I am Huge!

(So, I drafted this on Monday, December 12th but it's actually Wednesday, December 14th around noon MST...just so yah know)
Huge, I tells yah! Huge like a whale...huge like a wide-load mac truck, huge like a zepplin...HUGE!! People are starting to make comments about my hugeness as well. It's nuts how big I got...seems like, over the weekend I put on twenty pounds or something. What the hell? I tried on two dresses before church, Sunday, and my hubby was straining (I kid you not) straining to get the zipper up my back. It never went...so, I tried on the back-up dress. No dice. Oh, man. What happened? The sweater I wore on Monday looked as if if was going to burst at any moment. This baby needs to come and she needs to come now! Come on, "N"! Mama's waiting for you!

I woke up really congested on Monday and blew my nose constantly through the day. It didn't help that my boss was also snotty and yucky too (he'd spent the weekend in Arizona with 70 degree weather, than came back to our single digit nightmare). He took us to lunch for Christmas (an Italian bistro - I had the veggie lasgna) and we actually had a conversation about phlegm (lovely, huh?). Yesterday, when I got up, I felt like I'd been hit by a train (all that dairy probably didn't help matters). I decided to work from home, but I still needed to get the babe to school so, I threw on some clothes and drove the 30 miles into town to take her to daycare. I dropped her off, turned around and drove the 30 miles back. I parked my round butt on the couch for the duration of the day...laptop at the ready and working like a good girl. My timing couldn't have been better, since our new person started yesterday. My coworker would IM me and let me know the progress of the day, but I could tell something wasn't quite right.

Here's the story on the new lady: She's qualified to the hilt, has a Masters in Library Science, can manage computers well and looks fantastic on paper. When we had our interview with her, there was no energy. None. She would laugh a bit, but there was no joke...you know, nervous laughter but not the kind everyone joins in on. We felt that she could do the job, but wouldn't really "fit in" with the office. We pow-wowed with our boss and expressed our concern about the fit and how we thought either of the other two candidates would "fit in" better. So, our boss and his boss brought her and the two other candidates back in for a second interview. Well, the big boss felt "library lady" was the better candidate, so that's who they hired. My coworker, "C", talked a bit about how "weird" the day went and how "distant" she was with everyone. Now, granted, nerves can make people do strange things, but when you're getting warmth and love from everyone, "Welcome! We're so happy your here! Feel free to ask me questions anytime!", wouldn't you automatically send that happiness and warmth back? "C" said she was just cool to everyone and stayed primarily to herself. I told "C" that we would give it a couple of weeks and see what happens, then (if things aren't getting better) we ask about bringing in the lady we really wanted. It may be that "C" has to do it herself, if the baby decides to show up. (Please, please decide to show up!!)

So, I had my doctor's appointment yesterday. I shut down the laptop, threw my clothes back on, then headed over to the office. I let him know that I had a case of the ickies and he prescribed another Z-pack, saying that, "We treat colds a little more aggressively when it involves a pregnancy." Here's what I don't understand - aren't colds viruses? Antibiotics are for bacterial problems right? So, maybe it's not for the cold, per se, but for a possible infection? At any rate, I started feeling better right away the last time and this time (after the first dose) I could tell a difference in how I felt.

"So, I'll see you next week," he says. Too wild! To think, I'll see this man every week until the baby comes. I don't think I got to this point with my last one (the preeclampsia had me on bed rest one week, then in the hospital delivering a week later). So, next Friday, I'll be in his office again...kinda hoping I'm not...kinda hoping my large and in charge body will be in the hospital before then. I may have to go get another massage to "encourage" things and this time, when the contractions come, I'm not stopping those bad boys. I may just be all talk. My luck, she'll come January 20th (I'm due the 12th), be 24 inches long and 9 pounds. LOL!

tHe ChRiStMaS kId In Me

As Christmas has been approaching, I've been thinking about the things in my life that bring so much joy to me during the holidays. We've always put up the tree the day after Thanksgiving (artificial, of course). When we lived in California, we would sometimes have our fake tree and a few weeks into December, my dad would go out buy a live tree. The live tree would be in the living room for the family and the artificial would be in the window, to be seen by passersby. We never really decorated beyond the trees, but the house still felt so festive, nonetheless.

We would also watch the standard Christmas shows like, A Charlie Brown Christmas, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Scrooged, A Christmas Carol, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, A Christmas Story, White Christmas, A Garfield Christmas, A Muppet Family Christmas, A Claymation Christmas... (I think you get the idea). This just added to the feelings of holidays, food and family.

One year, my parents went to a Christmas party across the street. I was probably 5 or 6, but the memory is pretty clear. I remember lots of talking and laughing, then having more than my share of goodies and my parents having more than their share of eggnog and whatever other booze was being served. When the hour became late, my parents were saying their goodbyes, grabbed me and we headed out. As we crossed the street, my dad looked up and pointed at the sky and said, "Hey, I see the sleigh. Look! Look!" I'm straining to try to see and insisting over and over again that I can't see anything. All of a sudden, I see something sort of falling out of the sky (a falling star, no doubt, but a great decoy for a little kid). I raced to the front door and announced to my parents that I had to get to bed right away, or else Santa wouldn't come to our house.

I remember another year (perhaps, the very next year), when we went to a neighbor's house, premade song books in tow to rehearse for caroling. Now, I can't imagine doing this now, but in 60 degree weather in California, it was perfectly fine. We went door to door singing our songs and had a really good time. When we were finished, we came back to the neighbor's house for eggnog, cider and hot cocoa. It's a warm and happy memory and another time when I remember my parents actually being together at the same time (my dad toured a lot, but he was always home for the holidays).

After moving to Nashville, Christmas as a teenager became more about spending time with my friends and doing holiday "stuff" with them. We would watch movies, have tree-trimming parties, go to movies, visit shops in the mall and check out all the holiday decorations around the city. It was fun and I appreciated having a job, so that I could give rather than just get.

Trying to remember the best Christmas I've ever had as a kid is really tough because, they're all starting to blend together. I personally think this is a good thing; memories and feelings are meshing into one and there's not a specific Christmas I remember because of some gift I got, but more about the happiness and love I felt during those times. As an adult, I remember Christmas 2002 very vividly. We'd been in our home a couple of years and our daughter was old enough to appreciate the lights and also appreciate ripping open boxes with pretty paper. She wasn't too concerned about what was inside.

Now that my babe is older, I look at how she marvels at all the Christmas glitz and I'm hoping her memories are starting to form because she really seems happy...specifically, showing the same kind of happiness I once had as a child during the holidays. She's helped me put some of the gifts together this year and I'm hoping I can leave the cookies up to her (with only my assistance during the baking process) and I want to try and have her wrap a gift or two, so that she feels like she's participating in the giving process as well (and not always on the receiving end). I really have felt like Christmas is so much more fun with a child in the house. In college and even after my hubby and I first got married, it was nice but it wasn't the way I remembered Christmas. Children really make the holidays special.

She's getting some pretty high-end gifts this year, some of which I didn't get until I was in high school, for heaven's sake! I've told her daddy that, as times change, we'll get broker and broker with each holiday and birthday. One day, she's going to ask for a computer or a laptop and I'm sure she'll come to us with a, "Mommy, Daddy, can I have a cell phone?" These are items that would never have entered my parent's minds as potential gifts, but they are very much a reality and a near necessity in this day and age. It's nuts! I hope that she will also reach a point where the giving becomes more important to her than the receiving. That feeling brings it's own, personal specialness to it.

I'm anxious to see how Christmas will change with, not just one child but two. Will they enjoy each other at Christmas? Will they share their joy? Will the big sister make sure the little one finds happiness in what she has? I'm anxious to also see if this Christmas brings me the joy of two children...who knows! It could happen!

An Outpouring of Love

Yesterday, I got the last (or at least I think it's the last) of my baby shower gifts. Donations were coming in from all over the country for a gift card and our exec. admin presented it to me, just before I went home last night. Amazing! Men and women, all showing how much they appreciate me. I felt like crying (yeah, so what else is new). The amount came in at $155...this on top of the other 5 or 6 gift cards that came in the mail for $10 or $20. Hubby was very pleased and said we'd go ahead and pick up the crib mattress, when he gets back. I'm thinking it could be the mattress and the shelf. As of right now, there's a room full of baby clothes with no where to put them. Of course, there's also a crib with no mattress. Both will need to be purchased, regardless.

