Inner Beauty/Outer Beauty

The workouts are still going strong and I've got the soreness to prove it. I have to keep reminding myself that the weight may not come off as quickly as with the "rounds" I did, but my body will be taught, tight and tone. That's enough to motivate patience. I can see an ever so slight difference in my physique already. It will be wonderful when the muscle tone and definition returns. Mirror, be my friend! I'm feeling really good and enjoying the endorphin rush I get each morning. I've now intensified my training to include morning and afternoon workouts.

Z's birthday celebration has been tough to plan this year, what with our moving a week after and being in an apartment. Hubby called to tell me that he will be off, so we'll have two cars to transport kids. My car will hold four bodies, aside from the driver, fairly comfortably. We plan to have the party-goers have lunch and treats at our apartment. After which, we will take them to a pre-determined amusement place where they'll play, play, play then get picked up by their parents. She should enjoy herself.

Twelve is the magic age to begin the make-up process. She's allowed to wear powder and lipstick (just as I did) at this age. I can't count how many stores I drove around to, in order to try and find her shade of powder. Utah is lacking in the ethnic front (unless you happen upon a bargain basement store that has miships or something). I ended up ordering her powder from the Black Opal site. By the way, ladies, order $35 or more and get free standard shipping along with a year's subscription to Essence magazine. Sweet!

I'm still unemployed and not feeling the least bit bad about it. We've been traveling and enjoying the summer as a family. I've also been spending lots of time with my kids. The packing will begin in full force next week and I am not looking forward to it; however, I am happy I'll be able to contribute more with the move this time around. Two years in our next apartment, then we'll be house hunting again. Hooray!

My Little Girl is Growing Up!

Things are going well with the eating and workout plan. I'm feeling so much better and have a few pounds lost to show for it. I don't know how many inches are gone, but I'm starting to see a difference (which is always good). I may meet my first goal yet!

As I was playing on my Sims 3 game yesterday, the eldest walks in and says, "Mom, I think I started my period." Well, I've heard this before and in the past, it's just been "mistaken identity". This time, she was correct. I thought about my first time and realized that it coincides with hers! It was the summer vacation just before seventh grade when "Aunt Flo" made her appearance for the first time for me too.

My plan was to give her "The Talk" after her birthday, but I believe I'll have to push that up a bit sooner. Dad is on stand-by to take Indy, while I have this very frank discussion with the eldest. My girlfriend said, "How are you going to have this conversation?" I told her I was just going to come out with it, no use beating around the bush. (Bad pun.Sorry.) I'll then talk with her about the other things like, how a young man should treat a young woman, respecting herself and her body and, finally, not giving in to every little temptation. I also want her to know that she's okay to ask questions and get straight answers from me (friends can sometimes have the totally wrong impression).

This is a hard age and no one could pay me enough to go back through it again. I hope that she knows she has parents ready to listen and support from multiple places to help steer her through. My little girl isn't a little girl anymore. What a milestone!

"Please just take care of you, before you find something else."

I'm a big girl again, these days. The distressing thing about it is that I'd gotten to a good size again and then the stress picked up at work. I'm certainly a stress-eater and I'm working everyday towards resolving these bad habits.

So far, I've worked out every day (accept Sunday) beginning Monday, July 9th. That's ten workouts. Sweet! I'm so proud of myself! I've noticed small changes and I'm really looking forward to the big ones. It's going to be a journey, but I'm confident I can get back into my "me" clothes again. The summer is probably a no-go for my cutie shorts and fabulous dresses, but I'll be able to sport my fall, sexy gear for sure.

It's good to have goals and I'll post them here for my own edification (and for a bit of accountability):

*By the end of July, I'd like to have lost at least five pounds or be back into a size 12*
*By the end of August, I'd like to have lost ten pounds or be back into my size 10s*
*By the end of September, I'd like to have lost fifteen pounds or wear an 8 or 9*

By the time my best friend arrives, I hope to be looking just as good (if not better) than when she saw me last. I also would like to continue the journey, even after she leaves. We have our big trip planned for next year and I'd like to be able to wear one of my bikinis that still has the tags.

I used to use the Daily Plate and I like that site, but I spend so much time on my IPad that I thought investigating an app would be the way to go. So, MyFitnessPal has been my go-to resource for the last little while. It documents my workouts, what I've eaten, my weight progress and water intake. I can even enter notes/journal entries.

