Phone Calls in the Night

The phone rang early this morning...around 1ish. Someone left a message, but it was incoherent from our bedroom. I dismissed it and tried to go back to sleep. I couldn't, so I tried to wake up my hubby for a little playtime. The phone rang again. It was his sister. She said their mother had been flown to the hospital, due to some sort of "asthma" attack. She was non-responsive. I told hubby that I didn't know his mother even had asthma. Anyway, his sister said she would call him back, once she had more information. We laid there together. He fell back asleep, but I couldn't. I was restless and couldn't settle down. I laid on his chest, stroking his chest and arms. I tried to turn him over when he snored, but he woke up and said he was comfortable that way with me lying there.

I told him I needed to apologize.

"When the phone first rang, I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. I was going to have my wicked way with you. Now, I feel bad about it."

"Don't feel bad, how could you know?"

"Still, it seems wrong, now."

"Don't worry about it," but, I did.

The phone rang again. This time, I could hear his sister. She was crying hysterically:

"____, mama's gone! Mama's gone!"

All I could say, "Oh my God!" I burst into tears. I can only surmise that my hubby was in shock. He didn't say anything. He held the phone, then attempted to say his sister's name. She wasn't there anymore.

"I gotta go over there." He got up slowly, calmly. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. I asked what I could do. I tried to find his shoes for him, but couldn't I put on his shirt, he put a sweatshirt on over that. I held him. I apologized and told him I loved him. He still wasn't crying, but sadness was all over his face. He went to the garage door then asked me to call his work.

"Ask for the Sergeant on duty and tell him that I'll call." I promised I would and told him to drive carefully. It's a short drive, but I worried he wouldn't "see" his way to her house. He left. I found my cell phone and called. The sergeant was very nice and asked if there was anything they could do. I told him there wasn't and thanked him. I called my mother. I told her what was going on. She was calm and told me that she anticipated her hubby going first, but, "You just never know." (My mother-in-law's hubby recently lost a leg, due to a blood clot. Being an active man, we worried that he wouldn't be the same after that.) I told her that I worried for her kids. Her 18 year old is coming here for college. Her sixteen year old is still in high school. She's the guardian of her 11 year old granddaughter and cares for her 4 year old grand daughter. Their own mothers are a mess...and now? Oh, Jesus! What will happen to them? The boys will survive...but those little girls?

I'm still in shock myself, but I can't sleep and my mind is racing...so, I write. It's here that I'll document what happened when my hubby's mother passed on. I wanted to go with him to his sister's, but he didn't want to wake up the girls. Understandable. But, I still wanted to be there. I don't know what things are being said. I worry because his sister recently cut off communication with him because hubby was too "stuck up" in her opinion. I worry because it's easy to blame every body for a loss and hubby already feels an amazing amount of guilt about his family. I worry because her own hubby may make things even more difficult (there money situation isn't good...she's the only one who works) and may try to manipulate some way for them to get home, out of my hubby.

My eldest just woke up. She had a dream of being in a bus full of children going to fast and she and others were about to die. Coincidence? She's always been sensitive to things. I don't think she heard the conversations because we never said what had happened out loud. My mother said not to tell her right away. We should wait a bit and tell her later. I don't know when later is. The more we delay, the less time she has to deal with it. My mind is racing.

Do you know I have a grandmother who turns 90 in May? We have amazing longevity on my side of the family. My maternal grandmother was well into her 80's when she passed. Now, I wonder about my hubby. I've always wondered about how I'll be when he goes...since I'm pretty sure he will go before me (not just because of family genes, but statistics speak to this too). Mortality for everyone you love, I guess, becomes a harboring thought when you lose someone.

My memories of his mother? She came and stayed with us one summer. She was soft-spoken, kind and totally loving to my girls. She told me, on the way to one of the Babe's dance classes that she really liked me. She admitted that she wasn't sure about me at first because she didn't know me, but that she decided she liked me. I told her I liked her and, after this, I felt so much better about our relationship. I'll also remember that she was a huge fan of the Bath and Body works packages I would put together for her. She loved being here and was convinced she would move, but hubby knew better. He knew she could never let go of that small town. I guess he was right.

I suppose I can't type all night. I think I'll work a little bit, make myself productive. I don't really want to work, but sleeping is out. I keep waiting for the phone. I need him to come home. I have an uncontrollable desire to protect him; my 187 pound, body-building officer. Yeah, it's totally ridiculous.

Getting Well and Enjoying Change

I'm nearly done with my antibiotics. Already, life is good. The cough syrup at night allows me to sleep, while the antibiotics is killing all the bad stuff. I'm actually looking forward to working out again because, despite putting on weight this Christmas season, I never stopped working out. I was going all gang-busters until the illness hit me.

