into body curls around my shoulders. I've gotten lots of compliments on the color from friends and strangers. I've tried to guess the tones as have my coworkers and I've listed those on my previous post. The "F" in the color name is almost assuredly a reference to frosting, but the color number alludes me, since it isn't one I've seen in the typical number scheme.

The photo below is of the babe and of the haircut I gave her. Initially, it was cascading down her back in a river of curls, which later made a huge mess. She's just not conscientious enough to run her fingers through it daily to keep it from getting mussed and tangled. So, I brought out the shears and took off about 6 or 7 inches. It's cute at this length, I think and easy for her to manage. The color is 4 (a number I see everywhere in color schemes) which comes out looking like a bronzey brown. This has been her color for spring and I don't intend to go any brighter than this. She's just a little girl, after all. She can go wild color hopping all she wants, once she's a teenager.

There really isn't a lot happening in my life right now and I have no complaints. Everyone is relatively healthy and I'm finally done with the steroids (thank God!). Last night, as a reward to my super, dutiful eldest, I took her roller skating. She had a good time, but did a fair share of falling because she rented skates rather than wearing her own. I've been worried because her skates are a size 12 and her feet are a size 1. She rented a pair of 13s, but they were too big, so she traded them for 12s and was much happier. Unfortunately, they aren't Roller Derby brand and I don't think her feet were comfortable, so she kept falling. She made quite a spectacle of herself, towards the end and many parents were looking for me, saying things like, "Do you have a little girl? She's fallen and is bawling her eyes out over there." Thanks. I know my daughter is a drama-queen. She'll be okay.

We left and I purchased her second surprise; a cheeseburger happy meal. She was elated! We don't do those often and being lactose intolerant, we even more rarely order cheeseburgers. She was on cloud nine, eating that thing in about five seconds time. Overall, it was a good evening and I got some good exercise too, rolling around the rink myself with Indy in her stroller. She loved that!

I begin my Detox 7 cleanse again today, which I'm actually looking forward to. I hope that it gets all the yuck out of me and helps me drop this unwanted poundage I picked up from taking the prednisone. Last time, it made me feel really rejuvenated, so I'm hoping for the same effects. Hubby's already started his.

The drink portion of the system is really grainy and isn't the easiest to suck down, but the benefits are well worth it. Unlike other detox systems, this doesn't make you have a mad, passionate love affair with the bathroom everyday. It's much more subtle in it's approach, cleaning you out (I believe) section by section so that by the end of the process, you have one moment of passion with the bathroom and then your done. I felt the difference it made in just the first couple of days and, if it were easy and cheap to find, I would do it the recommended once a month.

Today is the day for the installation. It's going to be a bit tricky, I think, because the guy didn't say when he was coming. All he said is that it would take all day. "Well, that's super, dude but...when are you coming?" I have to take the babe to school and I have a feeling he'll pick that exact moment to appear at my door. I think I'll tape a note on the front door or something saying that I'll be back in ten minutes. I guess that's the best thing to do.

Tomorrow, Indy has her well-baby visit and here's yet one more week where I'm out of a co-pay. It seems I pay hospitals and doctors more than I do anyone else, these days. My questions for the visit? How are her ears (are the infections truly gone?) and should I be worried about her legs. She's quite bow-legged, which is so cute but I don't want it to be the cause of trauma for her later. She's so busy now and I want to make sure she's walking and balancing the way she should.

I found a recipe for Snickerdoodles online, yesterday that isn't loaded in buckets of fat. I was thinking I'd make them with the babe this weekend. If they're good, I think I'll also make baskets of them for our three sets of neighbors who have been so nice to us, these past few weeks. Two sets have been picking up the babe from school and the neighbors across the street gave up many hours to help hubby put down tile. They've done an amazing job! (pictures to come soon). It's also a bit of bribery, since I'll probably need them to pick her up again in a couple of weeks. Hubby is going out of town on business and he won't be around to get her...in fact, he won't be around at all. This will truly be the longest period of time apart for us. The trip is back home in Nashville, so I don't think he'll miss me much. I think he'll spend his time connecting with old friends and seeing relatives. I'll miss him, though.

