Fall Has Appeared

For the past week, we've been in the 70's (highly unusual weather for us, this time of year). It's been nice, but looking at the changing leaves with spring-like temperatures has been odd. Anyway, today, it hasn't gotten past about 50. The clouds are looming and it's been drizzling on and off all day. Now, it feels and looks like fall. I was having bit of trouble getting into the spirit of autumn, but I'm totally in the zone today (now, if I could just wake up...).

My hubby will be home all day tomorrow, then he's going to a party with the boys tomorrow night. I think he's feeling guilty about going because he keeps talking to me about it and asking me about the things they'll be doing there. Personally, I'm not interested in a bunch of guys getting sloppy, nasty drunk - telling each other, "Hey, man, I bet you can't drink three shots of Jager?" or whatever it is they dare each other to do. He hasn't been out with the guys in a while and I'm happy he has this opportunity for release, but I'm also a little paranoid. With everything that we've been dealing with, the paranoia is going to be there and he knows this. I just hope he remembers what thin waters we're on and he keeps his sanity during his partying. We'll see.

I'll probably hang out with my little one in the evening, maybe find a fall project or something to do with her, so she's not bored. I'm not very maternal, when it comes to things like that. She usually gets stuck doing things with me that I like to do but, she doesn't really seem to mind. Maybe that's her maturity. She even sat up and watched a t.v. show I was watching last night with no complaints. Perhaps it's also the fact that she's spending time with me.

Today, I felt a bit of a foot as I rested my hand on my belly this morning. It was so weird and special. I thought about what the baby was doing, her happiness level in a place so warm and peaceful. I also thought about how she'll look, when she finally blesses us with her presence. When I first saw my eldest, it was magical. I remember thinking, "Man, this kid is her daddy's through and through." She was so, so dark and her expressions were like his but there was no mistaking those eyes. Those were mine. She was absolutely breathtaking, and no one could tell me differently. She had a cone head for about two weeks, but nothing so bad as some of the newborns I've seen. This baby should be just as lovely...I hope. January seems so close and so far.

(How's this for sleeping so hard you don't know what's going on: my hubby came home last night at around 2 am and crashed. At fifteen to 5am, I woke him up (or so I thought), bringing him to the heights of passion. He fell asleep shortly thereafter and I assumed he would remember what happened. When I talked to him later today, he had no recollection...none whatsoever! He said it must have been like having a wet-dream or something and assured me it was no reflection on me...hmm...I don't know about that, but I always remember an orgasm.)

Sisters

There isn't a whole lot going on, right now. Just plugging away at work and trying not to strangle my out-of-state co-workers who don't seem to have a clue about what's going on. Last weekend was restful and uneventful. My hubby is still working overtime like it's going out of style. The babe was with me during UEA (sort of like in-service in other states) and we were pretty much tired of each other by Sunday morning. I was glad school was open and back in session on Monday.

I feel like with every passing weekend, I get a little bigger. Before long, I'm going to look like I'll topple over. I'm sure people will stop me in the street to say, "Can I get you a wagon/wheel barrow/shopping cart?" I can't even remember what it's like to be sexified in a dress and four inch heels. Or bust out in the tight jeans that you know make you look like mines would go off. Hah! I guess I won't know that feeling until sometime in the spring of next year (God willing).

I got a note from one of my sorority sisters. It seems they are making plans for homecoming which I will miss out on again. I'm only home (Nashville) every other year and this was my year so, I won't be there again until 2007. I was thinking about where my life might be in 2007; I'll be a mother of, not one but two girls. One will be 7, the other 2 (holy crap!). I will have been married (Lord willing, again) 9 years and in my home (if we're still in Utah) 6 years. I hope I would have changed jobs by then, but if not, I'd be hitting the 6 year mark with them too. Yikes! And, I would be 32 years old. Seems like a lot for a 32 year-old, but I still haven't done everything I want to, yet. I miss my sorors, but I think I couldn't handle being up under them all the time. There were 18 of us and that's a lot of estrogen and female drama. Granted, we are older but some things never change.