Last night when I talked to hubby, the first thing he said after hello was, "I miss you." Oh, those words meant so much! Of course, absence makes the heart grow fonder. I just hope he remembers how much he misses me (us) when he gets back. It's different when you're a state away, but then (from my perspective) not so different when you work the kind of hours he works. We talked more and he really struggled to get off the phone with me. I could tell he was tired and nearly asleep, but he kept telling me he wanted to talk. He told me about all the tests he's taken and how the day was so draining, but how he was looking forward to coming home. His passion for this "mission" has diminished a lot and his voice told me more than his words. I think he feels our relationship will shift again if he has to go and he's right. You can't live without your spouse for four months without some sort of shift. It's inevitable. The change could be positive or negative and there lies the fear.

For me, it's the idea that he will find happiness in his solitude and decide that independence is more for him than married life. For him, he believes someone will "snatch me up," which I think is utterly ridiculous, but it is a valid fear for him. Ugh! Why can't you get a road map for life? All these twists and turns we're taking...I hope we're actually getting somewhere.

Aside from my heart-to-heart with hubby, I watched the Billboard awards last night. What a cat raggedy mess that was! I can't believe how boring! In fact, at the end of the show when the cameras went around to those who had attended, they literally had a, "Is that it?" look on their faces. And not just one or two people, but everybody that appeared in the camera pan. My coworker and I talked about the crappiness of the show and we agreed on one very crucial point: Mariah Carey is a skank and way too old to be as skanky as she is. Geesh! She could barely walk in her dress. In fact, she looked like a sausage stuffed into sequence. WTH was she thinking? If you have obvious talent, is it really necessary to parade around naked? I guess I just wouldn't fit well into the "Biz" world. The picture I've linked to isn't as bad as how she looked shuffling onto the MGM stage, last night.

We've had some really freaky weather as of late here. It snowed like crazy last night, but it was 11 degrees outside. Normally, you can't get any sort of moisture with a temperature like that, but we got dumped. Some areas got over 100 inches! I had about 4 fresh inches in my yard, when I finally got home (which was two hours from the time I left work). Everyone was driving 20mph or less on the highway. What a nightmare! Thankfully, the sun came out today but the temps are still really cold. We're 30 degrees below our norm. I hope we can last through this crazy winter (oh wait, it isn't winter yet, is it? Yikes!).

Tag, You're it!

Can we shift gears and add a little happiness to my site? I've been such a downer, lately:

10 Years Ago- 1995, wow. I was a Junior in college...preparing for the winter break to be spent out here (in Utah) with my mother. I was spending a lot of time in workshops and training in Nashville, preparing to bring our chapter off of probation. I remember feeling a lot of pressure because we were so busy in Delta, I was writing papers all the time (because I was deep in my major, by this point) and my social life was actually hopping (even though I was still single).

5 Years Ago- Winter of 2000 was tough. I was doing everything in my power to get out of my current job, not because I didn't like what I was doing, but I couldn't stand my supervisor. She was a bitch on wheels who expected everyone to bow down and kiss her feet. I refused, so she gave me much grief. My little one was four months old and (knowing what I know now) I should have just calmed down. A new, better job was just on the horizon.

1 Year Ago- We were in the midst of interviewing potential candidates as a "clone" for me. I was so happy! I'd been the lone ranger for so long without help and was so overwhelmed that the idea of a body to take on some of my drama was like an early Christmas present! She's been great! Now, we're doing it all over again.

Yesterday- I went to church, ate breakfast with the babe at Home Town Buffet, went to Wally world, came hope and took a nap. Got up, watched Ali (I know, I'm behind) then worked on Christmas presents with the babe. Talked to hubby a few times throughout the day.

5 snacks I enjoy- pineapples (rings not chunks), cup-a-soup, cheetos, strawberry shortcake parfaits, sorbet.

5 bands to which I know most of the lyrics to most of their songs- Tony Toni Tone, Intro, Sade (Yes! I know it's her name, but it's also the name of her band), Mint Condition, Huey Lewis and the News (Oh, it's so sad). LOL!

5 Things I’d do with $100 million dollars- Tithe, pay off my house, pay off my hubby's car, pay for hubby's school, finish my masters, invest for more (to pay for the girls' college education and by my mother a house and such).

5 locations I’d run away to- Florence, Paris, Maui, US Virgin Islands, and Fiji

5 bad habits I have- Correcting my hubby's grammar, over analyzing everything, shutting down and avoiding the pink elephant in the room, not expressing my feelings (much better at this with the prego hormones...I tell it all!), picking the skin off my lips when I'm nervous (I know...so gross).

5 things I like to do- listen to music, write, eat, dance and have buck-naked, wild sex with my hubby (TMI? So, sorry but it's the truth). LOL

5 things I would never wear- a cut-off halter (Oh, Lord! Can we say, "muffin tops"? Yuck!), a platinum (or any other metal) grill, pastel make-up, ugly shoes, and shoulder pads.

5 TV shows I like- Family Guy, That 70's Show, Lost, Made in America (Hey, there's some cool stuff on this show!), Bernie Mac

5 movies I like- The Matrix Trilogy, Jane Eyre, Predator, Blade, Carrie (and the list goes on and is HUGE).

5 Famous people I’d like to meet- Morgan Freeman, President Bush (if only to tell him what an idiot he is), Dave Chappelle, Oprah Winfrey, and Bill Cosby.

5 biggest joys at the moment- My eldest daughter (whose name means "flower" in Arabic), my unborn daughter (whose name means "of great success" in Arabic), my husband (even though he's driving me batty at the present), looking at the snow covered, wasatch mountains on a clear day, feeling loved by everyone around me.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel is not a Train Bearing Down Upon Me

Saturday started off somewhat depressing. I got a call from hubby at work and he preceded in with the drama that is our relationship. We talked a long time trying to figure out what we want to do, but before we could finish, he had to hang up to go back to training. I was in tears, by the time the call ended, but then, I'm always in tears these days (damn pregnancy hormones!).

I took the babe to her birthday party in Salt Lake. Luckily, the mother of the birthday girl indicated that it was not necessary for me to stick around (thank goodness!). I don't think I could have handled all those little ragamuffins on a day like Saturday (cold, cold, depressingly cold and snowy). I ended up at a store doing some, dare I say it, Christmas shopping. I picked up a really nice, designer pull-over jacket for my hubby and a couple of other items. I also bought a gift for my coworker (actually, I already ordered a gift for her - several really cool coffee cups with beautiful, eclectic art work, but it's been on backorder so long, I doubt I'll get it before Christmas, the birth of the baby or both so, I bought something else - a wooden wine rack). I got the babe a huge drawing pad since she's always trying to find paper to color on and a couple of movies.

Afterwards, I went back to pick up the babe and just as we were leaving, she became obstinate and hateful. "I don't want to go home, mommy. I don't want to leave!" Pouting ensued along with some pre-temper tantrum type behavior (which I don't go for and she's never done) So, I'm standing there embarrassed because she's being a total brat and won't listen to anything I'm telling her, but I'm so tired that I can't regulate like I want to. By the time she got to the car, she was in tears because I'd said the all dreaded, "Your daddy's going to hear about this." I hate to throw that card for one because I don't want her to think that her mother can't handle her and for two because then I'm the confirmed bad guy and he's always the good guy (wouldn't you cry if your eternal "good guy" all of a sudden became upset with you?). What a mess! I grounded her for the evening and that seemed to do the trick.

When dad got home, he talked to her and gave her the, do-what-your-mother-says-or-I'll-really-give-you-something-to-cry-about speech. Afterwards, he had her helping with some chores he needed to take care of. Shortly after, she came up and apologized for her behavior. Oh, the apologies! She's so precious when they're sincere. I'm glad I have a good kid, for the most part. Once we were all squared away and had eaten dinner, I put her to bed and showered. Hubby had nodded off on the couch and I decided a few days ago that I'm not playing the wake-up-and-talk-to-me game anymore, so I just left him there.