Spring or Summer?

This was a weekend of record breaking temps and boy did we feel every degree. Saturday, we awakened to temps in the low 50's, puttered around the house for a bit, then drove to my mother's at around 9:30am. By the time we got there, it was 75 degrees. Wow! By lunch time, it was over 80 and we were certainly feeling it at my house. All the fans were on, the blinds closed and the curtains drawn...all to keep any trickle of sun and heat out. Out of insanity or guilt, we went to the park later in the afternoon. The babe played while I walked (getting my second outdoor workout for the day). It made absolutely no difference to my weight. The steroids, unfortunately, have a very unpleasant side effect...weight gain. Thank God I'll be done with these suckers on Tuesday.

The weight gain was expected, but not expected was the the hefty amount in which it came; Seven pounds in a week? What the hell? Not cool. Not cool at all. Hubby was like, "Well, you lost it once, honey. You'll loose it again." All that work. It's like five steps forward, ten steps back. I'm so frustrated! As such, I'm not going to weigh this Wednesday. I don't want the emotional breakdown that would come with it. All I can hope for is that the trend to loose kicks back in, once I'm off the meds and this extra baggage leaves quickly. I was so close to my next goal, too but I digress.

To continue with the events of the weekend, Friday afternoon, I went to the salon and got my braids back. The color is quite unique, a sort of auburn/blond/bronze blend. Lots of highlights and, I think, very fun and flirty for the warmer months. The color chart is hard to see (even if you double-click for a larger view, the colors aren't very clear), but it is the only one that I can find online with the color I have (F503). Next time, I will do F505 for even more highlights and frost. I had her cut it to my shoulders because who wants pounds of hair all over their back in 80 degree weather. I'm really happy with both the length and color and have already received lots of compliments. I'll have to have hubby take a couple of photos, which I will post later on.

Sunday (another 80+ degree day), we went to church and to breakfast afterwards. It was nice, but rushed. My sister, being the self-consumed person that she is, thought it would be so great to ride with my mother to the restaurant. Neither my mother nor I were planning on going back to church after breakfast, but my sister had to because of previous obligations. It was because of her that we all rushed through our food because she was so worried about being late (not a worry she's ever had before, to my knowledge). Towards the end of the meal, she began to say things like, "I should have brought my own car," and "I probably shouldn't have ridden with mom." You think? Why didn't these things occur to you before we left? Oh, well. That's my sister. At least she's got a job again (but that's another story entirely).

Wednesday's the big day and I'm starting to get a little excited. Who gets excited about air conditioning installation, I ask you? Someone who's just survived 80 degree temps over the weekend without any sort of forced air besides fans, that's who. It brought back the horrible memories of summer and how miserable we all were. I guess I'm just happy that we will be basking in coolness this year without hubby having to get on top of the roof or any of that other horrible maintenance stuff he usually does and that it will be reliable coolness. Not cool for an hour and then sweltering for six hours. I hope that it's a smooth process too because I have no idea what kind of direction to give on this if it happens to be needed.

Spring and summer have me thinking about food changes, too. It's no longer the season for soups, roasts and comfort foods but things on a lighter fair. Hubby and I talked about my famous pasta salad, complete with artichoke hearts and grilled chicken. We were both sort of craving it, yesterday. It's definitely a standard in the house during these months and I'm looking forward to it. He also asked about Baja Beans, more a vegetarian option but very good nonetheless. I'll probably make those this Cinco de Mayo.

I seem to be babbling on so, I'll end with this: it's nearly 6:30am and 71 degrees. Do you think I'd get fired if I showed up in my bathing suit?