I also thought about what it would be like to go and see them if my family and I have moved to Vegas by then. Would I be different? Would a new city change me even more than I've already changed? Could I relate to them anymore? When I met some of them for lunch this past summer, it was so nice but there were things I just couldn't relate to anymore (and a lot of things I didn't want to). We (black women) have a tendency to be very closed-minded about the world. Because I didn't grow up and stay in one place, my outlook is so different. When they showed no tolerance with something, I couldn't understand why.

We're getting ready for our Halloween potluck at work and people are buzzing about what to wear and how to dress up on Monday. My costume is done, except for one minor detail. I was running ideas in my head about make-up and how to pull it off. I think I'll get up earlier that morning, just in case I have to sandblast my face and start again. It's fun to stray from the norm and I'm looking forward to being resident photographer that day. I'm also bringing my speciality - Kahlua cake...yum!

Surprise! I'm Home!

Thursday of last week went by pretty fast. I spoke to my hubby at around 1:00, who had finished his in-person interview and was feeling pretty confident. He said that he was going driving, then would hit the grocery store to pick up items for the hotel room. His plan was to leave Friday morning, first thing (around 5 am). I was happy that there would be only one more night to be without him.

Thursday night, I'd gotten me and the babe all settled in for the night. She was watching a Scooby Doo movie and I was in my room, watching a horror (hey, it's horror season, so I'm going to wear them out if I can). After a while, she comes running into the bedroom:

"Mama, come in the living room. I've got to show you something."
"-----, I don't have any clothes on."
"Just, please come into the living room, okay?"

So, I get myself up and head down the hallway. When I turned the corner into the kitchen, there was my hubby. I was so excited! He had parked in the driveway, so as not to give himself away (usually, I know he's home when I hear the garage door opening and the door from the garage to the house banging open). Once he parked in the driveway, he came in through the front door and quickly hushed up our daughter, so he could surprise me. It was a good trick, considering our five year-old has trouble keeping secrets.

He brought home plenty of souvenirs and gifts for both my daughter and I, then more goodies for my mother and sister. He also bought himself two suits (he's never owned a suit in his life! I can't wait to see him in one). They're gorgeous and look like they were tailor made (I'm sure he had to have an alteration or two for his size). He also dumped out the goodies from the sex store. Of course, our daughter caught sight of one and quickly asked, "What's that, mommy?" "Why can't I see it, mommy?" "Is it a toy?" Boy, oh boy. The older they get, the more inquisitive. We quickly hid "the toys" after the inquisition.

Friday would have been really nice, if I could have stayed home with him. He worked on things around the house, then had to leave for work. Saturday, we ran errands together and had a wonderful time just being in each other's company. I'm not sure what happened Sunday, but when I came back from church, he was sure in a mood. I woke him up and apparently too early because he was grouchy and snappy. Then, we spent the next several hours not speaking to each other. He slept on the couch most of the day, while my tired butt tried to entertain our little one. She mainly watched movies and brought me "poems" she was writing (she doesn't actually write them, but more or less reads in her mind what she thinks her scribbles say). Sometimes, the scribbles rhyme.

Monday was better and we talked on the phone a bit. I guess maybe, we'd spent to much time up under each other over the weekend. It happens...your space is compromised and you start feeling claustrophobic. That's the only thing I can think of. I know I'm extra needy these days, so maybe he just really needed a moment. Whatever it was, I'm glad the mood/funk didn't last long. In fact, I stopped by a couple of stores after work yesterday and got fussed at when I got home for not answering my phone. So, needy is needed by the needy too.

Talk to me, Baby

I spent 3 hours on the phone with my husband last night. Three! I can't believe it. We talked and talked and talked until I finally had to say, "It's midnight, honey and I have work tomorrow." It still took another fifteen minutes to say goodbye (we are so pitiful!). Only two more nights like this, then he'll be home. I really miss him and he obviously misses me.