A little while later, he comes in and apologizes for falling asleep and is mad at himself for doing so, because of all the paperwork he still needed to do before his Vegas trip. He goes downstairs and gets the paperwork, brings it back up stairs and starts working on it. We talk some more, getting out more of the frustration we've both been feeling. I whip out the laptop and help him find some addresses he needs (his work then becoming a team effort). It was kind of fun, burning the midnight oil together. I fell asleep at around ten as we watched Michael Buble in concert on PBS. When I woke up for my first potty break, it was nearly 1:00 am and he was still at it. I told him, "Aren't you glad you don't have to deal with this...me getting up at all hours of the night to go to the bathroom, only to sit up until the baby stops playing kung-fu fighter with my organs?" He was like, "Actually, I would rather be here with you then, I could sit-up with you when you wake up." This is the hubby I know and love. I helped him some more with his project, then the little one quieted down and I went back to sleep.

We got up at the same time and he left for Vegas at around 6:30am. Unfortunately, due to a white-out down south and terrible traffic into Vegas (a rodeo convention or something), he didn't make it to the Palace Station until close to 5:00pm PST. He was so pissed, but glad to be off the road (normally, he would have gotten there at or near 11:00 am). Those extra hours in the car really had him in a foul state, but I definitely couldn't blame him. We talked a bit about the next day's events and how he was going to prepare. His attitude about all of this is so different than what it was a few months ago. I'm glad he's not putting so much stake into this. He spends so much time worrying about every little thing that, I guess, he's finally figured it out! Worrying isn't going to make things happen or not happen. Things will happen or not happen, regardless of his fretting over it. I just want him (and the rest of the family) to find our center again. After our talk yesterday and our phone conversation this morning, it may really be a good light and not a train bearing down upon us. I was beginning to think the latter.

On a different track, I spent a lot of quality time with the babe, last night. We worked on Christmas presents for the neighbors (we're doing the layered cookie jars with the recipes). They take a lot of time and I'm finding that I'm running out of ingredients fast and frequently. I'll have to stop at the store again this afternoon (and I was just there yesterday!). We also sat on the couch together and talked about the shows we were watching. I'm glad I can field her questions cause there's really a lot of raunchy stuff on t.v. these days and she's smart. I don't pull the wool over her eyes, but I do explain things in a way that I believe she can understand them better. We had our story, then I put her to bed. Hubby called again just after that to talk a bit and tell me good night. Overall, I'm feeling better about life and it not sucking as much as it did when the weekend started. I'm hoping it progressively gets better and that I can climb out of this funk and enjoy the holidays like I'd like to.

Life Can Really Suck!

Oh, and it can in a big way! I was back in the hospital Wednesday night with contractions coming 6 minutes apart. Still only Braxton Hicks but, 6 minutes? My husband's sleep apnea is going to turn me into a murderess because I kept trying to get him to wake up and show me support, any kind of support. I was scared, frustrated, confused...It wasn't until I'd made several trips to my car (packing it with stuff like my laptop, hospital bag and purse) that he arose and tried to do something. I was in tears by then as he tried to convince me to sit and talk to him. Please! After my doc had already said, go to the emergency room ten minutes prior, I'm supposed to sit around and psychoanalyze life with him? Bullshit! "I can't talk to you right now. You should have talked to me before. Now, I have to go to the emergency room."

So, I called my mother (I've been doing that a lot lately). She met me at the hospital, with no questions asked, at 11:00 on a work night. They injected me every hour, on the hour (3xs) with the tributelene in order to stop the contractions. I got home at around or a little after 2:00am and crashed. Thursday, I worked from home and my hubby (who finally decided to contribute to the living) took the little one to school and my mother picked her up and brought her home. (Yes. After all that, my mother dragged her tired butt to work). She's an awesome mom and she's getting baked goods for being so!(Which is sooo not enough for all that she does).

I went to work, yesterday (much to my boss's dismay. He was worried about my health...actually concerned about me!) and sat in on an interview as well as worked on the daily tasks that had built up during the interview. Contractions came, but not nearly as frequently. Hubby redeemed himself a bit by showing up at my office 45 minutes after I got there with breakfast goodies. This is the hubby I know...the kind, generous man who is concerned about others, but I fear it's fading fast. This morning, he told me about all the stuff going on in his mind lately, as he drove to work for training; the possible job change, his difficulties with his family as of late, and the drama within our relationship. I was frank with him and said that I didn't feel selfish thinking that a husband should only want his wife and how I felt about his relationships (so far platonic) with other women. He told me that the counselors he's been seeing have both said that he's implanted the potential of a possible break-up between us in his mind that has been there for years and that they don't know his strength or foresee how he's going to get past it or everything else he's been going through. It was devastating to hear and he even said it was not what he wanted or was expecting to hear. Truly a "Christian" counselor would have given him a totally different perspective, but I don't know if he'll ever go that route.

I love my family and enjoy being a wife and mother. It's wild because I never thought I would play either of these roles. I know how hard I am to live with (total perfectionist) and how selfish I can sometimes be (with him, not my daughter), but fate had other plans. I married young (but not ignorantly) and had my hubby all to myself for two years before our first child showed up (unplanned, of course). The same with this baby. We were "Three's Company" for five years before she appeared, unplanned, but loved all the same. I've always felt that everything happened within the time it was supposed to happen and in the way that it happened for a reason. I can't bear to think that, if hubby gets this job, he'll go to Vegas without us and like it...like the freedom of being without a wife and house to think about. Enjoy the idea of being able to date again and "experiment" the way he wants to. I already know he'll miss his girls, but I'm not exactly sure he'll miss me. Oh, how I hate this!

I'm not sure how to handle things well, right now. I'm a logic based person for the most part, but being pregnant throws logic right out of the window. Every time we talk about this stuff, I get all emotional, can't think straight and start to cry. Believe me, it's definitely worth crying over, but I miss the me that can reason things out with relative sanity. That me is on vacation until the baby comes. How I miss her! I despise walking around with my heart on my sleeve. Hubby says that he appreciates that I'm this way and he feels I'm being more honest. Perhaps I am. It's just not what I'm used to. If only there could be a happy medium.

So, it's nearly 8:00 am here in Utah...the snow is falling again and my yard (which was green last night) is completely white this morning. I have to take the babe to a birthday party, all the way into Salt Lake. I also have to do something with the rat's nest on her head (I've let it go for several weeks, poor thing). She'll be styling by the time I'm done (I hope!). I'll be thinking and praying a lot, over the next few weeks. I've given everything up to the higher power and asked for guidance, but humans are stubborn (as am I) and I continue to try to resolve things by myself. It ain't happening. Therefore, I need to just chill out and think about trying to keep this baby "in the oven" for at least two more weeks as well as focus on caring for my kindergartener, who has no idea the strife her parents are going through. That's really all I can do...but it still hurts and plagues me. I have a lot of fear I've got to let go and my life is so not my own, right now.

I Need a Vacation!

It's so sad when you're looking towards your maternity leave as a potential vacation (cause that sure the hell isn't what it's going to be). Normally, I take a ton of time off around Christmas and the timing is perfect. We normally do the family vacation thing during the summer, so by the time the holidays come around, I'm ready to leave again. I guess it's just a kind of restlessness I've become accustomed to...well, whatever it is, it's starting to make me nuts! I feel like taking a drive somewhere and just laying low for a few days but there's no way I can. Every day I have is for the baby...every single one, so I can't afford to just "take off" like I want to. I'd even be fine with me and the babe "taking off" to Wolf Creek (one of our favorite getaways), but it's not like she's in preschool or daycare anymore. Kindergarten requires attendance, turned in assignments and record taking. Then, there are the social aspects. I can really tell she's missing school when she's out for a long period of time, like this past week. She needs the outlet of friends and silliness to keep her grounded and her mother sane.

The other issue is my husband. More marital drama, I'm afraid. It's actually more of the same stuff: hubby working way too many hours, spending way too much time trying to get "house" stuff done, and then spending little to no time with me or the babe. I can feel the beast of depression coming down on me, and it's really not a good time to be preggers and hating life. With wintry, snowy skies and no sun it's going to take it's toll if I don't do something. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do until after next week. The waiting around for him to come back from Vegas, just so I'm assured that all his days off are actually days off and not time for more overtime, is excruciating! I've thought about spending more time at my mother's if only for the companionship, but that would mean more time around my sister and I can only handle her in small doses. Besides that, my mother would become suspicious (because that's just the type of person she is) and would silently wonder why I was at her house so much...then possibly hold secret resentment against me or my hubby. Although, I could just be paranoid. I don't know. Did I mention I haven't heard from him at all today? We fuss a lot when there's tension between us and I truly think he's trying to find his peace. I hope he has better luck at it than I'm having.