I Have One Great Kid

A little over a year ago, we were fretting about what to do with my oldest (the Babe) and her behavior issues. They weren't really issues as much as it was maturity (or lack thereof) that we were dealing with. She is a kid who's birthday falls just before school starts so, when she started Kindergarten in August of 2005, her mental capacity was still very much that of a four year-old. At any rate, it had us frustrated and often times in tears over what would become of her. She was asked to leave her elementary school in Salt Lake...the very one that I bent over backwards to get her in, just so she would be close by in case of emergencies. She was acting out in class, causing issues with the other children, leaving the classroom without permission, refusing to cooperate. The list goes on and on. Then, we had to figure out how to get her to and from school on that wacky half-day schedule, thirty miles away from where we were. It was really tough, but we got through it. By God, we got through it!

For the past few days, she's been coming home with these behavior rewards and recently participated in a behavior party, held for the children with the best behavior in the school. She's been a stellar kid this term and it's been a true miracle, watching her mature into a really great kid. This morning in the car, she informed me that one of her friends received a reprimand and then proceeded to throw the notice in the garbage can. The Babe informed her that it wasn't just for her to know what she'd done wrong, but that she needed to take it home to her parents. Talk about virtuous and noble! I'm so proud. Somebody pass me a tissue!

Dove and Steriods

After my little visit to the doctor, no new information was determined...well, I guess I've determined that I'm a freak of nature (but I already sort of new that). He said that the hives and the tastelessness I'm experiencing don't appear to be in correlation with the penicillin injection I received over ten days ago. He prescribed Prednisone for the next little bit in hopes that it will have an effect on the hives. I've heard from others that this is a temporary miracle drug that, if taken too long, will ultimately kill you. Nice. I remember we prescribed it to the animals, when I worked at the Vet's office, for decreasing inflammation. I suppose that is what this doctor had in mind.

I worked from home yesterday after I picked up my prescription. I was sort of embarrassed to go because the Pharmacy ladies know me now. Yes! They know me and now ask, "Is it for you or the baby?" Ugh! I'm a regular. That's so sad. Anyway, they joked with me and said that my visits wouldn't decrease until the kids were at least fifteen. Only fifteen? Why not make it twenty-four? It might as well be one hundred. Each visit for me is like the walk of shame. I can't seem to keep anyone in my family healthy.

The meds seemed to make a difference within an hour. My itching wasn't as bad and I could taste a bit of Indy's french fries...not well, but enough to enjoy them somewhat. My Healthy Choice breaded chicken meal wasn't too bad either. The breading had a lot of pepper and I could certainly taste that. By evening, I was feeling pretty good. I took a shower, hoped into bed and began to itch like a mad woman! I broke out the Cortaid spray and Aveeno Cortisone cream with a quickness. The itching never really subsided, even with the topicals. I had a thought: "What if I'm reacting to my new body wash?" It never occurred to me that this could be because I've used Dove forever! Seriously. The first body bar I was ever able to read at maybe four or five was D-O-V-E. Dove. That's what my family used. Not Zest, Irish Spring, Dial, Lava, Caress...just Dove. When they started coming out with their body wash line (around my college years), I began to buy those with just as much success as their bars.

A couple of weeks ago, we were shopping at Shopko and stumbled upon marked-down Dove body washes. Two were new: the Massage brand and Green Tea. I'd already had experience with the Green Tea bar and loved the fragrance so, we picked that without hesitation. The Massage one smelled nice and had these pearl massage beads included in the formula. It sounded heavenly. The new body wash made it's way into my shower quickly and I began using it right away. This morning, I took another shower but with my Dove bar, not the body wash. The itching went away. Bingo! Sadly, this wash will have to go for it seems I have determined the source of my speckled hivey loveliness.

In other news, I've been going through a Robert Altman phase as of late. One my early goals in my weight loss program was a movie from my half.com wish list. I chose a movie that I've been enamored with for years: 3 Women. It's a disturbing tale with some phenomenal acting by a very young Shelley Duvall and Sissy Spacek. I remember seeing it in high school really late at night, and later seeing it again as an adult. At that time, I taped the movie and try to watch it once a year. If I were a film professor, this would be in my stable of movies to teach. If you can netflix it, I highly recommend it. It will definitely stay with you...an unusual movie indeed.