I started to think about what attracts people to certain people. We have to begin with looks because, you can't very well through your brain on a table and tell someone you're interested in, "Investigate this and get back to me when you're done. Should we hook up?" Nope. It's all about the face and the body for the first impression. When I was in college, I was petite but curvy. I'm mostly muscle (not gross muscle, the tone kind) so, I could carry around 145 and it appeared to be 125 on me. I have been very fortunate in that respect my entire life. Of course, my hubby was hooked by the curves and the chest (he's a breast man), but also the fact that I was the center of the crowd. I suppose that's the closest thing to my brain-on-the-table theory as you can get. My personality came through, just with that one, brief situation.

For me, it was his damn hot body and the way he ate ice cream and fruit. Seriously! It was like someone crafting something. He had it down to an art form! Later I learned that the ice cream and fruit were his "practice pieces". Amazing! (It's good to be the fruit). Now, of course, I know him better than anyone and vice versa. The nice thing is that we're still discovering things about each other and I suspect that's what keeps the marriage from getting bland. When we were getting his oil changed Sunday, the tech guy says, "You two sound like an old, married couple." Then, I said, "Eight years coming up." Damn. Eight years...it was weird hearing it out loud. My hubby gave me a look that told me he was thinking the same thing.

With the stats the way that they are now and people divorcing at the speed of light, I feel really lucky to have my hubby and the time we've invested together. I hope we can beat the stats and prove that our society hasn't just given up on committed relationships. Who really knows what the future holds but, that is what I wish for.

"We all sleep alone." - Cher

Sunday was one of the best days me and my family have had for months...and we didn't really do that much. My hubby was home by 3:00 am Sunday morning and his "fear" was magically gone. He woke me up and we spent the next hour and a half in bliss. Sleeping in would have been terrific if our daughter hadn't kept coming in, waking us up every twenty minutes. I finally got up, got her some fruit loops and a movie, then came back to bed. By 9:30, we were up and getting dressed. We drove to my girlfriend's house in Salt Lake and dropped off the babe, then we headed to the Utah Massage College for a couple's massage. Unfortunately, the wait was listed as one hour and a half, so we headed out (who wants to sit around that long, only to wait an additional half hour for someone to come down and get you..."Not I, said the cat").

We ended up at the movies and saw Serenity. It was fabulous! (One of my coworkers lent me the series Firefly about two weeks ago and begged me to watch.) I was hesistant, since Sci-fi is more up my husband's ailey, but gave in and watched the only season it was on the air, with three unaired episodes in the collection. I was hooked! By the time the movie was released, I had invested myself into the characters and needed desperately.

Hubby didn't get to see the shows with me, but felt like he could follow the story okay. He liked it, but not nearly as much as I did. Afterwards, we went to get his oil changed. Sounds exciting, I know, but it was nice to have thirty minutes or so just to talk. When the car was finished, we picked up the babe and headed back to our city. Everyone was so tired, so we all took a nap...well, the babe took a nap. I took advantage of my hubby's new-found courage and ravaged him for an hour. No time to pass out, we took the babe to see the Wallace and Gromit movie (which turned out to be really cute).

We picked up dinner at Noodles & Company, then headed home. That evening, after the babe was tucked into to bed, we watched the recent version of The Amityville Horror. I read the novel back in Elementary and loved the original movie. This was well done, with some changes made that I thought were unncessary and some that were perfect. I was pretty well freaked out by the time we went to bed, but happy I didn't have to sleep alone.