I just got a call from my doctor's office and they are squeezing me in next week (the 6th at 9:15 am...my boss is going to love that). It's a good thing, too especially after my stint in the hospital this past Saturday. The doctor will only be in on the 6th and is off the remainder of the week. He was completely booked when I set-up the appointment last week and I hoped a cancellation would happen. I guess my hopes were realized. So, that's one good thing that's happened to me this week. I hope he spends more time talking to me about what happened then my normal 5 minutes with him in the office of, "Your blood pressure is good. You're weight is good and your pee is good. Any questions?". That gets a bit frustrating.

So, no skipping town, no husband and I've got an earlier doctor's appointment to look forward too. God, that's awful! Well, I think I need to give myself something to look forward to. Maybe I'll take me and the babe to an "eat out" tonight (somewhere besides McDonald's, for heaven's sake). I could do with some seafood and there's a Long John's Silvers downtown. Okay, so it's not "real" seafood, but it would make me happy and the babe likes their chicken. And, since it's in a mall, would could walk about a bit and look at Christmassey stuff. Yeah, okay. That's what I'll do. It ain't much but, you gotta find your joy where you can.

A Visit to the Hospital

I'll start out by saying, "I love my mother's cooking!" Thanksgiving was wonderful and the menu consisted of roasted turkey, cornbread dressing, collard greens, sweet potato souffle, baked macaroni and cheese, brown rice, turkey gravy, squash and my apple crisp for dessert. All of us crashed after eating our weight in food and perhaps, it was the food that got the baby going. I started having braxton hicks like crazy. After about the 15th, my mother was like, "Call and see if this is normal, or if we should bring you in." I spoke to an Amber "something" and she said that they were normal, until or if they began to appear 4 to 6 times within the hour. Mine were more random and I'd had several over a several hour period, so everything was fine.

My husband slept like the dead, literally. My mother had put a blanket down for her dog and ours (so, imagine a 116 pound Rottweiler laying next to a 109 pound great Dane) right in front of the fire place. My hubby was snoozing on the couch when he sat up all of sudden then relocated to the floor next to the dogs. It was the craziest funniest thing we'd seen all night. He stayed there for another two hours before I had to roll him out of sleep. He showered, packed some leftovers, then went to work. (My daughter stayed to sleep over).Once I got home, I ate again then got in the bed, still having contractions.

Yesterday, I was so paranoid about the potential of having the baby early, I quickly got the tree up then decided to finish up the nursery. (Thanksgiving morning, I finally finished the stenciling of the South wall). I started with the crib and was so impressed by the instructions, I was half-tempted to call and commend whoever the technical writer had been. So often, instructions are written without any mind to the person who will be assembling the product. There were so many, obviously female nuisances, that I marveled at how fast the crib was coming together. Once the crib was assembled (all by my lonesome), I went downstairs, dragged up the bassinet box and assembled that as well. Then, I took the car seat and stroller out of its box and set them against the wall, just in case. I was really tired, but proud of myself.

This morning, I awakened around 1:30 to aches in my lower back. After getting up to use the bathroom, I got back in bed and found a comfortable position. While laying there, the Braxton Hicks started up again...this time, coming much more frequently then Thanksgiving evening. I started keeping up with the times. They were between 4 and 9 minutes apart. I started to pack my bag (just in case), then called my mother. She was at my house in about twenty minutes. We woke up my daughter and headed to the hospital. Once there, the emergency crew toke forever!Two people working with only two people in the waiting room, and we sat there for twenty minutes. Finally, I started filling out paperwork. The lady attending to me says, "Are you pregnant, honey?" I was like, "Yes." Then she says, "Oh my God I couldn't even tell!" What the hell?! Do people normally carry basketballs under their shirts? I mean, really! Then she says, "I am so sorry, let's get you in here." So, she starts working on my paperwork double-time, then calls up to Labor and Delivery to get me a room.

My mother, daughter and I head to the labor and delivery area and are greeted by very nice night nurses. We get into the room (which is beautiful and much bigger than the hospital room I had with my first) and I get undressed and into the dreaded hospital gown. Once in the bed, she straps on heart monitors and a arm cuff for frequent blood pressure checks. The nurse, Amberly (the same lady, I think, I spoke to on Thanksgiving) asked me a series of questions about my medical history, preferences for delivery, etc.... I was beginning to get a little nervous, but she assured me that the baby was fine and that, indeed, I was still having contractions, but she would call my doctor to see what he wanted to do. She suggested that he might have me get a
tributelene injection, which would slow down and stop the contractions. She also said she'd check to see if my cervix was dilated. Great! Don't you just love a good pap smear?

She left for a few minutes, then came back and swabbed me. Lovely! It was unpleasant, but bearable. Then, she takes a glove and lubes up several of her fingers to check my cervix. Oh my God! I thought I was going to die! She's pretty much fisting me to find the tip of my cervix. Yikes! It felt like it took forever, then my daughter pipes up, "Mommy, is she reaching in to grab your baby?" Oh, the mind of a child. That chillaxed me right away. She let me know, as soon as she extracted her hand from my area, that my cervix was not dilated.

So, the nurse spoke to my doctor and the injection was approved. Ow! It was one of those that burns going in. Then she tells me it will make me jittery. After about 30 minutes, I was shaking like I'd drank four cups of coffee. Ironically, the contractions were slowing and she believed I would get to go home after a little more observation. As we waited, I took a good look around the room to see what would be available to me whenever the baby did come. The TV has a dual deck VCR and DVD player. Nice! I'm planning on rewatching the LOTR triology when baby finally arrives. There was a nice couch, a lounge chair, several wood chairs, and a glide rocker. There was also a billy Rubin table for baby. I liked the idea of a table like that being in the room, rather than down the hall in the nursery. You could still attend to your baby, even if he/she had jaundice.

Nursey comes back and says that the swab she took for a test I can't remember the name of, came back negative. It would have basically told us if I was due to have the baby within two weeks. Wow! How far things have come since I last delivered. My mother was like, "Great! I've got a two week window where I don't have to worry." Me, too.

I finally went home, feeling a loopy and jittery (the way I feel when I've taken a Loritab). It was snowing lightly and the air was more crisp than it had been in weeks. My mother stopped and
got us all breakfast. She stuck around while I packed the babe's bag, then took her with her when she left (I knew I wouldn't be able to take her to the birthday party in Salt Lake today, especially after nursery dear and doctor instructed me to "take it easy"). Nursey even said that if my contractions started up again, I should miss work on Monday. Thank goodness for that laptop! I can't get over how valuable that thing is going to be to me. Once my mother left, I slept for several hours.

So, here I sit now, eating leftovers and writing about the early morning's events. It was so surreal and a bit scary, all at the same time. I kept hubby in the loop and when he finally came home, he kept falling asleep as I told him what was going on. Of course, I got pissed off and he was just as mad at me for storming off like a two-year old, but I felt justified in my irritation. The contractions are still coming, but nothing like they were before. At any rate, all is well for now and I will pay close attention to my body for the next few days. I guess I'm really coming down to the wire.

Showered in Baby "Stuff"

My baby shower was held this afternoon in one of our conference rooms. The girls really did it up with lavender, pink and pearlescent balloons along with babyfetti and dark Hershey kisses on the table. A buffet of delectable desserts was at the rear of the room and many people came (some I didn't even know) to wish me well and shower me with baby "stuff". It was so sweet and I'd really forgotten how precious baby clothes can be. Granted, my hubby has been buying stuff since we found out, but there's something about having a room full of baby hungry women, watching open bag after box full of unicorns, bears, pink fluffiness and pastel dreamies that makes the whole experience...well, super sweet. We really had a good time.

Afterwards, the men in the office kindly filled my car for me with the remaining gifts (my mother and sister were there to take half for me before they left for appointments and such). I'm really excited for the baby to come now, so I can see her in all this fabulous stuff. She's going to be a well dressed kid, I gotta tell yah. There's still lots to do and, I'm told by coworkers, a "fountain" of cash is soon to come (we have faculty all over the country and many wanted to contribute. I wonder if this "cash" will cover one of the big items like the changing table or the dresser? We still don't have those yet).

