When All You Can Do Is Watch & Wait

Based on a comment GC made the other day, I thought I'd talk a bit about someone who is the complete opposite of my workaholic hubby; my best friend's hubby.

My bff and I met in college, back in 1993 (phew those years!). She was engaged to be married by our Senior year. I really liked the guy and went out with them several times (best way to know, you know?) . I thought he was a good match for her and I felt that he truly loved her. Unfortunately, he got cold feet and in a bad way; he completely stopped communicating with her. She heard from him about a year later, when he showed up to say;

"I was trying to find a job for you." Um, what?

There were other guys after him, but she found a guy who she communicated with long distance through her work. He lived in New York, but the distance didn't seem to deter their relationship. They began flying back and forth to see each other. Personally, I thought their visits weren't enough to really know where their relationship was going. I mean, you fly into town, have the best time for two or three days, then leave. You don't have that "grocery shopping", "pay the bills", "be around each other so much, you start to make each other sick" time you really need to have to get to know someone.

So, time went on and the company they worked for folded. They laid off both parties (which totally sucked) and my bff spent the next year and a half working odd jobs, until she found the one she has now (she's very happy). He was trying to figure out if he should take another job in New York, or move down to where she was and try to find something there. He chose to move and they became engaged. He had a nice severance package, so he was able to move, rent a new apartment and furnish it well without taking to much of a punch. He began looking for work and they made plans to marry.

They lived in separate apartments and got to know each other better (which is good, because I was very worried about this). Oh, before I forget, an incident occurred that brought up a red flag for me before he ever moved to Nashville. My hubby's grandmother passed and the three of us made arrangements for hubby to stay with my bff. Now, keep in mind, we've all known each other since college and we all hung out as friends before hubby and I ever got toghether. It only made since to all of us that he stay with her in her spare bedroom, rather than rack up expense. She explained this to her fiance and he was fine. Well, hubby went and was rarely at her apartment because of funeral arrangements and visiting friends and family. One night, fiance calls and hears hubby laughing at something on t.v. Fiance flies into a rage and becomes almost impossible (hubby and bff's words). Hubby told me later that he thought his reaction was completely bizarre, seeing as how he knew hubby would be there. We all sort of wrote it off, but hubby and I never forgot that incident.

I met hubby-to-be the day before their wedding (at the wedding rehearsal) and wasn't sure what to make of him, at first. He seemed nice enough, but we didn't talk much. The wedding came and went with lots of drama (as weddings do), especially with my bff's new mother-in-law.

Fast forward. They've been married nearly four years. To date, this man does not have a job. I can't imagine that his severance has lasted this long (I seem to remember her saying that she didn't want to dip into his 401K, but perhaps that's what they are doing now). They live in a very nice area of town and he drives an MDX. He's also a "labels" man, only buying the best of everything. She is more down-to-earth and conservative. It could come from K-Mart, and she would be fine with that.

What does he do all day? She used to tell me about the jobs he was interviewing for. When he wasn't interviewing, he was house cleaning. Now she doesn't tell me anything. I don't ask, either. I'm nearly afraid to! My hubby is in total cop mode about this and thinks he's shady as hell (I'd say, I have to agree at this point). Are they living on her paycheck alone? Does he collect monies from some "mysterious" source? She was very downtrodden, the last time I was in Nashville (2007). She confessed that she felt guilty because he moved down there for her. I told her that, that was his choice. She also felt badly because she had just been given a permanent job at her current company and he was totally unsupportive.

So, we wait. I want her to wake up and kick that dead-beat's ass out of her apartment (it's her apartment, as far as I'm concerned, because she's paying the rent...I'm sure). She wanted and deserved so much from their relationship and, from what I can see, they just keep moving backwards. He's over 40. There is no excuse. I love her dearly she is the god-mother to both my girls. There really isn't anything I would deny her, if she asked me...but I know she won't. I don't bring it up because it's such a touchy subject so, I wait. I'm really getting tired of waiting.