This past weekend, I watched another of his masterpieces, Nashville, which was a little slow but very good. Being that this is my hometown, I was eager to see if I recognized anything...the turn of a highway, a landmark. So much has changed since 1975 but the Parthenon? Timeless. I knew it and Centennial park right away. The story revolves around 24 protagonist...seriously. You gotta keep up. It's a myriad of themes with the characters all coming together at the surprise ending. I really enjoyed it, but I don't think I'll own this particular Altman.

For the past two days, I've been watching snippets of Brewster McCloud with increased zeal and interest. Mr. Altman was definitely a man about metaphors. The inside and outside jokes, the oncologist narrator. It's one wild ride of a movie and one I hope to own someday. Next week, I think I'll try and find the original Mash and see what that's all about.

Why Me?

I'm getting really, really frustrated. I was frustrated in February, so I've about hit the edge with all this illness crap. So, Friday the 13th was my big poke with the penicillin needle to get rid of my Strep throat, right? Well, last Friday (042007), I sprouted a speckled red rash or hives in various places on my body. Saturday, some areas seemed to mellow out while others sprang to life. By Sunday, I was completely covered. And it's not kind. I itch and am miserable. Cortisone seems to do nothing except cause me to feel sticky and messy. Along with this side effect rash (or whatever it is) I have completely lost my sense of taste. You never know how much of a blessing that is until it's gone. There is absolutely no pleasure in eating now. Ugh! I hate it! (and I don't use that word often or lightly). I eat until I'm full, then I stop. Granted, it's great for my eating and figure but I really do miss the tastes of things. I ordered pancakes and ham for breakfast yesterday on the off chance that I might be able to taste it? Nothing. I could smell it and feel textures, but that was about it (and definitely not enough). I even tried rinsing my mouth out with warm salt water (really salty water), and nothing. My tongue burned and tingled from the salt, but I couldn't taste it. Dammit! I couldn't taste the salt at all!

So, today? I will call the doctor who stuck me and ask if this is normal. If not normal and they want me to come in, well, there's another sick day gone. Hubby thinks that they'll just say, "Oh, those are just side effects and they will pass." I seriously hope that he's right. Hope...hmmm. I'm really starting to loose that ability and it's so sad. I'm an extremely optimistic person, seeing the brighter side of most things, but now? Gosh, I dunno. I'm feeling a might helpless and it's scary. I don't know what to do if they tell me this is worse than what we (hubby and I) thought. Measles? Shingles? It may be time for therapy again...seriously. My happiness is fleeting.

On a lighter note, I did get "mine" last week with hubby, but now he seems to be suffering with a major cold. Hell must be freezing over because he never gets sick. He's been coughing and sneezing like there's no tomorrow. He even made one of my hot toddies last night, poor guy. The girls seem to be feeling better, though. I suppose that's the best thing of all. I'd much rather they were healthy and I was sick any day. Well, at the top of the list, we'd all be healthy and no one would be sick. What's this now? Month four? It really sucks.

Watch My House Take Shape and Other Ramblings

This weekend is going to be filled with sawing, pounding and shoving into place. No. It's not "Wild things that can be found in my Bedroom" but the possible completion of the tiling in my basement. Hubby is nearly done and there is only the edging in the great room and the tiling in our office that is left to do. After that, I guess we'll haul everything upstairs in our current living room, downstairs into our new living room. I'm actually excited! It will be nice to have the room upstairs made into a nice sitting room. I didn't plan on putting a t.v. in there, but hubby is adamant that we get the t.v. out of our room again.

When we were first dating, he always told me, "The only thing that I want turned on in the bedroom is you or me." That changed soon after the first child arrived. He got it more so for me, so that I wouldn't have to leave the comfort of our room to nurse, feed, change or whatever to the baby. He really only watches the news in our room. Other than that, he's never really enjoyed watching movies on the 32 inch. He'd much rather stretch out on the couch and watch it on the 52 inch instead. Now, he'll get his way again. I guess I'm okay with taking turns, and the reasoning behind it completely makes sense.