Monday was emotional and heart-renching. Hubby was leaving for Vegas and he was so not "feeling it" anymore. He kept saying how he wished we could go with him, regardless of the fact that he was so excited a month ago. He also said that, although it is probably his favorite city, he just didn't want to exprience it again without us. He called several times during the day and I called him last night. He was trippin' over his room because of all the mirrors:

"Honey, the bed headboard is a solid mirror across the wall, there are mirrors on the side and there's a mirror over the bed."
"So, what are you wearing?"
"Nothing...and I'm starring at a dark, bald man with a hard...too bad you're not here"

We were on the phone for about forty minutes, when my calling card ran out. It felt like when we were going together and talked all the time. It helped me sleep then and it helped me fall asleep last night. I suspect we'll have to do this until he gets home. Even though he's normally not there at night, it's so different when he's completely out of town. This is also the longest we will have been separated (before, it was my three-day stint back home to Nashville for my bestfriend's wedding, back in July).

I'm trying to occupy my time, but I think about him a lot. He said that he thought about me the entire ride down to Vegas (about five hours with an hour gained PST, once you hit the Nevada border). In some ways, I do hope he does well on his testing and in others, I hope he doesn't. I don't know if I'm ready to live in the desert and leave behind seasons, the mountains and my mother. Growing up in L.A., I didn't have seasons and it was fine, but once we moved to the southeast and I got a taste of what the weather is supposed to do, I loved it! Also, my daughter and my mother have a great relationship. My grandmother and I were practically strangers, until we had to move in with her for a while. I learned to really like and love her and I'd hate to see my daughter and mother become strangers (my mother likes to travel, but she hates the heat). I don't think she'd make visits very often. Finally, the Wasatch Mountains are magnificent! They bring me such comfort and are so beautiful. I'd hate to leave them, too.

I suppose we'll have to wait and see what happens. If things go the way he wants them to, we'll have to sell our house and uproot our entire lives...I really enjoy stability, but I'm not afraid of change. It's the damn moving process I don't like. Ugh! Even thinking about it depresses me. Packing, wrapping, shifting, lifting...I'll shell out the money to pay for a moving company, this time. Hmm. I guess, if I'm talking about moving, part of me has already accepted that I may have to. How about that...

Police Escort, Please...

Hubby did not sleep all day yesterday, which means he had been awake since 6:00pm Wednesday. When we got home yesterday, he was awake, sweeping the floors. Okay, so I have no problem with my man cleaning, but omigod! What was he thinking? We went into our bedroom to chat and he proceeded to pass out. He slept for about twenty minutes, then woke up. We chatted some more and I went on and on about how I was still in need of more, at least where intimacy is concerned (oral is great and we do that all the time, now but he seems to be getting the bigger end of the stick since it is his fetish). Anyway, after I "made him feel like a man", he passed out again. This time, for about 30 minutes. By then, it was 8:30, so I woke him up for work. He got dressed, kissed me and the babe goodbye then left.

This morning at around 2ish, I woke up briefly and thought I had to go to the bathroom. I did, but decided it wasn't worth getting out of my warm bed and I figured I could hold it until 4, so back to sleep I went. A few minutes later, hubby crawls into the bed. I was like, "what the hell? Where did you come from?" He began to tell me that he headed to work, barely able to make it there due to falling asleep at the wheel every few minutes. He was like, "I think I almost hit other cars and trees about fifteen times last night". Then, once he got to work, couldn't function enough to get any work done. So, someone from work drives him home in his car, while a patrol car escorts them both here. Crazy! Of course, he didn't call me and tell me what was happening, he calls my mother. So, when I get to work, she's all, "How is your husband? He called me at around 1:00 to tell me he was getting a ride home, but he didn't want to worry you." Didn't want to worry me? I just don't understand the way men think, I guess.

So, today he's calling his doctor about the sleep results to see what the hell is going on. If there's a temporary solution (like medicine), he's going to go for it (Thank God, cause I don't know how much more of this I can take). He works from 2:00 this afternoon till 6:00 am tomorrow morning. Then, he goes back in at 10:00pm tomorrow night and gets off at 2:00am Sunday morning. This is insane! I know he's trying to save money for the baby, but my goodness! I work too. He doesn't have to try and manage everything by himself. Talking to him about this subject is like talking to a deaf person looking the other way. It's futile! At least he sounded better after sleeping most of the morning and part of the afternoon. I knew graveyard shift would do this to him again. He just didn't listen...