Hubby was in a mood today...my guess was because his regular work schedule started up again tonight and he was not looking forward to it at all. After all that time this weekend with us (did I mention he also found someone to cover Saturday evening and Sunday??), I think he got just as spoiled as we did. He told me that he wouldn't have another day off until his trip to Vegas (the second week in December). So, that sucks in a big way. He was frisky this evening and wanted to play, but I'm not crazy. How can we play when there's only fifteen minutes for him to get ready for work? I was not up for hearing (possibly tomorrow morning) that it was me who made him late or got him a write-up or whatever. Not that I think he would say so outright, but he may subtlety let me know it was me. So, I settled for soft caresses and kisses on the ear. That will have to hold him until tomorrow, I guess.

Still not finished painting (nope. we watched Polar Express instead). I'll be working from home tomorrow, after my doctor's appointment. Perhaps, during a break, I can get some of the painting in. I guess I'll have to. I know I won't want to do it on Thursday and Friday is "put up the tree" day.

They gave me my loaner laptop for maternity leave, finally. It's working out great! (I did a test run tonight, just to make sure I could be up and running early tomorrow morning). It does everything my computer at work can do. Damn, I don't know why they just don't let me work from home permanently? There are others, like me, that can do the majority of their work from home too. Aren't we a virtual University? What the hell? Oh, well. Perhaps someone will get a clue someday, then they can sell the building and put their money into recruitment and retention, rather than suite rental. What a concept!

Time for sleep now...

I'm Married, again!

Friday evening, I got home and started right to work on the painting in the nursery. I was able to complete the south wall with the first of the layered stencils (only one layer left to do). Once I was done at around 6ish, my daughter came in and said, "Mommy, daddy wants you to come to the back." So, I tidied up the materials and headed to the back where our bedroom is located. He was actually awake, alert and talking (a rare thing at that hour, since he's usually dead to the world until around 7 or 8). So, he said, "What do you guys want for dinner? My treat." Of course, my babe begins her normal, "I want McDonalds," speech (what is it with kids and McDonalds?). Dad's like, "Anything besides McDonalds." So, we decided on chicken. The babe pipes up, "Daddy, can we eat inside?" I began to think about how much time it would take to eat-in and then get back in time for Dad to get ready for work, but he just says, "Yeah, if we don't take too long."

So, we put our shoes on and head to KFC. We order, sit down and begin eating and chatting. Before I know it, it's quarter to eight and I start in, "We'd better get back so Daddy can get ready for work." Well, daddy starts snickering and then I figure out he's up to something. "I got somebody to cover for me." I love those words! I got him the whole night and was too thrilled! We ended up watching Christmas with the Cranks and eating dessert together. It was lovely. We also spent a blissful, adult, evening together. I can't even remember how long it's been since I "got" any. Granted, "getting it" is very different these days, but it was still wonderful to get.

Thinking that I needed to pace my time with him on Saturday (since he had to go in on Saturday evening), we slept in and talked a lot. Then, he got up and went to get us breakfast. When he got back, we all ate together and decided what we were going to do for the day. Well, there really wasn't anything anybody wanted to do, so we lounged around most of the morning and afternoon. Hubby says, "I've really got to get my oil changed because I'm about a thousand miles over and I can hear it in the engine." Totally understanding, I say, "Go ahead and we'll be here when you get back." So, off he goes. Then, I decide the babe and I can pick up lunch. The mall was ideal because, low and behold they have a McDonalds and a Chinese Gourmet. I was able to get us both what we wanted (and calling dad, got his order too). After having a major contraction and a hot flash, we head back home. Me made it back moments after he did.

Lunch was filling and we all sat and watched another movie together. Once we put the babe to bed, we wached Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, which was outstanding! It was also very depressing, but of course we couldn't say we didn't see it coming. After that, we went back to our bedroom and stuck another movie in the PS2 (for noise, more than anything); The Hideway, based on the Dean Koontz book. I don't know what it was about that movie, but it got hubby into a particularly frisky mood. I had dozed off, but he succeeeded in waking me up in the nicest way possible (you know what I mean). He even put his fear aside for the evening and was not disappointed. He kept saying, "How could I have forgotten how good this was?!" I remember looking at the clock as I dozed off, two hours later.

Sunday was a surprise too. Normally, we have the big "philisophical" discussions about whether or not he should go to church and why it's "okay" to go, even if you feel like your the evilest among evil. No discussions at all! In fact, he put on a suit...a SUIT and got ready to go with the babe and I. Church was fine, until the usher brought me a note saying, "Enchantress, your mother has gone to the LDS Hospital emergency room." Talk about freaking out! We creep out of church and head to the hospital to visit my mom, who has checked herself in complaining of intense chest pains. She's fine and everything looks good, but she's going to have to take a stress test today. Her big complaint? "I've got a Thanksgiving meal to prepare in a couple of days. I really don't have time for this." Oh, so my mother.

We left the hospital, had breakfast, then went to the movies to see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. It was terrific! I was disappointed that they left out some great aspects in the novel but, the movie would have been nearly four hours long if they'd tried to keep everything. It was great, nonetheless (No, I'm not an obsessed Potter freak, but I do like the novels and my little one has enjoyed the stories thus far. She's also excited to see The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe...a story I, myself grew up with). We also saw the new trailer to Superman, and I nearly wet myself. I'm so excited for that one! I think I'll probably lose my mind when Joss Whedon finally gets Wonder Woman off the ground. I'm such a kid.

So, basically, my hubby was my hubby again this weekend and not just a house mate. It was wonderful having him around at home, being a dad to the babe the way he likes to and having a lover in my bed at night. I don't think I've slept so well in so long. I was really spoiled...even if it is something I can't have all the time, I really enjoyed myself. It was so easy to remember, this past weekend, why we got married in the first place.

Crocheted, Ghetto Fabulousness!

So, I'm the cute pregnant lady again. At least, my friends think I'm the cute pregnant lady. I went and got my hair did and I am loving it. It's black with bronze highlights (which I know is totally ghetto, but in Utah, nobody cares). Plus, I think it's pretty cute and I got loads of compliments. I'ts long and that automatically shaves 5 or six years off of me. When I got home with my new "do", my normally opinionated husband said absolutely nothing. At work, the girls (after ooing and awing for twenty minutes), asked me what he thought and I told them that he said nothing. This did not sit well with them because they know how he is and they spent time pondering his silence much more than I had. So, I waited for him to call, so I could question him (since they succeeded in making me paranoid). When he called a few minutes after our conversation, he was like, "Well, I left Nashville so I wouldn't have to look at Shaniqua in the ghetto." What the hell?

This evening, I came home and I told him how many compliments I'd gotten and he was like, "Yes, because all your coworkers are caucasian, honey, and don't know any better. And anyway, honey, it's not important if I like it, do you like it?"Then, he goes on to say, "I, personally, loved it the way it was the last time." Hmm. Talk about building up your self-esteem. Oh, well. He's right. He doesn't have to like it so, I will happily bask in the fact that I like it and I don't have to do a damn thing to it for three months. I can end my pregnancy, have this baby and start raising her a bit, all before I have to have it done again. Suits me just fine.

Hubby has actually been pretty depressed the past couple of days. Jail politics at it's best; they've decided to keep all the favorite officers where they are, which means any hope he or anyone else on graveyards had of changing back to day-shifts is down the crapper. That means, when shift-bid happens again in January, he stays where he is for another eight months. He was so disappointed, but not surprised. Then he got all pumped about Vegas again...in his eyes... a way out. I keep telling him that Vegas may not happen and that he needs to find a way to make life better for himself there, if he can, in the event that we do stay in Utah. It's just been today that logic has kicked back in for him and he's understanding what I said (of course, he already knew this for himself, but he was so upset he couldn't really see straight). We've pretty much decided that if we do stay, we will sell our home and opt for a condo instead.

I am so thrilled tomorrow is Friday! I can't believe how much I'm looking forward to sleeping in on Saturday! Normally, sleeping in doesn't interest me because I'm such a morning person. (yep, I'm one of those disgusting, happy, perky morning people that normal people who drink 4 cups of coffee by 9:00 am want to shoot) Every weekend is like a mini-vacation to me, now. What with all the energy I'm now putting into getting the nursery ready (these afternoon projects squeezed in after working all day in the office) is really beginning to take a toll on me. I still haven't mastered not doing the things I did before I was pregnant. I'm still trying to take on the world. But, there's so much to do before the baby gets here!