Hubby has a new work schedule; four, 12-hour work days followed by four days off. He's currently on his days off and it feels like he just had days off. Wow! I am liking this. :) He's also trying to conserve money so, when he is off, he keeps the youngest at home with him. She's definitely growing up a different child than her sister. She's experiencing exactly what I wanted for my oldest; more home time than daycare time. I'm glad older sis turned out okay, though.

I watched a bit of American I.dol last night. I haven't watched religiously for a couple of years and I don't think I'll ever watch like that again; however, I did want to get a gander at the new judge. On first impression, I think she's a mite conceited and self-absorbed. The focus should be on the contestants (at least that's what has happened when the other judges are involved), but with her? It's all, "Me!Me!Me!" She even took the opportunity to try and out-sing one of the contestants. Lame. It got annoying quickly, so I just tried to tune her out. There's still everything you expect from the show; over-the-top auditions, diamonds in the rough, awesome singers who've never been discovered until now and the really terrible singers who you know have friends that say, "Oh, you have a great voice, Bill. You really should stand out in the rain all night and try-out. They'll pick you for sure!"

Is it Friday yet? This week just seems to be dragging along for me. I met up with a guy in the elevator who felt the same way. He said it could be because it's the second, full-week we've spent back at work since the holidays. I guess...that still doesn't help it move any faster. I am looking forward to the long weekend, though. No plans...just looking forward to it.

Sick again?

Yep! Bronchitis is the word. I had it only six months ago and it has reared it's ugly head again. Yuck! I left work early Thursday afternoon and missed work on Friday. The weekend was a blur, since I was high on toddies and tons of cold medicine most of the time. I did manage to go to church on Sunday. I also called and wished hubby a "happy boyfriend/girlfriend anniversary!" Twelve years ago Sunday, we became a couple. So sweet it's sickening, yes? He left work early to come home and take care me. He also surprised me with the sweetest card. I gotta give it to hubby, he's trying to bring the romance back and I'm oh, so happy he is. Wednesday is the anniversary of our first date.

Today I got up and worked half day, then called the doctor's office to see if he could see me. He confirmed my guess of bronchitis and told me that I may be a bit asthmatic. No surprises here. He listened to my breathing and there was a bit of a wheeze. He had me puff an inhaler to aid in my breathing and, I promise, I didn't cough for an hour afterwards! He also prescribed antibiotics (Z-Packs...gotta love 'em), codeine cough medicine and a pleasant afternoon. Hubby was off, so he took me to pick up my prescriptions. We then had a bit of lunch (can't take the meds on an empty stomach) and came home. Despite the illness, it's been a pleasant day. I promise I feel 75% better, even after just one pill. By Wednesday, I'm hoping I can get back on the fitness train (I was doing so well, too!).

I'm going to go pass out, now. The codeine is kicking in. A side effect this stuff has on me...it makes me horny. Yeah, weird I know. Who gets sleepy and horny? If it's bizarre, it's probably happening to me.

Workshop 101: Responsibility for Adults

I may have mentioned (I'm sure in lots of depth and with more details than anyone wants) that I take my neighbor's daughter, along with my own, to school each morning. It's her trade to pick them up in the afternoons. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, it's understood that she'll stay a bit longer because I have to drive in from Salt Lake. Well, this arrangement has worked okay until recently. (Before this, another neighbor was picking her up and her ADD, out-of-control grandson was doing all sorts of things that made the babe come home in tears. We had to end that with a quickness).

The latest fiasco happened when she called one morning to tell me her daughter wouldn't be riding to school because she wasn't feeling well. She was going to give her some medicine and, most likely, take her to school later in the morning. Fine. I got my girls all situated and we headed to school. This happened to be a day I work from home and when 3:45 rolled around and no babe, I started to worry. Before I could even call the neighbor to see if she, perhaps, went to the store or something, the babe called me.

"Mom, almost everyone has left and I'm the only one here."

"______ didn't come to pick you up?"

"No. I haven't seen her."

"Alright. Just sit tight. I'll be there in a few minutes."

I scrolled through my phone to call the neighbor.

"Hey, _____. Did ____ go to school today?"

"Oh, no...she didn't. I just woke up and realized I didn't call you and tell you."

Okay. I'm thinking, have you been sleeping all day? You knew your daughter was home and you had no intentions of picking up my kid. The phone system still works. Your ass could have called. Meanwhile, my kid is wondering if she'll ever get home.