Tagged by "God's Child" - Six Things Survey

Browsing through the blog world, I saw this on a site and thought I'd partipcipate. Here goes!

6 Things Survey (I love these):

Things I want to Do:
1. Learn to play the guitar...well.
2. Finish learning Italian (and maybe Spanish too)
3. Have enough money to buy my hubby and little ones something extravagant and not feel guilty for doing it.
4. Have enough money to buy msyelf something extravagant and not feel guilty for doing it.
5. Travel outside of the country
6. Work somewhere that I totally love and could do for the rest of my life.

6 Things I Can Do:
1. Play the violin...well.
2. Charm the pants off anyone!
3. Bake the most amazing Kahlua cake you ever tasted, even me (and I hate chocolate cake).
4. Swim
5. Make people feel at ease in even the worst situations.
6. Remember by imprinting (when I'm not pregnant, my memory is amazing).

6 Things I Can't Do:
1. Be in small spaces for too long (I'm a touch claustrophobic)
2. Blatantly lie (It's just easier to be honest). Besides, I'm no good at lying. Never have been.
3. Let go of all the past BS that has intruded on me and my hubby's intimacy (I had one boyfriend who really screwed with my mind) I'm doing a lot better in my old age.
4. I can't go back to the south...I just can't do it.
5. Be purposefully hurtful. I have friends who have no problem telling people like it is, despite the person's feelings. I just always think of how I would want to be told things (but I am, by no means, a wuss).
6. force myself to be kind to hateful people. I just try to avoid them entirely.

6 Things That Make Me Attractive To The Opposite Sex:
1. My bodacious tatas (even after the reduction, I'm still a force to be reckoned with at 34 D).
2. Coke-bottle/Hour-glass body (when I'm not pregnant, that is)
3. Sex appeal (I'm no raving beauty, but I've got that in spades)
4. Happy disposition
5. My acceptance of me ( the men I have been with and have known have always appreciated that I'm comfortable with me and don't feel a need to conform).
6. Still cute, despite no make-up (I leave the war paint for special occassions, only).

6 Things I Say All The Time:
1. What the crap?
2. Freakin' (as in, "He's a freakin' moron")
3. What the hell?
4. Holy cow! (I attribute this to living in Utah far too long)
5. Trifling
6. "You just earned yourself a Jackass award!" (I usually say this to the idiots that cut me off or do something generally stupid on the road, which is pretty much daily)

6 Celebrity Crushes (in no particular order):
1. Wesley Snipes
2. Mickey Rourke (circa 91/2 Weeks and Wild Orchid)
3. Bruce Willis (I know, he's old enough to possibly be my parent, but I just love the way he smiles that crooked smile of his)
4. Vin Diesel (he's not cute in the traditional since, but he has that "something")
5. Dwayne Johnson (better known as "The Rock")
6. Christian Bale (even before Batman, I thought he was hot)

6 People I'm Tagging:
1. You
2. and
3. anyone
4. who
5. will
6. answer

Little Sleep, but Okay

Yesterday, I had a well-mommy visit with my ObGyn and hubby went with me. When we arrived, my nurse nearly flipped, yelling, "The other half! The other half! We never see the other half!" I guess mommies-to-be rarely come with their significant others. Hubby has wanted to join me for every visit, but hasn't been able to. I think he was a bit embarrassed by all the attention, but glad he could come. The doctor even seemed pleased to see him.