Once I finish the stenciling on the south wall, then I'll start working on assembling the crib (which just happens to be a convertible. I'm sure the directions will be a joy to ponder). After that, the Eddie Bauer Travel System stroller and car seat, then putting up the trim or crown molding (we haven't decided yet). The baby shower is next Tuesday, so there's another built-in project of organizing baby clothes and supplies. I think that's when I'll get the babe involved. She's been so patient, waiting for something she can do in the nursery. I didn't dare have her help with the stenciling, as much as she kept begging to help. I was afraid unicorns painted by the babe would have been a little to surreal. A babie's eyes can only handle so much.

Finally, I have to see about packing my bag for the hospital. I'm about a month behind there (they usually say have it packed before your 8th month. Oh well). So, I've got to get that together sooner rather than later. Oh, and of course, the Christmas tree must be up on Friday, November 25th. See? Taking on the world....

Maintenance

This week, I've been scrambling to find someone to do my hair. The lady I went to last time, just had a baby (so I kinda don't think she's up for braiding my hair). I knew of a place, not far from my home, that may work so I gave them a call. Shaqueta (I kid you not!) informed me that all the stylists would be traveling to Vegas for the holiday weekend/week and would I be able to come in tomorrow (today). So, last night, lil' sis and I were busy taking down the million microbraids in my head, all this after I'd spent two hours painting stencil "stuff" in the nursery. I was dog tired! Of course, it's not just taking down the braids, it's combing out the "mess" it leaves after you've washed out the three months of ground in yuck, lint and flakes. Combing (or maybe raking is a better word) out the now fro I have took about an hour.

So, today I'm sporting my favorite wig to cover the tangle free fro. I always get lots of compliments when I where it and it's been nearly a year since I've sported this one. I've pretty much grown out all of the process (perm) I had before the first braiding and it is thick as hell. The effects of the prenatal vitamins can definitely be seen in my hair. It's crazy! I hope they don't turn me away when I take this wig off and present them with my flattened fro, "Here. Please make this look pretty.'' I am looking forward to when it's done and I can be the cute, pregnant lady again. We'll see.



My coworker asked me when I was going to start my maternity leave. My answer? When my water breaks and that's pretty much the truth. Unless the doctor tells me otherwise, I'll be coming in until the baby makes her arrival. It sounds crazy, I know but, why stop and possibly loose out on needed money if I'm physically able to do my job? I mean, it's not like I'm running a crane or doing construction work. I sit at a desk and manage emails most of the day. I get up when I feel like it and, eventually, sit back down when I feel like it. I don't see what the big deal is. I'm not a wilting flower that needs to be babied during pregnancy. Granted, there's a lot I can't do now, but there's so much that I can still do. The only irritating thing, besides the dull ache in my lower back, is how hot I get during the end of the day. We've got 40 degree weather with low 20's at night, am I'm sweating like a slave by 2:00pm. It's embarrassing!

I've been wondering about my doctor, though. I think (and he hasn't said anything outright) that he will put me on bed rest, probably in mid-December. I have a feeling I won't make the Christmas party this year. I hate missing out on social events. Being the social butterfly that I am, it's a need I fulfill by participating in events like these. I hate getting things second hand...I want to be the one dispensing the information, know what I mean? Oh, well. I guess I can't be at everything. (My daughter has somehow inherited this trait and feels a need to be included in everything. She's young still and can't finesse it the way I can, so she can come off sounding annoying. Other times, the cute factor works in her favor.)

A Few of the Seven Deadlies

Well, which of the seven you ask? For me, today, the first sin of choice is gluttony. I have been gluttonous and boy am I paying for it now. We have these monthly "staff" lunches at work were there is always food 'o plenty. Our Provost will be retiring at the end of 2006 and the entire University has these goals to meet "for him" before he retires. Each month, we rip numbers off a tally sheet to show how far we've come, then we "break bread" together. Today's meal? A scrumptiously catered Olive Garden lunch, complete with Lasagna, Fettucine, tossed salad and all the bread sticks you could eat (or, in my case, scarf down in an uncontrollable frenzy). I, of course, had my fill and then some. Now, I'm sitting at my computer straining to keep my head from hitting the keyboard. I knew when I'd overdone it, but I just kept going. This is definitely not the time to do this, with my belly as big as it is now. There's no room for all that food! The baby is treating my organs like punching bags because of it. Believe me, I've learned my lesson.

Speaking of "big bellies", my belly is the object of fear again. It's just blowing my mind how horny I am all of the time and my hubby is terrified to do anymore than mutual oral (which he loves, so no complaints there). Not that I'm complaining it's just that I do like the regular poking (sorry, too graphic?). He's actually said, "I don't want to dent the baby's head," which, everyone knows, is absolutely ridiculous. He even knows it's ridiculous! Granted, my "hang time" isn't very good and I'm probably not nearly as much fun in my current condition, but that doesn't mean I don't need it. Ugh! It's so frustrating! I'm lusting after my husband and he can't handle it. (deadly sin number two)

So, because of my condition, I'm envious of those who can do what I can't right now. (Number three...) As I've said before, my looks are fairly decent, but my body has gotten me everywhere. Now, I look at people who've got a shape (at least a waist) and I'm like, "Dammit! I had a waist once, too. I've got pictures to prove it! Here, let me whip up a slideshow so you can see how mad-sexy I used to be. Look! Just look!! I used to be limber and could contort into all sorts of fun positions. Don't judge me because, right now, I can only maintain missionary for five seconds, I've still got it! Just give me a few months, after this baby comes" (Oh, and I will so be back on the Ebonyechantress page, documenting the weightloss when the time comes. You can believe that!)

Okay, so I know it's for the greater good and I am, after all, growing a baby. I guess I've hit that stage where the body is just tired of being pregnant. I looked and I'll be 8-months prego as of Thursday of this week. Eight-freakin'-months (that means only four more weeks until full term, for those who don't feel like counting). Our president (during the lunch) also announced that we will be having a joint, company party, to be held on December 19th at the Wells Fargo Tower on the 23rd floor. For every year, up until last year, we had all-staff parties at some fancy-schmancy location. Last year, they tried dividing up the departments, putting each department in charge of it's own, individual party. A bad idea from the onset. It caused a lot of friction (because some departments have bigger budgets than others) and frustration (because some people don't like the people in their own departments. How can you expect to get all decked out and fabulous, then party with people you don't like?) Anyway, we were all relieved to hear that the party was combined and that we'd all be together. Then, the date began to ring true for me: I can just see it now...me, riding up the elevator on December 19th (my 37th week of pregnancy...month 9) in my most fabulous maternity evening wear, complete with glittering accessories and hair to die for. Just as we approach the seventeenth floor, my water breaks and hubby has a panic attack. We quickly push the main floor button, but not before getting to the 23rd floor where meandering guests get a nice view of a woman who looks like she's just peed all over herself. Lovely! And, of course, to complete the evening, the weather will decide to act fruity and dump 6 or 7 inches while hubby flies at 90 miles an hour to our hospital, located thirty miles away.

I'm so positive today! I guess deadly sins will do that to a person.

November Christmas

It's wonderful to have a mother who is so giving. Last week sometime, I was persuing the Dell site, looking at their laptops. When my maternity leave begins, I will be given a loaner from office to work on. I figured that, once I had it, I would get so spoiled to having a computer to work on in bed, on the couch, in the kitchen that it would be really hard for me to go back to hiding in the basement on my office computer. Okay, not hiding exactly, but basically chained to the computer downstairs, away from all civilization. My mother called a few days before to say, "Do you want your Christmas money now or at Christmas?" At the time, I told her that I like having things to open on Christmas day, even if it's just an envelope with a check. She said that she would save it until then (a check for me and a check for hubby).

So, I'm playing around on the site and they've got this great deal on their 1200 Inspirons (including a wireless card). I call her up and ask the most uncomfortable question of my life, "So mom, I know this is really weird and so wrong, but how much were you planning on giving me for Christmas, cause I'm looking at these laptops on the Dell site and the prices are really great." Then, she's like, "Really? How much?" So, I tell her. Then she says (to my utter surprise), "Well, go ahead and order it and get me one, while your at it." She dictates her card number to me over the phone and I place the order.