The best thing is that it's free and I don't have to worry about paying for ridiculous upgrades. I was religious about documenting my workouts but only today decided that I will not add the time count. The system automatically accounts for the burn, so gives you the calorie deficit as more calories to consume. This does not work for me. Not only do I consume them, but I usually go overboard. The visual is powerful and seeing that I'm nearing the end of my allotment is a trigger. So, now I only document the workout in the notes. I hope doing this will make a difference.

In other news, my eldest had a sleepover last night with the neighbor girls. These are girls I don't know a lot about and my hope was just to give Z some more friend time while summer vacation is still in full force. Unfortunately, they were very loud and I didn't get much sleep. I did give Zaura the talk and I even heard her tell the girls a few times, "You guys have to be more quiet," but I already sort of new how the evening would go.

Basically, these girls are left to their own devices at home with their siblings, while the parents are away at work. My daughters have a lot of responsibilities. Not only that, we discipline our children. The girls that were over are pretty much free to do as they please. They are sweet girls, just more rowdy than Z's usual friends. I am actually planning on texting the mother of her best friend to see if she can come over today to play. Her energy would actually be a nice change.

With only 2 or 3 hours of sleep under my belt, I didn't have a good loss nor did I feel good when I started my workout. I've got to get better sleep (nap time today!) and drink more water (my sodium was way high, yesterday).

Finally, we're off to Lava Hot Springs again this weekend.
The last time, it was just hubby and myself. This time, we're going with the girls and meeting up with a couple and their kids. I think my girls will be totally amazed by these wonderful, healing waters. I'm considering doing my first Firm workout that Saturday morning, just so I can reap the benefits of the water before I pick them up regularly. Insane, I know.

A New Beginning

Well, as of Friday, July 6th, I am no longer a woman among the working class. It's still a bit strange and I know it will take time for it to really sink in that I no longer work, but it really is for the best. How did this all start? Why am I now unemployed after elven and one half years of being with the same company?

It all started the evening of Sunday, June 17th. We were all getting ready to go back to work/camp on Monday after being on vacation for one week. It was 7:30 in the evening and I was busily working through the emails that had built up during my time off. I felt awful! Who works on a Sunday and, for that matter, who works during their vacation time? I knew I had to, because coming into my system on a Monday morning at 6:00am with all of those messages would have sent me over the edge.

Periodically, hubby would ask me,

"Are you almost done," to which I would reply with a defeated,

"No...I still have a few more." 

I finally whittled the messages down to a manageable number when I had an epiphany; "What if I turn in my resignation, tomorrow," I asked my hubby. What does he do? He laughs. Not a hardy "ha ha" but more of a chuckle. His reaction was somewhat shocking, so I asked him why he was laughing.

"Honey, I was just waiting for you." Eureka! Confirmation! My hubby is the greatest...truly! Together, we whipped together my resignation letter (which provided my company three weeks worth of notice and an open door to offer me other opportunities), then planned the time in which I would submit said letter. It was amazing! It felt as if an elephant had leaped off my shoulders. The expression, "You don't know how badly you feel, until you start feeling better," certainly applied here. Monday morning couldn't arrive fast enough.

At 9:00am, I emailed my resignation to my manager. At 9:30am MST, we met as a team for our online meeting. One of teammates boldly announces that he's submitted his two week notice and his last day will be June 30th. Seriously! He and I talked later that morning and he had a new position all lined up. I know that, although he wasn't as forthcoming as I would have liked him to be, he really was dissatisfied with the way our positions had changed.

The search for a new job has been going on for months with no responses. Full-time work is readily available, but trying to find a part-time job with the specific hours I want is much trickier. I am very hopeful that a window will open with just the right job. For now, I'm going to focus my attention on my family as well as I myself (I regained all my weight back, due to the enormous amount of stress I was dealing with).

Some parting thoughts before I relax with a glass of wine for the evening: I do not regret leaving my job. The metrics that were used to rate my ability were completely ridiculous. If my students have to withdraw, due to crisis, I should not be held accountable. If they cannot finish their entire term due to personal issues, how on earth is that something that I can control? My students are people, not numbers. They are adults doing the best they can with what they have. Some of them were truly amazing and I'm glad to call them my friends.

My life is on a new path and I'm ready to face this new adventure. Not even the slightest bit nervous about it! The rationale? It's obvious to me that it's the right thing to do. I'm so happy and I'm confident that my life is headed for great things. Keep moving forward!