So, he and the new neighbors across the street will be working on the basement this weekend. The neighbor down the street will then complete the electrical work he began a couple of years ago. After all of this is complete, we will call the contractor to begin work on our air conditioner. Should be an interesting next few days.

Um, in other news, I'm really randy...rosey...horny. Seems to happen just before old TOM shows up. I'm sitting in my bed wishing hubby was here. He'll be here this evening, but I'm not sure if I'll still be in the mood. Oh, I love my children but I sometimes miss those days when it was just the two of us and we could do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted. Now, things seem a bit planned or arranged. Who am I kidding, they are. They have to be! You can't exactly have a nooner or an afternooner on the couch when your six year old is home. Oh, well. I hope to get something in today. Wish me luck (I'll be wishing it back to you).

Oh! The weight loss is going pretty well. I'm getting excited about meeting my next goal: a new outfit or a fetching piece of jewelry. Don't know yet which it will be. Hubby just purchased a slew of new skirts for me for our anniversary, so I'm really not lacking in the clothes arena. Equally, I couldn't begin to find another place to house a new piece of jewelry but you know, there's always room for shoes. (wink, wink)

To Cut or Not to Cut

As I transition from relaxed to natural, I have asked myself repeatedly, "Why don't you just do it? Just be brave and cut it off?" Well, I could. I could cancel my braids appointment and just go for the TWA (tiny weeny Afro). I could bite the bullet and just get it over with but, the truth is? I'm too much of a wimp. I have a little more than an inch of new growth. It's healthy, twirly and strong, but past that is about five or six inches of length. I will slowly trim this away as my hair grows and I'm okay with that.

I don't want to have this blog turn into the many I've seen on going "natural", but I will spend a little bit of time documenting it here. I want some sort of record of how it started, what I went through and any victories or mishaps. I'll also post a site or two of the places I've visited for inspiration, tips and product reviews. Going natural means learning how to take care my hair quite differently than I've done in the past. Truth be told, it won't matter so much while my hair is in braids, but I will need the knowledge and tools once that style comes down. I'll also want to take care of what's growing out while the braids are in.

Our Hair is a site I discovered in my search to learn my particular hair type. They've categorized black hair types into categories L.O.I.S. Unfortunately, there appear to be some links that are dead. I'm not sure if this is my browser or if links are dead only on some pages and not all. I'm still exploring. MotownGirl is hugely popular and I've seen her name on other natural sites, usually in comments where readers are singing her praises. Like many others, she became fed up with the harshness of chemically treating her hair and how thin her hair became because of it. Along with turning to some really unique products, she's created several "homemade" products that have aided her hair growth and health. I created a variation of one of her ideas and it has worked beautifully on Indy's hair. Both of my girls have eczema, but Indy's appears in her scalp more so than the Babe's. A combination of glycerin, Castor oil and purified water squirted throughout twice a day has her scalp flake less, her hair softer and tons more manageable. I guess I'm singing her praises too!

Another site of interest is Roshini's. She's been growing out her beautiful, natural tresses for a few years and has been convincing others to do the same. Her journey is chronicled through many pictures, which are truly telling. If you compare from the first pictures on the site to the most recent, she's really seen a lot of growth and health in a short amount of time.

Interestingly, as I've said, the braids will keep me out of experimentation of products and tips for a bit, but because I have a baby that's natural and does not yet have the length to braid or twist, Indy will be my guinea pig (of sorts). So far, less tears and softer hair. That's saying a lot, I think.

Central Air

Finally, finally, finally we are getting central air conditioning for our home. Now, for those of you who do not live in dry climates where swamp coolers don the roofs for thousands of homes, than you do not understand how grand this change really is for us. For those who live in humid climates and would die if the air was off for even one solitary minute during the summer, you've probably got a good idea of how happy I am.