I am currently typing on said laptop right now and what a beautiful thing! Yes, I know I must be terribly behind technology wise but, what a way to catch up! (and I didn't even have to pay for it). Woohoo! Okay, so I did shell out the $50 for the wireless router, but big deal, right? That was actually a bit of a headache...2 hours on the phone with tech support, trying to get it to work with my modem (the problem was that it was super slow. Web pages were taking 7 to 8 minutes to load. Not good). Once that was taken care of, everything was gravy.

Speaking of Christmas, I started my Christmas shopping a couple of weeks ago (hey, I may be in the hospital by Christmas, so best to get it done and out of the way, right?) I only have my hubby and daughter left to shop for (hubby being the hardest, since he's the shopper and usually has everything he wants anyway). One thing that he wants that I know he won't be able to get is Palmer's Black & Beautiful Cocoa Butter Dip. He loves that stuff! We had a store that carried it here for really cheap, but then they went out of business. I bought them out, but now our supplies are almost depleted. I'll be ordering him buckets of it for Christmas. My best friend is in love with their Shea Butter Dip. She says, "It's the only lotion I've been able to put on in the morning and still not see "ash" by the end of the day." I wish this stuff were in more stores here, but that's asking for way to much.

Lastly, I've been coughing something fierce for the past few days. The strange thing was that I felt fine besides the incessant coughing. Then, the coughing became painful - not in my throat, but in my abs. Everytime you cough, your abs contract and being nearly 8-months pregnant, with my abs stretched to capacity, this was not a pleasant sensation. In fact, it got so bad Friday that everytime the baby moved, it felt like pins stabbing me from the inside. My stomach was so sore, I just couldn't take it anymore. So, I called my doctor and he prescribed a Z-pack (antibiotics) and cough medicine. I picked up the meds after work and, $33 later, headed home. After setting up the laptop, I took the meds and felt an immediate difference within the first half hour. It was amazing! Could I really have some sort of infection? Tonight, I started coughing and took the cough meds (I had them earlier with fairly good results), but this evening, after the antibiotics, the same thing. I feel loads better. It's that situation where you don't realize you've felt bad, until you start feeling better? I'm so glad I called!

I was surprised as well because the cough medicine has coedine. I'm only taking a teaspoon a dose, but coedine? I didn't know that it was okay but, perhaps because I'm so far along and the dosage is so small, it's okay to take. I gotta say, though, I was too thrilled because it knocked me out and I slept better than I've slept in days.

So, I'll play on the laptop a bit more before turning in. My hubby's convinced that he won't get any time from me, now that I have it. Not a chance! :-) He's still number one at the top of my "Cool" list.

My Sister, My Soror

This past weekend was my alma mater's homecoming. I would link to the page, but I'm so embarrassed by the new design that I've chosen not to. It was great site before...now it just looks cheesy. Ughh! (Okay, so I went back and linked to it anyway...after all that, some may want to see it.) Anyway, my sorority sisters planned an event in honor of all the homecoming festivities. Several years worth of lines came out, as far back as 1975 so I'm told.

A little history - My mother is a Delta, so I've heard about Deltas most of my life. I equated them with class, style and intelligence. Because I was such a big fan of my mother's, I figured I'd be an idiot not to pledge and follow in her footsteps. I came here to Utah, the summer before Rush, and worked my butt off to raise the money to pledge. Rush came that fall and I was sooo nervous, but I was granted an invitation to join. Granted, an invitation doesn't mean that you can be a member, so I still had major anxiety. I've said in my 100 things about me that I'm a born leader, but know how to follow, right? Well, after the many weeks of drama, stress and pressure from pledging, I finally crossed the burning sands and rejoiced in my victory. Little did I know how much work would be involved afterwards.

Our line was in crisis from the beginning and our chapter had been put on probation. Many of the girls on my line were graduating that spring and many more the year after. We needed desperately to bring a line over before there was no one left to do it. So, here we are on probation with a huge, University checklist to complete before we could do anything. Then, with our regionals, they had their own demands. I was financial secretary at the time, so my role wasn't huge, but I put in my hours. Believe that! Workshop after workshop, form after form, we crossed all our "t's" and dotted all of our "i's" in hopes of being able to call ourselves an "active" chapter.

Now, with all these women - their idiocyncracies and varying personalities, things could get really intense between us but, we were a family and we always managed to work through our issues. When the seniors graduated and elections were held again, I was totally surprised when I was nominated for president. At first I thought, "They aren't fooling me. I know there's just no one else who wants to do it," but then, I found, I wasn't running alone. I then figured, "Hey, maybe they know something I don't. If they have that much faith in me, I should probably have that faith in myself." So, I became president. Our VP? A girl I got along with, but we never really saw eye-to-eye.

It worked out well and much better than I ever anticipated. Because we didn't have a lot in common, she kept me on my toes and forced me to see things from a different point of view. There were many times when she would frustrate the hell out of me, but we'd push forward and get the job done. One trait we did share was our drive to complete things. We never let anything sit and I'm sure that's what got us off of our probation so quickly. We had a really good year together and finished up all of our requirements (including hundreds of service projects, which were really the best part, in my opinion), so that we could successfully bring over a fresh line the spring of our senior year.

Most of my sorors live within, no more than a 200 mile radius of each other. They find time to get together for lunches and dinners and I truly miss that camaraderie. I would have loved to have been there with them, but in my present condition, it wasn't happening. The VP of our line did send me pictures, which really made me miss them more. I thought about how different we probably all are, after ten+ years. The pettiness factor that can be so prevalent through young people would be virtually nonexistent now, and we could really enjoy ourselves without all the drama. As I scanned through more pictures, I was also surprised to see how we'd aged. Some well, while others, not so much. Mortality certainly catches up with you. One of the things I know blows their minds is that I'm a mother. Not because I didn't seem capable of being one in college, but because I'm not maternal at all. So many of my sisters had that in spades and, indeed, became mothers. The ones who aren't are nursing or teaching (close enough).

It will be 2007 before I can join them for any sort of homecoming event and I'm sure things will have changed even more. I hope they keep up with the communication. You know, there's really no excuse with all the methods we have now.

Memories - (a) I'm a Delta so, yes. I partied (but not well). I've always been one that needed to go to bed. When we'd throw parties, they didn't really get crunk until around 12:00 am (way past bedtime). So, I'd work the door, then go mingle and greet, then come back to the door. By 3:00 am (last call), I'd be barely conscious. It was pitiful! We'd count up the money, I'd go back to my room (dorm room, yes), shower off the smoke and weed smell, then crash. I'd be no good the next day, walking around in a daze. I preferred our parties on Fridays so that I could have Saturday to be a zombie, but they were usually Saturday night. Then, I'd drag my 3 hours worth of sleep butt to church on Sunday. Not good.
(b) I had sisters who could drink a sailor under the table. They'd carry big gulp cups around filled with some sort of scary concoction, then pass out at the first available room (also, not good). I can remember one of my sisters calling me at about 1:00 am on a Saturday (you know I was sleep) asking me to go and get, we'll call her "T", "She's been drinking since 6 this evening and nobody can get her to go to her room." So, I drag myself out of bed and find her staggering around the dorms, looking like a typical drunk and convince her to take her but back to her room. "T" is now a professional who is married, owns a home, has a daughter and is pregnant with her second. When she's not working at her full-time job, she teaches aerobics. My, how things change!
(c)My best friend never pledged a sorority, but she became a Delta by association. If we were out together, people just assumed that she was. She was always quick to let them know that she wasn't, for fear someone might try and test her with some secret or something. It had it's benefits for her because she adored the Ques (Omega Psi Phi) and hugs are given out liberally from Ques to Deltas. She considered making a pin that said, "I"m not a Delta, but I'll take a Que hug." It was because of this association that she let go of her fear of college parties and started going with me.