After I picked up the babe, we talked in the car about responsibility. I told her that this was why I stressed it so much with her. Being responsible is important, not just for yourself, but for those around you. Being irresponsible can cause problems, like what happened today. If a person is irresponsible, it could potentially cause harm to themselves and others. She seemed to understand clearly (examples that involve yourself are always helpful). After I talked to her dad about it, he was through! He was immediately on the check-for-other-alternatives bandwagon. I was certainly in agreement. So, my coworker will be picking her up on Tuesdays and Thursdays, while hubby and I will take care of Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays.

Sunday evening, I called my neighbor to tell her that she wouldn't have to worry about picking up the babe. I let her know that I would get her on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. She quickly asked if someone would be picking her up on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I told her yes and that it was all taken care of; she wouldn't have to worry about the babe anymore. She sounded a little bummed. I didn't dare come right out and tell her that she wasn't dependable and that every call from her made me wonder, "What is it now?". She's a stay-at-home mom with major depression issues. I didn't want anything I said to be taken the wrong way (and with this discussion, it was hard enough making sure I said the right thing). I assured her that I was fine to take her daughter in the morning, still.

Hubby's new work schedule will actually allow for one of the two of us to get her all month (except this Thursday). He now works four, 12-hour days and then gets four days off. The cycle has him off for January most Tuesdays and Thursdays. Cool! He'll have to get used to this schedule, though, to truly reap the benefits. I'm not sure I could do it, but he has the wherewithal to handle it.

The neighbor called yesterday. I'm not sure what she wanted, but when I called her back and left a message, she didn't call back. She probably thinks I'm the evil mother who doesn't want people picking up her kid (after the incident with the other neighbor and now her). I second-guessed myself for a minute, then I remembered how frantic I was when I couldn't find her mother-in-law's house that one day. She had dropped her off there instead of taking the babe with her to her daughter's eye appointment. Who does that? Keep my child with you, and we'll meet up later. How hard is that? I wouldn't dump my neighbor's child onto another relatives lap. That child was put under my care. So, if I got drive all over the place with him/her to take care of 1,000 errands, that's just what I have to do. Perhaps I'm painfully responsible. I'll look into it.

It's still below freezing here. How the snow is able to fall with these temps, I'll never know (usually, it has to be above freezing to get precipitation). Anyway, I'm actually looking forward to 40 degrees tomorrow. I'm also having a lunch-date with hubby. Love those!

Welcome 2009

The holidays are over, but the memories live on. It started off great with 17 days off and no set plans. Woohoo! I was so spoiled...sleeping in till 8 sometimes 9 (hey, that's late for me), playing video games until my butt was numb, eating whatever the hell I wanted, playing with the girls, eating whatever the hell I wanted. It was great! Christmas eve, we opened our "one" gift. The girls got PJs and slippers which they quickly changed into. I received a DVD set and hubby opened his new, insulated gloves. We left Santa warped looking sugar cookies and cranapple juice with sprite zero.

The actual day was lovely. Hubby was home this year, which was an added bonus. He was happy with everything he got this year (what a change!). In fact, I had a homemade gift for him this year that he absolutely loved. He's still talking about it. I blew up a picture of the Great Salt Lake that I took this fall and had it framed. He must be in my head because one of his gifts to me was an incredible film Minolta camera. I gotta study up on that sucker and learn how to use it. I think I need another seventeen days off. (wink, wink)

The state is covered in snow and we are now experiencing blistering, cold temps. The high yesterday was eleven degrees. Yikes! Everything is frozen and going outside is just plain painful. I hope they keep the kids indoors today for recess. Supposedly, the temps will warm back up into the forties, but then we're going to get dumped with more snow. Yeesh. Forty would feel downright balmy today.

Oh, and Happy New Year ! Did you party hard or sleep a gentle slumber when the new year appeared? I brought in the new year in a different way than I expected. The family visited friends and had cocktails, while the kids played. We stayed about an hour and a half, then left for home (hubby had to work New Year's day). We came home, had a little bit to eat, shared sparkling grape juice with the girls and popped champagne cork-pops before putting the little ones to be. Straight to the kitchen, I mixed up lovely Tequila Sunrises (love 'em!) and went downstairs with hubby to begin our Soap marathon, or so I thought. Hubby decided to have his wicked way with me and the next thing I new, midnight had come and gone. No ball dropping and no "staged" midnight kiss. It was heaven!

By the by, that "eating whatever the hell I want" comes with a cost. How about fifteen extra pounds since the beginning of October. Ugh! I started eating what I need rather than what I want on Saturday and am down a pound. Let the work begin (at least I know what to do in order to get it off and get it off rather quickly).