Our home was built in 1994, but the previous owners (they also built the house) brought their swamp cooler with them from who knows where (and who knows how old it was when they brought it). We bought the home in 2001 with very little wear and tear to the home. One of our musts in buying a home was central air, a rarity at the time in these parts, but still something we wanted. We were willing to overlook that fact with this home since it boasted so many of the things we wanted and the cooler was more than adequate for our needs. It did very nicely for about three years. We should have known that the year it blew it's coolest was the year it would conk out. When it died, it died hard and during record breaking, triple-digit temps. We were miserable, but somehow made it through with lots of fans and my mother's portable air conditioner.

Last year (I think it was last year, anyway) a neighbor who does electrical contracting, brought over a swamp cooler that a new home owner did not want. He was getting central air (lucky bugger). The cooler was hoisted onto our roof and installed, but it never performed quite well. We spent another summer wearing little and cranking the ceiling fans as fast as they would fly. We decided then and there, after taxes? We were getting our central air.

Contractor after contractor has been over to walk around our home and give us estimates for central air. Most have been within the same price range but we were blown away by one company who charged nearly double of what everyone else charged. When he asked my hubby the other rates we received and heard how much lower they were, his response was: "Well, we've been in business for nearly twenty years." Sorry, Charlie. That's no reason to rip your customers a new one.

We've had to educate ourselves on models, sizes and options. It's been interesting, to say the least but we've narrowed it down and I'm really happy. It's been manic weather again...70 one day, 38 the next but once it calms down and those triple digits appear for 2007, we'll be ready. I just hope that once it's in, it's in and doesn't break-down or do anything weird. I know maintenance is something we'll always need to do and we did that with our cooler, I just want a comfortable summer...and maybe, just maybe we'll have one this year.

Plagues of Bibilical Proportions

Thursday was a lovely day. Work was going by quickly and we were anticipating a fine lunch at my favorite Thai restaurant around the corner from our offices. At 11:30, we all climbed into my girlfriend's pathfinder and headed to lunch. We laughed and laughed, enjoying the the company and the amazing cuisine. We even got back to the office on time instead of ten or fifteen minutes late (which is usual whenever we all go to lunch). I sat down at my desk and began to work but noticed my throat felt a little constricted. The lunch I had was sprinkled with peanuts...not a big deal and I have no known allergies to peanuts, but I hadn't had any in a long time. I thought, "Hmm. Maybe I'm having a slight reaction to the peanuts." I continued on through the day, my throat closing up a little more with every passing hour.

Quitting time arrived and I headed out, but without the usual fervor I normally have when the day is done. I picked up Indy and headed home, thankfully through somewhat decent traffic. Hubby was working in the yard when I backed into the driveway. I opened the door, stood up and basically collapsed in his arms.

Now, I just assumed it was some sort of allergic reaction. I dragged myself into the house and took a Benadryl to help open my throat. Super-mommy had kicked in and the babe had to be at dance class (they begin sending notices home around this time of year to remind parents that missing class could potentially keep a child out of the recital. That last few classes are pivotal and the babe would die if she couldn't be in the recital. There was also a school skate party going on that I wanted to take her to after dance class (she'd had such an exceptionally good week and had received two awards for her behavior in school). I took a half dose of Benadryl and took my girl to dance class, then to the skate party. She was so excited to be there and see people she knew and I enjoyed watching her skate around, all the while my body began to ache without mercy.

We left the rink at around 7:30. Once we got home, I put Indy to bed and I fixed the babe something to eat. Hubby called and I told him that I didn't want anything but a hot shower and the bed. That night, I woke up every hour on the hour in miserable pain...taking everything from Ibuprofen to NyQuil. Nothing helped. My temperature was 101.1 and I felt like an Arctic wind was blowing through my house. I filled the tub with scalding hot water (at around 2am) and soaked for I don't know how long. I woke up, still in the tub, drained the water and got back into bed. I seriously felt like death was coming to take me...and in such a horrible way. By morning, I really thought I'd seen the last of my days. Hubby told me he would take the kids so that I could seek out emergency care.