Anyway, we decided to go to this party together at this hole-in-the-wall club, not far from campus. In fact, I think we walked there. The club probably had 800 square feet total, including the bar, dance floor, dj booth and surrounding tables. My guess is that we had broken all the fire codes because there were soooo many people inside. Everyone was pressed up against each other and sweaty as hell. We were having a fine old time when suddenly (you guessed it!) someone decided to come up in there and start shooting. So, I did what any sane black woman would do. I headed under the table with my friend. As we waited for the door to clear, we looked over to see another guy under the table with us. We were like, "This is so crazy! Do you think they got him?" He was like, "I don't know." Then we started wondering about the security and where the bouncer was, then he busts out, "I am the bouncer." We laugh about this, even to this day.

Doctor's Visit - Decisions, Decisions

I just came from my doctor's visit. This was my glucose test visit, where they check to see if I have gestational diabetes. I had to eat my lunch directly before the visit, then get my blood drawn. Normally, they have you drink this god-awful orange drink (looks kinda like Fanta but trust me, it doesn't taste like it) then sit for 20 minutes, then take your blood. I'm so glad he did it this way. My palate can only handle so much these days and that orange stuff would make anyone vomit.

Anyway, the visit started off with the normal weigh-in. Oh my dear Lord! I nearly had a panic attack when I saw where the scale went. Let me just put it this way; I've got a lot of work to do when this is all said and done. I'm only 5'2 for God's sake! They went forward by taking a "sample", then checking my blood pressure. Next, it was time for the blood draw. My doc came in and asked me if I'd had a flu shot and I haven't. My plan was for me to get mine with my doctor, but I figured, "If they're poking me anyway, might as well get it done now." He told me that if everything was normal with the glucose test that he wouldn't go over my results until the next visit; but, if there was a problem, he would call (translation, a nurse would call - I'm no idiot. I know how this game works).

He goes on to say that my urine is clear (lovely), my weight is good (oh, really?) and my blood pressure is terrific so, he doesn't forsee me having the problems I had with my last pregnancy. He did say, however, that he wouldn't be opposed to inducing my labor a week before my due date. I am absolutely not for inducing. I had to go through that the last time and I would much rather my labor happen naturally. I'll suffer through being miserable, unless I absolutely have to be forced to deliver. He also said that if I got a bit of toxemia or anything, I may have to go on bed rest or stay in the hospital, depending on what happens. I'm glad that I thought of those options when drafting my maternity proposal. Now, I've got to figure out how to get a wireless connection so I don't absolutely lose my mind if they do put me on bed rest.

Nursey dear comes back after the doc leaves and gives me the flu shot. My daughter was mortified, whinning and shivering the entire time. Fortunatley for her, they couldn't give her one in my ObGYN office. She'll have to wait...but her butt is still going to get one. It's kind of ironic because I have always been against these shots. Flus are viruses and viruses mutate from person to person. True the general strand stays intact, but the mutations are uncontrollable (which is why, boys and girls, we do not have a cure for the common cold yet). I figure, why go through the process of getting a shot when I could still get a mutated version of the one that's currently out? Well, being pregnant has changed my mind for the moment and I figure, better go ahead with it and at least protect the baby, if nothing else. It wasn't so bad and I was glad to hear it's a killed virus (less likely to feel sick side effects).

So, what are the decisions? While the doc was talking to me, I had my normal two questions I come with. This week, I asked about a back-up plan if I were to suddenly go into labor at work. My HR manager was concerned about using the hospital close by the office, rather than my hospital of choice. So, I'm asking my doctor about it and he says, "Are you planning on me delivering your baby?" I wanted to say, "What the hell? Why do I come to you every few weeks if I'm not planning on you delivering my baby?" but instead I say, "Well, that's the plan..." (in my most cute, sarcastic tone). Then he says, "Because, I don't deliver at McKay Dee (my hospital choice) only Davis (the hospital I've only heard horror stories about). The reason being is that I can't be in two places at once." Well, alrighty then! So, then I say, "Then, I guess I'm delivering at Davis," and he says, "That's good. You'll like Davis." Hmmm....

I can still change my mind about this, I know. I went to McKay Dee to have my down syndrome ultrasound check and it was lovely! It's newer and the facilities are fantastic! What I've seen of Davis looks like something out of a horror movie (Think Halloween 2 and Jamie Lee Curtis running for her life through what should be a modern day hospital in the 1970's...creepy). Okay, so I haven't actually been inside and I'm making my judgements strickly from what I've seen on the outside, along with what other mothers have said. But if I do change my mind, then some random doctor will deliver my baby. What to do, what to do. I'll talk to hubby about it, of course, and a couple of other mothers that I know delivered up here. I just want to give this baby the best start possible. My first had it so rough, I've done everything I could to make this pregnancy better.

Halloween and Other Incidentals

So, the Halloween potluck at work was a huge success! It was a chili and chowder theme. One employee actually brought a very decent Jambalya. The crock-pot was scraped clean, by the time I got up for seconds. Our committee went out-of-control on the decoration front, but everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. I came as Lily Munster, complete with raven black, silver-streaked tresses, over the top makeup and flowing black cape (which I made). I managed to snag a fourth-place costume prize. Our winner? Someone actually came as Beauty and the Beast's Mrs. Potts. It was pretty cute and she deserved her winnings. She, like myself, got the bulk of her costume from eBay. Oh, what did we ever do without it! I'm such an addict.

By the end of the day, I was completely exhausted. I don't know why it's so hard for me to remember that, when you carry a baby, you just don't have the same kind of energy. I really thought I was going to pass out at my desk. People who saw me the next day even commented on how tired I looked. Damn, if I looked tired through all that war-paint on my face, that's really saying something.

On the home front, I got the little one home and into her Pegasus/Unicorn costume. She was so excited. Then, dad put on his. What a brave man! Actually, I thought he made a rather hot Batman...too bad I was too tired to do anything...(It's not typical that I show pictures of my family or anyone, because I'm so paranoid. I figured since dad was in a mask, it would be okay.

That's something that I haven't really discussed on this site: Why is it that on the Ebonyenchantress page I have some pictures, but the faces are blurred out and on the New Dawn site, I don't have any pictures? The answer is simple and complicated. My name. My name is so unique and so different that when you google it, everything about me pops up (well, the few public items that I have out there pop up, anyway). No, it's not ghetto fabulous and it's not famous (well, my maiden is in the music world, but not my first name), but I'll tell you...I've never met anyone with my name. So, because of everything I talk about on the blogs, I figure it's best to keep that piece of information to myself. If you figure it out, all the more frightening because then people will really know how crazy I am. LOL!

The rest of the week has been fairly good, with one little episode; I had another one of my meltdowns Tuesday night with my hubby. I basically told him how much I hate his hours (which, he already knew) and how much I hate that he's away so much (no news flash there) and finally, how out of control I feel about my emotions right now, especially in regards to my paranoia with him. I'm really worried about how I'll feel when/if he leaves for the academy in Vegas early next year. That's four months with no contact with him, other than phone calls. Four freaking months! What the hell are we supposed to do? It's not like I'll be able to jump in the car and drive the six hours with my five-year old and a new born, whenever I feel like it.

It's really sad because if it hadn't been for the August revelations, I wouldn't even feel like this. I mean, I would miss him terribly, but I wouldn't be second guessing his actions while away. As it is, it's all compounded by the emotions of a pregnant woman and I just hate it! Although I am caring and affectionate, I'm not an emotional person. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve and I use reason and logic to make decisions in my life. That's been completely tossed out the window! I feel like I'm on emotional overdrive most of the time, and there's no way to control it. It's just so frustrating!

Well, there's really nothing I can do about it, is there. We talk and talk and talk and that's all we can do, for right now. His counseling starts up again next week and he's very optimistic. I'm glad that he's taking positive steps, but meanwhile, I feel like I'm always in investigate mode when it comes to him.

Lastly, I'm taking my daughter to see Clifford the Big Red Dog this Saturday. She has no idea she's going and I think she'll be so excited when we pull up and see her favorite red dog. My mother called last night and asked if we were going to see Disney on Ice next week. We thought about it, but hubby determined that the three of us would cost close to $100, and that was money we could use on Christmas, or the baby or any number of debt related items. My mother pipes up, "Well, I'd be happy to pay for the tickets, since I know how much "the babe" loves The Lion King." What?! Well, that was a surprise. So, I guess my little one will have two outings with her mother this month. I suppose this is what will happen when dad is gone...lots of outings to keep our minds off of the fact that he's not around. It's so depressing.