The doc broke out with the tape measure to measure the belly this time...a sure sign that I am on my way. The heart beat was right there with no searching on the doctor's part. My next visit will involve a "cheat" gestational diabetes test. I was thrilled to hear that he doesn't do the "yucky soda" version. That stuff is horrible! Instead, he has you schedule the visit just after you eat, then takes your blood to test the sugar levels. Sounds good to me! Anything to avoid that gross stuff. (For those who don't know, the sugar test usually involves one drinking an orange "soda" of sorts that's extra sweet. Now, normally, extra sweet doesn't bother me, but this stuff is in a class all by itself. It's horrible! You drink it at the speed of light, then wait a half hour for it to hit your bloodstream. After sitting there with that terrible taste in your mouth, you go in and get your blood drawn. Many a mommy has said they've thrown up from that stuff. I came close, but managed to hold it down).

Afterwards, hubby went to Michaels, of all places, to pick up Halloween decorations for the house. We then went to Target for more stuff, then to Mickey D's to pick up dinner. I don't know what those cheeseburgers did, but at 1:00am I was up and in the bathroom. After that, I couldn't go back to sleep. So, I went downstairs and uploaded some pictures online and downloaded new music to my mp3 player. Time well spent, I'd say. (I could have done something productive like organize the file cabinets or something. Yeah, right).

I stayed up and turned off my alarm before it woke up the babe, then got ready for work. It was freakin freezing in our house this morning, now that the temps have decided to drop down into the 30's at night. Hubby said, initially, that he'd wait until after his trip to Vegas to winterize the swamp cooler. Now, he's saying he'll do it before he goes (perhaps, this Saturday). Thank God! I had an extra blanket on the bed and a space heater in the babe's room. Her room was the warmest room in the house, by far! It didn't get cold gradually, but the cold came as a fast drop in temps when a storm blew through yesterday. The mountains are now dusted in snow. It's very pretty and I do like the fall crispness, but I just wish it wasn't so "crip".

Tonight is dance night and the balcony is closed, so I guess I'll take a book to read while I wait for the babe to finish. She really likes it and I'm glad we found one that she likes and is comfortable with. I noticed last week that she was show-boating for the teacher and put herself front and center. The only chocolate child - front and center. I wonder if that's where she'll be during the recital? Oh, recitals. I love recitals. Hers will be in December and, if I'm lucky, they won't have to roll me down the row to my seat just to see her.

The Corn Maze and Other Adventures

The corn maze was just that...a corn maze, but I guess I didn't realize how tall corn actually gets. Man, it was crazy! A lot of fun, at first. We went through and roamed around looking for the check points. Each checkpoint had it's own, unique marking tool so, you couldn't just mark everything up and leave. We initially just went in to roam, then got into the marking stuff pretty good.

There were 6 check points. We had a time finding the last one, but eventually stumbled upon it. After that, we were ready to go. Unfortunately, the maze was not ready to release us. Trail after trail we walked with no entrance in site. Some trails we crossed over several times. I'm sure we ended up walking more than five miles and boy did my body let me know that, that just wasn't okay. The babe kept fussing, "Mommy, why don't you just read the map so we can get outta here." Well, it just wasn't that simple. I knew if I could find a check point, I might be able to get us out. Finally, I found one. We cut through the corn and viola! The entrance appeared. We were so glad to be out of there and out of all that blasted corn. I'm glad we didn't do the Trail of Doom. The babe would have had cardiac arrest for sure (she could hear the voices and sound effects from where we were and was already freaked out).

Once home, we stripped, showered and crashed. It was a hard night. The next day, I prepared the gown for dyeing. It is a double-layered, nylon gown that reaches to the floor. The color was a very bright cherry. The black dye made it a deep purple...pretty, but not the color I was going for. I added dark green and the gown went chocolate. Very nice. I also finished the cape and was totally exhausted! Two little activities and I was ready to pass out. My energy level has dropped again and I know that it's in for the spiral downward from here on out. I keep trying to do what I did before, but to no avail. I've just got to learn to take it slow (but that's so hard for me!). Sunday, I spent most of the day resting, but did put a pot roast in the crock-pot early that morning, then made veggies and rice to go with it that afternoon. Delicious! I love comfort foods and I'm so glad I don't have to deny myself of them this year.