Arriving first, I was quickly taken in by a nurse who reported my temp at 102.9 and elevated blood pressure. In the exam room, I detailed my symptoms repeatedly telling her how quickly they had come on and how I didn't believe it to be the flu. They swabbed my nasal cavity anyway to test for the flu. I didn't have it. The doctor came in and swabbed my throat for Strep. He indicated that the rapidness at which everything had occurred, led him to believe that it was what I had. Fifteen minutes later and a quick nap on the examination table, the tests results were in. Strep throat. Nice.

I could take ten days worth of antibiotics (I really didn't want to have to go through that song and dance again, not after doing it twice already this year) or a shot that would hurt. "Um, I'll take the shot that hurts, thanks." The nurse came in shortly after and injected Drano or something into my butt because it burned and burned. Ugh! I really didn't care at this point, though. All I wanted was to feel better.

I slept all day Friday and most of Saturday. Yesterday was the first day I really got up and out of the house for long periods of time. The babe was complaining a little of an ear ache, so I cleaned out her ear and told her to keep us posted on how it felt. Sunday night, 11:30pm - the babe awakened my hubby with cries and screams of pain in her ear. Off to the emergency room they went. The babe has a second stage ear infection.

So, I'm home again...now playing nurse instead of patient. The babe is resting and watching t.v., but Indy is inconsolable and won't lay down for a nap. Could she have something too? Oh, God. I hope not!

Naturally Me

I'm going to do it. I really am...a little scary, but I'm going to do it. I'm going natural. Yes, I had the opportunity before...full head of natural hair, just after having Indy. Now, it's all processed to hell. I've learned my lesson and, unfortunately, I had to learn the hard way. Sometimes it's the best way.

I've been researching and reading up on the best ways to transition. As I suspected, the braids method is the least stressful, so they're going back in at the end of the month. I've even picked out what I'm going to do and I've decided to be a bit daring (well, daring for me). I've picked a unique color blend that will hopefully scream spring/summer and youth. We'll see.

I created this post a few days ago and much has happened since then. I will repost in a few moments with the details of my tumultuous life.

Happy Anniversary to Me!

Spring Break was, well...eventful. Here's a rundown of the vacation...it's highs and it's lows:

MONDAY - We set out driving at around 7:00am with luggage and kids in tow. As usual, we did not tell the Babe where we were going; however, she did enjoy the portable DVD player showing Nemo and all his adventures as we traveled down the long highway (if we'd only had this when I was growing up, my parents would have been spared the hours of fighting between me and my sister). We stopped in Orem, Utah first and had breakfast at McDonald's...not our first choice, but the kids were happy. If only they could get our order right the first time. After going up to the counter 5 times (no exaggeration), we finally had the food we ordered. Back on the road, we traveled as far as Beaver before stopping for gas. It's so sad to see the prices going up so quickly. When oh when will my hydrogen car be ready?

We arrived in St. George around 2:00pm and had lunch, then journeyed to our resort to check-in. Our room, as always, was lovely and decorated tastefully. The babe was too excited when she saw that our back porch looked over the pool and spa. We spent the evening relaxing and planning for the next day's events.

TUESDAY - We awoke, dressed and got back on the highway...headed now to Vegas. We've been lots of times and it's one of the Babe's favorite cities. This time, however, once we hit the strip...she still had no idea where we were (had it been night time, I think she would have known without a shadow of a doubt). We parked in the Circus Circus lot and walked across the street to purchase some water at the local Walgreen's. We had planned to go to the Mirage to see the tigers, but as we walked, we realized we were running of time quickly (we wanted to leave Vegas before their rush hour, so that meant heading out at around 2:30 or 3:00, at the latest). By 11:00, we had made it as far as the Treasure Island and decided to look for food. Hubby and I began to argue and his cheap side was coming through, even though he said he wanted to eat somewhere in the hotel. Finally, we settled on their buffet and had a marvelous meal (always get to a buffet before they transition...you can get the best of both worlds). Breakfast was marvelous, but lunch was divine.

After eating, we turned back around and headed back to Circus Circus. We went upstairs to try and catch the acts, but ended up playing tons of games instead. The babe found the races and Skee ball the most enjoyable and won a plethora of stuffed animals. She was quite pleased with herself. We left Vegas at around three and headed back to St. George just as the craziness was setting in. Unbelievably, we didn't stock up on booze this time (although I did buy enough hair to start my own shop). Hubby and I realized that Vegas has grown so much, it's somewhat claustrophobic. Our fix has left us less than eager to return to the bright lights anytime soon.

We got in the pool briefly upon our return, but the cool night air had set in and I didn't want to bring home sick children from Spring Break. We decided to try again another day.

WEDNESDAY - On the road again, this time headed north to Zion's National Park. Beautiful! I will post some of the pictures I took soon. It was a hot day and our tempers flared a bit, but despite that, we still had a good time. Zion is nestled far away from the hectic pace of the world...truly, a piece of heaven. I understand now why people travel from all over the world just to see it's majestic mountains, cliffs and natural towers. We spent the better part of the day wandering the trails and talking to people from everywhere. The Babe got tired, but Indy was the lucky one who fell asleep in her stroller. Many a parent walked by us with their weary children, wishing out loud that they'd thought to do what we had. Strollers are awesome!

Zion is adjacent to the small community of Springdale, which boosted many a bed & breakfast, quaint cafes and an elementary school that appeared to house less than fifty students. A picturesque community that, I'm sure, houses many a retired rat racer. I envied their quiet lifestyle but not the remoteness from everyday society. I guess I'll always be a city girl.

THURSDAY - We spent in St.George with the kids. Hubby and I got into it, which made for a not-so-fun day. By the evening, we were pretty well decided that we should separate and end our marriage. Seriously. It was that bad. While he went to work out and burn off some steam, I took the girls swimming and they loved every bit of it. Too bad I couldn't enjoy it as much as they did. I was too worried about the state of my marriage. By evening, we had everything packed up, all the laundry done and everything ready for the ride home. The girls ate and went to bed on time for the first time during our entire vacation. Hubby went for a drive and I went to bed. I missed him already.

FRIDAY - "The Uncomfortable Drive Home". I didn't say much and turned down every offer of food he made, when we would stop for gas, a drink or a diaper change. Towards the last part of our journey, he told me how much he loved and respected me (which I already knew) but that we were in some sort of strange hard patch and the time apart would do us good). I didn't say much at all. When we got home, he kept telling me that he would move some stuff downstairs and stay there, until we could figure some things out. He made this claim several times, but it never happened. That night, we lay in bed and had a hard time not holding hands or each other. This was not going to work.

SATURDAY - My girls went with their uncle to an Easter egg hunt and I had the entire morning to myself (hubby had to work). I shopped for food items, got my nails done, picked up some lunch and watched a movie. Nice. I also had a lot of time to think. Hubby called twice, and even though he didn't say much, I could tell he'd been thinking too. We spent the evening at my mother's for dinner and took our dogs walking at the lake. Later on, hubby an I had a serious heart-to-heart about our communication issues, having patience with each other and not letting our tempers get the best of us anymore. We ended our discussion with vocal passion downstairs away from the kids, again in the morning and later that afternoon. What have I said about making up?

SUNDAY - All of us in our Sunday best (the girls in their cuter than cute white Easter dresses), we went to church and then to breakfast afterwards. We spent the day shopping and laughing a lot. It was a good day and went by entirely too fast. Hubby wished me early happy anniversary several times and said he had plans for the day (I can't wait to see what those are). More delicious making up and promises to do better, we spent the evening in each other's arms.

Today is my nine year anniversary. It hasn't been perfect, or easy, or bliss each moment of the day; however, I have no regrets and I still believe I'm with the man that's perfect for me. Spring Break was fun, stressful, crazy and enlightening. If I learned anything from the last few days it's that life is unpredictable and loopy and sometimes you just have to sit back and see where the ride takes you.